


Only You Can Make Me Whole Again

by TIMETOLIVE



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:47:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 38
Words: 124,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23721097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TIMETOLIVE/pseuds/TIMETOLIVE
Summary: Clarke and lexa are bringing Nia's body to Arcadia and come opon the massacre of lexas peace keeping force.Clarke trys to fix it and everything goes wrong.I know there are many mistakes in this, especially the first few chapters, this is my first attempt at writing in many years. I decided not to fix the mistakes, so that I can go back and read it, knowing just how much (at least grammar wise) I improve. I have 29 chapters posted on Wattpad, so I will keep the chapter flowing pretty fast. Let me know what you think.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Clarke's POV

I don't know when I stopped being mad at lexa. I think it just came slowly. Every day she seems to surprise me. 

Was it when I held a knife to her throat about to kill her. She just stood there. It wasn't the two simple words she spook then. It floored me when I looked into her eyes and felt the depth of her sincere apology.

I never thought I would see the commander of the 12 (wait 13 now) clans bowing before someone. All that to swear fealty someone, and that someone was me. 

Then I thought for sure she was going to die. I swear it wasn't for my people or the coalition. It was for me. In order for the ice queen from capturing and killing me. It was then I realized the depth of my feelings for her and hers for me.

We are riding together now to bring queen Nia's body as a peace offering. Queen nia ordered the mountain destroyed with my people in it. We lost most of of what was left of farm station and a few others.

I glance over at lexa and catch her watching me as well. Damn. She's beautiful. I quickly glance back and she asks "Are you thinking of home."

I have to look down and think about this a moment. As I look back up I have to admit " I'm thinking if it is home anymore. I'm not sure if anyone there will be glad to see me as long as I have been gone."

Lexa trys to reassure me " of course they will be glad to see you. You bring them peace, Clarke"

I half smile back at her "no, lexa. You have brought my people peace"

Lexa's smile grows bigger. "Clarke, none of it would have been possible without you"

Both our smiles drop completely as we see one of lexa's scouts riding up, his face completely ashen. "Heda, the gona, they are all dead."

We start riding faster to see what had happened. It's a massacre, everywhere I look I see lexa's warriors lifeless bodies. Blood is everywhere. The fear in there eyes is like nothing I have ever seen before and I've seen too much death as it is. 

Lexa and I practically fall off our horses when a warrior shouts "heda, indra is here." 

We both start running. Indra is laying on the ground with a gunshot wound in the shoulder. I move to go help her and her eyes widen as she shouts "GET AWAY FROM ME. YOUR PEOPLE DID THIS. THEY KILLED THEM ALL. ALL 300 SENT TO PROTECT THEM"

I can't believe my people did this. Lexa looks at indra and says "let Clarke help you."

I finish fixing indra up and turn to lexa and say" I don't know what happened here but let me go into Arcadia and find out. Let me see what happened and try to fix it. We can bring those responsible to justice."

She looks at me like I'm crazy and says " I can't let you do that. Your not going anywhere." She then turns to two of her scouts and starts shouting out orders "this is an act of wars I call the armies of the 12 clans to come and take out Arcadia"

I'm crying now, all my friends and my mom are in there. Not sure what I can do I try one more time "lexa, please, just give me a chance to find out what's going on. I'm sure if I can just talk to my mom,kane, or Bellamy, we can bring the ones who did this to justice."

She looks at me and swallows before speaking " you are the enemy now. You haven't been there in months and you have been living with their enemy. First thing they will do is throw you in a cell. It's what I would do."

"Heda, I can get her in and out safely." We turn around and see Octavia standing there. She looks so sad, yet at the same time determined. 

Lexa turns around and looks at me for a few minutes weighing her options. She closes her eyes for a minute. I know she doesn't want to put me in danger. Slowly she turns to Octavia " if you can get her in and out safely then, do it. If she is not back be midday tomorrow then I will bring my armies to lay waste to Arcadia"


	2. Chapter 2

Lexa's POV 

As I watch Clarke walk away with Octavia, my heart feels so heavy. I am so worried about her and what is going to happen. I know that justice has to be served or not only will there be war but I will no longer be the commander. If I am no longer commander, I don't think Clarke will survive the war.

I really don't want her to go, but I know I have no choice in the matter. Clarke is not like most of her people. However, I know she will do everything to save them. She would even give up her own life. 

I yell out for my warriors to set up camp and go hunting. Its gonna be a long night and I know I won't sleep until Clarke is back safely.

Clarke's POV 

As Octavia and I get to the section in the back of the Ark that Raven has the power cut of we climb in through lose piece of siding. After crawling through the air vents we come to a section near the medical center, I needed to speak to my mom and Kane first.

As soon as Octavia leaves to get them my mind keeps on moving ninety miles a minute. I remember Pike, he taught earth studies on the Ark. Most of his students didn't enjoy his class, but he was well respected amongst the adult population.

How could anyone elect him chancellor, with his plans to go to war with the grounders. I hear the door open to see my mom and Kane rush in behind Octavia. 

My mom flings herself into my arms, "I'm so glad your ok, honey, but you shouldn't be here."

I pull away from my mom and look at her and Kane before speaking, "I need to know what happened here. Outside is a field of bodies, even I have never seen so much blood. They are all Indra's peace keeping force."

Kane closes is eyes with a deep shudder. "Bellamy helped Pike get elected. People believed he could keep everyone safe. They attacked them early morning, a couple hours before sunrise. Most of them were sleeping."

I keep asking questions for a few minutes. "How many were involved, who are they, what part of the station are they from."

Kane looked up and said "Pike, Bellamy, and then others from farm station. One of them being Hannah Green, Monty's mother."

Not even realizing I was thinking out loud, I whispered loudly, "Twelve of them took out 300 people that were sent to help us. I need to think a bit. I'm not sure how we are going to stop a war, but we will think of something."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

*******halfway through the chapter there is a possible trigger warning containing violence and attempted rape. It will not interfere with the rest of the story. I will give plenty of warning. The last thing I want is to damage my readers.*********

Clarke's POV 

Talking to Octavia, mom, and Kane has helped me figure out some of what has occurred while I was gone. Mom and Kane went to medical to talk some more. Octavia went to talk to Raven about a couple more radios. 

What really bothers me is Bellamy's part in all this. Bellamy has always been someone I could go to to talk to. It was rough when we first landed but, I was starting to see him as an older brother before I left everyone at the gates almost four months ago.

Staring at the wall of the storage room I was in I heard the door open. While turning to the door I started to say "That was fast, Octav...your not Octavia."

"Hello Clarke. I thought it was weird Octavia, Kane and your mom left the storage room all at the same time."

"Bellamy" I had lots of questions for him. Part of me didn't want me to believe that he could do all this.

"So, Clarke, I have some questions for you. Why are you here? Are you back to stay? What kind of Intel can you give us on the commander?

"Really Bellamy, I am not here to answer your questions." Like I would tell anyone anything about lexa's plans. Out of the few people that I had cared about in my life there had been not one of them that completely saw me for me and still cared or didn't go crazy. 

Wells didn't count he was my brother in every way that counted except for biology. Finn already had a girlfriend at the time and didn't tell me. I'm sorry Raven, I didn't know. Besides he went off the deep end. I'm so glad we didn't go all the way. Then there was Nilah. We became close but we didn't finish. All I could think about when I was with her was Lexa.

For me it will always be Lexa. All we shared was one kiss before the March on mt weather. That kiss turned me inside out and upside down. I knew then that I loved her, but we had a mission to complete at the time. The timing was so off. Then I spent months loving and being angry at her. Now that I am finally ready to be with her (if she will have me) I have to deal with yet another mess Bellamy and my people have created.

"So, why are you here then Clarke?" Bellamy asks. All I want to do is slap the crap out of the snake.

"Partly to talk to you, Bellamy. I have questions that need answering." I really don't want to do this but I have to, and I can't wait any longer. I only have about six hours to get back to Lexa. Two over those are traveling through the vents and walking back to camp.

"Why did you do it? Why help Pike gain power? Not many people ever liked him. Why did you help him kill 300 warriors sent to protect Acadia?" I personally had to know these answers, though I knew it wouldn't stop any punishment coming to those involved. Or to all of us for that matter.

"I did it mostly for my people. We have an enemy all around us and they are never gonna give us the peace to truly live." Bellamy yells.

"All you had to do was trust me that it would all work out in the end. You wanna know what I have been doing while you have been starting wars with Pike. I have been fighting for peace. We had achieved that before this massacre of yours. Lexa and I." That's as far as I got before Bellamy rushed over and punched me in the face.

I saw stars before as he hit me a couple more times. Next thing I knew he had me shoved and handcuffed to a shelf. I started bawling, "Bellamy don't do this. It isn't you."

Bellamy wasn't listening to me. He really started to go off then. "I love you, Clarke. Yet, first chance you got you went back to that backstabbing, bitch. She left all of us to die and you still trusted her more than your people, more than me. Well, I won't have it. You will never see her again. Your mine and I am going to make it so." 

******* possible trigger warning for violence and attempted rape. If you want to skip scroll through the next several paragraphs. It will not interfere with the story*******

Bellamy proceeds to punch me several times before ripping my shirt off. He then starts to use his electric baton on my breasts, I will not give him the satisfaction of hearing me beg or scream for him to stop. Though I am in so much pain. I can only think of Lexa as I try to get through it. Where is Octavia. 

I feel him going for my pants next as I just lay against the shelf as I lay against the shelf have on the floor as my legs give out. Finally I pass out as he rips my panties off and I hear the door open and someone gasps"What the holy hell"

Bellamy must not have heard them because he starts unzipping his pants. As they are about halfway down Octavia has her sword out and screams "You are not my brother!" Ovtavia and Raven rush completely in and uncuff Clarke from the shelf and gently lay her down. They then handcuff Bellamy to the opposite shelf.

******END OF TRIGGER WARNING******

Raven is just standing there with her radios sobbing. Octavia grabs her by the shoulders "Stay with her, Rae. I'm getting Lincoln, I'm getting her and the other grounders out of here." 

Octavia grabs another set of clothes from Clarke's room and goes to the skybox. Thank goodness Miller is there with only one other guard. She walks up behind him and shock lashes him till he passes out. Miller looks stunned but doesn't say anything.

Octavia whispers in his ear " Clarke, is here. Bellamy tried to beat her. I need Lincoln and the others so we can leave. We will stay in touch through Raven."

Miller looks pissed but says nothing as he unlocks the door and throws the other guard in. Octavia rushes to Lincoln and hugs him real fast. "We have to go now. Clarke needs us." She then turns to Miller and pushes him in the cell. "Thank you, and I'm sorry for this. There can't be many questions about you yet." She then then knocks him out with her sword and runs back to Clarke.

Raven and Octavia put the fresh clothes on Clarke quickly. Octavia turns to Raven and gives her a quick hug. "Inform Abby and Kane about what is going on. We will get Clarke away from here. And Raven, stay safe. We will talk to you tonight." 

Raven replies " I'm on it. We will get through this one. Pike, Bellamy, and the others will pay if I have to blow them up myself."

Everyone makes it through the air shaft fairly quickly. Clarke still hasn't woken up so Lincoln picks her up and starts carrying her as they run through the trees. Luckily it is still mostly dark, as there is about an hour left to sunrise.

Lexa's POV 

I would normally just be waking up at this time of morning but, I have yet to sleep. I am so worried about Clarke that I can't stay still. I have been pacing all night. All I can think is that something didn't go right. I should have never let Clarke go. Oh spirits, please protect her. If something happens to her I know my spirit would leave my body. 

I loved Costia with everything I had at 16 years old. I lost her and I never thought I would ever get over the pain, but I did. 

Clarke is different than Costia. I need her like the air I breathe. She is my other half, my teina. I would never survive her loss. I have come so close many times and coming close is like nothing I've ever experienced before. 

Suddenly a sharp pain hits my chest and I can't breath. I fall onto my bed and pass out. It's not till a few hours later that I wake up to shouts from my gonas. "Heda! They are back. They brought some of our people with them and Lincoln, tu."

I make haste running out the tent. I nearly fall to my knees when I see Clarke laying in Lincoln's arms. She can't be dead. "Bring her to my tent. Everyone out except Octavia and Lincoln."

Lincoln gently lays her on the bed and starts cleaning her wounds on her face and neck. She looks so pale. "Lincoln, will she be alright." I ask. That is my first concern. 

Lincoln looks up at me and says, "Sha Heda. She just needs rest and sometime to heal. Mainly a few burns under her shirt and a few broken ribs. She will recover physically quite fast. Mentally and spiritually will take some time. We didn't tell the others what happened to her."

"Octavia, what happened." I asked. When she hesitated I looked at her imploringly. I had to know. She quickly glanced at Lincoln. "Beja, please tell me.

*******POSSIBLE TRIGGER PARAGRAPH*******

Octavia glanced at Lincoln one more time then turned back to me. "After we talked to Kane and Abby I went to get some fresh radios from Raven. Raven wanted to see Clarke for a minute. When we got to the storage room is when we saw them. Bellamy had beat Clarke and ripped her clothes off. He was just pulling his pants down when we walked in and I knocked him out." 

I looked down at the beautiful blonde laying on my bed and could feel the tears forming in my eyes. I quickly turned around and said "Thank you, both. Go get some food and rest for a bit. We head back to Polis in the morning. I will take care of Clarke, tonight."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Lexa's POV 

Why did I let her go? If I had gone with my instincts she wouldn't be laying here in my bed healing. I could have prevented this. Who am I kidding, Clarke always finds a way to do what she wants to do. It's one of the many things I love and hate about her. I stop my pacing when I her her moan.

I grab a chair and set it next to my bed. Reaching down I grab her hand. She might wake up and be angry that I did. It's just something I have to do. I lean down and kiss her fingertips. "Please, come back to me, Clarke. I need you, I always have."

From the moment I first layed my eyes on her I knew she would change my life. Originally, I was supposed to kill her for the death of my soldiers on the bridge and outside of the dropship. She found a way then to save herself, as well as her people. She is the strongest person I have ever met.

Clarke starts thrashing in the bed and moaning. I try to wake her up from her nightmare, though it doesn't work. Suddenly, she bolts up in the bed and let's out a blood curtling scream. 

She looks at me with this dazed face and next thing I know she is hitting me. Not many of her blows actually land, but as gently as I can I grab her hands to hold her down. I start singing to her an old trikru lullaby that our nomons used to sing to us as little kids.

Just then Octavia bursts into the room with Lincoln behind her. "Is she ok Heda. I can fix her some sleep tonic with pain relief." Lincoln says. I look down at her and she opens her eyes. 

Clarke speaks up then "No, Lincoln I am fine. Octavia, can you bring us some food please. I'm starving and I know Lexa probably hasn't ate anything either." 

Clarke's POV 

Clarke glances down at her hands and sees Lexa is still holding them. Lexa goes to remove them and Clarke squeezes tighter. "Thank you, Lexa. Your were right. I shouldn't have gone in there, but I did learn a few things. We need to talk."

"No, Clarke. You need to eat then rest. We can talk when we get back to Polis." Lexa says. I don't remember some of what happened with Bellamy. I am not sure I want to remember. 

Octavia comes in then with two plates of food and Lincoln follows with three cups and a pitcher of water. "Here you go Clarke, you must drink all the tea. It's a little bitter but, I added honey to it and nothing to make you sleep."

Octavia looks at Lexa and then at me."How are you feeling Clarke. Can I bring you anything else."

"No, I don't thinks so. Oh and Octavia thank you." I hope she gets that I don't mean for just the food. Octavia saved my life. Last thing I remember is her coming in the room yelling at her brother.  
  
Octavia and Lincoln leave the tent. I really dislike the tea Lincoln gave me. Honey helps but not much. As we eat we don't do any talking. I guess there is not much to say, yet at the time too much to say.

Lexa's POV 

We finish eating and Clarke trys to get up to take the dishes and I stop her. "Dishes will wait till morning. The guards will come and get them." I know Clarke is trying to be strong, but she doesn't have to be with me. I look at her and I can see that just breathing hurts. I wish I could take it all away. 

"Clarke, you should get some sleep. It will be a long ride tomorrow." 

She looks at me and sighs. "I don't think I will be able to sleep tonight. Why don't you lay down and I will sit in the chair."

I frown at that suggestion and say "Its not going to happen, even if you don't sleep, you still need to be resting. Sitting in an uncomfortable chair is not going to help your ribs any."

Clarke looks up at me "Fine, but could you stay. I don't want to be alone."

"I will always try to stay near, Clarke." I don't know why I said that. I know she isn't ready for anything. I climb into bed and lay on my back looking at the ceiling. If look at her I know I will start crying and she needs someone strong right now. We lay there for a few minutes before Clarke rolled over and looked at me.

"Lexa, can you please hold me?" Clarke asks. For so long I have yearned to hold her in my arms, never did I think that the first time I did would because one of her people hurt her.

"All you ever have to do is ask, Clarke. I am here and I am not going anywhere." I roll over and wrap my arms around her. Clarke lays her head on my chest. "It will be all right, Clarke, in time. It's ok, your safe now."

Clarke crys for a bit, before I finally feel her breathing even out and I know she is asleep. I lean over and kiss her forehead "I love you, Clarke, so very much. I won't ever let him touch you again, I swear it."

I lay awake for a few hours, and for once let the tears fall freely. Bellamy could have easily finished what he started. He could have taken my prisa out of this world. 

He will pay for harming her. Blood must have Blood! Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day soon he will suffer in his death. I swear it. 

I must let Octavia know how grateful I am that she saved Clarke. Clarke needs guards she can trust. I have given her Ryder. I think Octavia and Lincoln would make great additions. Octavia will need to become trikru for that. I hope that is something she wants.

I will also need to lift Lincoln's banishment. I knew when I ordered it I wouldn't have him stay banished for long. I grew up with Lincoln. Indra and Anya helped trained us both. I know why he disobeyed my orders. Love is a powerful thing. I wish my people see it for what it was. Lincoln chose well with Octavia. Her strength and heart will do them both well in life.

Love is not weakness, love is strength. Love makes you fight harder for those you care about. Nothing will stop me from keeping Clarke safe. Finally, I can't hold off sleep any longer. Clarke is safe in my arms and my thoughts have slowed down. I close my eyes and drift off.

Clarke's POV 

I slowly open my eyes, I realize that last night was the first good night's sleep I have had since my dad was floated almost two years ago. Last thing I remember from last night is Lexa telling me it was going to be ok and that she loves me. Though I already knew, she shows me every day in some way or another. Still, it's really nice to hear it. 

I just worry what will happen if our people find out. Alot of clans believe love is weakness. I worry about war if people found out. My people still haven't completely gotten over the mt. I have, Lexa had no choice in the matter, lose more of her people or save what was left.

I know I was ready to be with Lexa a few days ago, but with everything my people have done I don't know. I haven't stopped loving her and I never will. I don't think her people would accept us at this time. I can't put her in danger. Yet, our love is bigger than the two of us and I know it won't be stopped.

Lincoln and Octavia walk in at this time. "Clarke, Heda they have almost finished breaking camp. We thought you would like some breakfast. We also might need to talk about the horse situation. Not only are we short two horses, but I don't think with Clarke's ribs she should ride alone. She could ride with Octavia or someone else."

Lexa looks up at this time and says "Thank you Lincoln. Clarke and I will get dressed now and discuss it. We leave in an hour." Lincoln and Octavia leave the tent carrying our dishes. "Your more than welcome to ride with Octavia if you would like, or you could ride with me. Nat is big enough to carry two."

I walk over to Lexa and look into her eyes. Lexa looks down towards my lips and quickly back up. "I wouldn't want to ride with anyone else." I say as I close the distance and our lips crash. Lexa puts her hands on my hips as I wrap my arms around her neck. She is so gentle. It's almost like she is afraid to break me. We slowly pull apart and rest our foreheads together.

We go outside and let the guards finish taking down the tent. We are both half smiling. Lincoln and Octavia finish saddling the horses just as the guards finish packing Lexa's tent. Lexa starts issuing orders to her people "Everyone mount up. We should arrive back in Polis by nightfall. Clarke is riding with me."

We walk over to Lexa's horse and she gently helps me up, before climbing behind me. I lean back into her and she wraps her left arm around my waist and kisses the top of my head.

I notice Octavia look at us for a moment and wonder what she thinks of us. She smiles and hops on her horse gracefully. I lean further back into Lexa and she tightened her arm just a bit and tells me to rest on the ride. 

She starts to move and the others follow. Next thing I know we start galloping. I really don't want to think about what's going to happen when we get back home. I realize now that is what Polis is to me. It isn't long before I am sleeping again.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Lexa'a POV 

My mind won't stop going. I know what my people will want, no need, and that is justice for the massacre. I need justice too, justice for my warriors as well as for what Bellamy did to Clarke.

I will not waiver on this. I know Clarke won't like it. I have no choice in the matter. If I don't seek justice, then there will be war and the coalition will seek my head. I can't ever hurt Clarke again. I don't think either of us could survive it.

For now we just have to make it to Polis. Then I can talk to Clarke, Octavia, and Lincoln. I need to find out what happened and who was involved. My anger is boiling over though.

I feel Clarke trembling before I hear her whimpers. I wish I could take all her nightmares away. I slowly start rubbing circles on her hand with my thumb. "Its alright, Clarke. It's ok, your safe. I'm here."

I don't know if it's the sound of my voice specifically, but I feel her breathing slow   
down to normal. Her eyes slowly start to open. "Tell me something about when you were a child." Clarke asks. 

I know she us trying to get her mind of her dreams. "I remember not long after my parents were taken, it was a few days after I started training with Anya. It was the day everyone found out I was a nightblood. I knew I would be sent to Polis in the morning. I didn't want to go, even though I knew I would still be training with Anya. I ran away to this lake I would swim in with my nomon. It grew very late. I fell asleep looking up at the stars. I later learned that my favorite star wasn't a star at all."

"Must have been the Ark." Clarke said.

I look down at her and squeeze her hand gently. "It wasn't long before Anya found me. We talked for awhile about the stars. She also told me that when she was little a pod, like the one Raven came down in, fell. She was there when the commander at the time was interrogating the man that was in it. That's how I knew it was the Ark." 

We keep riding in silence for a few moments. I look down at her and ask "What was it like on the Ark, growing up."

Clarke's POV 

"I was one of the privileged few. Growing up I only had one friend. His name was Wells. His dad was chancellor. My parents were on the council. Life wasn't so bad or so we thought. It was all we knew. Resources were strictly rationed. As a child it was all normal. As I grew up I found there was alot about the Ark that were not right but we had to live with them, because that was the law. To change things would have made the Ark die sooner."

We continue to ride in silence for awhile, I can almost hear Lexa thinking. "One thing I never understood was why your people sent children down to see if the ground was survivable." 

"We found out the Ark was dying. It wouldn't be long before we ran out of air. The council decided that we were expendable. If we died they didn't lose anything. The 100 were just kids, that is true. We were also criminals. Everyone one of us had broke their laws. On the Ark every law only had one consequence. It didn't matter how minor it was. For anyone over the age of 18 they got floated. Floated is where you get sucked out into space. There is no air that you can breathe and you slowly suffocate. If you are under 18 and you break the law you get put in the skybox, jail. You are there till your 18th birthday. That is when they decide if you can rejoin society. All but a few would get floated."

Lexa squeezes my hand. I can't imagine what she is thinking. Our cultures are so different, yet they have so many similarities. I know she has more questions. "I can't imagine kids being sent to die. For us kids are a blessing. What did you do to be put in jail. I can't think of anything that you could have done to put you there. If you were still up there would you have been floated"

My breath hitches at that question. I know what would have happened at my trial, I wouldn't have even had a chance to speak. Then again, there was nothing I could have said would have changed anything. "We all did something. Octavia was put there because she was born. On the Ark resources were so low you could only have one child. Octavia was a second child. She spent 16 years hiding under the floors. When they found out they floated her mom for hiding her and she was sent to spend 2 years in the skybox. She would have been floated. Others stole food or medicine that they needed and got caught. My dad was an engineer, he is the one that found the flaws in the system. He knew that the Ark was dying. We thought the people should know and we were going to tell them. However, we didn't get the chance. The council found out first. They floated my dad in front of me. Then they put me in solitary. I was there for just under 2 years. They didn't want me to have contact with anyone so that I couldn't tell anyone about the Ark. With the Ark dying we would have all been floated."

Lexa pulls me a bit closer to her and kisses the top of my head. Its almost like she's afraid I'm going to disappear. She then whispers so low I almost couldn't hear her "When was your 18th birthday."

I never thought I would be talking about some of this with anyone. Lexa is different. I know I love her more than anything. She is the only one I would ever talk to about this. Though I know this next part will be hard on both of us. 

I take a deep breath and swallow the massive lump in my throat as I continue. "The day I was arrested was my 16th birthday. My 18th was the day we marched on mt weather."

She takes a deep breath and it's awhile before she let's it out. I knew she would take that part of my story hard. I can feel her trying to catch her breath, it's almost just as hard for me to breathe in that moment. 

I know we are both crying at this point. She places her hand on my stomach just below my heart. "I'm so sorry. No one should have to go through any of that, especially you. You have been through so much that even my best gonas would have fallen. Yet, here you are still standing. Your the strongest person I know."

"I don't feel very stong." I mumble. It's true. Most of the time I feel weak. My emotions are all over the place. Some days I don't think I can make it. Some days I don't think I want to. It helps when I think of all the beauty on the earth. The trees, the flowers, the butterflies, they all keep me going. Lately I think of green. Sometimes the green changes shades. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The green in Lexa's eyes. 

Lexa starts rubbing circles on my stomach and says "I will keep saying it till you believe it then. You are the strongest person I know." 

"I am just so tired." I say. Lexa starts humming and continues to run my stomach.

She whispers in my ear. "Then rest. I've got you." Its not long before I drift off.

Lexa's POV 

When we first started talking and I was asking Clarke all these questions I didn't think she would go into all that detail. I didn't know just how much she has had to endure.

Alot of it I have put on her. It truly breaks me heart to hear some of these things, but as long as she was talking I was going to listen. She put alot of things into perspective. 

For almost two years she was completely alone. I can't even fathom, alone just waiting for death to come. Then she comes to the ground and nothing goes right and before she knows it she's in a war with no experience.

I know she had strong feelings for me, when I saw the look on her face at the mt., before I turned around and left her. I feel so much more guilt knowing now how significant that day is to her. Her dad died on that day and it's the day she was born. It really makes me sick to my stomach. It did before and I didn't know that day meant so much to her. 

For her it is not her birthday anymore. It is death day. First for her father, then it was supposed to be hers, and now it's a day I forced her to kill 300 people. A whole civilization, not that if my people had stayed, the outcome would have been different.

I caused her so much pain. I don't see why she could be in the same room as me, and especially on the same horse. I swear I will never cause her anymore pain. She deserves so much more than me. 

I don't know what her feelings about me are anymore. I know that she trusts me, or she wouldn't have told me this much about herself. If she will let me I will help her. I will never betray that trust again. I know now that neither of could survive it. 

I don't know what is to come in the next few weeks, but I will keep her and her true people safe. She can't lose anymore. I will talk to her with her friends when we get back to Polis. For now I need to talk to Octavia and Lincoln, while she is still sleeping. "Octavia, Lincoln, come here a minute."

It isn't long before they are riding next to me. "Heda, what can we do for you." Lincoln asks.

I look down at Clarke for a minute and then I begin "Lincoln, I know why you disobeyed my orders, and I am glad you did. I had to order your banishment for it. If I hadn't it would have been a death sentence, probably for both of us. I wish I had had the choice you did. In light of recent events I am lifting that banishment sooner than I would have."

"Heda, what is going to happen? How are we going to fix all this. I want justice for my friends that died, yet I know in the past we would destroy the whole village or clan. I don't want that." Lincoln says as he bows his head.

"I don't want that either Lincoln. We will come up with something the four of us, maybe Indra. That will have will have to wait till tomorrow. There is one other thing I wanted to talk to you about. It concerns both of you."

They both look at me and this time it is Octavia who speaks. "Heda, I want to thank you for lifting Lincoln's banishment. We are both here to help with what has happened. I too lost friends. I almost lost Indra and Lincoln. We will do what is needed, if I have to fight my own brother." She looks down at Clarke and continues, "After the things he has done, he is no longer my brother."

"I am hoping there won't be much fighting. We will still seek justice. However, will not answer a massacre with another massacre. If I did, when would the death stop. I am changing my laws some. This will be the time to implement it. Blood must not always have blood. However, sometimes, for the worst of crimes blood must still have blood. That being said, we shouldn't wipe out whole civilizations for the crimes of a few. If we continue down that path there will be no one left."

After a few minutes Lincoln asks "How will this work? How will our people see it.?"

"That is something we will discuss tomorrow. I would like to ask something of both of you. Clarke needs more protection. I am so grateful for both of you getting her out of Arcadia. What happened there was not your fault and there will be justice for that as well. Will both of you work with Ryder and join him as being Clarke's guards. This would change things greatly for you both, but more for Octavia. In order for Octavia to become Clarke's guard she needs to become trikru. If that is not something you want Octavia, I will understand. I just need guards that I trust explicitly. Ryder I already trust and he has been her guard before. I trust both of you just as much to keep her safe."

I see Octavia thinking hard and she has tears in her eyes that she is refusing to let fall. When she looks up I see happiness and shock in her eyes. "Heda, I never belonged with my people. I lived under the floors for 16 years. Then they found me. They floated my mom and put me in jail. I knew when I turned 18, that I would be floated, all for the crime of being born. I have a few friends in Arcadia, but I never felt I belonged. Then I met Lincoln and Indra, and the rest of trikru, I finally felt I belongs to someone. I felt I belonged to your clan. Then came the mt., I lost the family I had come to love when I chose to help my blood family and friends. I no longer have that blood tie to Arcadia. I would very much like to join trikru. It is the only place I felt ever belonged. As for being Clarke's guard, I would be honored. Both of us would. She is my best friend and her safety is more important than anyone else's. Out of anyone (and maybe Raven) from Arcadia, she deserves a long happy life. If there is anything I can do to help ensure that, I will do it."

"Thank you both. We will have much to discuss in the morning. We should be in Polis within the hour. When we get there you two will share the room next Clarke's room. For now you can go discuss things between the two of you. I need to think."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Clarke's POV 

I hear the approach to Polis, as I open my eyes. People are calling for their heda. I know her people love her. I hear it in their voices and see it in their eyes. Lexa slides down Nat gracefully and helps me down. My knees are so wobbly I almost fall, but Lexa catches me. She is looking at me with so much concern, as she steadies my body. I know she won't let me fall.

I give her smile and I know in my eyes she can read that I am ok, for now. I can't let her people see that I am weak. I feel weak, I just can't let people see it. Everything hurts, from my body to my soul. I don't know how I can ever heal from this.

I notice Lexa's guards as well as Octavia and Lincoln surround us as we make our way to the tower. I hear cries of "Heda and Wanheda" the whole way there. I really don't like the name her people gave me. It's just something I have to get used to.

As we are approaching the tower a little girl runs up to us, and before her guards stop her Lexa waves a hand signaling that it is alright. The little girl is holding two flowers that I have never seen in the books I read on the Ark or down here on the ground. She hands one to Lexa and then the other to me. 

We both crouch down at the same time as we go to thank her she reaches up and gives me a hug. I stiffen at first, I am not used to people touching me anymore. I put my arm around her and return the hug. After a moment she steps back and says something in trigedasleng that I can't quite understand, she is talking so fast.

I look up at Lexa and she quickly explains. "She is thanking you for bringing her brother and father back safely from the mt. The mt. men captured them 3 years ago. Since then she lived in the children's home, for kids without parents. Her mother died two years before that saving her from a reaper attack."

I look down at the little girl and give her another hug. "Your Heda brought your family back. I just made sure they couldn't hurt you or your family again." 

She then looked at both of us in awe, before bowing bashfuly and running off with a smile on her face. We then entered the doors to the tower and though I slept most of the ride I was so tired. Just the walk to the elevator wore me out.

I know I can't go to sleep without Lexa and I talking some. Thankfully Lexa passes up my room. Her guards go in her room to check everything out. Lexa turns to Octavia and Lincoln "You can both go to your rooms to relax. We will see you in the morning. We will have breakfast here and discuss things then. Thank you both."

All four of Lexa's guards come out the room "All clear Heda" they tell her. We both then go to the room. She ushers me to a chair to sit, while she sits on the sofa next to me. 

We sit quietly for a few minutes before I sigh and begin "I guess we have alot to talk about."

"Wait, before you say anything I want to say something." She pauses and I am almost scared as to what she has to say. " Clarke, I know none of this is your fault. I also know that it was not the bulk of Arcadia that did this. We will work together to resolve this. If this is something that you want me to handle I will. I know this has affected you greatly and I don't want you to have to worry about your mom and your friends in this." 

I never expected her to say something like that. I was thinking she was going to talk more about how her people needed justice for this and I know they do. I would want just as much."

"I want justice for this Lexa. Your right, most of my people had no idea this was going to happen. They didn't even know it had happened. They voted Pike because he preached safety and they were upset about their friends and family dying in mt. Weather."

Lexa looks at me and I can see her thinking. "How many were involved?" she asks. 

I close my eyes before I reply. "There were 12 total. Ten guards and two leaders. Octavia will know who the ten were. The two leaders are Bellamy and Pike. Pike ordered it and Bellamy made sure the others followed his orders. According to my mother and Kane, no one in Arcadia knew it was going to happen. They heard about it after the fact. The 12 left the gates after midnight. They then went to the camp and slaughtered everyone while they were sleeping. Pike ordered them to leave no one alive. Bellamy kept one person alive so that him and Pike could send a message."

The tears are free flowing down both our faces. "What message?"

"Arcadia won't be treated like cattle and any grounder that sets foot near them will receive the same fate. Pike and Bellamy have gone crazy. They deserve to deserve slow deaths. The other ten were following orders. I think they deserve death as well. However, I don't think they deserve a slow death. I think Bellamy and Pike need to be given to Indra. The others I think the council should execute them in front of your people."

"We can work with that. Anything less and the people would be calling for my head and yours as well. I don't want to see that happen. However, there needs to be a change in Arcadia, to make sure nothing like this happens again." 

I know she is right. A few days ago I would have said differently. After what happened with Bellamy, I see things a little differently. "I agree. I have some ideas. I would like to talk to Octavia, Lincoln, Indra, and you first. We have to get rid of the guns. They played to much of a factor in this. Guns make slaughter too easy." I shudder just thinking about it.

Just then the doors swing open and Titus walks in. He looks at Lexa then moves his eyes over to me. His glare could kill a thousand people. "Heda, I must speak to you alone."

"Let us step out to the balcony, then. Clarke, I will be right back." Lexa says. Whatever, Titus has to say will not be good for me or my people. All I can do is wait.

Lexa's POV 

I know what Titus has to say and I really don't want to hear it tonight. It has been a long two days. "Heda, we must talk about Arcadia and why you haven't raised your armies against them. Another thing, why is Wanheda still alive. Arcadia should be no more and you should strike down Wanheda and take her power now. If this is all about your feelings for Clarke, then remember what you have been taught. Love is weakness. To be commander is to be alone. You know all this. I thought you learned it all with Costia. Do what's right for your people!" Titus practically growls out.

Titus has just gone too far and he knows it too. I can see it in his eyes. "You go to far teacher. You have stepped over your bounds here. You have two jobs. One being flame keeper and the other being the commanders advisor. You don't get to order your commander to do anything or to question their decision once it is made. You serve me Titus! If you can't do that anymore than you shall be replaced immediately. I have made my decisions about Arcadia. After lunch tomorrow see that the ambassadors are assembled for a meeting." I no longer believe in his teachings anymore. Clarke has taught me differently.

"As you wish Heda." Titus manages to get out.

"Oh and Titus, I will be informing my guards that no one, and I mean no one is allowed to enter my chambers anymore without my permission. Thank you, that is all." He swiftly turns around and walks out the room. Though I do notice the glare he sends Clarke. I will have to watch him more closely.

I walk over to Clarke and see she has fallen asleep. I gently scoop her up in my arms and carry her to my bed. I take off her jacket and boots, before I pull my furs over her. I kiss her forehead and move over to the corner that holds my trunks. I then take out a spare fur and place it on the couch. 

I remove my armor and face paint quickly. With one last glance I look over at Clarke, knowing that she is safe. I lay down myself and close my eyes. Just as I'm about to fall asleep I hear Clarke crying out in her sleep. "What did you do! Bellamy, no stop. Please stop." I rush over to the bed and gently shake her shoulders to wake her. 

"Clarke, Clarke, wake up your dreaming. Its ok, your safe now, in Polis." As her eyes open I see it takes a moment for her to realize where she is.

Her eyes find mine and she grabs my hand. "Lexa, please stay. I can't be alone right now. I need." She averts her eyes and pulls up the furs just enough for me to get in. 

I wrap my arms around her as she lays her head on my chest. It seems like forever when I think she is asleep I whisper "I need you too. I love you so, so much, my prisa. I am sorry about what has happened to you." 

Just as my start to fall asleep she says so lowly I can barely hear it, "I love you,too. More than anything." I never thought I would hear those words from her. I let sleep take me over, with a smile on my face, knowing that everything will be ok.


	7. Chapter 7

*******TRIGGER WARNING about halfway through the chapter there will be a few paragraphs detailing attempted rape and assault. They will not effect the storyline. You can skip if you need to. I will give plenty of warning. The well being of my readers are the most important thing.********  
Chapter 7

Clarke's POV 

I feel the sun on my face as I wake up. I look over to Lexa. She is running her hands through my hair. She has this content look on her face along with a smile. I feel so safe in her arms. 

A few days ago I was ready to talk about my feelings for her. Now I still have those feelings, but I am not sure I am ready. Bellamy took alot from me. I am not sure I can get it back. Lexa deserves so much more than someone that is broken.

It feels wrong leaning on her like I have. She is certainly alot more than the heartless commander I first met. I feel like I am holding her back. She shouldn't have to wait till I am ready. I don't know how long that will take. 

I want to be with her. I have since before that kiss in her tent before mt. Weather. I know I should tell her how I feel about her, as well as some of the other feelings that are in me. She sighs deeply and says. "I can feel you thinking. What is on your mind."

"Lexa, I had so much I wanted to talk to you about on our way to Arcadia. I was going to wait till we got back here.Then we got there and I never had the chance to. Alot happened there. It changed a few things for both of us. I think we still need to talk about it. I just don't even know where to start."

"Clarke, you can talk to me about anything. I am not going anywhere. Maybe, if you still want to, start with what you wanted to talk to me about before. Then talk about how it changed. If you want to that is. If not it's ok we can talk about it another time."

I look at her and see in her eyes she means everything she just said. I feel I have no choice but to be honest with her. "Lexa, I spent a long time searching my soul about all this. I guess I need to go back to right before the March on mt. Weather. When you kissed me in your tent that day I pulled back. It wasn't because I didn't have feelings for you,  
I did. At the time i had too much going on in my mind to be able to voice them. Not to mention I didn't know what the outcome of the war with mt. Weather would be. I didn't know if either of us would make it out of the war alive. The timing for anything was so off."

I have to stop there just to let everything sink in. I see her about to say something and I have to stop her. " Wait. If I'm ever going to finish what I need to say, I need to do it now. "I'm not finished and if I stop now I won't be able to finish saying all that I need to."

She sees I'm trying to gather my thoughts and squeezes my hand. That is all I need to continue. "I'm not going to lie. I was so hurt about what happened at mt weather, devastated really. It was another thing I didn't really have time to process, before I had to jump in and save my friends. The cost of saving my friends was almost too much to bare. That was why I had to leave them for awhile. I needed time."

I take another deep breath and continue, "When prince Roan captured me, I only had one thought in my mind. He was taking me to Azgeda. I thought I was going to die. Then when he took the hood off my head and my eyes adjusted to the light, I saw you standing there."

I need her to understand everything I was going through at that time. "I thought I hated you, I was so angry at the time. It had been months and I was still mad. Then the queen challenged you. The only thing I could think of was that you can't die. As I was watching you fight, it was then that I realized why I was so angry with you. I was still hurt. The only reason I could possibly still be hurting all these months was because I was completely in love with you. When you came to my room that night to thank you I realized, that life is short on the ground. It was that moment I forgave you. Truth, there was nothing to forgive you for. You had no choice."

I have to take a minute before I can continue. I see her thinking about everything I have said. I see the tears in her eyes that refuse to fall. "I wanted to tell you when we got back that I was ready. Then everything changed. 300 of your people died because of mine. I will never be able to change that. We weren't at war at the time. They were there to help us."

I know I have to tell her exactly what happened with Bellamy. This is the hardest part and I really don't want to talk about it, she deserves to hear it. 

"Clarke, I understand and it's ok. I meant what I said. I am not going anywhere, as long as you want me to be here." She says. 

"I have to tell you about what happened inside Arcadia, with Bellamy." I pause for a second and see her swallow and her jaw clench. I know this is just as hard for her as it is for me.

"I was waiting in a storage room for Octavia to get back with some radios. I thought it was her when he came in. He thought it was weird that mom, Kane and Octavia left at the same time. I was so angry that he could have done the things he did. It wasn't the Bellamy I knew."

********TRIGGER WARNING********

"I was yelling at this time. I was so angry at the things he had done. I really wasn't paying attention to him. When he talked about protecting his people I grew even angrier. I told him that this wasn't protecting his people, that this was starting a war. I told him we had brought justice with us. Soon as I mentioned you he snapped. He started punching me and locked me to the shelf. I never thought he would do any of this."

I take a second to breathe. This is by far the hardest part coming up. With tears streaming down my face I continue, "Bellamy started screaming at me, telling me he loved me. He said that if he couldn't have me he would make sure no one would ever want me again. He was blaming everything on you and your people. I always cared about him, you know that, Lexa. I always considered him like an older brother."

Each time I have to stop and take a breath, it gets harder. "He then started hitting me some more. When I begged him to stop he ripped my shirt off. That was when he used his electric baton on me. My legs wouldn't support me anymore at that time, yet I refused to let him see me break. I didn't scream once. It's not like anyone would have heard me. Then he ripped my pants off and my underwear. I knew what was going to happen, but it didn't. It was that moment Octavia came in with Raven. He must not have heard her. He continued to pull his pants down. The last thing I remember was her yelling that she had no brother."

*********END OF TRIGGER WARNING*********

Lexa then wraps her arms around me like she is never going to let me go. "Clarke, I wish this never happened to you. I wish I was there to stop it."

"Lexa, Bellamy broke something in me when he did what he did. I don't know how to fix it. I love you to much to ask you to wait till i can. I don't even know if I can be fixed." 

"Clarke, I told you, I am not going anywhere. I will always be here for you. I love you too. I would wait for you till the day I died and then if you still weren't ready I would find you in the next life. We will get through this together."

"I so don't deserve you. You are so much better than me, so much stronger. You deserve so much more than someone who is broken." 

"Clarke, trikru have this belief, Osir Keryon Ste teina. I truly believe that and I also believe that it is us."

"Lexa, what does it mean."

"It means our souls are entwined. In every life we find each other. We are meant to be with each other. I loved Costia, she was my first love. She taught me that love was not weakness. For a long time after she died, I believed differently. What I felt for her is not nearly as strong as my feelings for you. I need you Clarke, like I need the air to breathe. You not only made me believe that love is strength, you made me feel it with everything that I am."

"On the Ark we used to read stories about that. We called it soulmates. When I was little my dad would read them to me. When I went to the skybox I stopped believing. Then I met you and I started to want to believe again."

"I will always be there for you Clarke. Nothing will change that. You, me, the both of us have gone through so very much. You are not alone anymore. You don't have to shoulder your burdens by yourself anymore. I am here, I am never going anywhere again. Together we will make it through anything and everything, I promise you this. I will wait till you are ready. I am still not going anywhere."

"Lexa, I" I lean in closer and put my hand on her neck. I look into her eyes and see that her words are the truth. I lean in and put my lips to hers. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I know we both need this. I open my mouth just a little and with my tongue I am seeking entrance which she puts her hands on my waist and grants it. I put everything I am feeling into the kiss, and before we know it we are coming up for air. I lean my forehead against hers and revel in the feel of her arms around me.

We both know I am not ready for anything else. We just stand there for a few minutes. "I love you, Lexa."

"AI hod yu in, Klark kom Skaikru, always." 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Lexa's POV 

Last night a guard brought in some of Clarke's things, so we get dressed quietly. I notice she's having trouble with her shirt and I go over to help her. Damnit, I feel so bad that I couldn't protect her. Though if not for Octavia, it could have been so much worse than it is. I could have lost her.

After helping her with her shirt I pull her into my arms and just breathe in her, she smells like lavender and vanilla. I don't even realize that I am shaking until she pulls back "Lexa, it wasn't your fault and I am ok."

"I should have stopped you or gone in with you. I could have lost you," I whisper.

She continues to look into my eyes, then she takes a deep breath and says, "I would have found a way to go in, you know this. It was also something I had to do without you. I think there will be many things I have to do, in the next few weeks, and you have to let me, Lexa."

"I know, it doesn't mean I have to like it." I give her a chaste kiss and step back just as we hear a knock on the door.

"Heda, breakfast is here," one of me guards calls put. 

"Bring it in and set it on the table." I see that there is plenty for our guests. After a few minutes,Octavia, Lincoln, Indra, and Ryder walk in. "Thank you, Alec, please see that we are not disturbed."

"Sha, Heda." Alec responds before leaving.

I sit down at the table and the others follow me. "We are here to discuss Arcadia, amongst other things. Clarke and I have discussed a few things and would like your input." I look at Clarke and she glances all around the room, taking in everyone's face.

She is hiding behind a mask and I know she is ready to begin. "As Lexa has already stated, we have been discussing things. I want everyone here to know that I am wanting to see justice served here. Most everyone here knows that while I was in Arcadia investigating, I was attacked myself," Clarke says.

Everyone is looking at Clarke and their faces are anything but calm. She continues, "I can't tell everyone how sorry I am that my people attacked you and your warriors Indra. I learned a few things about the attack while I was inside. There were two leaders of the attack, Bellamy Blake and Charles Pike. They both ordered the attack and saw that it was followed through. They should get the ultimate punishment your laws state. Death by 1000 cuts." 

I watch everyone in the room while they are taking everything in. Most are nodding their heads. Octavia has a frown on her face. She then goes to speak, " I agree with both of their sentences, however I would like them to be done at seperate times. My brother deserves what is to happen, but I grew up with him. The ground has changed him. He is no longer the brother I knew. I would request that I not be present for his punishment."

Indra looks at Octavia and speaks directly to her, "I would not expect you to be there for that. Your brother, regardless of what he has done is still your brother. He deserves what is to happen, but you shouldn't have to watch it." Indra then turns her head to Clarke, "What about the others that participated in the atrocities that claimed the lives of my warriors."

Clarke looks directly into Indra's eyes before she speaks, "The ten guards that were there, most of them being really young and were just following orders do not deserve the same punishment as the others do."

That is the moment Indra gets up had slaps the table hard enough to knock around some of the dishes. "Are you saying that they should get away with what they have done. Blood Must Have Blood. Heda, we can't let this go unanswered."

I glare at Indra "Pleni, Indra. Let Clarke finish."

Clarke looks at me then back to Indra, "I would never say they don't deserve to be punished. Regardless of following orders, they still committed crimes against your people. They will be punished, but because they were following orders they do not deserve the same punishment as their leaders. They will be marched to Ton Dc where Skaikru leaders will execute them with a bullet to the head. I will not let them escape justice." Clarke growls out.

Indra sits there for a minute taking in what Clarke has decreed before nodding her head in agreement. Octavia and Lincoln share a look before Octavia asks "What about the rest of Arcadia. What will happen to them?"

This is when I decide that I need to say something "Most in Arcadia are scared of Pike, most of them didn't even know what he had done until it had already happened. We will not start a war with them. However, things in Arcadia will have to change. Clarke and I agree that we can't allow anything for this to happen again. There will be new laws for Arcadia, but we have time for all that. The first thing we will need to do is make a plan to get take over Arcadia. Pike and his followers have all the weapons and will not make things easy. The people left in Arcadia are living in fear. 12 people need to be brought to justice and we have to come up with a plan to save all or as many of the innocents living within its walls as we can."

Octavia looks up then, "This is where we come in, and Raven and her radios. We will also need Clarke for the plan that we talked to Raven about last night. We will also need archers around, the archers will keep Clarke safe."

I don't like the idea of Clarke going in at all, but I have to hear more about this plan. "How is this plan supposed to go? And exactly how much danger will Clarke be in?"

Clarke reaches over and squeezes my hand. I don't care who sees us when I reach over and place a small kiss on the back of her hand. 

Octavia then pulls out a radio and speaks into it. "Raven, are you there."

We then here static on the radio "I'm here Octavia. How is Clarke?"

Clarke then takes the radio and speaks into it. "I am ok, Raven. Tell us, how is this plan going to work."

It only takes a few moments before Raven comes back on, "We will be using radios and the Ark sound system. On the commanders end we need her to be in a meeting with all the ambassadors and their leaders. You will have a radio turned on and listening to everything that is happening. This ensures that the clans know that it is not all of Arcadia that is against them. The majority are with the clans. We will just have to fight to gain back control."

I look around the table. I really don't like being that far from Clarke when I know she will be in danger. Clarke can see I am about to speak so she brings the radio closer to me so I can talk into it. "As the commander, I can't stay safe in Polis while there is danger involving my people. I need to be close at hand." 

Raven comes back and says "With all due respect commander, we need you to keep the peace in Polis. If you can't do that then all hell will break out there and here. If that happens then none of us are safe. That includes your people and our people."

Clarke looks at me and says"It will work out. Let's let Raven finish the other part of her plan." I look at her and close my eyes, "Raven, what's the rest of the plan?" 

"Indra and her warriors will set up right outside the tree line. They will have archers trained on the guards inside Arcadia. Clarke and Octavia will walk right up to the gates and the guards will let them in. I will make sure most of Arcadia comes out at that time. Though that part won't matter because everything that will be said, will be heard by everyone, also the teleprompters will be on and working. That means that anyone inside will also see and hear what is happening. Sorry, anyone in Polis will not be able to see, but they will be able to hear everything."

I push the button on the radio and ask Raven,"How does seeing and hearing help the situation? How does that help Clarke and Octavia who will more than likely be taken away and executed? I will not send them in if that is the most likely outcome."

Raven comes back to the radio and says, "Commander, the people here love Clarke, except for a few of the guards. Your warriors can handle them. What we need from Clarke, is for her to speak to the people. They need her reassurances that things with your people will work out. Also, they need to see her alive and well. Then there is the Bellamy issue. He has been spreading rumors that Clarke attacked when she was last here. We need her to set the record straight. A few people still listen to him, but they would believe Clarke over him. She is our true leader. Bellamy is just a cheap imitation. We need Clarke. After Clarke makes her speech, I don't think it will be long before the rest of Arcadia takes out the guards."

I close my eyes partly because I know Raven is right in everything she has said, they need Clarke. The other part doesn't want her to be on that kind of danger. Clarke looks at me and squeezes my hand again. As I look into her eyes she repeats what she said before, "I have to do this, and you have to let me."

Never have I disliked my words coming back to haunt me more. I remember saying that to Clarke before I had to fight Roan. "I want to say I really hate this plan, but it is the only plan that there is."

Clarke pushes the button to speak to Raven again, "How soon can you get everything ready on your end, Raven." 

"I need 3-4 days. I have also made really small microphone, when you come into the gates Miller will attach it to your jacket. He will have to get you on your knees first, make sure Indra's warriors don't shoot him. He's our inside man with the guards. He will have a blue cloth on his arm. This plan will work, I know it. Start coming this way in two days. Keep one of the radios with Octavia and give the other one to the commander." Raven replies.

Clarke grabs the radio, "Thanks Raven, stay safe. We will talk to you soon."

Raven then says, "You do the same, talk to you soon, princess."

I look at Ryder "You and Lincoln are our best archers, you will be there. You will make sure they both get out of there no matter what else happens. Plans are great but sometimes plans change in the middle of war. We will talk more about the plan before you all leave for Arcadia. For now we have something else to discuss."

I look at Clarke for a minute before shifting my gaze to the others. "I have talked to Octavia and Lincoln about this before we left Arcadia. In the meeting today I am officially lifting Lincoln's banishment. His mission to help us with Arcadia calls for it. He fights for the coalition. Also, Clarke needs more protection. Octavia, Lincoln, Ryder will be her new guards. Indra you will continue your training with Octavia when you are healed enough from your injuries at Arcadia. When matters in Arcadia are settled we will have a ceremony adding a new member to trikru. Octavia will join our clan. That is all for now. I expect everyone to be ready for the meeting of the ambassadors after lunch."

Everyone gets up from the table I hear "sha Heda" before they all file out the room. The guards move in to clear the table and I walk behind Clarke and put my arms around her. "I know you don't like the idea of extra guards but I felt it was needed. I can't lose you. I figured having guards we both trusted would help us both."

Clarke turns around and gives me a quick peck on the lips and says, "Your right, I don't like having guards, but even I know they are needed. I already trust the three you assigned more than anyone, except for you. Let's get ready, so we can get this meeting over with."

I look into her beautiful blue eyes and nod, "Just one more thing and then we can get ready." I put my hand on her cheek and lean in giving her kiss. It doesn't take long for her to respond and then both our tounges are fighting for dominance. We kiss until there is no choice but to break for air. "We will get through this."

There is nothing left to do but get ready for the meeting. I dread dealing with some of the leaders, but more than them, I dread dealing with Titus. He is not going to like our decisions in this matter. It is a good thing I am Heda.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Lexa's POV 

We are in the throne room waiting for everyone to get there and I can tell how nervous Clarke is. This isn't her first meeting, but the stakes of this meeting couldn't be higher. I look at her and try to convey everything I'm feeling in that one look. "Clarke, it will be ok. The meeting is just a formality. The other ambassadors will see that our plan is a good one."

I am worried though, Titus is not here. He is always here for meetings, unless he has been sent to retrieve a new nightblood. I have no time to waste looking for him or sending someone after him. The ambassadors and everyone else just walked in to take their places, each one stopping to bow their heads in my direction.

"Ambassadors of the coalition, welcome."

"Commander of the blood"

I look each one in the, and begin to speak, "We have been attacked. Natronas in Arcadia have killed everyone in the peace keep force, except for Indra. The cowards struck in the middle of the night and attacked. This would normally be an act of war. However, while we were there two days ago I sent Wanheda in to find out what happened. She was attacked by one of these traitors, barely escaping with her life. I turn it over to her now so that you can hear what she learned."

She scans the faces of all the ambassadors and begins to speak, "There were 300 of the coalitions peace keeping force there, 12 traitors of both the coalition and Arcadia went into Indra's camp late at night. They then proceeded to slaughter all 300. The rest of Arcadia are trapped there as we speak, held hostage by these traitors. Most here have seen the damage a bullet can do."

Clarke takes a pause and continues, "Tomorrow I am going to Arcadia. I go there to take it back from these traitors. The coalition and trikru will see justice. This I promise you all." 

It is at this time that nikalaus of delfikru speaks up, "How can we be assured that you will be successful? How can we know that you won't side with the natronas? How can we be certain they will not kill you?"

Clarke then stands up and calmly walks over to nikalaus (though I can see the anger in her eyes), "I am Wanheda. I am the mt. Slayer. I am the commander of death. I took down the mt. with all but 4 of my people taken hostage. I killed them all. I say that for those responsible, there will be no mercy. I AM WANHEDA, DO NOT DOUBT ME."

Clarke calmly walks back to her seat and says, "I am Wanheda. AI serve the coalition, AI serve Heda en no other. My people are still my people, however when we became part of the coalition, we joined our people with EVERYONE else in the coalition. We follow the same laws as all of you. We follow the same punishments as well, but because my people broke Heda's law, as their leader I will bring them to justice personally. This is my fight and it is for the coalition. It is for me as well, they killed people I knew, people that were friends."

As I look around to all the ambassadors I see the fear in there eyes. When Clarke spoke to them it resonated in all their hearts and not one of them doubts her. "If there is nothing else I have an announcement to make." I pause long enough for anyone to speak and when no one does I continue, "Lincoln come forward."

Lincoln slowly walks to the edge of my dias and bows fully on one knee. "Sha, Heda"

"Lincoln, disobeyed my orders at the mt. and for that reason he was banished. I though I understand why he did it, if I had his choice I would have done the same myself. However, I did not have his choice. I had to protect my people and I do not regret that. He had the choice to protect his teina and I can not fault him for that. Lincoln's banishment is now lifted and so is his kill order. The coalition needs him for the mission in Arcadia. Rise Lincoln kom trikru"

I look at everyone they seem satisfied with the meeting. I know I need to conclude it swiftly. Something is not right, I am still wondering where the hell is Titus. "If that is all that is pressing then I call this meeting finished, be back here in three days at the same time."

Everyone stands as I walk out the room. I notice Clarke is the first one out after me. She follows me to the elevator. "Clarke, I have to find Titus. He has never missed a meeting."

Clarke looks at me and gives me a quick peck on the cheek and says "I am just going to go to my room to get my journal. Then I will head to your room."

I look in her eyes and nod. I head down the hall to Titus's chambers and when I get there I notice blood on the floor in front of a chair. The chair has pieces of cloth on it where someone was tied down. I don't know what to think. Was Titus captured? Did he capture someone else. I turn to my guard and say "Find the Flamekeeper. This blood is fresh, minutes old. Find him and bring him to me in my chambers, and bring a fisa. We might need one."

I start looking around Titus's room, searching for clues. Under the chair there is a piece of clothing that is nothing like what the clans wear. It can only be from someone from Skaikru. 

With that I race to the stairs. The elevator will take too long. As i get to the right floor i notice that there are no guards there. Where could they have gone. 

I check my room first and there is Ryder with two other guards, they are all unconscious. Clarke, I have to get to Clarke. She said she was going to grab something from her room.

I know this is all Titus's doing. If he has hurt Clarke he will not make it out of her room. Its then that I hear loud voices from her room. I know timing has to be perfect here. Too soon and she could get hurt, too late and I will lose her.

Clarke's POV 

Soon as I walked into my room I knew something was off. I see John Murphy in the corner, he has been tied to a chair and tortured. Not even thinking I rush to his side to try and untie him. It is then that I hear Titus speak, "I wouldn't do that if I was you."

I freeze and look at him before speaking, "Think about this, Titus. She will know it was you. You don't want to do this."

He glares at me, "Oh, but I do. She will never think it was me. Skaikru weapon, Skaikru prisoner that escaped."

I hold my hands up, thinking is this the end. Lexa and I have not had near enough time. This will break her. I have to think of something. "Titus, please. Don't hurt her like this."

Titus just grins and screams, "She should have remembered my teachings. Love is weakness. To be commander is to be alone. She might even be angry enough to start a war."

It is at this time that he starts shooting. So far he is a bad shot. He has shot everything in the room, but me. It's as his last bullet enters the chamber that the doors burst open. I look up and there is Lexa. I have to stop this. I dive in front of her just as the gun goes off and I hear Titus scream.

The last bullet in his gun enters my shoulder, just where her heart would be. I slump to the floor, my feet not being able to handle standing anymore. Lexa drops down next to me and gathers me in her arms. She takes me to the bed and turns to Titus. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

At this point the guards and a fisa come in the room. Lexa growls at them "Take Titus to the dungeons. You fisa, help Wanheda. NOW." Lexa then walks over to John and unties him. "You help the healer with Clarke."

I look at Lexa she runs over "I'm ok, Lexa. Just a flesh wound. It will take no time to heal."

"It never should have happened, Clarke. That was stupid. You can put your life at risk for me." Lexa says.

I can't argue with her at this time so I turn to look over at the healer and see he is almost finished. He has sewn up both sides of my arm and put some salve on it. He then puts a bandage on it. Its then that I notice that Lexa has black blood on her arm and stomach. 

I scream "Lexa, your bleeding."

She looks at me and says, "I'm fine, Clarke. Just a scratch." I know there is too much blood for it to just be a scratch. I go to grab her hand and she winces, next thing I know she's on the floor. 

I get off the bed and yell out to the fisa and Murphy, "Help me get her to the bed. Murphy find something to help stop the blood, NOW!"

Oh God, I can't lose her. The fisa and I start taking off her armour so we can see what we are dealing with. I see she has been shot through her hand and into her side. "Dammit, not now. Don't do this to me."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Clarke's POV 

As we are cleaning the blood off I take a sigh of relief. It's not as bad as I first thought. The bullet went through my shoulder, through the fleshy part of Lexa's hand, embedding it about a 1/4 of an inch into her right side. When I jumped in front of her and the bullet entered my shoulder it changed the trajectory, thank the spirits.

We have Murphy put pressure one her hand, while this fisa and I prepare everything. We have to take the bullet out first. It only takes a few minutes and the bullet is out. It really wasn't in deep at all. My hands are shaking too bad to help anymore so I let the fisa sew Lexa up. He does a good job. 

Now it is time to wait for her to wake up. I make the fisa leave some extra bandages and some of the poultice, before I send him away, with a quiet "thank you." I turn to Murphy and ask, "What are you doing here? Why did Titus have you?"

Murphy looks at me and replies, "I am here because I got caught stealing. Your pointy headed baldy dude, thought it would be a good idea to torture me. He kept going on about how you are distracting the commander. He wanted to know all your secrets, but of course I don't know any." 

"Ok, Murphy. We will discuss this with Lexa, when she wakes up. Where have you been? The last I heard you were on a mission with Jaha, to find the city of light. How did that go for you?" I ask.

"Oh you know, same old crap. You know just life on the ground. We lost half of us in the desert, then we lost the rest in a row boat crossing part of the ocean. Then I met Emori. Jaha was going to kill me cause he went crazy. He kept going on about how I killed Wells. Next thing I knew killed Emori's brother. Then he was on me, choking me. I swear I was on my last breath, when she came up behind him and slit his throat. After that we stayed together, till Titus grabbed me. I have to find her."

"You will find her or she will find you. First we have to wait to talk to Lexa. In two days, I am headed back to Arcadia. There are some issues there I have to take care of, or there will be another war." I tell him. 

Just then Octavia and Lincoln come in and Octavia runs to me. She gives Murphy a long glare and asks "Clarke, what happened here? Is Lexa going to be ok?"

I look at her and the tears start falling "Titus happened. Damn teachings of his. I really don't want to about it right now. Not till Lexa wakes up. Oh and Murphy helped us save her."

Lincoln goes to my trunk in the corner of the room and hands Murphy a fur "For now get some rest. Murphy take the couch. Clarke try to lay down a bit. Octavia and I will be guarding outside. We can talk when Heda wakes up."

Lincoln and Octavia walk out the door and I crawl in next to Lexa in the bed. I put my arm around her and lay my head on her chest, trying not to hurt her. I will never be able to fall asleep until I can see those beautiful green eyes again.

Titus was too close to taking one or both of us out. I can't even imagine a world without Lexa. After what seems like forever, of just laying there, I can't take it anymore. The tears start falling. I go to get up when they start falling on Lexa's chest. I don't want them to wake her up. She needs to rest. 

The tears won't stop, just as I am about to stand, Lexa calls out, "Clarke, Clarke are you ok?" 

I turn and grab the hand not hurt. She slowly opens her eyes and I say, "Omg! Thank goodness your awake. When you passed put I thought I lost you." 

"Not a chance, my prisa. Not a chance. I told you, I am not going anywhere. Clarke, you scared me when you jumped in front of the bullet." Lexa says.

"I am so glad I did. If I hadn't the bullet would have hit your chest. We wouldn't have been able to save you. I would step in front of any bullet, if it means you get to live."

Lexa just shakes her head and then her eyes widen, "Clarke, where is Titus?"

"You had him locked in the dungeons." I say

I can see the look in Lexa's eyes, it is one of pure guilt. "Lexa, this was not your fault. We all knew Titus didn't like Skaikru and especially me. What he did though is on him, not you." I tell her. 

"Clarke, I knew something was wrong with him. I also knew how he felt about you. I should have stopped him then, instead of just warning him. I could have stopped this." Lexa cried.

I take her hand and give it a small squeeze. "Lexa, Titus would have done something regardless. You did the right thing. You can't punish someone for something they haven't done yet, something that might never happen."

"I can punish him now. For treason. He attempted the murder of an ambassador as well as me. I have made my decision. In the morning he will die of 1000 cuts." Lexa exclaims.

I look at her and ask, "Who will be the next flamekeeper?"

"Indra has a daughter who has been training to be the next Flamekeeper, she should be ready to take up his position." She says. 

"I never knew she had a daughter. What is her name?" I ask.

"Gaia, and she doesn't follow all of Titus's teachings. She tried to tell me after Costia died, that love is strength. She also told me that no one, even the commander should live life alone. At the time, I didn't want to hear it. Now, I believe that it is her beliefs that should be followed, for all our people."

I have to ask, "What changed your mind about Titus's teachings?"

She looks at me then and I can feel her love, "It was you, Clarke. It was you. Just think about what happened today, our combined strength saved us both. I was able to throw my knife perfectly. When my knife hit him, it change the direction the bullet was going. It would have hit my chest, but when you jumped in front of me, it changed direction again. Instead it went in a direction less deadly. With out both of our actions, it could have gone way differently."

"I love you, Lexa." 

"I love you too, Clarke. Always. Now let's get some sleep."

That's when Murphy speaks up, "Oh thank God. I thought you two would never stop talking."

Lexa looks up says, "Who is that?" I feel her searching for her knife that is not there.

I have to stop her from trying to get up. "Its ok, Lexa. That's Murphy. He is a friend. He helped me save you. He is sleeping on the couch. Tomorrow he can have my bed. We are going back to your room."

She starts yawning then and says, "Okay, Clarke. I trust you. Goodnight Murphy. Goodnight my prisa." 

She leans over and kisses the top of my head. I chuckle and say "Goodnight Murphy, goodnight my commander.

Lexa smiles and closes her eyes and we both drift off. Tomorrow will be long and hard for both of us.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Clarke's POV

We wake up to a knock on the door. When I go to open it, there is Lincoln. "Octavia and I just checked out Heda's room, it is safe for you both to return and get dressed. Her is some clothes for Murphy. Octavia is bringing breakfast to Heda's room shortly."

"Thank you, Lincoln. I will go wake Lexa up."

I lay Murphy's clothes on the chair and head over to Lexa. I grab her hand and start rubbing circles on the back of it. "Lexa, it's time to wake up."

She slowly opens her eyes and looks at me. "What's happened? Is everything ok?" She asks.

I squeeze her hand. "Yes, we have to go to your room and change. I also have to change your bandages. Octavia will be there soon with breakfast."

She smiles as I help her up, "Ok, Clarke. Wake up Murphy and invite him to breakfast."

I go over to Murphy as she is wiping the sleep from her eyes. "Murphy, wake up. There is a change of clothes in the chair. Meet us in the room next door in 20 min, for breakfast. We have to talk."

"Thank you princess. You will never find me saying no to a free breakfast." He says. All I can do is grimace at the name. I chuckle as I turn to Lexa. Same old Murphy, he never changes, though I see he has matured a bit since I last saw him. Probably this girl he met, Emori, I think he said.

Lexa stands up and I walk over and grab her hand as we walk out of the room. We walk quietly to her room. When we get there I turn around and put my arms around her. I don't ever want to let her go. She smells of the woods, honey, and sage. 

She looks in my eyes and leans over to give me a quick kiss. After I help her with her clothes and her bandages, I grab my clothes and walk to the bathroom. As I'm taking off my blood stained shirt from yesterday, I get a good look in the mirror and gasp.

What I see repulses me. My upper body has bruises that are now turning yellow and green. That doesn't bother me so much. It is what is underneath all the bruises, that I can't stand.

There are dozens of burn marks, from the shock lashing Bellamy inflicted upon my chest. They will leave ugly scars that will never go away. How could anyone ever love someone who is so damaged. I slowly drop to the floor and start sobbing. 

Lexa comes into the bathroom at this time and drops to the floor and pulls me into her arms. "Its ok, my prisa. I am here. Now tell me why are you crying."

"Lexa, you can't possibly want me. I am damaged goods, and that is only on the inside. On the outside I will have these horrible scars that will never go away. They are just so repulsive." I sob.

Lexa just pulls me in closer and starts kissing each scar and bruise. She looks at me in a mixture of awe, disbelief, and love. "Clarke, my prisa, you don't see what I see. We will start with these bruises and burns."

She pauses as she kisses each one again. "These will scar, that is true. For me they remind me of your bravery and love for our people. Bravery and love for our people are a most precious thing. It is something that should not be forgotten. It should be honored for the sacrifice that has been made."

She then moves on to my shoulder, placing light kisses all around my shoulder. She starts cleaning the wound and putting on a new bandage. "This one here shows the strength of the love you feel for me. You took a bullet for me and could have died in the process." 

She takes a deep breath kisses me lightly on the lips and continues. "Clarke, you ask how o could ever love you, and I ask how could I ever not love you. You are the strongest, most courageous, beautiful person I have ever met. I don't know how I could be so lucky to have you love me back. You should were your scars proudly. They are your badges of honor. Proof that though this world can hurt you and those you love, through it all you are still standing. Your enemies can't break you."

I lean in and like magnets our lips find each other, our tounges fighting each other, our breaths getting harder and harder to catch. Until finally we can't take it anymore and just lean into each other, forehead to forehead, green eyes locked onto blue eyes. " I love you, Lexa, so very much."

"AI hod yu in, my Meizen, teina." Lexa says.

She pulls on my shirt and we walk out the bathroom to hear a knock on the door. "Come in" Lexa calls.

In walks Lincoln, Octavia, Ryder, Indra, and Murphy, carrying breakfast. We all sit down eat. I can tell that no one wants to bring up yesterday.

Lexa's POV 

As we walk out the bathroom I vow to make Clarke realize just how beautiful and important she is to me, even if it takes every day of the rest of my life. 

As we sit down to eat I can feel the tension in the air. No one ones to speak about yesterday. Just as I am about to say something Ryder bows his head and starts, "Heda, I have failed you. My failure almost caused you your life. As it should. My life is forfeit."

I look at Ryder and say "No Ryder, you didn't fail me. Titus did. No one here could have known what he had planned, except for one. Murphy knew, but he was the one that could do anything about it. I am fine. Clarke is fine. We both survived. All is good."

Indra snaps her head up at this time, and growls, "All is not good. That natrona needs to be punished!"

I look around the table and say, "Titus will die today. 1000 cuts, starting at noon."

Indra looks at me and asks, "Who will be Flamekeeper when he is gone?"

I can't help the smile that forms on my face as I say my next words, "Indra, after breakfast I want you to let all of Polis know about what has happened and what will happen to Titus as a result. Next I want you to send your fastest messenger to Warren, have Gaia brought back here. She will be the next Flamekeeper."

It has been a long time since I have seen Indra smile. "She will be most honored to serve you as the next Flamekeeper."

Octavia then asks, "Who is Gaia?"

I look at Indra and nod for her to explain, "Gaia is my daughter, she has been studying with the order of the flame. She will he taking Titus's place as Flamekeeper, and she will make a much better Flamekeeper than Titus. I never trusted that natrona."

I reach over and grab Clarke's hand before saying what I need to say, "For too long we have lived under Titus's teachings. The last few months I have been reading past Flamekeeper scrolls, he has been writing down our whole history incorrectly. Previous Flamekeepers, all the way back to the first one believed that love is strength. They believed that the commander should find their one true love and together they will bring peace and healing to all the clans."  
  
Lexa kisses the back of my hand and Lincoln speaks, "This is such treachery, the people must know. Titus changing our teachings and history was treason before he even ever touched that gun."

I look up and sigh, "There is so much that he has done that we have to fix. Today we will worry about his punishment. After we deal with Arcadia we will find all that we can that he has done, with Gaia's help. We will then let the people know and teach them the truth" 

"Murphy I am afraid at this time I can not let you leave Polis. I need your help to go through some of Titus's books. You will have guards but you are not a prisoner. There are some things I need someone from Skaikru to explain to me." I tell him.

Murphy looks at Clarke a second and then says, "I am ok with that on one condition. I was traveling with someone when Titus picked me up, a woman named Emori. If you send someone to find her and bring her to me I will help help you with anything you need. After her brother died and she saved my life I promised never to leave her."

"I will send my best two scouts to find her. I will tell them not to harm her and that you are her helping me with important business. Oh and Murphy, I will not tolerate stealing, you will be locked in the dungeons for it. However, as my advisor in this matter you will be payed accordingly. There will be no need to steal. It is one of the most important jobs one can have." I look at him in the eyes to get my point across.

I walk over to my desk. I open a drawer and toss him a bag. "This is a gift for you helping us yesterday. Each week you will be given your pay. You will have to act and look befitting of your new station. The rest of the money will be yours. Ryder will take you to the stalls in the city for clothes. When we execute Titus today, you will be there."

I look at Lincoln and Octavia, "You two will guard the door till Ryder gets back and then you will go get ready for this afternoon. You three will work a schedule out for who is guarding Clarke and when. She is not to be left alone in Polis." 

I look around and everyone has finished eating. "Everyone has their orders, Clarke and I need some rest. Make sure we are not disturbed till it's time to get ready for the execution."

After a round of "Sha Heda." They all file out the room. I turn and look at Clarke. She was so quiet during breakfast and I can see that she is very tired.

I grab her hand and we both walk to the bed. I lay her down and wrap my arms around her, as she lays her head on my chest. There are so many things we have to talk about, but there is never enough time. 

"Clarke it will be ok. We will get through this. Our lives will not always be like this. We will have peace. Now let's get some rest. I see that you are tired and so am I. I love you, always."

She reaches up and kisses me on the cheek. "I love you too." She says and we lay there till sleep finds us.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Lexa's POV 

As I finish the last buckle on Clarke's armour I look into her eyes. There is one thing missing. I grab the jar of kohl from my dressing table. "Clarke, I want Titus to see and feel that neither of us will ever break."

When I finish applying her warpaint, I take one last look at her. My people will see just what a strong warrior my prisa is. I turn her around so she can see herself in the mirror. 

"Lexa, you make me look and feel stronger than I actually am." She says while looking at the floor.

So many times I have wished for her to feel and know just how strong she is. "Clarke I will keep saying this. You are the strongest person I have ever met. Our people see it as well. Never doubt how strong you are. Titus came after you because he knew how strong you were. He felt threatened."

I grab Clarke's hand and squeeze it before I give her a kiss on the cheek. "Let's get this over with shall we." She says.

We start walking and open the door. There is everyone waiting for us. Ryder, Octavia, Lincoln, and Indra surround us on either side, while Murphy walks in front of us. 

We get on the elevator and I speak, "Clarke, I want you to stand to my right side, Murphy to my left." I turn to the four guards and continue, "You four will stand behind us. Watch the crowd carefully. Never in our history has a Flamekeeper been sentenced to death."

"Sha, Heda." The say in unison. When the elevator reaches the bottom floor we all start walking towards the dais in front of us. The crowds have gathered, all of Polis is in attendance. 

When the guards bring out Titus and tie him to the pole, the crowds scream in outrage. I hold up my hand and all is quiet again. "Welcome people of Polis." I speak loud enough for all to hear.

"Welcome commander of the blood. Welcome commander of death." 

When they address Clarke, I know I have made my point. This is something that comes from both of us.

"People of Polis, our Flamekeeper has deceived us for many years. He has changed our history and some of our beliefs. That is not all he has done. Yesterday, he attempted to assassinate both me and Wanheda. We both live to tell the tale."

At this time I pause to let it sink in to all the people. People start screaming at him and throwing food. "Death to the natrona!" And "Blood must have blood." 

I hold up my hand again, "Pleni" when everything is quiet again I continue, "Any of these crimes crimes alone carry the stiffest of punishments."

I look at Titus in disgust, "Titus, there are no words that you can speak to make anything you have done right. I hereby strip you of all titles and holdings. You will face the harshest punishment our laws allow, death by 1000 cuts."

I walk down the dais, up to the pole as the guards rip his shirt open. I make the first cut across his chest and make my way back up. I hand the knife to Clarke and she makes a cut going the opposite direction. It makes the perfect X. She then hands the knife to Murphy. 

Murphy finish his turn and the rest of my guards do the same. At this time I say to the crowd, "Now, for anyone that feels that they have the need, they now may come forward and have their justice." 

It isn't long before Titus is screaming out in agony. It seems like the people will never stop coming, but as the sun falls and the sky starts to darken I know it is time.

I look at Clarke and together we walk down to the pole. We stand side by side as I pull put my ceremonial sword, and I grab the back of his head. I want him to look in our eyes as the light goes out in his. "For too long you have manipulated the people with your lies." Clarke and I then plunge the sword into his heart. "Yu gonplei ste odon. May you never harm another person in this life or the next."

We face the crowd and I speak again, "It is finished. Titus has not earned the right for a funeral pyre. In the next few months our new Flamekeeper, Gaia of Warren will be working closely with my new advisor, Murphy of Skaikru to learn all of Titus's misdoings. We will correct all that he has done."

I look at the crowd one more time, "Tomorrow Wanheda leaves us to go take down natronas in Arcadia. May she have a save journey and return to us swiftly."

As we are walking back to the tower the crowd screams out, "Wanheda! Wanheda! Wanheda!"

Clarke looks at me in surprise, "Why would they call out my name?"

I look in her eyes and say, "Clarke, our people love you, almost as much as I do. They will continue to sing your praises. You have brought much peace to them. The same as you have done for Skaikru and to me."

As the elevator doors close the dam breaks and Clarke is crying again. I pull her into my arms and just hold her. Indra smiles, puts her hand on Clarke's shoulder and speaks up at this time, "Clarke, when I first met you I wanted to kill you, as did most of our people. I thought you were nothing but a spoiled gufa. I thought that you would bring ruin to all of us. You have proven me wrong with your strength and wisdom. I suspect as time goes on you will continue to surprise me." 

Indra then removes her hand and her face is stoic again. In that one gesture I have never seen from Indra before, an idea pops in my head. It is one that has been there before, though I never thought that it would be accepted by the people. One day, I don't know when, I will ask Clarke to become my houmon.

After Ryder makes sure the room is safe I speak, "Murphy, I want you to go to Titus's room and clean it up. Make it your own. If you need anything for it, let me know tomorrow. I also want you to start reading everything you can, there are 1000's of scrolls to go through. It will be tiresome. There is plenty of time, do not rush it. You will soon have help."

I turn to Octavia and Lincoln, "Go and rest. You will relieve Ryder and Indra in six hours. tomorrow will be a long day of traveling. We will eat breakfast and then you will all start your journey. Ryder will bring our dinner tonight."

"Sha, Heda."

I look at all five of them and say, "All of you are my most trusted allies. In private from now on call me Lexa and not Heda. I consider you friends and not subjects."

They all look at me in suprise, "Sha, Lexa."

Clarke and I walk into the room and close the door. I walk to the bathroom and start a bath. When the bath is finished I walk back into the room and grab a rag that is sitting in a bowl and start removing Clarke's warpaint. When I go to pull her up she pulls me down and grabs the rag. She then starts returning the favor.

When she is finished I pull her into the bathroom and start taking her armour off. I then then I take off the rest of her clothes and she steps into the tub. She then says, "Join me."

I look at her in surprise and say, "Give me one minute to go get us some night clothes." I then rush out the room and grab us two night gowns. I am not expecting anything except for us both to relax and get clean. I was going to take a seperate bath. 

I walk back into the bathroom. I then start take my armour and clothes off. Clarke moves up a little in the tub to make room for me. I take out my braids and then move on to hers. She is so beautiful and I know she loves me, me of all people. 

I wrap my arms around her and we lay there as long as we can. When the bath starts to cool I start washing her body, starting with her hair and making my way down all the way to her feet. When I finish, she does the same for me.

We step out the bath and I start drying her hair, running my fingers through her golden hair, making sure there are no tangles. She does the same for me. We then finish drying off and put on our night gowns.

When we walk out the bathroom we see that dinner is served. As we eat dinner I hold her hand, I am scared for what tomorrow will bring. This is not the safest plan for her, but it is the only one. Some people would go crazy when they are in a room so long and there is only silence. With us it is different, we don't always have to speak. It is like we already know what the other one is thinking or feeling.

I like it. It is very comfortable and I have never had this with anyone, not even Costia. I get a book off the shelf and Clarke grabs her journal. I have never seen what she writes in there, maybe one day she will share. I lay on one end of the couch and she lays on the other end, our feet touching.

We are there for about an hour, before I decide to stand up and stretch. Clarke is so engrossed in her journal that she doesn't notice me walk up to her. She quickly jumps and puts her hand to her heart. "You scared me, Lexa."

I look at her and go to tell her I am sorry but then a piece of paper floats to the floor. I bend down and pick it up and glance at it. It is a picture of me. The likeness is so real, I am just in awe, "I didn't know you knew how to draw, Clarke. I have never seen anyone with this kind of talent. One day I would love to see the some more of your work."

Clarke blushes and says, "Oh, that isn't finished yet, but I want you to have it.'

"I will carry it with me everyday until you return to me." I say.

I put my book and her journal on the desk and grab her hand. "Let's get some rest." 

When we get to the bed I start to pull the covers back and get in, but Clarke stops me. "Lexa, wait." I look at her with confusion in my eyes and she continues, "I'm not ready for anything yet, Lexa, but can we just lay together. Skin to skin, I need to feel you tonight."

I nod my head and pull first my night gown off, then hers. We climb into bed and I wrap my arms around her as she lays her head on my chest. I have learned that this is her favorite position to lay in. 

She feels so good in my arms. I really don't want her to leave tomorrow. "I love you, my prisa. Always. Goodnight my teina."

She kisses my cheek and replies, "Goodnight my one true love."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Lexa's POV 

I wake up an hour before the sunrises and go to my desk to grab paper and charcoal. I have to go pick up something that I had made for Clarke, but I don't want her to wake up and not find me here. I quickly write my note and set it on the bedside table.

As I close the doors I turn and say, "Walk with me Ryder. We have to pick up something in the market."

We get to the market right before it opens and I go to my favorite armour stall. Anton makes the best armour in all the clans. As he ushers us to the back he bows and says, "Heda, it is finished. I worked all into the night to complete it." 

I look at the new armour, I have never seen anything so well crafted. "Did you add what we talked about Anton." 

"Sha, Heda. I had the Alec, the blacksmith make it to your specifications. It will more than do its job." Anton says.

I look at him and grab his forearm, "Thank you, Anton. This means alot to me. We have to make sure that Wanheda returned to us safely. This will help alot."

Ryder and I walk out the stall and he says,"I have never seen anything like it. It is beautiful, He, uh Lexa."

I smile, "It is not exactly what it asked for, it is much better. I was more going for the protection part. Though I will say I am most pleased."

We walk back to the tower and swiftly make it to the room. Ryder takes his spot back outside of the room. I see that Clarke has gotten dressed, while I was gone. 

I walk over and lay her armour down on the chair. I take her jacket off and say, "I had something specifically made for you. I would like for you to wear it while you are gone."

She looks at it and says, "My goodness its beautiful. You shouldn't have."

"Clarke, you are the most important person in my life. This armour is like nothing ever made before. It will keep you safe. No bullet will ever pass through the chest and stomach, nor will one go through your back. I need for you to come back to me. Please, for me, wear this the whole time you are gone."

She leans up and kisses me and says, "Lexa, thank you. I will wear it, proudly. I will always to come back to you safely, I promise." 

As I help her put her new armour on I feel the tears in my eyes. I refuse to let them fall, though. I then apply her warpaint and say, "Octavia will help you with it while you are gone."

I look her over and I know something is missing. I walk over to my weapons trunk and pull out the sword I recieved from Anya, when I became the commander. I slide it into the scabbard on the back of her armour. I then go to remove my dagger sheath and all. After strapping that to her thigh, I grab her gun belt and strap that her other thigh. 

She slides her gun in and says, "I need to learn how to use a sword and how to throw a dagger. This is the last time I will carry a gun."

I look at her and say, "When you get back I will teach you." 

I kiss her and we walk out the room. The others look at Clarke impressed. It is Octavia who speaks, "Badass, Clarke. I have never seen any armour like that." 

I smile, "For the moment it is one of a kind. Eventually, I want all of us to have our own. For now there was only time to make one."

When we walk to the stables I pull Clarke into my arms and kiss her. I never want the kiss to end, but it is time. They need to make it by nightfall. I close my eyes and say, "Come back to me, Ai tombom."

"Stay safe. Ai hod yu in, Lexa. I will be back." 

I help Clarke onto her horse and say, "This is Star soncha, it means star light. She is the fastest horse in all of Polis, except for nat. She is yours. If something goes wrong I want you to ride like the wind back to Polis."

Clarke grabs my hand, she squeezes, then let's go. I turn to the others, "Keep her safe."

I watch as they go tears falling down my face, I don't know when I will see her again, but I do know that this is not the end for us.

Clarke's POV 

I think riding away from Lexa is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. However long I am gone from her side is too long. I will complete this mission, I just hope it doesn't take my life. 

Ryder and Indra are riding in the front, with me behind them, while Octavia and Lincoln are behind me. We ride swiftly and quietly. It isn't long before we meet Indra's army just five miles outside of Arcadia. 

I see that her army has set up Lexa's tent for me and we all head in. One of Indra's gonas bring us all something to eat. Octavia brings out the radio and contacts Raven.

I grab the radio and ask, "Raven, are you there?"

"Raven, here." She says.

"We are just outside Arcadia. How are things in Arcadia?" I say.

"About the same. We are walking on eggshells around here. We all feel the tension, at anytime Pike or Bellamy can snap. Other than that it is just another day on the ground." Raven says.

"Is everything good to go on your end, Raven?" I ask.

"Monty and I finished up everything this afternoon." She says.

"Good, Raven. Let's go over the plan one more time. While Indra sets up archers in the trees, Octavia and I walk up to the gates. Miller will be wearing a blue ribbon on his arm, so no one will shoot him at anytime. He will then let us in the gates. He will hit me and make me fall to my knees, giving him time to attach a microphone to my collar."

I pause at this time and Raven says. "Good so far, princess."

I then continue, "While I'm on the ground Pike, Bellamy, and most everyone from the Ark will come out. Then I will speak to the people."

Indra looks up and I hand her the radio to speak, "Do you have a backup plan if something goes wrong?" Indra hands me back the radio. 

"I do, but it is complicated. Let's just say I will make things go boom! That should give you guys time to escape. Also, as soon as the gates close with both of you in I will cut the power to the fence." Raven says.

"So, if something happens when we come in the gates and someone takes Octavia's radio and smashes it, how is everyone in Polis going to be able to hear what is going on?" I ask Raven.

"That's the best part. You don't need her radio. I fixed your microphone up special. You can't receive messages from it but anything the microphone picks up goes out on the radio. Polis will hear everything." I can see Raven smirking as she talks.

I have to ask, "Do you really think this will work Raven? I'm not sure people will listen to me. I have been gone for months." 

"Look Clarke, you either saved everyone's life here or their kids life. Most everyone still ask about you. They are all happy you are safe and talk about when you can come back, just so they can thank you. They will take out Pike and Bellamy fast. You are their hero. Just do you, Clarke. All will go as planned." Raven says. 

I am not sure I believe her, but we have no other plan. "Okay Raven. Stay safe and you will see us one hour after sunrise."

"See you guys then. Raven over and out." 

I look around the tent and sigh, "I wish I had as much faith in me as everyone else does."

Octavia looks at me and says, "Are you kidding me Clarke. I know I wasn't always your biggest fan, I was too young and immature to see the bigger picture, but the ground makes you grow up fast. I have seen most of your speeches, with just a few words you can make someone believe that anything is possible. You can take 100 kids and believe that they can survive a war with 300 warriors coming at them. You can make all the warriors of the 12 clans and the commander believe that they can take down a mountain. Not only believe it but see it come to fruition. You got this Clarke."

"Thank you Octavia. Indra, please go over the plan with your gonas and everyone get some sleep tonight. We will all need it. Oh, and Octavia, I need you to come see me an hour early in the morning, I will need your help. Thank you all and goodnight."

I walk over to the dressing table and take off my warpaint and boots. I will keep my armour on for tonight. I grab the radio, start pacing and say, "Lexa, are you there."

Man do I miss her already. "Clarke, I'm here. Is everything ok."

"Yes, we went over the plan one more time with Raven." I say.

"What time are you going to be entering the gates of Arcadia?" She asks.

"One hour after sunrise." I reply. 

"We will be ready, Clarke. Now tell me what's bothering you." Lexa says.

She knows me so well. I sigh and say, "I am just afraid that my words will not be enough. I am scared they might make things worse."

"Clarke, I have never known anyone who can say one thing and make everyone believe it. I have never known anyone who can make the impossible possible, like you can. You can do this." Lexa says.

There is is silence for a few moments before Lexa comes back on and says, "Oh and Clarke, stop pacing, lay down and get some rest. You are no good to anyone if you are too tired."

"How did you know I was pacing?" I ask.

"I know you Clarke. Now crawl under the furs and lay down." She says.

I don't know how she does it but before I know it I am in bed. "Night Lexa, I love you so very much."

"I love you too, Clarke. Always. Goodnight my love." Lexa says and I lay down the radio and close my eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Lexa's POV 

I am sitting in my throne room, waiting for Clarke to radio. I didn't sleep any at all last night. I am so worried about Clarke. I never wanted her to go, but the only alternative was war. I refuse to wage war on Clarke's people.

I just want her safe in my arms. The clan leaders and ambassadors start strolling in. All of them nod to me and I say "Welcome clan leaders and ambassadors."

"Welcome commander of the blood."

I look all around the room. I feel the tension in the air, there are more than a few that do not think that this plan will succeed. "We are gathered here this morning, to listen to Wanheda take down the natronas in Arcadia. In just a few minutes, she will let us know that everything is in place. Then we wait. It shouldn't be but a short time before we hear from her again."

We sit in silence for the next ten minutes before we hear static on the radio. Then Clarke's voice comes in loud and clear, "This is Wanheda just outside of Arcadia."

I grab the radio and answer, "Wanheda, this is the commander, I am here with the leaders of the kongeda."

"Commander, in just a few minutes, Octavia and I should be inside Arcadia. From there you will hear everything that is happening. However, you will not be able to talk to me until it is finished." Clarke says.

"We hear you Wanheda. May your mission be swift, we will be here when it is completed." I say.

There is so much more I would like to say, but there isn't time and we have an audience. "Until then, commander, clan leaders." She says and then there is silence. 

Clarke's POV 

Octavia and I walk slowly up to the gates and holler out. "Open the gates!" I hear people inside screaming its Octavia and asking if it is Clarke with her. I watch as slowly the gates open. Before I know it Octavia is on the ground. Just as the gates close Miller rushes up to me.

He hits me in the face and kicks my knees out from under me. I hit the ground hard. He then leans over and it looks like he is going to hit me again. Instead he leans over and grabs my shoulder and attaches the microphone. Thank goodness he grabbed the right shoulder instead of the left. I would have surely cried out then. 

I look at him defiantly, and he yells behind him. "Hey Bellamy, Pike, guess who decided to come home."

I glance behind my shoulder and see not only Pike and Bellamy, but most of Arcadia is filling out. Someone in the crowd calls out, "Clarke, is it true, Did you attack Bellamy when you were here last?" I see it is Monty. He is trying to start the conversation. I know he has been working with Raven.

"I did not. Bellamy" I spit out before Pike grabs my arm and the crowd can hear me wimper.

He grabbed my shoulder where Titus shot me. That's when someone in the crowd calls out, I think it is Monroe."This is Clarke, we should all hear what she has to say."

I hear most agree with her. I give Pike a smug look and start my speech, "People of Arcadia, when we first landed on the ground, we didn't know there were people already her surviving. We were invaders on this land. True we didn't want to start a war with the people that were here. We just wanted to survive. The council sent us down here with no resources and no clue on how to survive. Naturally, we made mistakes that can never be unmade. Then I made an alliance with the commander."

I pause for a second and continue, "We all sacrificed alot for the alliance. Then we marched on the mountain. No one could have predicted what would happen then. Both people of the alliance had lost too much at that point in time, but no one more than the commander. She had lost more than 700 of her warriors by then and more were dying. They were dropping like flies. The commander made the only choice she could at the time. She retreated, and left us there."

I take a second to look at the faces in the crowd and say, "I don't blame her. As a leader sometimes you have to sacrifice something for the good of your people. I would have done it as well, just to save all of you. The council floated people for minor crimes. They culled 320 people in order to give the rest a chance to live. The choices we make as leaders stay with us. The people we lose and the people we save stay with us as well."

I hear people muttering in the crowd and I continue, "I killed everyone in the mountain in order to save around 50 of our people. That choice was mine and mine alone. It will always be a part of me. I don't regret it. When we joined the coalition I knew it was the right choice. When we joined, we joined our people with theirs. We are all one people."

I take a breath and continue once again, "The queen of Azgeda ordered the mountain destroyed with our people in it. We lost 49 people that day. The commander sent 300 of her warriors here to keep everyone safe. They were not here to kill you all. While we were in Polis seeking justice for the 49 lost in the mountain 12 of our people took it upon themselves to seek revenge."

I shudder at this time and then keep going, "They couldn't even do that right. They took revenge by going in the dead of night to slaughter the very people that were there to protect them. Bellamy and Pike were the leaders of that mission. When the commander and I rode back to Arcadia, with the body of Queen Nia, who had answered for her crimes with her life. We came up to a field that was covered in blood. There was no place to step except on the dead. No one was left alive except one person. Someone you all know. Indra lost 300 of her warriors that day." 

I start to see that the people are dismayed. "I had to see what had happened. It was after I talked to Kane and my mom, when Bellamy came in the room. It was just a few minutes later when he attacked me. He handcuffed me to a shelf and beat me. If not for Octavia, I wouldn't have made it out of that room. Well, not alive that is." 

One of the guards yells out, "Its Clarke's word against Bellamy. There is no proof." 

I get angry at that point, I look at Miller and Octavia, I can see that they have my back. I glance at the trees, hoping they are watching and are ready. 

I know Lexa would get mad at what I am about to do, but I feel I have no choice.  
"I have the proof, proof that will stay with me forever!" I start to unbuckle my armour.

"What is she doing?" I hear someone yell.

At this point Pike and Bellamy, pull their guns out. They aim them towards me. Pike snarls, "We have heard enough of her lies, Bellamy take her to the skybox."

Next thing I know Bellamy is on the ground with an arrow stuck in his gun hand. I look over and it is the same with all the guards, including Pike. Miller is the only one with a gun now. He is now pointing it at Pike's head. "Any of you move and Pike will lose his head. Clarke, as you were."

Bellamy is glaring at me as I finish taking off my armour. I pull my shirt off my head and hear the gasps from everyone. "As I was saying Bellamy did this to me. The bruises from his fists will continue to fade. The burns from the more than a dozen shock lashes I received from him will never go away." 

I put my shirt back on, while Octavia fixes my armour. "I would never lie to our people. We have one choice here. We accept punishment for those involved and make a few changes. If we do not then there will be war, and we can not win against the other 12 armies."

Someone yells out "What punishment?"

I glare at the man (I don't know his name) "I worked with the commander on the punishments. The ten guards will be executed by a bullet in the brain. Bellamy and Pike as leaders of the massacre will be sentenced to death by 1000 cuts. On the ark they would all be floated. Anyone that disagrees can take their chances with the army right outside the treeline." 

It's at this time Bellamy jumps up and grabs his gun in his left hand, "I choose not to die at all. The grounders are the enemy here and Clarke has joined them." Before Miller has a chance to react Bellamy has the gun to my head. 

I feel Lexa's dagger at my side and slowly pull it out. I slice at his wrist. The last thing I hear is a shot go out and then there is nothing but blackness.

Lexa's POV 

I have been gripping the side of my throne for the last 15 minutes, black blood flowing down the side if it. When I hear Bellamy's gun go off I grab the radio run to the doors. I run to the elevator and soon I am in my room. 

I grip my desk, I can't seem to catch my breath. Murphy rushes in and I slide to the floor gasping, "Lexa, Clarke is going to be just fine. The girl has more lives than I can count. Breathe, we will hear from her soon."

As, I start breathing again, Murphy hands me a glass of water and I down it. "Murphy, you heard the shot. Why haven't they contacted us yet."

He looks at me and says, "I don't know. They will soon. I will wait with you till they do."

"I can't lose her, Murphy. I just can't." I whisper.

"You won't, Lexa. You won't. Let's just wait. They will radio soon." He says.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Lexa's POV 

It's been 30 minutes since I have heard from anyone at Arcadia. I have no idea what happened. If Clarke was ok, she would have contacted me by now, so would have Octavia. I am about to have my horse saddled when Murphy stops me, "Lexa, you have the radio, use it. Someone will answer."

I look down at the radio, I'm so stupid. I should have radioed alot sooner. "Arcadia, are you there, this is the commander speaking."

It takes what seems like forever before someone answers, but really its only a few minutes. "Commander, this is Raven speaking."

"What is the situation there Raven?" I ask.

"All hell broke lose here commander. I had to blow the lock to the armory, ensuring that no one could get any weapons. Then I blew sections of the wall. Parts of farm station fought with Pike and Bellamy. As the rest of Arcadia fought to free themselves from them, Your warriors came in through the parts of the wall that I blew up. They just escorted a little over 20 people to the skybox. No one escaped." Raven replied.

I take a deep breath and ask, "Raven, what happened to Clarke and Octavia? Why haven't they contacted me?"

"I guess I should have started with that. Clarke nearly took Bellamy's hand off with a dagger, while Octavia tackled him. It was totally badass. Except both got shot." Raven pauses slightly and I can hear her sigh before she continues, "They are both in medical. It will be awhile before they wake up. Bellamy's bullet grazed the side of Clarke's head. She will be fine. She will have a nasty headache, but will be ok."

I close my eyes and in relief, "Raven, what of Octavia's injuries. How is she?"

"Octavia's injury is a little bit worse than Clarke's. Pike shot her in the thigh. Abby says that she will be out of commission for a few days till I can build her a brace. She will know more in the next few days about anything permanent. The good thing is that they are both ok. Ryder and Lincoln are with them now." Raven says.

"One more question for you, Raven?"Where is Indra?" I ask.

"Indra is guarding the skybox. I can bring her the radio if you want." Raven says.

I think about it for the moment, then I say, "No Raven, that won't be necessary. Let her know that I am going to meet with the clan leaders and ambassadors, then I will be there in the morning." I pause for a second, "Oh, and Raven. Thank you. I really appreciate all your help."

"It's no problem commander. Clarke and Octavia are my best friends. There isn't much I wouldn't do for them. We will see you in the morning. Raven, over and out." 

I go to wash my face and hands before turning, "Murphy your with me on this trip. Grab your things and meet me in the throne room in 15 minutes."

"I'm right on it, Lexa." He replies.

I walk out my room and say "Assemble the clan leaders, ambassadors, and someone bring me Aden. When you are finished with that saddle our horses, don't forget one for Murphy."

I quickly make my way to the throne room and take sit down, waiting for the others.  
I know Raven said Clarke is ok, but I have to see her for myself. 

It isn't long before everyone joins me, "Welcome back everyone, Aden."

They all bow to me and reply, "Welcome back commander."

I begin speaking, "As you all the mission in Arcadia didn't go as smoothly as we planned. I have been in contact with Raven kom Skaikru just a few minutes ago. Wanheda's mission was a success. However, we had a few mishaps in the process. Octavia and Wanheda were injured in the fight for Arcadia to be taken back from the natronas. I have been ensured that they will both recover."

I pause for a minute and continue, "All the natronas are locked up with Indra guarding them, while they wait for their punishments to be carried out. With Octavia and Wanheda being injured we have no choice but for me to travel there and help with the situation."

Luna from the boat clan then asks, "The Flamekeeper is dead and Gaia has not arrived as of yet. Who will run Polis while you are gone, Heda?"

I look at the clan leaders and say, "That is why I brought Aden to this meeting. He is the most promising of all my obviates. He will be in charge. However, as this is his first time in this position, he will need advisers. I ask that you, Luna kom Floukru and you, Roan kom Azgeda serve Aden in this capacity."

Aden looks at me and says, "If you have faith in me to carry on as you would, I will do it to the best of my ability, Heda."

Luna looks at me, "I will aide Aden in his task."

I turn to Roan at this time, and he says, "As will I, Heda."

I look at Aden before continuing, "If that is all, I leave it to Aden to conclude this meeting." I see Aden puff his chest out and know that I made the right decision.

I walk out the throne room, with Murphy at my side and see Aden take my place, on the throne. We swiftly walk to the stables and climb on our horses. I notice the sun dip down in the sky. It will be a long night. I call out to my guards, "We ride to Arcadia. We will not be stopping."

All my thoughts are on Clarke as we gallop away. I really want to believe Raven when she says that Clarke will be ok, but I have to know for sure. I have to hold her in my arms. 

Clarke's POV 

I slowly open my eyes, the light is so bright. My head is in excruciating pain. "Hey, princess I was wondering when you was going to wake up."

I look over to the sound of the voice, "Raven, what happened?" Did we win? Where are Pike and Bellamy?" I ask, trying to get up.

"Whoa, there. Mama G says you have to stay in bed till at least lunchtime. To answer your questions. Bellamy shot you. Yes, we won, and those to jerks are in the skybox awaiting for the commander to get here." Raven says.

"Lexa's coming here? When?" I ask.

"She should be here in a few hours. Is something going on with you and her? She sounded worried."

I look at Raven. I am worried about how she will take it, but I have always been honest with her, "We are together." I tell her.

Raven looks at me and asks, "When did this happen? Do you love her? Does she love you? Does she treat you right?"

I start, "Well, we kissed right before the mountain, but the timing was off. Then I needed more time because of what I did there. Yes, I love her, more than anything. Yes, she loves me. She treats me like I hung the moon."

Raven just groans at that before smiling, "That's all I needed to know, but I will still be having a little chat with her. Personally, at this point, I just don't get it. I mean she seems a little closer off, but hey, if she makes you happy, then go for it."

I look at Raven and I smile, "She does. We haven't really done anything yet. Not after what happened with Bellamy. I am just not ready yet, but she is so patient. All she cares about is if I am happy and I am."

I hear a groan next to me and turn to see Octavia in the next bed over. "Are you ok, Clarke? Right before I passed out I saw you on the ground unconscious." Octavia says.

"I feel like someone hit me upside the head with a sledgehammer, but I will live. What happened to you, Octavia?" I ask.

"The headache is from Bellamy, he shot you, but not before I tackled him and you nearly severed his wrist with Lexa's dagger. Miller saved us both." Octavia says.

"When people saw you on the ground, the shit really hit the fan. People thought you were dead. There were explosions going off like crazy. Warriors, as well as well as, our people all attacking Pike and his people. It was insane. In the end, a couple of Pike's guys died and we had a few injuries, but no one died on our side." Raven says.

I then say, "You told me I could get out of bed at lunchtime, how long does Octavia have to stay here?"

"That reminds me. I have a gift for Octavia, Mama G's orders. She checked on you right before Clarke woke up. She says if you stay in bed the next three days, and then wear this brace for a few months, you will heal. When you heal you will have to do physical therapy for a few weeks to a month to strength you leg, but after that you will be back to fighting all the bad guys again." Raven says.

Octavia just groans, "Three months! Still three months or Clarke being dead, I would take the three months anyday."

I look at Octavia and say, "Thank you Octavia. I can't count how many times you have saved my life."

"Well, I kinda have to now. It's my job. Lexa would kill me if something happened to you." Octavia says half jokingly.

It's at this time that Lexa comes in rushing to my bed. She grabs my hands, kisses my cheek and says, "Clarke, I was so worried. For awhile there I thought I lost you."

I squeeze her hand and say, "Not a chance, I promised I would come back." I notice the bandages on her hands and I have to ask, "What happened?"

She looks at me incredulously and says, "Really your asking me that when you got shot? Well it was kinda your fault, I was sitting on my throne and I heard someone tell you to prove to them that Bellamy attacked you. I knew you were going to do something stupid like take your armour off to show everyone."

"Yeah, she was gripping the throne so hard I thought she was going to lose all her fingers." Murphy says. I didn't even know he was here.

"Yeah, Clarke is always doing something crazy, in order to prove a point. Kinda like drinking from a bottle that everyone thinks is poison." Raven quips.

I look up and say, "Look some might call it crazy, but look at the outcome of both those times. It saved lives and I am still here, so it is all is good."

I squeeze Lexa's hand and before I know it my eyes are drooping again and Lexa says, "Get some rest, my love, I will be here when you wake up." I can't even reply before I am out again.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Lexa's POV 

It took three days for the swelling to go down on Octavia's leg , so that she could wear Raven's leg brace. That is twice she has saved my pris's life. When we get to Polis I will have Alec make her a present. 

Clarke still has a slight headache, though she trys to hide it. She can't hide much from me, just like I can't hide much from her. Today, we are going to have the executions. My gonas have now moved camp up to just inside the treeline. Things around Arcadia are a little less tense everyday. 

Things could have gone so much worse than they did and I thank the spirits that they didn't. I look up and see Indra, and say, "Indra, go get the prisoners, one at a time. I want no less than two gonas on each man. Tie them all to a pole. We will all be there shortly."

I grab Clarke's hand. I know this can't be easy for her. Clarke always wants to protect life. She looks at me and says, "I'm ok. They chose to be on the wrong side. They chose to all participate or help the people who were part of a massacre. We can't have that. I am the one that chose the punishments and I have to be the one that participates in each one. I made the decision so it has to be me."

I so want to take this burden for her, but our people need to see us as a United front. We take our places just outside the gate, on the dias my gonas have made. We have brought a chair over for Octavia, even with the brace, she won't be able to stand the whole time. 

Everyone starts walking out of Arcadia at this time. Everyone have to bear witness to the proceedings. Marcus and Abby wanted to fight us on that but reluctantly agreed. They will definitely have a hard time with tomorrow's meeting. 

As the last of the prisoners walk out, Raven comes over and I ask her, "Is that everyone?"

Raven replies, "Yes, commander. Everyone that isn't still in medical with injuries to sever to attend."

"Is everything set up for Polis to hear?" I ask. 

"Yes, all we have to do is contact them to let them know we are ready." Raven replies as she hands me a radio.

I push the button and speak into it, "Aden, are you there?" 

"Sha, Heda. We are all here, just outside the tower, so that the people of Polis can hear as well."

"Thank you Aden, we will begin." I tell him.

I gently pull Clarke over to stand next to me. I look over the crowd, everyone has looks of acceptance on their faces, except for a few of my gonas. They look angry. I know it is time.

I call out, "People of Arcadia, Warriors of the kongeda, people of Polis, today we bring justice to the men and women who died trying to protect Arcadia. The natronas hurt us all. Whole families will be missing their loved ones."

I pause for a minute, for effect, "None of this had to happen. Fear and hate drives us no where. We cannot continue the fighting. One day we will wake up with no one left. Wanheda knows this. I know this. Most of you know this. With today's execution of the natronas from Arcadia, will bring peace to all our people. It will bring a new era for our people. An era where children can grow up in a better world. An era where constant fighting is a thing of the past. An era where there will be peace for all"

Clarke's POV 

Clarke walks over to the line of men and women who participated, and says, " I speak for everyone in the kongeda, Arcadia is no different than any other clan. We all follow the same rules. If we all lived in a world where death holds no meaning, then then life also holds no meaning as well. No one should have to live like that. When you take a life you are not just effecting one person. It effects many."

I stop a second and look at Lexa, and then continue, "There was a time when killing was necessary to survive. I say that time is over. We all deserve to live a life that is about more than just surviving. However, that does not mean that those that commit sever crimes should not be punished." 

I look over to Miller and he hands me his gun, I look at the men and women in front of me, before I speak again, "All of you followed a mad man, who only wanted war. The people you killed in that field were there to protect you. You stalked through the night and slaughtered them in their sleep. You showed no mercy. For this you crime, on the Ark you would have been floated, here on the ground, the punishment is no different. I Wanheda, destroyer of the mountain, Commander of death, hereby sentence you all to die."

Miller walks the line, cutting them all from their poles and making them all kneel. I look at their scared faces, death always takes its toll, but there are times when we can not be merciful.

I then walk behind the line and place my gun against against the temple of the first man. I squeeze the trigger and he falls down in a heap. I waste no more time thinking about it and move down the line. After, the tenth person I hand Miller back his gun and take mine out. I don't pause for long before I empty my gun into the heads of the rest of the traitors.

I slowly walk back to the dias, holstering my gun. I look at Lexa and I know she can see the sadness in my eyes. Though most can not with my warpaint hiding it behind a mask.

Lexa gives me one last look and walks over to Pike and Bellamy. The crowd is all chanting "Jus drein jus daun." Lexa holds up her hand and all is quiet. 

She pulls her knife out and says, "You both were leaders of a mindless slaughter. You ordered your people to kill people sent to protect you. There can never be a crime as horrendous as yours. You almost started a war that would have annihilated all inhabitants of Arcadia."

She then turns to Bellamy and sneers, "You, then turned around and tortured Wanheda, your leader and friend. We were not at war, you were being protected from war. For these crimes you have both been sentenced by the kongeda to death by a 1000 cuts."

Lexa then cuts a diagonal line across both their chests, comes back up to the dias and hands me her knife. I then go and do the same, in the opposite direction as she did. They both scream in pain.

Octavia takes the knife from me, with tears in her eyes.She then plunges it in both their shoulders causing more screams. This goes on for most of the rest of the day. Arcadians and grounders alike having a turn. 

Finally Lexa holds up her hand and all is quiet again, except a few whimpers from Bellamy and Pike. She the looks at me and we both walk down the dias. She takes her ceremonial sword and I place my hand on top of hers and we finish both of them, together.

Lexa then speaks again "It is finished. Everyone here can heal from the pain that was caused to us all. There is a feast in camp for all to join in one hour" She turns to Indra, and says, "Have the pyres built in the morning. There will be no ceremony for natronas." 

Lexa then uses the radio to let everyone in Polis that it is finished. I slowly walk to Lexa's tent and sit down on the bed and close my eyes. This was a hard day. I hate death, yet it surrounds me. It is here that I break down. I know I don't have to be strong for just a little bit.

I hear the tent flaps rustle and I know its Lexa without looking up. She comes to sit down next to me. She wraps an arms around me. There is no need for talking. She knows all I need right now is a moment.

I miss Bellamy, my friend, my brother. I could never forgive him for everything that he did. He had changed. He was no longer my friend or brother at the end, just a madman. The ground changes people. Some for the better and some for the worst. It isn't long, leaning against Lexa, that I doze off.

Lexa's POV 

Clarke needs a break. I think Octavia mentioned one time that in the old world they called it a vacation. When Clarke first landed she hit the ground running. She hasn't stopped since. She wasn't born into this life, though she was born for it. Everyday has been about nothing but survival for her. 

I have a plan to take her to all the clans, just to get away for awhile. I think Octavia and Lincoln should join us. First though, we need to have to work with the council to get things right in Arcadia, it's not just about the punishments for the guilty. We have to make sure this doesn't happen again.

Octavia and Raven walk in and Clarke starts to stir. I guess it's time to clean up and join the feast. Clarke slowly stretches and stands. She looks at Octavia and Raven and asks, "Is everything ok?"

Raven replies, "We just came to check on you princess. The feast will start in about 20 minutes."

She sighs and says, "I will be ok. Lexa and I will clean up a bit and be right out."

Octavia says, "Ok, we will see you both in a bit." They both then walk out the tent.

I look at Clarke and start cleaning her face, "I am sorry you had to go through that. I know it was hard for you." I go to reapply her warpaint and she stops me. 

Clarke looks up into my eyes and swallows, "It was hard. Death never gets any easier, but in this case it was necessary. You made it a bit easier. You always do." 

Clarke then washes my face, she looks into my eyes and says, "Let's show everyone a slightly more personal side of us. It is a feast. Trust me, having no warpaint on, will help with my people." I nod to her. Not only do we need to eat, neither of us have had anything since breakfast but the people need to see us. I wish we could just lay down in each others arms, but we can't.

I look up at her and say, "Our people." She smiles and agrees. We both walk out the tent and walk to a table that has roasted potatoes and fruit. I look at the crowd and say, "Today has been a hard day for us all. Let's start anew and join everyone together in a meal. Let's eat and enjoy each others company."

Clarke and I then walk to the campfire where there are six boars roasting, I hand Clarke my plate and using my dagger cut us both off generous portions of the meat. She hands me my plate and we go to sit down on a log.

Someone walks over with two cups and pours wine into them. Indra, Ryder, Raven, Octavia, and Lincoln come and join us. It doesn't take long before the food is ate. Someone comes by and collects our plates and refills our glasses. 

One of the gonas starts to play the drums and before we know it there is dancing from the Acadians and my gonas. A feast was a good idea. I would like to dance with Clarke, but that will have to happen another time. She is fast asleep on my shoulder. 

After a bit, I gently pick up Clarke and carefully carry her back to my tent to lay her on the bed. I then take off my armour and lay it on the table. I move to Clarke and do the same thing. She does not wake up once. I climb into bed and wrap my arms around her, giving her head a quick kiss. "Goodnight, my love." I say closing my eyes.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Lexa's POV 

I wake up with a kick to the gut. Clarke is thrashing about the bed. I knew yesterday would probably bring her nightmares. "Bellamy, stop. This isn't you." She hollers in her sleep.

I pull her in closer. I say, "Shhh, Clarke it's ok. I am here." My words don't seem to have any effect on her as she bolts up in bed, right out of my arms, and screams. Ryder bursts into the tent and looks around for an attacker. He sees Clarke and says, "I will fetch Nyko, for some tea." I nod at him and turn my attention back to Clarke.

I reach my hand back out to her and start rubbing circles on her back and humming. After a few minutes I realize she is finally calming down. She falls back in my arms. "It's ok Clarke, AI gud yu, I've got you, ai hodnes. Your safe."

Ryder walks back in quietly and hands me a glass. "Thank you Ryder." I say and he nods, backing back out the tent.

I look at Clarke and hand her the glass, "Drink this my love it will make you feel better." I say and after a few minutes I see that she is calming even more. Nothing like a little chamomile and lavender tea to calm the spirits.

We just lay there for awhile, as I continue to rub circles on her back. Finally, it is time to get up, there is the meeting with then council this morning. I kiss her forehead, get up slowly and stretch. I walk over to the trunk and grab both of us some clothes.

I lay hers on the bed next to her and start changing. When I am finished I look over to her in concern. She hasn't moved, her head is down and she crying silent tears. I walk over to her and kneel in front of the bed. I kiss her tears away. Then I reach out, grab her hands and ask, "Are you ok, my love."

She looks at me with sad eyes and says, "I don't know what I have done to deserve you. You always have to take care of me. Sometimes I am a broken mess."

"Clarke, everyone has there moments. Not many people can lead their people, make the decisions they have to make and not be effected by it. Ai hod yu in. You are the strongest person I know, but even the strongest of people need someone there for them, even if it's just for few minutes. I need you everyday. Nothing will change that. My Keryon."

Clarke smiles and I know everything in my world will be just fine, more than fine. I lean over and kiss her, as I am about to pull away she stops me and pulls me in closer. As our tounges fight for dominance, I reach up and grab her waist and just hang on.

Finally, after neither of us can catch our breaths I rest my head on her shoulder and she says, "I love you too, so very much."

Clarke starts getting dressed as I put on my armour. When she is finished I help her with hers and we do each others warpaint. I look at her and say, "So mienzen." She looks like one of my gonas. 

Clarke blushes and we walk out the tent to get breakfast. As we are finishing eating I look up and see Indra. "Indra, we need to start the council meeting, in the next 30 minutes.   
We need you, Lincoln, Octavia, Raven, Miller, Ryder, Kane, and Abby. Please, find them all."

I want things settled here in Arcadia, fast. Sooner we finish, the sooner we can get back to Polis. I don't like being enclosed in the metal of the Ark and I feel the same coming from my gonas.

I grab Clarke's hand and kiss the back of it as we slowly start walking inside to the council room.

Clarke's POV 

I never used to feel so confined inside the Ark. I grew up walking the halls. It was always a safe place to be. It wasn't until my father was floated and I was in solitary for almost a year that it started to feel differently. After being on the ground and having all the space, it got worse. I can handle small doses of the Ark, but I don't think I could ever live here again.

Lexa and I make it to the council room and take our seats. She squeezes my hand as my mom and Kane come in and sit across from us. I know they will try and sway me to change my mind on some of the things I have planned. It won't work. I cannot let anything happen like the massacre again. I will not go to war with the coalition. It would kill me to be on the opposite side as Lexa. I won't do it.

"Mom, Kane we are just waiting for the others and we will begin. I have made a list that Miller and Raven have already started on. Some of it is not negotiable and we will go over everything when they arrive." I look at my mom as her lips purse into a thin line. I know she will argue about most of it and I already have a headache forming.

Thank goodness at that moment the others join us. Raven brought Monty as well. I look at everyone around the table as they take their seats. Miller, Raven, Octavia, Lincoln, Monty, Indra, Ryder, mom, and Kane, "Good, I think that is all of us. Look around you, this will consist of the new temporary council. No major decisions for Arcadia will be made unless the majority of us are in attendance. There will be no chancellor voted in for the time being. As to when that will change, it will be awhile. Arcadia has proven that voting is not a viable option at this time.," I say.

My mom glares at me and says, "We have always voted on a chancellor. You can't just change the way things have been done for 97 years. Clarke you don't know the kind of chaos will happen if you do this. Trust that people will rebel."

Indra looks up at this and says, "There is always war, which you can not hope to win."

I give mom a glare of my own and she turns away. "What you don't realize mom, is that we are not on the Ark anymore. The old ways almost caused us to almost be completely wiped out. We as a people have to change our ways. We can't be trusted to fully govern ourselves, we have proven that. Pike was voted in by the people and all he did was cause chaos. Therefore, Lexa and I have been talking about the changes that are needed." 

I let everything settle, looking around I see nods from everyone but mom, "We have decided that for now Raven will be chancellor. She is the smartest, level headed of us all. She has worked with the coalition to try to bring peace to our people. She will work closely with Indra in order to bring things to the way they should be. If Raven is not available, then Miller will step in for her. There is nothing you can do about any of this. This is how things will be. If someone here doesn't like it they can always be replaced on the council."

I stop for a min and Lexa goes to speak, "The most important thing that has to go is the weapons."

Mom looks directly at Lexa and interrupts, "You aren't seriously saying that we have to give up our weapons. That is just insane! How will we protect ourselves. This will not go well with the people."

I look at mom incredulous, and grit out, "No, what is insane is having people use those same weapons without thought and slaughtering 200 people that are only there to protect us." 

Lexa squeezes my hand and I take a deep breath and then more calmly continue, "The weapons are not negotiable. It takes seconds to wipe out hundreds, without even thinking. Raven and Miller will continue to gather all the guns and ammo. They will then make a pile of them right outside of camp and we will destroy them."

Kane puts his hand on mom's shoulder and asks, "Without the guns, how will we protect ourselves and hunt."

I look at Kane and say, "This is where Indra will come in. Every morning, everyone in camp will have four hours of training with grounder weapons, they will then in shifts learn how to hunt. The only excuse not to attend these training sessions will be if someone is needed in medical. Mom your people in medical will work with Nyko and a group of healers daily. You will be learning from each other, both of your ways of healing. No one is to skip training, everyone needs to learn to defend themselves as well as to hunt."

I look over to Miller and say, "Miller, your guards will have two extra hours of training a day, in-between their shifts. How long will it take to finish cataloging and collecting all the guns and ammo?"

Raven speaks up, "We are almost finished with cataloging, on all that we have. We are missing some and are going to go to do a door to door search for them after the meeting. We have two Ark guards and two of Indra's people guarding them as we speak. I have prepared a concoction to add to the fire that will melt them all so that they can be made into swords and knives. We will repurpose them all. I have asked Indra to bring in a blacksmith to help us build a forge and train a few people on how to make the things we will need. We should have everything ready for tomorrow afternoon."

I look at Raven and nod. "Thank you Raven. Now, moving on. Pike and Bellamy left alot of villages without protection or supplies. The people of the Ark will be paying restitution. We will be sending them supplies. Our medical teams and technology teams will be going to all the trikru villages and building them a medical building as well as providing them with radios. We will then teach them what we know in each field."

My mom looks at me and says, "We need those supplies to make it through winter. You can't just expect us to give them away."

I look at mom and reply, "Indra will help us manage our resources in order to do both. We are the cause that they don't have enough people or resources to make it without our help. We will make sure that all of them make it. It will never be enough to make up for the pain and loss we caused. However, it will be a start."

Lexa looks up and speaks, "I think we have covered what we need to for now. I suggest we go have lunch. We will relax and reconvene for dinner later." 

We all get up and go to leave but my mom stops me. "Clarke, we need to talk. This won't go over well with the people and you know it."

I look at her and say, "The people will just have to get used to it. I will speak to them about it tomorrow. There are alot of things they will have to get used to. On the Ark people were kept in the dark about alot of things. This will not happen here. However, if they want to continue to be a part of Arcadia, then they will deal with it or be banished. I am going to Lexa's tent and having lunch. We can talk more over dinner."

I then grab Lexa's hand and walk away. When we reach Lexa's tent, I sit down on the bed and just breath. We just sit in silence for a few minutes. I hope things go better when we all get back together tonight.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Lexa's POV 

I look at Clarke and can feel the tension rolling off her in waves. I slowly take her armour and clothes off, leaving her in her underclothes. "Lay down and give me a minute. Trust me. This will help. I love you, my keryon."

I move to my trunks and grab a jar of oil. I go back over to the bed and open the jar. The scent of lavender and mint fills the tent. I gently grab her left foot and pull it up slowly. I move up her left calf and thigh rubbing slightly deeper.

I switch to her right side, giving it equal attention. It isn't long before I pause, hearing her moans. I clench my legs. This isn't about me. I want her to relax before the meeting tonight. I finish massaging her legs and then move to straddle her. I try to not put too much weight on her. 

I use my long fingers to work all the kinks out of her neck, moving down her shoulders and pushing all the knots out of her fingertips. I feel the tension moving out of her. Her breaths even out and I know that she has fallen asleep.

I continue to work on her back, knowing that she will feel better when she wakes up. After about another twenty minutes or so, when all the knots are gone, I lean over and kiss the back of her head. I then stand up and step outside. I look at Ryder and say, "In about an hour can you bring a light snack to us."

It will be awhile before dinner and when Clarke wakes up she will be hungry. I then go lay down next to her, wrapping my arms around her in contentment.

I have never needed much sleep, but I find myself always wanting to lay down next to my skaiprisa. With everything that has happened lately, I just need to feel that she is still breathing and her heart is beating.

I have never been so scared in my life as when she was in Arcadia's walls and I couldn't be there to protect her. I know she has felt the same way, especially when I fought Roan. 

I feel Clarke waking up and I lean over and kiss her and ask, "How do you feel, niron?"

She looks at me with a lazy smile and says, "I don't think that I have ever felt this relaxed before. Whatever you did was amazing."

"I am really glad to know that you feel better. You had so many knots that most people wouldn't still be standing. I won't let it get that bad again." I tell her.

It's at this time that Ryder comes in with two cups of tea, cheese, fruit, and bread. "Lunch Lexa, Clarke. Let me know if you need anything else." Ryder says.

"Thank you, Ryder. That will be all. Can you come clear the dishes an hour before the meeting tonight?"

"Sha, Lexa." Ryder says and walks out the tent.

We continue to eat silently and as we are finishing, Clarke stands up. She says, "There is something I want to show you and then I would love a shower."

I stand up and give her a quick kiss. As I start gathering us some clothes, Clarke puts on her armour. Clarke then grabs my hand and we walk into the Ark. After coming to a stop at the end of a long corridor, Clarke looks up at me and says, "It's a wonder how this part of the Ark survived at all, well only about half of it did." Clarke opens the door and we walk in.

I look around and see a huge room. It has about twelve jail cells in it. In the middle is four tables with chairs around them. Clarke looks to the far end of the room and starts walking towards a door there. She then stops and I feel a shudder run through her body. 

I pull my fingers to my lips and say, "Clarke, we don't have to go in if you don't want too." She looks at me and half smiles.

Clarke's POV 

I look at Lexa, "I know we don't have to, but I need to. I haven't been here since they put me in the dropship. For almost two years it was home. I thought it would be the last thing I ever saw before I was floated. I never knew who smuggled in charcoal for me to draw with. That is not till we came to the ground. My best friend Wells did it. I wish you had met him. A twelve year old girl killed him because she couldn't kill his father, chancellor Jaha. She later jumped off a cliff. I would have gone insane in here with out being able to draw. I had the same guard bring me meals and things. Other than that I never saw another soul."

Lexa squeezes my hand and says, "You are the strongest person that I know. This shouldn't have happened to you. Sometimes we need a reminder of the past to focus on the future. No one will ever do this to you again. I promise, Ai teina."

"As far as I know, no one else has ever used this cell, and no one else ever will. Raven is taking the door down. They called it the skybox. I wanted to show you the drawings I did while here." I slowly open the door and we walk in. There isn't a spot in the room that isn't covered. It is mainly pictures of the ground as I remembered from books I read as a child. 

I look up at the skylight, so many times I looked through it at the ground. Things here don't look like the pictures in my books. Things are more beautiful and colorful than I could have ever imagined. I didn't know at the time that this was my future.

"Alot of people have seen the walls in here. Though I have never shown anyone or told anyone that it was my work. Though a few know it was me. They knew my dad and one look and they know. You said you wanted to see my work, so here it is. The ground is nothing like what I imagined. There are things here that are so magnificent, and I have only seen a tiny portion of it."

Lexa looks around in awe, "Clarke, I have never seen anything so life like. Your are amazing. Lincoln draws and he is pretty good, but this way surpasses anything he has ever done." 

Lexa stops suddenly and I look up and she looks angry. I look over her shoulder and see what she is looking at. I drop to the ground and cry out. Lexa rushes over and just holds me, slowly rocking me back and forth. 

"You should never have had to see something like that. They never even gave you time to grieve for him. I am here now. It's going to be alright. It is never weakness to cry for someone you loved. Let it all out, he is watching over you and knows that you are safe." 

"I forgot about that picture. It's the last memory of my father. I remember the day clearly, I was so scared. Dad kissed mom and gave her his wedding ring. Then he hugged me tightly and told me to stay strong, that I would be alright. He then put his watch on me. He said to let it guide me in all I do. It has helped."

I look down at my watch and continue, "It doesn't work anymore. The mountain men broke it when they captured us. I still wear it. It reminds me that he gave everything to try and save our people. It's what gave me strength in the skybox and here on the ground. I don't need it for that anymore. I have you for that. You give me all the strength I need. Though I keep it to remind me of him."

I look at him one more time. The pain and terror on his face as Jaha pushed the button and all the all the air in the airlock was sucked out with him into space. 

I look over at Lexa and I know that I am ready but Arcadia is not the place. I will not let the past get in the way of our happiness anymore. "I just want to go home. Tomorrow we destroy the weapons and then we are one step closer to Polis. I've spent too much time in the Ark. I can feel the walls closing in on me. I can't live here anymore. Polis is home. You are home."

"We will do that soon my love. Now come, the meeting will start soon. A shower will be waiting for after the meeting." Lexa pulls me up and kisses me on the forehead. We walk out of the jail and head to the council room.

As we walk in we notice everyone is there but Ryder. Even Lincoln and Octavia has joined us. I look at Octavia and say, "We are glad to see you are doing better Octavia. It's good to have you here."

Octavia looks down at her brace and says, "The brace was a bit uncomfortable, so Raven added some cushion to it and made it waterproof. Abby says swimming will help it heal faster, but not for at least another week."

Just then Ryder comes in bringing everyone's dinner. We pass it around in till everyone has enough and then I say, "We had pretty much covered most of everything earlier. There are just a few more things to go over. The skybox is being dismantled. No one will ever be locked up in there again. The rest of the cells I want to stay intact. If you have to use them then they will still be there. If you have to lock someone up we need to know in Polis, so that we can be there for any trials. Also, how many more people from farm station are left. I want you guys to keep an eye on them. Help them as they need it, but make sure that they do not stir up anything with the rest of the people."

Monty looks at me and says, " There are twenty-three left including me. Most are just tired of the fighting and want peace. I don't see anything happening on that front, but I will watch them and help them as needed." 

"Thank you Monty." Say to him.

I then turn to Raven and Miller and ask, "What about the weapons situation, are we ready for tomorrow?"

Raven looks at me and says, "We are missing one hand gun and also Jasper is no where to be found."

Miller looks at me and says, "I have my guards looking for both the gun and Jasper. They will be found. I just hope it's by tomorrow."

"Thank you Miller and Raven. You have done great. I know it will be taken care of. Is there anything else anyone wants to add or ask at this time?"

I look around and just as I am about to close the meeting my mom speaks, "I don't have any questions or have anything to add, but I want to speak to you. Privately, after the meeting." 

I look at Lexa squeeze her had, letting her know it will be alright. I then continue, "Ok, sounds good. We will meet just outside the gates after breakfast tomorrow. I want everyone from Arcadia and all Indra's people there. Thank you all. This meeting is now finished. 

Lexa squeezes my hand and leans over to whisper in my ear, "I will meet you at the showers when you finish talking to your mom." She then walks out the room.

Mom watches Lexa walk out the room and purses her lips. She looks over at me and asks, "How long has this been going on?"

"If you must know, it's complicated. The feelings have been there for while, but the rest is new."

"Why are you with her. She betrayed you Clarke. You can't be serious taking up with her. She will only hurt you again. You should come home and be with your people. Find someone here to be with."

"Though it's none of your business who I am with, she will not hurt me again. Besides, I understand why she did it and I would have done the same for our people as she did for hers. Though it almost killed her to do it. Don't talk to me about betrayal. Your betrayal of dad was far worse. As for coming home to my people and finding someone here to be with, you should know that Arcadia is no longer home. I have people here that I will miss but Polis is my home now. Now if you can excuse me, I have somewhere I need to be." 

I swiftly walk out the room before my mom can say anything else. I can't wait to be back with Lexa. I am almost there when someone comes up behind me. I feel a wet rag on my mouth it smells like chemicals. It isn't long before I am losing consciousness.

I am not sure how long it has been when I wake up. I slowly open my eyes, damn my head hurts. I look around the room and know exactly where I am. I am in the skybox. I have to get out of here, Lexa will be so worried. I look over to the bed and see Jasper, "Hey Clarke, that didn't take long for you to wake up."

"What is going on here Jasper? You have to let me go. People will be looking for me soon."

"This is your trial Clarke. You killed 300 grounders in a ring of fire, then you wiped out a whole circulation. You killed Maya, who only helped us. I loved her so much, but you decided to play God and took her away. I have decided your sentence. You will join everyone you have killed. Wanheda will no longer command death. Then I will kill your precious commander."

"Jasper, you don't have to do this. We can help you. I am sorry I killed Maya. They left me no choice. For you and everyone else to live I had to do it. Though I live with it every day."

"There is always another choice, Clarke. For you, though, it won't happen again."

I try to get up but a wave of nausea hits me and I fall to my knees. I see Jasper raise the gun in his hand and hear three shots ring out as I collapse to the floor. Is this it I think as the excruciating pain hits my chest and I know nothing else.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Lexa's POV 

It's been too long. Where is Clarke? She should be here by now. As I am leaving the showers, I think to myself where could she be. She was talking to her mom in the council room. 

I pass the council room and there I see her mother with her head in her hands. "Where is Clarke? She was supposed to meet me after she talked to you."

"I thought she was with you. She left fifteen minutes ago." Abby says.

"Call Raven on the radio, I want her found now." I storm out of the room. I check her bedroom and there is no sign of her. As I am racing now the halls Raven and Ryder join me. 

Raven looks at me and says, "We have Miller and his boys looking. We will find her. You both went somewhere before the meeting. She looked alittle bit upset when you two arrived. Where did you go?"

I didn't think she would go back they, but at the moment I have no other idea where she could be. As we start our way to the skybox I hear three gunshots go off. "No, this can't be happening" I take off running.

I rush into the skybox and a boy on the floor crying, with a gun laying next to him. I look over and see a body with blonde hair laying there. No, dammit. Not again. Not Clarke. I fall to the floor and gather her in my arms. "What have you done?" 

Ryder and Raven burst into the room. "Ryder lock him up. Raven call Abby, now!" I look at Clarke, I feel her breathing and there is no blood, so why isn't she waking up. I can't lose her. 

"Wake up, Clarke. Beja, wake up. Please come back to me. I can't lose you. Don't leave me" Just then Abby and Kane run in.

"Let her go commander, I need to see the damage. Everyone out! Except Raven. I need an extra set of hands. That means you too Lexa." Abby says.

I lean over and kiss her lips and look at Abby one more time. "Save her, please. She is everything."

Abby looks at me as I am standing and grabs my hand and says, "She isn't going anywhere. I won't let her die."

As I walk out the room, Nyko rushes in with his bag. I fall to the floor, I can't breathe. Nothing is right if she isn't beside me. I feel my chest exploding. The boy will pay. This I promise.

I glance over and see them. They are working hard on her. She has stopped breathing, I can't do this. Will she be alright? She's so strong, but who survives three gunshot wounds to the chest. I hear Raven tell Abby to use the stick.

Just as Miller and Monty come in with a stretcher I hear Abby call out, "She's back. We got her. Take her to medical. We can monitor her better there. I can also see if she has any internal bleeding."

I follow them all back to medical. Just as they finish hooking her up to all these machines (that I have no idea what they do) Abby yells out again, "Fuck! She's not breathing again. I have to go in."

I get up and start walking to the the jails. The boy will pay. I will kill him. Ryder follows me. He was there when I lost Costia. I won't survive losing Clarke. I stop dead in my tracks. The boy, Jasper, he's curled up in a ball sobbing. I hear him calling Maya over and over again. 

I stand him up. "I know why you did it, but know this. If she dies, you die." I hit him once in the stomach and calmly walk out the room. 

Ryder stops me in the hall. "Lexa, Clarke wouldn't want this. You know that. Let's just go back and wait for any news. Clarke is a strong warrior she will be ok."

Finally, after what seems like days but I know was just a a few hours, Abby walks out of medical with Nyko. They are both covered in blood, Clarke's blood. I close my eyes, waiting for the bad news.

Abby looks at me and purses her lips, "I can't say I am happy about you and my daughter but I can see that you both love each other deeply. She woke up briefly during the surgery and all she could do is ask for you."

"Abby is she alright, can I see her?" 

"Did you give her that armour?" Abby asks. 

"I did, I thought it would protect her, clearly, I was wrong. Is she going to be ok Abby? When can I see her? I need to see her."

Abby runs over and hugs me. "That armour saved Clarke's life. She would have been gone before I even got there. There was some internal bleeding, but she will be fine. It will take a day or two for her to wake up, but she will recover just fine. You can go see her now."

I grab her hands, "Thank you, Abby. I can't lose her." I turn and walk in the room with Ryder beside me. I sit down in the chair next to Clarke's bed and grab her hands. I see the rise and fall of her chest, she's still breathing. That is all that matters. Now she just needs to wake up.

I look at Ryder and say, "Go get Indra, I want guards on Clarke and Jasper 24/7. Also, ride to Polis, take Nat, he's faster. Talk to Alec, Clarke needs new armour when she wakes up. I want more made for you and all the guards as well. Tell him he has all the help he needs for this. I want the armour here in week."

"Sha, Lexa. What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to be here when Clarke wakes up. I am also going to finish what she started. There will be no more guns. This won't happen again."

It's been five days. Why won't Clarke wake up? Abby says she just needs rest and she will wake when she is ready. I need her, I can't do this without her. "Clarke, come back to me. I can't do this without you by my side. I need you so much. Fight my strong menzen warrior. Come back to me, beja."

Abby walks in at this time and looks at me, "Commander, Lexa. Go get some rest, take a shower, get something to eat. It's been five days. You haven't slept a wink. You are no good for Clarke like this. Clarke wouldn't want to see you like this. I will radio you if something changes."

"Your right, Abby. I just want to be here when she wakes up."

"Take a shower. There is one in the next room. I will have food brought."

"Thank you, Abby."

When I walk out the shower, I see the food that Abby brought and she moved another bed, next to Clarke. Bypassing the food I go lay down next to Clarke. I grab her hand and say, "I love you, Clarke. I am here. Your going to be okay." It isn't long before I fall asleep.

Clarke's POV 

I slowly open my eyes, glancing around the room I see Lexa on the bed next to me. Is she ok. Jasper said he would kill her next. I am halfway to sitting up when I am suddenly wracked with coughs. My throat is so dry.

Lexa jerks awake next to me and calls out, "Indra, Go get Abby. Clarke's awake."

Lexa reaches out to me and says, "Omg! I thought I lost you. You can't scare me like that again"

"Water" I mange to get out before I am wracked with another coughing fit. Lexa reaches over and grabs the cup next to the bed. As she is helping me sit up to drink it my mom rushes in the room. 

"Clarke, your awake. This one here almost killed herself waiting for you to wake. She hasn't left your bedside since Jasper shot you."

I look over at Lexa as she grabs my hand, "You can't do that. I need you to take care of yourself. I can't lose you either, especially like that. How long was I out?"

"Five long, horrendous days. I can't lose you. You go, I go."

"How's Jasper? He didn't mean it. He's grieving and I might have deserved it."

Lexa looks at me and shakes her head. "He shot you and you are worried about him. You didn't deserve it. You saved his life. He's in a cell. He's waiting for your punishment."

"He needs help not punishment. Though he can't get better here. There are too many memories here. I just don't know how to help him."  
  
"Clarke he shot you. I almost lost you, all because of his actions. Now I know he is grieving for Maya and he's your friend but also as a leader in the coalition he has to have a punishment. Also, he hurt you. I can't let that stand. If you had died so would I. There is no me without you. He has to be punished."

"Ok, he will be punished. Twenty cuts, from you, me, the guards, and council. Then I was thinking banishment, but I'm not sure if that will help him. Besides, I didnt die. My heart still beats for you."

Lexa closes her eyes for a minute and says, "I have an idea. I have a friend, Luna. She has a place, a rig on the ocean. She has helped many warriors. He can go there, after his punishment. While he is recovering she can put him to work for the rest of his punishment. She can always use the help of another fisherman."

"Will Luna do that, or will she believe that he deserves a more severe punishment.

"Luna will if we ask her too. Luna has never liked war and all the death that comes with it. He would be her prisoner until he is better. It could take years. I know, but he will get better. The only other alternative would be 1000 cuts and death. It's the usual punishment for an assassination attempt. However, banding together on this will help the people accept blood must not have blood."  
  
Abby looks up at this time and says, "Clarke, the armour stopped the bullets from killing you. However, you have to stay in bed at least three more days. With the surgery to stop the internal bleeding, it will take time to heal. You will have to take things slow."

Lexa looks at Abby and asks, "When will she be able to go back to Polis? People have been asking about her. Both our people love her."

Abby looks at Lexa and replies, "It will be at least a month before she can ride a horse. I guess if she is needed back in Polis that bad, she can go in a cart in about a week, but no sooner than that. Her body just needs time to heal."

I look up at this time and say, "I will not wait that long. I also won't let the people see me looking weak. We will leave in three days. I will ride Nat with Lexa. It will be fine."

"You can't Clarke. Your body needs more time."

Lexa looks at me and says, "Five days, you will ride in a cart halfway to Polis, we need to see how Ton Dc is doing. We will stop there for three days. You can ride with me on Nat when we leave for Polis. I will not have anything happen to you. Our people know how strong you are. It is not weakness to be recovering from an injury, like the one you sustained."

Abby looks at us and sighs, "Fine, but you are taking Nyko with you. If something happens, I have full faith in him to help you." She then walks out the door.

I reach over to Lexa and grab her hand. I know she thinks that this is all her fault, but it's not. "Lexa, look at me. This is not your fault. If anything the armour you gave me, saved me. You saved me. I'm here and I'm alright." I pull her hand and lay it on my chest. "My heart is still beating. It beats only for you. My spirit is staying right where it is. I will not leave you."

"Clarke, you are everything to me, you are so strong. Without you I would not be me. I would be this empty shell of a person. Please, just promise me one thing. I know we will always have enemies and people out to get us, but beja always try to stay safe. I will do the same."

I pull Lexa's hand to my lips and say, "Always, my love. You are everythingto me as well. I would not want to be in this world without you."

"From now on, neither of us go anywhere without our guards. Two at all times. I want us to grow old together. Commanders usually die young, except the first one. The difference is they had their teina. They kept each other safe. We will do the same."

"I love you, Lexa. You make me feel like no one else. We can do this and bring everlasting peace to OUR people." 

Lexa brings over the food someone probally brought to her hours ago. I am not hungry but we still sit there in silence eating. I know she has probally not ate much since I was brought to medical.

"Lexa, did they destroy all the weapons yet?"

"No, Indra has her best gonas watching them. We wanted to wait for you to be there. I also sent Murphy back to Polis. Emori has arrived there and Ryder will be back sometime day after tomorrow. He is bringing armour for all of us. Me, you and all our guards. You will not set foot out of medical without it on."

"Good, then in two days when he gets here, we will destroy the weapons. I also want a council meeting before that. We can meet here. I will need to speak to the people as well. They need to see that I am ok."

"We can have the meeting tomorrow after lunch. You will not get out of bed till then. I will have Lincoln bring anything we need."

"Fine, but after breakfast tomorrow, I need your help. I never did get my shower."

"I will help you with that, but only if you go to sleep now. You need your rest."

"I will sleep if you join me. Hold me, I trust that you will be gentle."

Lexa looks at me and sighs. She climbs into the bed and gently wraps her arms around me. "Night my menzein teina. I will see you in the morning."

I yawn and kiss her on the lips. "Night my love." I am so tired that it doesn't take long to drift off.  



	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Clarke's POV 

I slowly wake up, my whole body aching. Damn, everything hurts, even breathing. I really wasn't looking forward to the meeting we were going to have later today, but was I ever really. 

I feel Lexa stirring next to me. I will never get used to seeing her wake next to me. It's like I am dreaming. How can this wonderful strong beautiful goddess really want to be with me. She leans over and kisses my forehead, "What are you thinking about so early in the morning, my love." She asks me.

"I'm thinking about how lucky I am to have you in my life. I wouldn't still be here without you, and I am not talking about how many times you have saved my life either."

"Clarke it is me that is lucky. Before I met you, I was empty inside. A vessel, only for my people. There was no one in my life. Just advisors. Anya tried to get me to find someone, but at the time, I believed Titus's teachings. I really believed that love is weakness and that commanders should be alone. I thought that was the only way that I could serve my people. After awhile I couldn't take it any more, so I sent her away. She sent me a message about you right before the bridge."

"She told me that your people were just a bunch of gufas, but that you were different. She thought that even though y'all attacked on the bridge that you should have another chance. She thought you were very beautiful and smart. I could see what she was trying to do. She also said that you held a strengthness in you that deserved to be at least heard and that you young but born to lead. I was the one that didn't trust at the time. Of course, that was before I met you. She was right in everything, just as she had always been."

"She was so strong and fearless, while I was scared shitless. I thought she just wanted to wipe us out. Especially when she sent that sickness. I had to find a way to delay her. I am truly sorry that it ended in so much death. If I could go back, I would handle things differently."

"If I could go back, there would be alot of things I would do differently. There is one thing though that I would never change, and that is meeting you."

Mom comes in at this time carrying breakfast. Lexa and I eat silently while she checks over my progress. She looks at me and says, "I will come back after your shower and change your dressings. I can also show Lexa how if you want."

"That sounds good mom, thanks. Also, after lunch I would like to call a council meeting. We will have it here. That way I won't have to move much."

"Only if you still feel up to it." Lexa says.

"I will be ok. I will rest right after the meeting. Right now, I think you promised me a shower." 

Mom leaves the room and Lexa helps me to the shower. She sits me down on the bench in the shower and slowly takes off my clothes. She folds them neatly. She does the same with hers. As the water is heating up she leans in and gives me a kiss. It's a slow kiss, oh so gentle, reaffirming that I will be just fine.

She then takes a washrag that she added soap to and starts to gingerly clean my body, being very careful of my chest. After rinsing the soap off she moves to my hair. My hair is so filthy that it takes her washing it two times before she gets all the blood out. 

She then shuts the water off and starts drying my body, saving my hair for last. It's at this time that my knees give out, I am so exhausted. Lexa is right there for me. She gently holds me up slipping a nightgown on me.

She then carries me bridal style and lays me on the bed. She quickly puts her clothes on just as I start coughing, my chest hurting so much."I've got you. Just relax I will get some water. You'll be ok."

She fills a glass of water, sets it on the table next to bed and helps me sit up. I drink it slowly and she sets it back down. She then lays me back down slowly, "Rest my love."

"Stay with me. I don't want to be alone."

"Always, I will always be with you, my teina." Lexa then lays down next to me and I fall right to sleep.

Lexa's POV 

I know Clarke is in so much pain. I so wish that I could take it all away. She looks so fragile just laying there. Though I have seen her strength so many times. This is one of those times. 

I wonder what Anya would think of Clarke now. What would she think of us together. Anya never believed that love was weakness. I wish she was here. I know she is watching over me. She always did. 

What would she say about blood must not have blood. I think she would be ok with it. She always taught me that I had to think about why someone did something. Though she also preached on justice just as much. I think there is a fine line between the two.

I know Clarke is right when she talks about Jasper. My heart wants to kill him. I keep falling back on blood must have blood. I know it is only because it was Clarke that was harmed. 

However, I think about Anya and what she would say. I think she would see both sides, mine and Clarke's. Then I think about Costia and what happened after her death. I realise that Clarke is right.

Jasper needs help. He needs time to heal. I was like him right after Costia. The difference was that I had to take care of my people. It's the price of a leader. Though if Clarke had died it would probally be different. 

With Clarke no one, not even my people would be able to stop me from taking Jasper's life and then my own. Clarke is alive and she will be fine. I have to keep telling myself this. I will do things the way she wants, especially in this instance.   
  
I am stroking Clarke's hair when I notice Abby has been standing there for awhile. I am not sure how long though. Without looking up I say, "Clarke fell asleep soon as I got her back to the bed. Tell me more about her injuries. Speak true."

Abby sighs and then says, "The bullets hit her with so much force that they stopped her heart. When I used the shock baton on her it sent electricity into her and started her heart back. When her heart started beating again, it helped her breath again. The impact of the bullets also caused her to start bruising and bleeding on the inside. I had to cut her open to stop that bleeding. During the surgery her heart stopped two more times but I was able to start it again."

Abby pauses for a moment (just like Clarke does when she is gathering her thoughts) "She has alot of bruising inside her body as well as outside of it. Most of the bruising will be healed within a week or two. The bruising that worries me around her lungs. Her left lung specifically. I was worried about it collapsing, but thankfully it didn't."

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, I finally open my eyes and breathe out again. "What does this mean for her recovery? How can I help her recover properly and with the least amount of discomfort or pain?"

"You know I would prefer her to stay her for at least the next month, but we both know that is never going to happen. Clarke is too stubborn. So, with that being said, the only thing anyone can do is help her when she needs help. Try and make her go slow and rest as much as possible. Also, keep Nyko close by in case she has a setback. I have asked Raven to give radios to both of your guards, as well as to Nyko. That is all we can do commander."

"Abby, Clarke is very dear to me. You are her mother. Call me Lexa when not with the people. As for everything else, I promise you I will do everything I can to help her in everyway she needs. I also promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure nothing else like this happens again. I will keep her safe and happy as long as I draw breath."

"I know you will, Lexa. I can't say I am happy about the two of you, but I can see the love that is there from both of you. I will try my best to get to know you better because of Clarke, but if you ever hurt her again, your whole army will not stop me from killing you."

"Noted, but please don't talk like this in front of my people, they will not understand."

"That's fair, I need to change Clarke's dressings now. You need to watch, in case you need to do it later. When not in medical, they need changing twice daily for the next two weeks. It will help stop any infection." 

Abby then starts removing the bandages and for the first time I see the incisions that Abby had to make during the surgery. I feel the anger coming back, but quickly let it go. Clarke starts waking up as Abby is washing her chest. She winces a few time and groans once, but other than that shows no other pain. Though I know it hurts.

"It's ok Clarke, I am here." I kiss her fingers as Abby is placing medicine on the wounds. She then puts a new bandage on her chest and tapes it down. I gently pull her nightgown back up.

Abby then hands me some clothes for Clarke. "I stopped in her room on the way here.'" She then turns to Clarke and says, "I also brought you your journal. I know it will be hard trying to rest. Everyone should be here about an hour after lunch. Octavia and Raven have been dying to see you but I told them to wait."

Abby turns to leave and Clarke stops her and gives her a hug, "Thanks mom. I will see you at the meeting."

I squeeze Clarke's hands and ask, "How are you feeling, Clarke? Are you ready to change your clothes?"

Clarke reaches up and pulls my face down for a kiss. I finally pull back a little, both our breaths are slow to catch. I look up into her eyes and see that they have turned dark with desire. I am gripping the side of the bed so as not to hurt her. She trys to sit up further in the bed to get closer and gasps. 

I slowly pull back so as to not hurt her further. I have to learn to pull back quicker. Not only is her body not physically ready but she is not quiet ready emotionally. It will take as long as it takes and I will wait that long as well. She looks up at me and starts crying. "It's ok Clarke, I've got you. Your going to be ok."

Clarke's POV 

I look at Lexa and know she thinks this is her fault and the tears won't stop coming. I don't know want her to think it's her fault. It wasn't her fault at all. I want her so much, yet my body won't cooperate and I know it will be a long while before it does. I want her to feel how much I love her and my body won't let me.

"I'm so sorry Clarke. I didn't mean to hurt you and I know your not ready yet. Like I said it takes as long as it takes and I am not going anywhere."

"It didn't, it wasn't that bad, Lexa. It only hurt a little bit but it wasn't your fault. I am mainly upset because I am ready and my body isn't, it won't be ready for awhile. I am just so frustrated, because I want you to feel what you mean to me."  
  
Lexa looks at me in awe and lays down next to me, wrapping her arms, ever so gently around me. I just lay there sobbing, shaking. My while body was wracked with so much pain. "Breathe Clarke, I am here. You don't have to do anything. I already know and can feel the way you feel about me. You show me in so many ways, but mostly i feel it in the way you trust me." 

She starts rubbing circles on my back and humming. Slowly I start calming down, Lexa continuing to rub my back. "I love you Clarke. I know you love me too. The rest will come when it is time. You just need to heal and if you decide then that you are not ready, I will still be here. I will always be here and my love will never go away. I promise."

"I love you so much Lexa. You always know just what to say and do. Can we just lay here for a bit before getting ready for the meeting."

"As you wish my menzein skaiprisa. There isn't anything else I want to do right now."

We just lay there, Lexa rubbing my back and humming. I don't know how long it has been, I know she has been probally hoping I would sleep, but I've had enough sleep since everything happened. "Lexa, can you tell me about some place in the clans that you think is the most beautiful. Some place I haven't seen. There is so much out there and I have barely seen any of it."

"Well I really love the forest and lakes here in trikru. We have some of the most beautiful waterfalls. You would really love them. However, I think Trishanakru has truly magnificent forests as well. I really think you would love the vibrant colors in the glowing forest. They have magical creatures that glow in the dark. Definitely breathtaking. I have only ever seen one creature that can compare to the glowing butterflies there, and even then they aren't near as beautiful."

"I have seen the butterflies once, they are definitely amazing. What creature could possibly compare to them?"

"The same one I am holding in my arms. You are more beautiful than anyone or anything I have ever seen in my life, inside and out."

I just look at her and shake my head. I lean over and kiss her. "That is how I feel about you. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Clarke. Now let's get you dressed for the meeting." 

  



	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Clarke's POV 

Lexa and I laying in the bed in medical, after she helped me get dressed, I can't believe all that has happened in the last few weeks. One or both of us has almost died more times than I can count on both hands. 

A part of me wishes that we could just go away, just the two of us, never having to deal with the outside world. Though I know that will never happen. We are leaders, if we aren't here, then our people will descend into chaos. All people need rules and laws. They need someone to help enforce those laws. Like it or not, at this time it has to be us. 

Lexa leans over and kisses the top of my head, "What are you thinking about, my love."

"I am thinking about how nice it would be for just the two of us to travel your lands. There is so much I have never seen. I doubt that could ever happen though."

Lexa sighs and squeezes my hands, "It will happen. I have been thinking about that as well. There are just a few things to do before we can do that."

"How, we have so much that needs doing and so many people want me dead or you dead. Alot of it is because we are together. I can't be the reason you die. So many people need you." I need her. What I said is true though. I feel the tears coming and I am powerless to stop them. "Sometimes I think it would have been better for your people to have wiped us out, the moment we landed."

"Clarke, your people were never the problem, there were so many mistakes made on both sides. The first one was mine. I should have been there for the first meeting on the bridge. If I had known what I know now, nothing would have prevented me from being there. However, that is not my biggest mistake."

"Your biggest mistake could never top mine. Two really come to mind. The dropship and not protecting Anya. It was my fault we were shot that day. I should have known, us showing up covered in mud and blood, that my people would think that we were a threat."

"I don't blame you and neither would Anya. The dropship was my fault. I sent my warriors to attack you. Your people had no way of knowing who you were, either. My biggest mistake was leaving you at the mountain. Forget that I loved you at the time and still loved you. We were in an alliance, my people should have stayed to finish taking down the mountain, or at the very least returned after my sick and injured were a safe distance away. We should have helped you. Not only the pain it caused both of us, but it hurt our people. Your people's trust in us were damaged resulting in the Pike situation."

"If I could change anything about after the mountain, it would be my self imposed exile. I could have helped my people and reformed the alliance sooner."

"You disappearing like that was the scariest three months of my life. However, all the trying to go back in our minds doesn't change anything. We can't go back. We can only move forward, to today and tomorrow. With the two of us working together, our people will heal from the mistakes of our past and forge a new stronger bond. Both our people look to you. They know you as a fair, just, and honorable leader. A leader that looks out for her people's best interest as well as others. I have seen it with my own eyes, here and in Polis."

"I don't know. I'm not saying that I want anything with us to change. I would never. You make me feel strong, when I don't get in my head too much that is. All I am saying is that I think there are still people out there that don't want us together. Wether it be because of mistakes from the past or because of just plain hate. It's going to be a long battle for us."

"I know that and we will get through it, together. Though I just know that it will not be as hard as you think."

"How do you know this. There are plenty of people out there that believe as Titus did."

"After you got shot, and before you woke up, I radioed Polis. Aden, Luna, Roan were out, as there had been a small fire in the market. Alot of people there got to hear about what had happened, from the radio. Aden told me that everyone one that heard dropped to their knees, bowed their heads and chanted one thing."

I look at Lexa and I half to know, "What was it that they chanted?"

"I have never heard of or seen anything like it, and I knew my people loved you. This though put it on a whole new level. I once told you that you could be a leader that everyone looked up to, put all their hopes and dreams into you, and I have now heard that come to fruition, with my own ears. It wasn't a chant, it was a prayer that everyone wanted answered. Ste yuj, Wanheda, ste yuj. The people love you. I am not saying that it will be easy, or that we won't still have enemies, but we will come out of it with the help of our people. You have inspired them all to a better way of living. You have inspired me."  
  
I don't know what to say after all that, I just know one thing. I love this woman, I know those words can never even come close to the depth of my feelings. I simply turn my head over, look into her eyes, and kiss her. This is not like any kiss we have ever shared before. I try and put every single ounce of what I am feeling in it but know it will still only be a fraction. I slowly pull back, "I love you, so much."

People start coming in for the meeting at this time. Raven, Octavia, Lincoln, and Indra take a seat on one bed, while Abby, Marcus, Monty, and Miller take the other bed. 

"Ok, this is everyone, Ryder won't be back till the morning. I've called this meeting for two reasons. First, to talk about the weapons and second, to talk about Jasper." I say to the group. 

After a few minutes I start again, "Miller who is guarding the weapons now?"  
  
Miller looks at me and says, "I have three Ark guards on them and Indra has three warriors. They are ready to be disposed of, whenever you are ready."

"Thank Miller and Indra. I need everyone at the gates tomorrow at noon. We will dispose of them at that time." 

"Now to move onto punishment for Jasper. I know most of you will not like what I have to say on the matter, but it is my decision and it will be final."  
  
My mother looks at me and says, "Isn't that something that we should all decide?"

Indra stands up and growls before speaking, "The crime was committed against Wanheda, so Wanheda gets to decide on the punishment. Though I think he should die from 1000 cuts."

Mom starts yelling at this "Jasper is grieving, though he tried to take my daughter's life, he failed. I think he should be imprisoned till he gets better."

Indra glares at my mom, "I will kill him myself."

Lexa gets up and cries out, "Empleni, stand down Indra. Let Clarke finish. However, like she already said, the punishment is not negotiable. Though it is more than fair. Clarke, please continue."

I glance around the room at everyone and say, "I know that Jasper is not in his right mind. He is grieving for Maya. However, grieving for someone does not excuse the actions that they make. Simple imprisonment is not enough, nor will it help him in the long run. Putting him in jail makes him sit in thought day in and day out, thinking about revenge. Also, I fear that if he is left in Arcadia, with daily reminders, that he will only continue to get worse."

Marcus looks at me and says, "I can agree with all that you have said. So, what is it that you propose."

"Twenty cuts to start with, no burning, no stabbing. Everyone in this room as well as Ryder will participate, with one exception. Monty as Jasper is your best friend, I only expect you to be there. That is two cuts from everyone. The punishment doesn't end there though."

I see everyone nodding their heads, everyone but my mom that is. "That is barbaric Clarke. That is not something the Arc does, but surely that should be enough punishment." Mom says.

"Using chloroform, kidnapping someone and shooting them three times in order to to get revenge on someone who saved their live many times can also be considered barbaric. I am not upset though. I know why he did it, he is sick. I am still alive. If I wasn't, then there would be no stopping his death."

I take a breath and continue, "Even though he almost killed me, I still care for him. He is still my friend and I want to help him. After mom patches him up, he will be leaving Arcadia. He will be joining us as a prisoner when we head back to Polis. From there he will head to Floukru. The leader of Floukru has helped many warriors heal from war. She will help Jasper. He will be her prisoner until she says that he is healthy. We don't know how long that will take but it is his best shot. Monty, you have duties here, but I promise that eventually you will be able to visit him. His punishment will begin right after we destroy the weapons."

"Luna has helped some many people. Jasper couldn't be in better hands." Lincoln says, looking straight at Monty.

Monty looks up and says, "Your right Clarke, he will never heal here. Thank you for helping him. There is nothing I can do, for I have already tried and tried again. Also, thank you, Lincoln. I trust you." 

"Unless there is any other pressing issues, I call this meeting to an end." 

It didn't take long for everyone to leave the room. Lexa looks at me before saying "I will be right back. I need to see Indra. I will just be right outside." 

I don't say anything, just nod my head. Before I know it I have an intense pain shoot up my bladder. I slowly sit up and swing my legs over the bed, as I have to relieve myself. So far all is good, no dizzy spells, so I go ahead and place my feet on the floor. 

It's then that my legs crumple underneath me, feeling like jelly. I am able to catch myself, on the bed, before I fall, but it sends sharp pains from my arms into my chest. I can't help but cry out. I look up and Lexa is already by my side, looking at me in concern. "What are you doing? You need to stay in bed. Are you okay, Clarke?"

Wincing just a little bit I look at Lexa and say "I am fine. I just had to go to the bathroom and didn't want to disturb you and Indra."

"Clarke, you could never disturb me. I am here for anything and everything you need. Now, let's get you to the bathroom. Slowly, I've got you."

I need to hurry and get better. We make it to the bathroom and Lexa helps me with my pants and sits me down. She then turns her back to give me some privacy. I finish my business and after a moment Lexa turns back around. 

I squeeze her hand, "Lexa, I need to get better. I need to walk more. I feel so weak and I can't let the people know how weak I am right now."

"You are not weak Clarke. You are injured, there is a difference. You are the strongest person that I know. You will get better. I promise."

"I know, Lexa, but I do need to walk more. I know you don't want me to leave here until Ryder returns with my armour, but please, can we go to the dining hall. It's a short walk and you will be right with me. Beja Lexa."

"Ok, Clarke. On one condition, Indra comes with us. I would feel you were better protected if she is with us."

I shake my head in agreement and give a her a quick kiss. "Thank you, Lexa. I really need out this room. One more thing, I want to sleep in my quarters tonight. No more medical. I feel like the walls are closing in on me."

"We can do that hodnes, just as long as after dinner you get some rest. Tomorrow will be a long day."

As we make it to the dining hall, I have Lexa let me walk on my own, just barely leaning against her. It takes some effort, but I finally make it to the table Raven is sitting at. "Do you mind if we join you?" I ask.

I've never seen Raven so flabbergasted before, she is almost speechless. She recovers quickly though and grabs my hand and squeezes. "I thought you would still be in medical, probally taking a nap. I am so happy to see you up and walking about. Please, sit down though."

Lexa and I sit down as the cooking ladies come over and put three plates down for us and pours us some water. After a smile and a quick bow to Lexa, they leave the pitcher and head back.

I sit there for awhile eating and enjoying the company, when I notice everyone watching me. I can't hear what they are whispering about, but I know it is about me. I decide not to worry about it as none of the looks seem to be hostile or fearful.

I only manage to eat about half of my food before I am am yawning. I look up and smile, "I know it's early, but I think it's time for bed. Night everyone, I will see you tomorrow."

Lexa helps me up and the three of us walk back to my quarters. "Indra, could you go to medical and get our things, please. I would like my journal."

"Sha, it will be done." Indra tells me.

Lexa gently sits me on my bed and goes to the closet. "Lexa, I don't want to sleep in clothes tonight." 

"As you wish, my hodnes." She then gently takes my clothes off and lays me down in the bed and pulls the covers over me. 

Indra walks in and puts our things on the dresser. I look up at her and say, "Indra get some sleep. There is a room next door. Don't worry about us. There is a lock on the door. Only Raven knows how to open it from the outside. She installed it just for me."

Indra looks at me and then at Lexa, who just nods. "Sha, reshop Heda, reshop Clarke." She then closes the door.

Lexa goes to the bathroom and comes out with a wet washrag. Within minutes she has lovingly washed my chest and neck around the bandages. She takes the washrag back to the bathroom. 

When she gets back she starts to remove her clothes, folding them carefully and putting them on the dresser with my own. I can't help but stare. My own goddess before me. She smiles at me and joins me in the bed.

I feel the heat rising in my face. I have never been one to blush, but this woman is so very beautiful. "Clarke, never be ashamed of looking at me. I am yours. Nothing will ever change that. Though I will say, your beauty is one that can never be matched."

"I love you, Lexa. My sexy goddess. Just so you know though, I am yours as well. When I get stronger, I will show you just how much you effect me." 

Lexa's eyes go dark with desire, but she takes a deep breath and looks at me with eyes so full of love. "Clarke, whenever your ready. I am in no hurry. I am happy to just lay here and hold you. No one else owns my heart and no one else ever will."

I have to tell her. She needs to know. She probally thinks I was with Finn, at the very least. "Lexa, you should know something."

She looks at me and asks, "You can tell me anything. There is nothing that will ever change the way I feel about you." She smiles and squeezes my hand. 

It is all the encouragement that I need, "Well, I wanted to first tell you about Finn." I take a deep breath and continue, "Finn came down with us, the rest of the hundred. He was so kind and all he wanted was peace. There was many times that he saved my life. We grew closer, I came to care about him. At the time, I thought it was love. We fooled around some, but I am glad we never did anything else."

I take another deep breath, "You see I didn't know, at the time, that he was Raven's. He never told me. He wasn't even locked up for something he did. It was something Raven did. Thing was Raven was eighteen. He was seventeen. She would have been floated, so he took the blame. When she came down, for him. I tried to break it off. So did Raven. He thought at the time that he was in love with me and when the mountain men took me he lost it. I know what he did was wrong, but when he was on that pole, I had to save him from the extra pain. It wasn't for him or for me,though. It was for Raven."

"Clarke, you don't have to explain this. Nothing changes what we have."

"Finn isn't the only one I have cared about. There was one other, after the mountain. She was so kind to me. I know her first few trades with me were definitely not in her favour by far. She was a friend, I know she wanted more. There was one day, right before Roan showed up. I came in with a panther I had killed. I was hurt at the time. The panther managed to claw my shoulder."

I take another deep breath and continue, "Roan came in and was asking about Wanheda, I acted like I was interested in a dagger, while she told him that she hadn't seen me in weeks. When he left she took me to the back room and started cleaning my wounds. It wasn't the first time that she had helped me. Nylah is a good healer. It was the first time she kissed me. I pulled away at first, but then I let her continue. I won't lie, I kissed her back, but when she went to remove my shirt, I stopped her. I guess I needed some kind of human contact, but one thing wouldn't leave my mind. You kept popping into my head and I knew I couldn't stay there with her. So I left and Roan captured me."

"What are you trying to say here?" She didn't look upset just confused.

"My dad always told me to not give myself to anyone, unless it was someone that I truly loved and was someone that was deserving of me. I kept that promise to him. There is only one person that I have ever truly loved, though I don't deserve you. What I am saying Lexa and I know I have been rambling on and on. I have never made love to anyone before and I hope that when I do, that I don't disappoint you."

"Clarke, you could never disappoint me. I have only ever been with Costia and that was just once. We grew up together. She was my only friend. When we realized we had feelings, beyond friendship, I had just become the commander. I was sixteen. The next day I was headed to Trishanakru to talk to them about joining the coalition. It was while I was gone that she was taken. I loved her with all my sixteen year old heart, but it is nothing compared to how much I love you. When it is time for us to be together, I have no doubt about how special it will be. You are my teina, my heart, if just kissing you makes me feel like I am a star shooting from the sky, then finally being together will be like an explosion in euphoria."

I don't know how she does it. She can string a bunch of words together and make me feel like I am loved like no one else has ever been loved. I lean over and kiss her, this beautiful, wonderfully extraordinary woman is mine. "Good night, my love."

"Goodnight, my keryon." Lexa tells me and I fall right to sleep.  


  
  
  
  



	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Lexa's POV 

I'm woken up by sudden movement in the bed and someone screaming in pain. Clarke is sitting straight up in the bed, her hand on her chest gasping air. 

I rush to the door, open it and then run back to Clarke. "Indra!" Indra rushes into the room sword in hand, looking around for intruders. "Indra, get Abby, now."

I look back over at Clarke. "It's ok, Clarke. Your ok. I'm here." 

She looks at me and her breathing starts slowing down. "I'm ok Lexa. Just a nightmare."

I look down at her chest, I see blood seeping through her bandage. Thank goodness Abby comes in at this time. She looks at us and sees Clarke's chest. She then grabs a cart with medical stuff on it. I'm not sure what everything does. 

"Looks like she popped a few stitches, this won't take long." Abby pulls out her keys and opens a drawer in the cart. She then pulls out a needle and injects it into Clarke. Clarke is fast asleep in seconds. She removes the bandages, slowly cutting the rest of the stitches out. It doesn't take long for her to redo the rest and before long she is putting a fresh bandage out. Clarke should be out for the rest of the night, if what was in the needle is the same sedative Clarke told me about. "Wanna tell me what happened? Please, tell me y'all weren't doing anything you shouldn't have been doing."

I look at Abby, though it takes me a moment before I realize what she is asking. "Clarke had a nightmare. I guess she grabbed her chest too hard when she sat up. I am not really sure, but we were not doing anything but sleeping."

"So you weren't having sex with my daughter?"

"Abby, though it isn't your business who Clarke has sex with or when, for that matter, no we were not having sex. We were just sleeping. I will tell you this only once and only once, my relationship with your daughter is none of your concern. I will tell you that I love Clarke, more than anything. I will spent my whole life just making sure she is happy. If I ever hurt her again, you can get in line to put a bullet in my head. You would be too late because I would have already thrown myself off the top of the tower in Polis."

Abby looks me in the eye, trying to gauge my honesty. "Thank you, Commander. That is all I need to know."

"Abby, I will also say this, I will be in your daughters life as long as she will have me. I hope that she stays in mine till I draw my last breath. You are her mother, I don't like you much, but Clarke loves you. That makes you family, in private please call me Lexa."

"Ok Lexa, get some sleep and make sure Clarke stays in bed as long as possible. Take care of my daughter."

"I always will. Night Abby."

Abby and Indra leave the room, closing the door on their way. I lay down next to Clarke, holding her tight. I hope one day her nightmares lessen, but from past experience with my own, I know they never fully go away. All I can do is be there for her, hold her and wait till she is ready to talk about them.

I think about Abby, she infuriates me so much at times. She is stubborn like her daughter, but she lacks on her leadership qualities. She only sees what is in front of her, not the consequences of not looking at the big picture. 

She also sees Clarke as still her little girl. I wish Abby could see the Clarke I know. Clarke sees everything. Clarke was a strong leader when I first met her, but now that strength has grown so much. A good leader learns from their mistakes, but also does everything to fix them and not repeat them. 

It takes a few hours to finally find asleep again. Even in my sleep I still have Clarke on my mind. We are in a field of wildflowers, next to us is a lake with a waterfall. The sunlight shining on Clarke's hair, her eyes bright and shining as she is laughing at something I said to her. I put my arms around her and we are kissing when I feel a body ram into the back of my legs. I look down and see a little girl about six years old. She has dark hair almost like mind, and blue eyes just a shade lighter than Clarke's. Clarke reaches down to pick her up and starts tickling her. I wake up with a smile on my face. 

I don't know who the child was but I could see how much Clarke loved her, and so did I. I wonder if she was ours, but know that would bd impossible. There is a knock on the door and I let Octavia and Lincoln in carrying breakfast. "How is she Lexa? Indra said she had a rough night."

"She will be fine. She had a nightmare and ripped some stitches out. When she wakes up, I will see if she wants to postpone today, but knowing her she will force the issue of it being today." 

"Stubborn as always, reminds me of someone else I know. I cant say that I blame her though, its already been postponed close to a week and she isnt going to let someone else get shot." Octavia says.

"Being stubborn is a trikru trait, only reason I am allowing you to join."

"I'm hurt, Lexa. Here I thought it was because of my good looks."

"Seriously Octavia, your joining because you may have been born in space but your heart is trikru. Indra saw it the first time you fought one of my warriors."

"I got my ass kicked."

I can't help but laugh at that, "Yeah, I heard that too. Thing is you didn't give up. Now, you can kick all their asses. Now, go stand in the hall with Lincoln. I have to help Clarke get dressed."

"Sha, Lexa."

They both leave and I start to wake Clarke up. "Clarke, we have to go eat, you need your strength." 

"Lexa, I don't know if I can do this. The weapons I know have to go. I don't know if I can hurt Jasper. He's already hurting so much and it's my fault."

I go to wipe the tears threatening to fall from Clarke's face, "Clarke, there is no way around it. My people will expect death. I, myself, would prefer it as well, but only because it was you that he hurt. What we are doing is for the best. He gets punished and also gets the help he needs. I am just sorry that you have to help in his punishment. I know how hard it is for you. I am going to be right with you the whole time."

"I know, I just wish it could be different." 

"One day it will be. I promise. Blood must not have blood will work. It just takes time to change almost 100 years of doing things that way."

After we eat breakfast in silence, I help Clarke get dressed. I then help Clarke back to the bed. "Rest a little bit longer, my love. I need to see if there is any news on Ryder." 

Clarke stops me from leaving with a hand on my wrist. I lean down to give her a quick kiss. "I won't be long, I promise. Octavia will be with me and Lincoln will be right outside the door."

She nods her head and I head out the door. Abby told me short walks were giod for Octavia, as long as she wears her brace. Just as good I want to talk to her. "Octavia, your with me. Lincoln, stay with Clarke."

"Sha, Lexa. No one will disturb her."

"Thank you, Lincoln."

Octavia and I head outside towards Indra. I feel a bit nervous, "I know this isn't the right time to talk about this. Clarke is still recovering, but there are a few things I want to do, for Clarke. I wanted to ask you about a few things she might like."

"She likes alot of things Lexa. Your going to have to be a bit more specific."

"I want to do something to make Clarke feel better. She is having a hard time with what has to be done with Jasper. Not to mention everything else that has happened. I was just wondering, what are some of the things she likes to do."

"Ah, I get it. You want to have some kind of date with her. Your so romantic, who would have thought it"  
  
"What's a date?" I have no clue what Octavia just said.

"A date is where you spend time with someone you care about, just the two of you. Like courting someone."

Now I get it, usually trikru only court someone that they want to bond with. It is true that I want that with Clarke, but I honestly don't think she is ready yet. "Oh, I am not sure she is ready for that yet, Octavia."

"Trust me Lexa. She is ready and I get the feeling so are you. So, what I have noticed about Clarke is her need to go off on her own at times. I would see her alot by the lake, usually drawing or just sitting there quietly thinking. With Clarke it's simple, she would more than likely just want to be somewhere quiet with you. She loves nature. She draws it alot. She drew it so much, even before we came down. She would kill me if she knew, but I saw her drawings when she left. It told me alot about her decisions on certain things. She has a passion for nature and a certain someone that we both know. Take her to a special spot of yours, maybe with a waterfall, there is one outside of Ton Dc that I think not many people know about. Lincoln showed me. There is a hot spring under the waterfall. It will also help with her injuries."

"I saw her drawings as well. They are the best I've ever seen, though Lincoln is pretty good as well. I know the waterfall quite well, Lincoln and I would go there as kids. Not many people know about the hot springs there. Do you really think that would help her?"

"Yes, she needs time to heal, but healing isn't always just physical injuries. Clarke has so much pain inside her, but I see it slowly getting better for her. Each time I see her with you she seems a little lighter, a little more free. Thank you, Lexa. I know you love her and it shows just as much as it shows that she loves you. Clarke deserves love more than any of us, cept maybe Raven. I know how hard it was for you, with being taught love was weakness and that just because you are commander that you should be alone."

"Thank you, Octavia. Your right I do love her. She also taught me that love is not weakness, it is in fact strength. Soon I will tell you what I told her, because I believe it is the same thing with you and Lincoln. For now we are at our destination."  
  
Ryder looks up from talking to Indra, "Heda, how is Clarke."

"Her injuries were severe, but she will be just fine, after some time healing." 

Ryder looks relieved. So many of our people love Clarke. She brings them justice and peace, as well as taking care of our biggest enemy, the mountain. That earned them her respect, but their love came when they saw how she cared for all of them, not just her own people. However, I wish she hadn't had to do it alone. I will always regret leaving that night at the mountain. It's my deepest regret in my whole life. I kept the tears off my face all the way to Polis, but when I got there it was a different story. I cried for many nights after that. It killed me to know that I caused her so much pain. I could see it on her face when I turned around. Never again though.

"Ryder, were you able to bring what I asked?"

"Sha, but Alec and Anton added to the armour. They said it will provide more cushion to help from impact injuries. I inspected them all and I think you will be most pleased. They also said that they are making more in case we ever need a spare."

"Thank you, Ryder, but why are you not wearing yours?"

"I refuse to wear mine, until Clarke has hers."

I look at him a second and after a quick nod I call two of my warriors over, "Carry these to Wanhedas room, leave them with Lincoln. I will be following in a moment."

"Sha, Heda."

"Indra finish here and join us there. Ryder, your with me."

We slowly make our way back to Clarke's room, with my warriors passing us on our way. I nod to them, in gratitude. Lincoln, Octavia, Ryder, and I all put both crates into the room. Clarke sits up and asks, "What is all this?"

Clarke's POV 

I walk over and reach for her hand kissing the back of it, "This is everyone's new armour. Ryder brought it back from Polis. Everyone I care about will be wearing it." 

Clarke looks up at me and says, "I can't wear any armour yet. Mom said not for a good while, it would slow down with the healing."

"Clarke, this will only help you. They made it even better than your last set. Let's try it on and see how it fits. If it harms anything we can take it off again. I would feel better if you were protected."

"Ok, I will try it on. If it causes too much pain, you will just have to deal with with me with no armour for awhile."

Lexa looks down and frowns, "You have to be protected. I can't lose you."

"Your never gonna lose me, Lexa."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Clarke."

Octavia steps over at this time, "Lexa, we will all help keep Clarke safe, and you as well." She then looks at me, "Clarke, just try on the damn armour. We will help."

"I said I would do it. I prefer to keep it on. I just want to prepare myself for if anything hurts too much."  
  
"That is all I ask, my love."

Lexa squeezes my hand, then helps me up. Octavia and Lexa then help me into my armour as Lincoln and Ryder put theirs on. It isn't until Lexa goes to latch the last buckle that I start to feel any pain. Lexa looks at me with concern in her eyes. I take a deep breath and the pain finally subsides. "I'm ok. It only hurt a little bit. What did they do with the armour. It feels softer on the inside."

Ryder comes over and explains, "They added extra padding, it will help with impacts as well as a crush injury. They thought it would help with the injuries you sustained and hopefully prevent anymore, if they should occur."

"Thank you, Ryder. It certainly does make it more comfortable." It's at this time that Indra walks in. 

Lexa goes over to her and hands her the new armour. "As my general, friend, and guard you will be wearing the new armour as well. You have already been shot twice and as we learned with Clarke it stops bullets. Though I wish she didn't have to get shot in order to see that it works."

"Lexa it is an honour to wear it and protect you and Clarke."

I look at Lexa and say, "Lexa, I told you, this wasn't your fault. If anyone's it was mine. I should have been more on guard and I definately shouldn't have left alone." 

Octavia looks between both of us, shaking her head, "Both of you stop. It was neither of your fault. Either one of you would die for the other. There is no point in arguing, we all know who's fault it was, and he will be getting his punishment soon. Then Luna will help him heal. I for one am glad that you are both alive. Now stop fighting and let's go."

Lexa just raises her eyebrow and we all walk out the room. I find myself not having to lean on Lexa quite so much this time, but I still hold onto her arm. Now we just have to get through the next couple of hours.

  
Chapter 22

Lexa's POV 

I'm woken up by sudden movement in the bed and someone screaming in pain. Clarke is sitting straight up in the bed, her hand on her chest gasping air. 

I rush to the door, open it and then run back to Clarke. "Indra!" Indra rushes into the room sword in hand, looking around for intruders. "Indra, get Abby, now."

I look back over at Clarke. "It's ok, Clarke. Your ok. I'm here." 

She looks at me and her breathing starts slowing down. "I'm ok Lexa. Just a nightmare."

I look down at her chest, I see blood seeping through her bandage. Thank goodness Abby comes in at this time. She looks at us and sees Clarke's chest. She then grabs a cart with medical stuff on it. I'm not sure what everything does. 

"Looks like she popped a few stitches, this won't take long." Abby pulls out her keys and opens a drawer in the cart. She then pulls out a needle and injects it into Clarke. Clarke is fast asleep in seconds. She removes the bandages, slowly cutting the rest of the stitches out. It doesn't take long for her to redo the rest and before long she is putting a fresh bandage out. Clarke should be out for the rest of the night, if what was in the needle is the same sedative Clarke told me about. "Wanna tell me what happened? Please, tell me y'all weren't doing anything you shouldn't have been doing."

I look at Abby, though it takes me a moment before I realize what she is asking. "Clarke had a nightmare. I guess she grabbed her chest too hard when she sat up. I am not really sure, but we were not doing anything but sleeping."

"So you weren't having sex with my daughter?"

"Abby, though it isn't your business who Clarke has sex with or when, for that matter, no we were not having sex. We were just sleeping. I will tell you this only once and only once, my relationship with your daughter is none of your concern. I will tell you that I love Clarke, more than anything. I will spent my whole life just making sure she is happy. If I ever hurt her again, you can get in line to put a bullet in my head. You would be too late because I would have already thrown myself off the top of the tower in Polis."

Abby looks me in the eye, trying to gauge my honesty. "Thank you, Commander. That is all I need to know."

"Abby, I will also say this, I will be in your daughters life as long as she will have me. I hope that she stays in mine till I draw my last breath. You are her mother, I don't like you much, but Clarke loves you. That makes you family, in private please call me Lexa."

"Ok Lexa, get some sleep and make sure Clarke stays in bed as long as possible. Take care of my daughter."

"I always will. Night Abby."

Abby and Indra leave the room, closing the door on their way. I lay down next to Clarke, holding her tight. I hope one day her nightmares lessen, but from past experience with my own, I know they never fully go away. All I can do is be there for her, hold her and wait till she is ready to talk about them.

I think about Abby, she infuriates me so much at times. She is stubborn like her daughter, but she lacks on her leadership qualities. She only sees what is in front of her, not the consequences of not looking at the big picture. 

She also sees Clarke as still her little girl. I wish Abby could see the Clarke I know. Clarke sees everything. Clarke was a strong leader when I first met her, but now that strength has grown so much. A good leader learns from their mistakes, but also does everything to fix them and not repeat them. 

It takes a few hours to finally find asleep again. Even in my sleep I still have Clarke on my mind. We are in a field of wildflowers, next to us is a lake with a waterfall. The sunlight shining on Clarke's hair, her eyes bright and shining as she is laughing at something I said to her. I put my arms around her and we are kissing when I feel a body ram into the back of my legs. I look down and see a little girl about six years old. She has dark hair almost like mind, and blue eyes just a shade lighter than Clarke's. Clarke reaches down to pick her up and starts tickling her. I wake up with a smile on my face. 

I don't know who the child was but I could see how much Clarke loved her, and so did I. I wonder if she was ours, but know that would bd impossible. There is a knock on the door and I let Octavia and Lincoln in carrying breakfast. "How is she Lexa? Indra said she had a rough night."

"She will be fine. She had a nightmare and ripped some stitches out. When she wakes up, I will see if she wants to postpone today, but knowing her she will force the issue of it being today." 

"Stubborn as always, reminds me of someone else I know. I cant say that I blame her though, its already been postponed close to a week and she isnt going to let someone else get shot." Octavia says.

"Being stubborn is a trikru trait, only reason I am allowing you to join."

"I'm hurt, Lexa. Here I thought it was because of my good looks."

"Seriously Octavia, your joining because you may have been born in space but your heart is trikru. Indra saw it the first time you fought one of my warriors."

"I got my ass kicked."

I can't help but laugh at that, "Yeah, I heard that too. Thing is you didn't give up. Now, you can kick all their asses. Now, go stand in the hall with Lincoln. I have to help Clarke get dressed."

"Sha, Lexa."

They both leave and I start to wake Clarke up. "Clarke, we have to go eat, you need your strength." 

"Lexa, I don't know if I can do this. The weapons I know have to go. I don't know if I can hurt Jasper. He's already hurting so much and it's my fault."

I go to wipe the tears threatening to fall from Clarke's face, "Clarke, there is no way around it. My people will expect death. I, myself, would prefer it as well, but only because it was you that he hurt. What we are doing is for the best. He gets punished and also gets the help he needs. I am just sorry that you have to help in his punishment. I know how hard it is for you. I am going to be right with you the whole time."

"I know, I just wish it could be different." 

"One day it will be. I promise. Blood must not have blood will work. It just takes time to change almost 100 years of doing things that way."

After we eat breakfast in silence, I help Clarke get dressed. I then help Clarke back to the bed. "Rest a little bit longer, my love. I need to see if there is any news on Ryder." 

Clarke stops me from leaving with a hand on my wrist. I lean down to give her a quick kiss. "I won't be long, I promise. Octavia will be with me and Lincoln will be right outside the door."

She nods her head and I head out the door. Abby told me short walks were giod for Octavia, as long as she wears her brace. Just as good I want to talk to her. "Octavia, your with me. Lincoln, stay with Clarke."

"Sha, Lexa. No one will disturb her."

"Thank you, Lincoln."

Octavia and I head outside towards Indra. I feel a bit nervous, "I know this isn't the right time to talk about this. Clarke is still recovering, but there are a few things I want to do, for Clarke. I wanted to ask you about a few things she might like."

"She likes alot of things Lexa. Your going to have to be a bit more specific."

"I want to do something to make Clarke feel better. She is having a hard time with what has to be done with Jasper. Not to mention everything else that has happened. I was just wondering, what are some of the things she likes to do."

"Ah, I get it. You want to have some kind of date with her. Your so romantic, who would have thought it"  
  
"What's a date?" I have no clue what Octavia just said.

"A date is where you spend time with someone you care about, just the two of you. Like courting someone."

Now I get it, usually trikru only court someone that they want to bond with. It is true that I want that with Clarke, but I honestly don't think she is ready yet. "Oh, I am not sure she is ready for that yet, Octavia."

"Trust me Lexa. She is ready and I get the feeling so are you. So, what I have noticed about Clarke is her need to go off on her own at times. I would see her alot by the lake, usually drawing or just sitting there quietly thinking. With Clarke it's simple, she would more than likely just want to be somewhere quiet with you. She loves nature. She draws it alot. She drew it so much, even before we came down. She would kill me if she knew, but I saw her drawings when she left. It told me alot about her decisions on certain things. She has a passion for nature and a certain someone that we both know. Take her to a special spot of yours, maybe with a waterfall, there is one outside of Ton Dc that I think not many people know about. Lincoln showed me. There is a hot spring under the waterfall. It will also help with her injuries."

"I saw her drawings as well. They are the best I've ever seen, though Lincoln is pretty good as well. I know the waterfall quite well, Lincoln and I would go there as kids. Not many people know about the hot springs there. Do you really think that would help her?"

"Yes, she needs time to heal, but healing isn't always just physical injuries. Clarke has so much pain inside her, but I see it slowly getting better for her. Each time I see her with you she seems a little lighter, a little more free. Thank you, Lexa. I know you love her and it shows just as much as it shows that she loves you. Clarke deserves love more than any of us, cept maybe Raven. I know how hard it was for you, with being taught love was weakness and that just because you are commander that you should be alone."

"Thank you, Octavia. Your right I do love her. She also taught me that love is not weakness, it is in fact strength. Soon I will tell you what I told her, because I believe it is the same thing with you and Lincoln. For now we are at our destination."  
  
Ryder looks up from talking to Indra, "Heda, how is Clarke."

"Her injuries were severe, but she will be just fine, after some time healing." 

Ryder looks relieved. So many of our people love Clarke. She brings them justice and peace, as well as taking care of our biggest enemy, the mountain. That earned them her respect, but their love came when they saw how she cared for all of them, not just her own people. However, I wish she hadn't had to do it alone. I will always regret leaving that night at the mountain. It's my deepest regret in my whole life. I kept the tears off my face all the way to Polis, but when I got there it was a different story. I cried for many nights after that. It killed me to know that I caused her so much pain. I could see it on her face when I turned around. Never again though.

"Ryder, were you able to bring what I asked?"

"Sha, but Alec and Anton added to the armour. They said it will provide more cushion to help from impact injuries. I inspected them all and I think you will be most pleased. They also said that they are making more in case we ever need a spare."

"Thank you, Ryder, but why are you not wearing yours?"

"I refuse to wear mine, until Clarke has hers."

I look at him a second and after a quick nod I call two of my warriors over, "Carry these to Wanhedas room, leave them with Lincoln. I will be following in a moment."

"Sha, Heda."

"Indra finish here and join us there. Ryder, your with me."

We slowly make our way back to Clarke's room, with my warriors passing us on our way. I nod to them, in gratitude. Lincoln, Octavia, Ryder, and I all put both crates into the room. Clarke sits up and asks, "What is all this?"

Clarke's POV 

I walk over and reach for her hand kissing the back of it, "This is everyone's new armour. Ryder brought it back from Polis. Everyone I care about will be wearing it." 

Clarke looks up at me and says, "I can't wear any armour yet. Mom said not for a good while, it would slow down with the healing."

"Clarke, this will only help you. They made it even better than your last set. Let's try it on and see how it fits. If it harms anything we can take it off again. I would feel better if you were protected."

"Ok, I will try it on. If it causes too much pain, you will just have to deal with with me with no armour for awhile."

Lexa looks down and frowns, "You have to be protected. I can't lose you."

"Your never gonna lose me, Lexa."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Clarke."

Octavia steps over at this time, "Lexa, we will all help keep Clarke safe, and you as well." She then looks at me, "Clarke, just try on the damn armour. We will help."

"I said I would do it. I prefer to keep it on. I just want to prepare myself for if anything hurts too much."  
  
"That is all I ask, my love."

Lexa squeezes my hand, then helps me up. Octavia and Lexa then help me into my armour as Lincoln and Ryder put theirs on. It isn't until Lexa goes to latch the last buckle that I start to feel any pain. Lexa looks at me with concern in her eyes. I take a deep breath and the pain finally subsides. "I'm ok. It only hurt a little bit. What did they do with the armour. It feels softer on the inside."

Ryder comes over and explains, "They added extra padding, it will help with impacts as well as a crush injury. They thought it would help with the injuries you sustained and hopefully prevent anymore, if they should occur."

"Thank you, Ryder. It certainly does make it more comfortable." It's at this time that Indra walks in. 

Lexa goes over to her and hands her the new armour. "As my general, friend, and guard you will be wearing the new armour as well. You have already been shot twice and as we learned with Clarke it stops bullets. Though I wish she didn't have to get shot in order to see that it works."

"Lexa it is an honour to wear it and protect you and Clarke."

I look at Lexa and say, "Lexa, I told you, this wasn't your fault. If anyone's it was mine. I should have been more on guard and I definately shouldn't have left alone." 

Octavia looks between both of , shaking her head, "Both of you stop. It was of your fault. Either one of you would die for the other. There is no point in arguing, we all know who's fault it was, and he will be getting his punishment soon. Then Luna will help him heal. I for one am glad that you are both alive. Now stop fighting and let's go."

Lexa just raises her eyebrow and we all walk out the room. I find myself not having to lean on Lexa quite so much this time, but I still hold onto her arm. Now we just have to get through the next couple of hours.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Clarke's POV 

As we walk towards the gate, I notice everyone is outside ready to follow us. Trikru and skaikru alike. I don't remember eating lunch but I know Lexa would have made me eat something. I know I have to speak to the people and I know they won't like what I have to say. I never liked speeches coming from myself, but after Pike I know how mine affect people. I nod to Miller and it isn't long before he comes back with guards and warriors carrying out crates and crates from the Ark.

An Arkadian calls out from the crowd, "What's going on here. That's all our weapons. They are taking our weapons."

I nod to Miller and he brings over the man, making him kneel at our feet. I notice five sets of eyes on him, with hands resting on swords. Indra pulls hers out "Do not disrespect or question your leader." She does not get close to him so I count that as a good sign. 

Lexa squeezes my hand and I turn to Raven. "Is everything ready."

Raven nods and says, "Its all set up, the fires will burn for hours with the guns and the ammo, they will melt slowly but won't burn or explode. Shame really, I would like for something to go boom. I have removed all gun powder as well, for you to safely store in Polis. Never know when it will be needed for something."

"Thank you Raven." I notice everyone, even trikru starting to get antsy. I guess now is a good time to begin. "Miller start unloading everything."

I look out at the crowd and see alot of angry Arkadian faces. "Listen up people, I know that for a long time all of you have thought that you were better than the people that inhabited the earth before we came down. That stops right now. The other clans are just like us. They have families and friends as well. They fall in love and have children, same as us. They have been surviving here alot longer than us. When we came down they made mistakes, but so did we. We now have peace amongst the clans. That could change though, if we don't learn from our previous mistakes. These weapons here cause so much destruct, all in a blink of an eye."

I nod to Indra and she brings me a list. As I unfold it I, I notice it reaches to the ground and then some. I feel the tears in the back of my eyes, but I blink then away. "I know you are wondering what this is. I will not read it all to you, just the first few people on this list. Aric kom trikru, father of two, wife killed at the mountain. Alina and Katya will now grow up without parents. Pike did that. One more name Andre kom trikru husband to Milina kom trikru. Milina died at dropship. Their oldest son, Artigas died trying to protect his sister Nina from Finn, when he shot up their village. Artigas had once saved Octavia's life. He was only fourteen. Andre was also a brother of Nyko and Indra, whom we all know. They are both friends. Pike hurt so many people because he thought we were better than everyone else in the clans. He was power hungry and we gave him that power."

I pause for a moment, lettinf it all sit in. I don't see many dry faces, including my own. "I say no more. We will not be the cause of senseless slaughter ever again. From now on we will train with trikru, using their methods of survival. We will hunt with them. We will learn the ways of their healers as they will learn ours. We share our food and technology with them as well. We are the reason so many people need our help in order to survive the winter."

I take another deep breath and look at Raven and Miller. They start destroying the weapons. I notice the rest of skaikru starting to get angry and hold up my hand. They all stop and look at me. "I know this will not be easy, especially for a few of you. You believe that guns are the only thing that can protect you. That is so not true. They are all being melted down so that the trikru will help teach a few of you how to forge swords and knives. These people will then hand them out as they are finished and trikru will commence training in hunting, fishing and even self-defense."

I look at Lexa, squeeze her hand and continue. "We are part of the coalition, that means that we are part of the commanders people. We are a strong clan but we don't know how to live on the ground, yet. It is high time that we learn. We either learn or we die, plain and simple. You all have a choice here. You can either be the thirteenth clan or you can be the thirteenth station. The choice is yours. It is an individual choice. This is the only time you can make it. However, if you chose to be the thirteenth station then you will face the same consequences as they did. I will not give second chances on this issue anymore. You have fifteen minutes to decide."

At this time Lexa snaps her fingers and a warrior brings a seat over for me and bows to me. "For you, Wanheda. Ste yuj." He then walks away.

Octavia hands me a water skin and after I drink my full, I turn to Lexa. "Lexa, I can't be seen as weak. Especially when we get to Ton Dc. So no more chairs. I will be alright."

"Clarke, everyone knows what happened to you. No one, not even me expected you to be up and walking this soon. Yes, they can see that you are still hurting, but they already know your strength. You died twice, it takes time to recover from that. You have nothing to prove, but if that is what you want I will see to it."

"Lexa, I just can't appear to be weak. If I did how would anyone ever accept us being together." 

"Clarke, you are the strongest of us all. None of the people see you as weak. They see it in everything that you do. I so wish you could see what everyone else does."

"I know what you see, Lexa. Though I don't see it myself. I don't know if I ever will. I just know that I will always do my best to make sure that the strength you see in me is not questioned by anyone."

"I love you, Clarke and I know you feel the same. To me, that is all that matters. Let anyone ever try and doubt us again. It will not go well for them."

"I do love you, Lexa. For now I think it is time to get this over with. The next part will be harder."

She then kisses the back of my hand and helps me up. I hold my hand up and all is quiet. "As I was saying earlier, things around here are going to change. If that is not something you can handle, then by all means, leave now. Know this though, if you leave you will be clanless and no help will to you. You will be alone. Anyone caught offering you aid will be severly punished and you in your fate. You will forever be invisible to all." 

I look around and not one single person makes a single move. "Ok, with that out the way. Arcadia has proven themselves to be untrustworthy. They are like children on the ground. For this reason there will be no more elections. The chancellor position will be held until I decide y'all can handle the responsibly. In the meantime, we still have a council in place. I will be in Polis, as I am needed there. That does not mean that you won't have people here that are trustworthy to help you transition. Raven and Miller are in charge when I am not here. Anything major that happens, I am just a radio call away. There will be no questions asked, this is final."

I look over at Miller and nod. Miller brings Jasper out and ties him to a pole, the same one we had Pike on last week. His bloodstains still remain on the pole and on the ground. "By now you have all heard about what Jasper has done. While normally the coalition demands death by a 1000 cuts to someone who tried to assassinate their leader. That however, is not what is going happen here. The commander has made a new law, blood must not always have blood. This is my punishment and I alone decided what it would be, as it was me that he tried to kill."

I look at Jasper and together Lexa and I walk over to him. "Jasper Jordan kom skaikru, you have been charged of kidnapping and attempted murder of your leader. It is understood that during the war with the mountain you lost someone you cared about. This does not mean that you are excused from your crimes. Maya' s last words were ("none of us are innocent"). This is the last thing she would want you to do. She would have wanted you to be happy And eventually that is what will happen. For crimes against your leader you will be sentenced to twenty cuts and imprisonment in floukru for five years, where hopefully you will have time to think on your actions and heal."

Lexa goes to pull out her dagger, but I stop her and get mine out. The first cut all he does is laugh, but on the second cut I go deeper and he is no longer laughing. It doesn't take long for everyone everyone else finish. Lexa calls over two warriors and I call over my mom. 

Lexa then says to the guards. "Take him to medical, let Abby tend to his wounds and then guard him. We will be leaving in the morning. He will be joining us."  
  
I look at mom and say, "When you are finished with Jasper, meet us in the council room for dinner and a short meeting." 

I then look at everyone else, knowing how long it will take my mom to take care of Jasper, "The meeting will start in thirty minutes or so. Lincoln go take Octavia to sit for a bit. She has been on that leg long enough. Ryder, Indra your with us."

"Sha, Clarke."

We make our way to the council room so I can sit while we wait. Ryder and Indra stay outside to guard the door. "Lexa, I shouldn't have ordered your warriors around today. I was wondering why they followed me so quickly when you were standing right there? They didn't even so much as glance at you."

"Clarke, most of our people see us as one now. Where ever you go I go and where ever I go you go. During most things that we do, we put up a united front."

"Doesn't that put a target on your back though? Having them think I am making decisions for you."

"On the contrary, Clarke. They see you as my balance and me as yours. They see us both making decisions together that help all the clans. They now see you just as much as a leader to them as they do me. They see that alone we are strong, but that together we are even stronger."

"What does that mean for us?"

"It means that the people accept you and love you as one of their own. It means that not only do they accept us as their leaders but also accept our love. It means less people trying to take away what we have and more people who will do what they can to make sure it stays this way. Less enemies and more allies."

"Oh, I see, I just still can't wrap my head around it. Skaikru have caused so much pain and still they are willing to accept us as one of their own, when last month all they wanted to just kill us and with good reason too. What changed their minds?"

"You did, Clarke. First, you saved their commander's life. Then you made the decision to not kill Emerson. Then you put your life on the line to prove to them that you and your people stand with the coalition. You went to war with the traitors in your clan and brought them justice. You didn't stop there though, you made sure it couldn't happen again and are having your people help the the families of the people Pike wronged. You did all that. You and you alone. They know this. You have more than proven yourself to our people, time and time again."

"I never wanted this. I never wanted to lead. It was just something that was thrown at me. Dad told me once that I would lead our people, better than anyone else ever has. I didn't believe it at the time. I was twelve at the time, without a care in the world. I think I even laughed at him. Right before I was sent down her mom told me my instincts were to take care of everyone, but I needed to take care of myself first. No one else could have done it, I see that now. They listened to Bellamy the first few days, but I saw right through him. I mean think of all the chaos, he actually had people thinking that they could do whatever the hell they wanted whenever the hell the wanted. I finally convinced him and the others that it couldn't be that way. He did have his good points but the war changed him. Then I wasn't there, but Pike was. Now there is just no way that I will give up the leadership role placed upon my shoulders. Not because I want the power, but because I want peace. There are too many skaikru that don't know how to achieve that."

"I never wanted to lead as well, but it just so happened that the people needed me as their leader. It took many wars, many deaths, and many compromises to form the coalition. I still haven't finished even half of what needs to be done in order to achieve a long lasting peace. We are closer today than we have ever been though. We were both born to lead. I believe we were born to lead together."

"I don't mind leading, as long as we are together. I couldn't do it without you. I know you say I am strong, but sometimes I still don't feel it. Only with you beside me do I feel it."

"Clarke, though I don't wish it, there could be times when we are separated. I never want to go a day without you with me. I've been there and it almost killed me. I will do everything in my power to keep us together, but know this, if our people need us in separate places for a bit, at sometime in the future, I am always with you. I will always try to make it back to you as swiftly as I can. For now though, we don't have to worry about it."

I stand up, grabbing onto her waist and kiss her. I wish the kiss was longer but we are interrupted. Lincoln starts passing around our dinner. Everyone shuffles in. As Marcus sits down next to my mother he glances at the two of us and says, "Clarke, before we start there is something I would like to say." 

I can tell that my mother doesn't agree with it, but Marcus seems adamant about sharing. "Go on Marcus."

"Up on the Ark I made alot of mistakes which caused alot of people their lives. Down here I have made a few mistakes as well. If I could go back I would have not let Pike come into power. I can't go back though. I want you to know that I believe in you as our leader, and I support everything you do. Even if there are times I don't understand it at first. This thing with the trikru, helping them, I want to add my full support and would like to be one of the ones to help bring them supplies and anything they need. If they need a strong back to help rebuild in Ton Dc, I am here if needed. Anything that is needed I am here. There are also a few that came up to me and volunteered as well. Even someone from farm station wants to help. I would like to organize the people sent to the villages. I think that is something that is needed."

I look over to Lexa and smile, "Marcus, I wasn't always your biggest fan on the Ark, but you know this. Down here, I have noticed the change in you. You have always supported me in war and when trying to have peace. Lexa and I were already talking about that. We couldn't think of anyone better too organize all this. However, as you aren't fluent in trigedasleng yet, though you are getting better, Indra purposed sending a few warriors with you to translate only and to protect the group. Miller will be sending a few guards along as well. Out of anyone else your are the best person for this. Raven will see to it that you have a radio. Keep it charged."

I look around, "Now that that is settled. Tomorrow we are heading to Ton Dc. Jasper will be joining us. He is to be guarded at all times. Marcus you will join us in the next day. Have your team ready. There you will learn where you are needed next. Mom, you will stay here. You are needed in medical. People will come from all the villages in trikru and learn from you. You will also teach them what you know. And mom, remember, you are not in charge here. I am, and while I am gone you will report directly to Raven and Miller."

"Raven, Miller your plates will be full with training, leading and weapons making, but as you have time I need radios made for all the leaders and ambassadors of every clan. Eventually, I want more for all the clans, but first will be trikru." I quickly glance any Lexa before I continue. "Also, send a radio to Nylah, she runs a trade post on the borders of Azgeda and Trikru. She is one of the first people that hears anything between the two clans. Get as much help as you need."   
  
"Monty, your in charge of farm station. Work on growing crops and building greenhouses. When you have time I want you to get with Sinclair and help Raven with the radios. I know this is alot, and I know it will take time, but I have full faith in you all. You have never let me down. Radio me with anything. I will come back if needed. Until then, as it is almost winter, you probally won't see me for a few months. I have heard that travel is hard during winter. That doesn't not mean that I won't come back before then if needed."

I glance at the room one more time, "We will be leaving at first light tomorrow morning. I wish I could stay longer to help with the transition, but not only do we have things to do in Ton Dc, but we are also needed in Polis."

With that I go to get up and my knees buckle under me, but Lexa is right there, making sure it don't fall. My mom gets up and says, "Regaurdless of others needing you, you are not ready for travel. Your body needs more time to heal. As your doctor I am not releasing you yet."

I sigh and say, "As your leader and someone who has practiced medicine since she has been able to walk, I am releasing myself. I will have Nyko with me the whole way. I am more than confident that he can care for me just as well as you can." 

I start walking out the room, leaning on Lexa the whole way. I might have over done it a bit today. I am just so exhausted. We get to the room and I turn around to our four guards, "Get some rest. We will be fine for the night."

With that I turn back around and head into the room, with Lexa right with me each step of the way. We make it to the bed and she asks, "Are you ok, Clarke?"

"I'm fine, a little sore, but mainly just tired."

Lexa takes off my armour and clothes, then gently lays me down. She doesn't take long with her armour and clothes before she is right there with me, her arms wrapped gently around me. "Rest Clarke, I am here. I love you."

"Night Lexa, I love you so much."

She kisses my forehead and as soon as I close my eyes I am asleep.

  



	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Clarke's POV 

I am waiting for Octavia to show up, I am not sure what we are going to do about Pike. I am sickened by the thought of what Bellamy has empowered him to do. The door opens and it is Bellamy standing there, "Hello Clarke."

I shake my head and then it isn't Bellamy standing there anymore. It's Titus. "You know Lexa won't do what she has to do for her people as long as you are standing in the way. You have to die."

This isn't happening, both Bellamy and Titus are dead. I close my eyes, and when i look up again, there there is Jasper pointing a gun at me. "People always die when you are around. Only one way to change that."

Suddenly the door opens and there is Lexa. She sees the gun, looks at me and before I know it she is standing in front of me. BANG!

"Noooooo! Lexa! You can't die for me."

Lexa falls to the floor and I am by her side. I can't seem too stop the bleeding there is just so much. "Don't die on me. Beja!" 

"I love you so much Clarke. My fight is over. I will see you in the next life."

"No, don't leave me, I can't do this without you." I watch the light go out of her eyes and I know it is too late.

I turn around to see Jasper laughing ad he glares at me, "This is even better, now you know how it feels." He then turns the gun on himself. 

Sharp pains cascade through my body. My chest feels like it's going to explode right out of my body. I clench my fist and lunge myself at Jasper. I can't seem to reach him though. It's like something is holding me back.

"Clarke, wake up, Beja. It's ok, I am here. Wake up, my love."

"Lexa, Jasper killed you. You aren't really here."

Lexa leans over and kisses me, still holding me tight. She presses her forehead against mine. "I am here, Clarke. I told you I am not going anywhere. It didn't happen. Jasper won't hurt us ever again. I am here, I am real and I am not going anywhere."

I collapse into her, sobbing, "It was so real, it was so real. Bellamy, Titus, and then Jasper. I thought I lost you."

"It's ok my love. It never happened. I'm never leaving you. I've got you, I'm never letting you go."

We just lay there for what seems like forever, Lexa gently rocking me. "I can't lose you Lexa. Dream or no dream. I can't lose you."

"I will always be with you."

It's at this moment I notice that she is bleeding. She has a cut on her jaw that is already starting to swell. I reach up and gently touch it, before yanking my hand back. I did that. "Clarke, it's ok my love. I'm ok. This isn't your fault."

"I hurt you, Lexa. I'm sorry." I turn away looking at the floor. 

"This, this is nothing. Aden has none more damage in training. I am fine. It wasn't your fault. We can't help what happens in our dreams."

"It doesn't matter, I still hurt you."

"Did you mean to? Would you do it when you are awake?"

I look back up at Lexa, "No! Never. I would never hurt you."

"Then it doesn't matter. I know you would never hurt me. Just like I would never intentionally hurt you. I did that once. Never again. It almost killed me."

"But Lexa, I did h" that is all that I get out before I feel her lips on mine. 

After a few minutes Lexa slowly pulls back, looking deeply in my eyes, "Ahhh. It doesn't matter. Dream or no dream, if someone hurt you, it would be alot worse than one bruise and a split lip. I am fine. You are what is important right now."

"I will be ok, Lexa."

"I know that, hodnes. It's just that your nightmares do not seem to be letting up. I know you don't want to take anything to help you sleep, but there are other methods that might help."

"Like what. I can't keep hurting you when I am sleeping. I know this isn't the first time, is it?"

Lexa sighs deeply, "No, but that doesn't matter. When we get back to Polis, we will go see Gaia. Flamekeepers have different forms of meditation, that help with nightmares. Usually, it is only reserved for the commander, but I know Gaia will want to help you."

"We will try it when we get back, I guess. Until then, maybe we can have Nyko mix some tonic for me. I don't want to hurt you again, nor do I want all of Ton Dc thinking I am killing you in our tent every night."

"As you wish, my love. Now its time to get dressed, so that we have time for breakfast, before we leave. Ryder will finish packing our things."

After breakfast, we head to the gate, where I see horses for everyone but me. I see a wagon in front of the horses with Lincoln and Octavia's horses attached. They have layed out mine and Lexa's furs across the bottom of it for cushion. I look at Lexa. I was going to ask her to let me ride, but I can already see that it isn't going to happen. 

"I will ride in the cart, because I said I would. When we get close to Ton Dc I will walk, or ride with you, Lexa. The choice is yours." 

Lexa looks at me, and I already know what she is going to say, "Clarke, your not ready to ride, yet. Please, ride in the cart the whole way. I know Nyko will be with us, but I don't want to see you in anymore pain. I will ride next to you instead of in the front."

"Lexa, I don't want them to see me as weak."

Indra jumps in at this time, "Clarke, they already know your strength. You have proven it so many times. Many of the warriors have had to ride a cart to come back home after an injury, some not even as serious as the ones you sustained. The people of Ton Dc only want to see that you are alright, even if you have to take some time to recover. I am still not fully recovered from getting shot. Remember, that I rode in a wagon back to Polis. Now get in the wagon, so that we can leave."

Indra then rides to the front of the group, while I get in the wagon in the middle. Indra is less scary than she used to be, but still. Lexa reaches in and pulls my hand to her lips, "I love you Clarke. We will be there by lunch time. Try and rest on the way. I will be right next to you."

Raven and my mother come up to the wagon just as we are about to leave. My mom looks at me and says, "I wish you would stay longer, but I know you won't. Your stubborn just like your father was. Just try and take it easy. I love you Clarke."

Mom then turns to Lexa and to my astonishment and Lexa's, wraps her up in a big hug. It takes a minute but finally Lexa reciprocates. "Take care of my daughter. Next time I see you, I expect to see both of you in good health."

Lexa pulls back from my and says, "I will always keep her safe and hopefully happy at the same time."

Raven comes over, "I will take care of the camp, no worries. Someone has to keep the idiots in line. You take care of yourself. May we meet again."

I look at Raven and simply say, "We will, I promise." We have been through alot together. There are still a few things we need to work on, but Raven is my best friend. She's like a sister to me and I know I am going to miss her.

The gate opens and we slowly ride out. Normally it takes about two hours to get to Ton Dc from Arcadia, but as slow as we are riding, I know it will be at least twice that amount of time. Every once in awhile Lexa looks over at me and smiles. After last night's dreams I am still exhausted, even if we have only been awake a couple of hours. It isn't long before I fall asleep.

As I hear the cries of Heda and Wanheda, I slowly open my eyes. I sit up in the wagon and see everyone bowing to Lexa and I. I am not used to being bowed to. Lexa looks at me and smiles, then turns around to the people and with a raise of her hand everyone slowly stands up.

A boy, probally about twelve comes up to Lexa and with a bowed head says, "Heda, we have yours and Wanheda's tent set up." 

"Thank you, Linus. We will head there for a bit to freshen up."

Lexa grabs my hand and helps me out the cart. We slowly walk to the biggest tent. I am stiff from riding in the cart, but I find walking helps. My chest also doesn't hurt as much as it did yesterday, so that is a good sign that I am getting better. Though I know it will still be awhile. 

I sit on the bed and Lexa sits with me, "How are you feeling, my love."

"Sore, but a little better than yesterday. It looks like alot of repairs have been done to the camp. I would like to see them all, while we are here. I'm sorry we couldn't stop it, but we made the right decision that day. Still hurts though with all the people we couldn't save."

"I am glad your not hurting as much. That day will hurt forever. We lost alot of people that day. We saved many more though. It was the right decision. I wish we didn't have to make those kind of decisions but sometimes there is no other choice. I am glad though that you made it. When you turned back for your mother, I almost thought that you were gone and then I saw you. I was so relieved."

We sit in silence for a few minutes, just thinking about all that was lost that night. It still doesn't get any easier, but I am glad that Lexa made it.

  
I kiss Lexa on the cheek and then lay my head on her shoulder. She wraps her arm around me as we just sit there remembering past ghosts. After awhile, Indra pops her head in and says, "Lexa, Clarke, lunch is ready, and the people want to hear from you both."

"Thank you Indra, we will be right out." Lexa says. 

Lexa grabs my hand to help me up and we walk out. In the time that we were in the tent they have set tables out for everyone with a long table in the front. Lexa and I head there with our guards following us. She pulls a chair out for me and helps me sit, before sitting herself. I have never had anyone who treats me like she does. She is so kind and considerate. She has always been that way, I just didn't see it till recently.

It isn't long before everyone else in the camp is seated. Lexa looks up, "People of Ton Dc, I am pleased to see all the progress made on rebulding. It was a great tragedy that the mountain bestowed upon us. Many lives were lost that day. One thing they could never have taken is our hearts. Our hearts will all remember those that were lost. With rebuilding and moving on with our lives we honour those people. We no longer have to fear the mountain men again or their weapons of mass destruction as well."

Lexa looks at me and then continues. "More recently, we lost many of our warriors to the actions of one mad man and his followers. Warriors that were sent to protect our neighbors in Arcadia. Wanheda went back to Arcadia and took down these traitors of the coalition. Wanheda and the rest of Arcadia stand true to the coalition. Wanheda also punished the traitors herself. There deaths are not worth speaking about any longer. The coalition has been avenged. Wanheda went on to make sure that those weapons will not be used to harm another person. They have all been destroyed. The people of Arcadia want to help to make things right. We can't bring the lives of those lost back. However, the people in Arcadia are going to help with bringing food, medicine, building supplies, radios, and anything else that is needed. They want to help, but most of them still don't know how to hunt properly without their guns. Indra has people teaching them our ways, just as they will teach us different ways of healing and more efficient ways of farming. This will all take time, but no one will be lost because of winter or lack of food. This is was all Wanheda's ideas. She has always tried to help see to the needs of others. She knows that the pain of losing a loved one never goes away, but she is more than ready to help anyone in need. She has a big heart"

Lexa takes a sip of water, glances over at me then pulls my hand up to kiss the back of it. She then still holding my hand continues, "There was another incident in Arcadia, I am sure most of you have heard. One of her people lost someone in the mountain and in their grief blamed Wanheda for his loves death. He attacked and she was severely injured. She is still recovering, but will be fine as you can see. He has been punished for his crime. However, following our new law blood must not have blood, his life has been spared. He will be heading to floukru to spend five years impison. Hopefully while there he will also have time to heal. Now I think we have all waited long enough, let us eat and rejoice in health and friendship."

Everyone is talking and laughing as they eat. This is how I wish it could always be, not just here in Ton Dc, but in all the clans, with all the people coming together just enjoying the company they are with. Lexa looks over at me and I know that she has an idea about my thoughts, "I wish it was like this all the time Lexa."

"We will get there my love, I promise. It's not that far off."

As we finish eating and kids start jumping up and chasing each other. I little boy about six runs up and is taking to Lexa. She is so patient with him. The time and effort to talk to him like every word he is saying is important and so is he. After a minute of talking Lexa looks at me and says, "Clarke, this is Toni, he has something he wants to tell you."

"Hi Toni, you can talk to me I won't bite. I promise."

"My parents died a long time ago, I have always had my brother. There were others that helped take care of us, but really it was just him and me. One day we were at the lake fishing, we were having so much fun. Then we heard the reapers coming. We tried to make it back but I tripped. Linus told me to hide and not come out no matter what I saw or heard. I did what he told me and they took him. I stayed in that bush for hours. After it became very dark, Indra came with warriors and found me. I never thought I would see Linus again. Then, after many months, the commander brought him home to me from the mountain. We later heard that you killed the mountain men. Thank you for making it so I didn't have to worry about them taking Linus again." 

Toni then rushes up and hugs me. I hug him back just as tight. "I am so glad you and your brother are safe and free, so that you can go fishing with him without fear."

Toni then pulls back and with the biggest smile runs off to join his brother and their friends. The small amount of pain from his hug was so worth it. It's still hard to deal with all the death at the mountain, but I am starting to see the good that came out of it. If you count the people of the Ark that survived as well as Lexa's people, we saved close to three hundred that day. Though it effected so many more. Also, with killing all the mountain men, we saved many more from future attacks. It was way worth it. 

After lunch Lexa helps me up and we take a walk around the village. Many people come up and thank us both. After awhile I start to feel overwhelmed and Lexa leads me back to the tent. It's kind of weird, not one of my own people have ever thanked me for the mountain or anything else I have done. A few I know, would have if I had stayed. There are many of my people who disapproved of my methods, but not Lexa's people. 

Someone brought in the rest of our things and Lexa sits me on the bed and starts taking our clothes off. She then leads me to a bathtub that someone has filled for us. After helping me into the tub, she then joins me joins me, sitting behind me. We lay there in the hot tub just relaxing till the water starts to cool. Lexa helps me wash and then helps me out of the tub. She quickly drys me off and sits me on the bed. After drying herself off she rubs ointment on my chest and rebandages it. 

I wish I wasn't so exhausted all the time. The littlest thing wears me out. I know I am getting better but not fast enough for me. There are so many things I want to do (or rather do to Lexa) but they will have to wait. She wouldn't let me anyways, at this time.

Lexa lays me in the bed then wraps a fur around herself. She goes to the front of the tent and talks to Ryder for a minute. She lays the fur on top of me and climbs in bed next to me. "Nyko will be here in a bit with some tonic. I told him to make it not so strong. If need be we can make it stronger tomorrow night." 

Nyko comes in, sets a pitcher of water and two cups on the table. He then hands me a mug, "I made it not so strong and I put extra honey in it for you Clarke. Let me know if you need anything else."

"Thank you, Nyko. We will see you in the morning."

"Anytime, Lexa, Clarke." Nyko replies as he leaves the tent.

I drink the tonic slowly, with the extra honey in it, it is not so bad, just hot. "Lexa, what are we doing tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow we are taking the day off. Indra, Ryder, Lincoln and Octavia will be joining us on a walk to a lake, that is close by. There is a waterfall there as well."

I try and thing about lakes close by, "Sounds nice. Wait, what about the pauna. Isn't he still close to here."

Lexa starts laughing, oh do I love that sound. "Actually, while you were gone all those months, I had Indra talk to Raven about it. She didn't want to help until Indra told her that we lost two warriors and a little girl was seriously injured from another attack. Raven made a bomb and sent Miller with Indra. Indra and some warriors made a trap, while Miller set the bomb. Indra later brought me his head. We don't half to worry about that pauna anymore."

"Oh thank god. I am in no condition to save you again."

"What was it you said that day?"

"I don't remember." Of course I do remember, but what I said was not what I meant to say.

"I may be heartless but at least I am smart." 

"Oh that. I didn't know you that well then. You are smart, but your heart is bigger than anyone I have ever met. You care so much and love so much. You were just trained to hide it."

"I couldn't hide it from you. You saw right through me and because of you I don't have to hide it anymore."

We lay there for a little bit longer stealing quick kisses here and there. It isn't long though before I start yawning. "Get some rest my love. I will be right here."

"Night Lexa, Ai hod yu in."

Lexa leans over and kisses my forehead, wraps her arms around me and I drift off to sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Lexa's POV 

I look over to Clarke, she looks so peaceful, laying in my arms. She didn't wake up at all last night. For once she was free of the dreams that plague her. I have been awake for hours, not having the heart to wake her. 

I smile to myself, since I woke up, my thoughts have been solely on her. I still have a hard time believing that she loves me. She could be with anyone, and it is me that is holding her in my arms. 

In my culture, there are many beliefs, ones that Clarke has never heard of before. One belief is that when a commander finds their keryon that there will be a time of war, followed my a time of grieving. Then there will be great peace throughout the lands.  
  
I believe that time of peace is so close. I would ask Clarke to bond with me today, if I thought she was ready. Soon, I want her to know what it truly means. Bonding is kinda like a skaikru marriage, but it is so much more. Also, bonding with a commander is so rare. It has only happened one other time. I want her to know more about our people first. 

I feel her starting to move, just slightly. I bend down and give her a small kiss on her forehead. Stroking her hair, I say, "Niron, time to wake up. We need breakfast, if we are going to have the energy to walk this morning." 

She curls up closer against me. "How far is this walk."

"It is not far, my love. I would carry you the whole way, if I thought you would let me. Octavia is coming and she isn't ready for walking too much either."

"Walking is good for both of us. I just needed a minute more with you."

I smile down at her, I love this woman so much. I kiss her gently and help her up. It isn't long before we are both dressed and walking out the tent. 

Most of Ton Dc is up and moving. Many are training, some are building, even the children are running around helping. Most have smiles on their faces. This is how it should be always. 

Clarke and I sit down at a table with Indra, Octavia, and Ryder. I see Lincoln in the distance coming back our way with two steaming plates. Clarke looks up, "What is this?"

I sometimes forget that she didn't have many types of food on the Ark. "This fluffy stuff is eggs. A nearby village has many chickens. The meat is called bacon. It is from pigs. It is my favourite"

We start eating and I almost drop my fork. Clarke is clearly enjoying her breakfast, she stiffles several moans. Octavia starts laughing and says, "Sorry, Lexa, but your face."

I feel the heat rising up in my face, "Quiet, Octavia."

Clarke looks up at me, smiles with her face flushed and says, "Sorry, it's just so good. Most of the food on the Ark was bland on a good day. On the bad days it just made you want to gag. There was also not much variety."

"I will make sure you get to try all the food this world has to offer, my love. For now though, let's start our days journey."

Lincoln packed a horse with all that we need for the day. We all stand up and walk towards the gate, with Lincoln pulling the horse. There is one other reason for the horse, if something happens we can make it back to Ton Dc quickly. 

Clarke is leaning on me as we walk, not nearly as much as she has in the last few days. I hope that means that she is healing. The springs in the cave will help with that some. Though we can't change the past, I still wish she hadn't been shot. I keep telling myself, that I didn't lose her, that she is going to be ok. I can't think of the alternative.

I look over to her, she is smiling bigger than I have ever seen her smile. It is so big it reaches her eyes, they are shinny so brightly. I am mesmerized by the beauty of it. After almost stumbling I have to shake my head a bit. Last thing she needs is me causing us both to fall.

  
  
Clarke's POV 

I never got a chance to just take in the wonder of the earth. From almost the first moment we landed, it was all about surviving. The rich greens of the grass and the leaves are really beautiful, but not nearly as beautiful as the green of Lexa's eyes, as she looks over at me. The smile she on her face that could light up the world. I pause a moment to lean in and kiss her cheek. Looking ahead I see the lake, omg it's like nothing I have ever seen before. I have to blink a few times, "Lexa, it's wonderful." I say as my fingers start wiggling at my side. I have to memorize all of it so that I can draw it.

"You have only seen part of it, my love. I have a surprise for you after lunch, but first, I thought we could all swim in the lake. Octavia's leg will do well with the swimming."

Ryder and Indra unpack everything from the horse, laying out blankets and starting a fire. While Lexa help me with my armour and take hers off as well, everyone else is already in the lake. It's an unusually hot day. We wore shorts and tank tops under our armour today. She leads me to the edge of the water and I freeze. "What is it, hodnes?"

"It's just I can't swim. We had a swimming pool on the Ark, but it was drained of water. We always had to reserve water on the Ark. We only took showers every other day and those were timed. I haven't had the chance to learn since coming down."

"It's ok, my love. I will not let you drown and when we get back to Polis I will teach you. It's also only about shoulder deep here. I would teach you now, but swimming can be very tiring."

She pulls me into her arms and just holds me for a moment. With a small peck on my lips she turns around and we start walking back into the water. With as many people who use this lake there is no moss or anything slippery, so I am not worried that I will fall, besides Lexa would never let me fall. However, she is still with me every step of the way. She never let's go. 

She leads me right up to the edge of the water fall, where there is a huge rock for us to sit on. I lean back on her and she wraps her arms around me. Everyone else is swimming and I hear their laughter, even Indras. I close my eyes, never wanting to let go of this moment.

It isn't long before we are getting out the water and Lexa wraps a fur around me, we settle on the blankets Lincoln provided for us. As the others are working on lunch, Lexa gets up and grabs something from the saddle. It looks like a book wrapped beautifully in the softest leather I have ever seen. Lexa joins me back on the blanket and shyly hands it to me. "I thought this would be something you would like, so I made it for you, while I was in Polis."

Opening it up I find it is a journal. Inside the flaps are lined with charcoals. I don't know what to say, I am overwhelmed with it all, not only the gift but the time she spent and the love she poured into it. I feel the tears springing up in my eyes. Lexa grabs my hands and kisses them sweetly. "Lexa, I don't know what to say. Thank you I love it."

I lean in wrapping my arms around her, just resting my chin on her shoulder, breathing her in. "I love you so much, Clarke. I would give you all that I have and so much more. You deserve everything."

I pull back just a little, looking straight into her eyes, "I don't want anything, but you. You make me so happy, by just being here with me. You are my everything."

Just as I am about to lean in to kiss her Octavia plops down next to us, with everyone else coming this way to join us for lunch. Octavia takes one more glance at us and turns to Lincoln, "Lincoln, you should take notes. Us girls hearts flutter when the one we love gives us something meaningful and well thought out, but you probally won't see me crying over it."

Indra looks at Octavia then back to Lincoln, "Lincoln, I bet Octavia would be sobbing for hours, specially if you gave her a new dagger."

Octavia looks at Indra, " Well, what kind of dagger are we talking about here?"

After everyone stops laughing, we all start eating our food. When we have finished, Lincoln looks at Lexa and says, "Lexa, I have set everything up in the springs if you want to head there. We will clean up here and possibly do some more swimming."

She looks at Lincoln and says, "Thank you Lincoln. We will head there now."

"Your welcome Lexa, anytime."

I have no idea what Lexa has planned, but she is slowly helping me up. "What are the springs?"

"Come, my love. I will show you. You will love it. I promise."

Before we make it to the waters edge, we see riders come. They stop and talk to Indra for a minute. They glance at us and head back in the direction of Ton Dc. Indra comes over looking at us and says, "The people have started preparing a feast, in Clarke's honour. When we get back they have something special prepared for her."

Lexa looks at Indra after thinking for a moment, "Thank you Indra, we will head back in about three hours." 

As we continue back into the water, heading to the waterfall, I am just floored. My mind is all over the place. Lexa seems to understand that, not saying a word as we move to just the right side of the waterfall. There is a slight opening, probally about three feet wide, behind the waterfall. If one didn't know it was there, they would not be able to see it. We walk in and it is a spacious cave system, many tunnels leading off in several different directions. Lexa steers me to the left.

As we walk into the room there is a fire with a blanket next to it. Ten feet in front of the fire, there is a small pool of water with steam coming out of it. I have only seen hot springs in books. It looks so tempting, I am not sure I will be able to get in with my injuries. Then I notice someone has chiseled out some steps on the other side of it.

As we slowly get in the water, Lexa pulls me over to a seat someone has also carved. "Lexa, who did all this?"  
  
"Not long after I became commander, an assassin from Azgeda, tried to take my life. I fought them off but I was greatly injured. Anya, Niko, Indra, and Lincoln, carved the steps and the seat. They brought me here to heal. It took just over a week, to heal all my injuries and rid my body of the poisons in my system. After that I made it so that those closest to me could use it to help heal. Though many still don't know of its existence. There is only one other place just like it, though even more hidden. It is just outside of Polis."

As we sit down on the seat, Lexa with her arms around me, while I just lean back against her. After a few minutes, I finally have my thoughts in better order, I ask, "Lexa, Why would the people have a feast in my honor? I have done nothing to deserve it. It is my people who have brought so much pain to them."

"The people respected you for the mountain. All of our people have experienced the pain that natronas bring. When you defeated the skaikru natronas, then made sure that justice was served, you brought peace to their lives. You stopped a war in doing that as well. You risked your life in the process, in doing so you earned your way into their hearts. They wish to honour you because of it."

"I only did what was right, and it still will never be enough for all that was lost."

"You did what no one else but a few commanders have done. You put others before you or your people. To right a wrong, you were willing to sacrife your own life. There could never be a harder sacrife one could make. Our people have strong beliefs, one of them being about sacrifice for others. They would follow you and do anything you ordered. Not because of the fear of Wanheda, but because of love. They love you and want to honour you. This is a good thing."

"I know this is a good thing, I just have a hard time wrapping my head around it. It wasn't long ago that they wanted to see me strapped to a pole."

Lexa leans over and kisses my shoulder, her lips lingering there, "That will never happen, my love. Now just relax and enjoy the springs. You will be surprised how much they will help."

Lexa starts gently rubbing my stomach and sides. She comes close but never quite touching my injuries. Her touch is like an inferno on my skin. When I can't stand it any longer, I turn around looking deep into her eyes and bring my lips up to hers. Her hands move to my back and she returns the kiss with such an intensity has me seeing bright flashes behind my eyes. 

She slowly pulls back, causing a small sharp pain in my chest. Resting her forehead against mine, she says, "We can't, not yet, my love, but soon. Soon there will be nothing stopping us and I will worship you like no other. Our souls will rejoice in our joining, but not just yet."

I can't even begin to describe how much I love this woman. I want it all with her. I want marriage, kids, everything. I want to breathe my last breath while holding her in my arms, when we are old and grey. "Lexa, I can't even, argh! My words just don't seem to be coming. Maybe that is because words aren't enough. I could tell you I love you, but it's so much more. I could draw you a picture, but it wouldn't even come close to how much I love you."

"Clarke, osir keryon ste teina, Ai laik sonraun yu sonraun, feva en otaim."

"What does that mean?"

"Our souls our entwined, you know that part. My life is your life, forever and always."

"I love you, so much."

"I hod yu in. I wish we could stay longer but we need to dry off and head back soon."

"Can we come back, before we leave."

"Of course, My love. We will come for a few hours tomorrow and then we will stop on our way out the next day. We will also visit the one near Polis, before we get to the tower. It's a little different, it is only used for Heda, but I want to share it with you. There are many things things that are special in this world. Wether it be special to the people or special to just me. I want to share it all with you."

I lean in and give her a quick peck on the cheek. "You are special, Lexa. I would love to see it all, with you, but for now I guess we have to get back to the people."

When we walk out, I see that everything is packed except one blanket with our things on it. Lexa helps me dry off and looks at my chest. "You are healing so well Clarke. A lot faster than most. I would like Nyko to check tonight, it shouldn't be healing so fast. It's quite remarkable. How are you feeling hodnes."

I've seen surgeries simular to mine a few times on the Ark, and it takes months to heal. I know I am feeling better, stronger than I should. I can't see my chest very well, but surprisingly it doesn't hurt like it did, just a small ache. "I should be hurting much more than I am. If I had to describe it, it barely aches. It feels like I woke up after sleeping on the ground and not a bed. What does this mean. This is impossible."

"It's not impossible, as it obviously happened. There is a legend among our people, most thought that all it was, was a story. I don't know much about it, but it is written in praimhedas journals. We will know more about it when we get back to Polis."

"What do you know about it?"

"The legend, from what I remember, tells about praimheda and her houmon. They were attacked and got separated. Her houmon, Sophie was kidnapped. It took three days to find her. When they did, they say she was tied to a pole, already dead. Becca cut her bindings and held her in her arms. It was said that you could hear her screams for hundreds of miles. Supposedly Becca didn't remember anything from that night, but her guards did. They tried to pull her off Sophie, but the more they tried the more she cried. These were not normal tears. These were tears of black blood pouring out Becca's eyes. It is said that the screaming and crying went on for three days and when it finally stopped, they thought Becca was dead, with how weak she was. When Becca finally stood up, she bent down and picked up Sophie in her arms. The guards went down on their knees at the sight. You see, Sophie was alive, breathing and looking straight in Becca's eyes. There is more to it, but that is all I remember."

"From everything I have ever read, that is scientifically impossible. Though, since coming down here, I have seen so many things that I believed impossible."  
  
"There are many stories and legends that I have learned to be true. Many since the Ark fell and brought you to me. I will tell you all about them one day. For now though, let's get our armour on and head to your feast." After giving me a brief but still passionate kiss, we start doing just that. Hopefully, a quiet walk back to Ton Dc will help clear my mind.

  



	26. Chapter 26

*********graphic warning. Halfway through the chapter there will be major violence. Kidnap, beheading, torture, death, and miscarriage. I will clearly mark the chapters. I will comment at the end to let you know how it effects the story line, you do not have to read it.************

Chapter 26

Clarke's POV 

Something is going on with my body and I can not understand it. It impossible. I know it is but the proof is not only in how I feel but how Lexa described my wounds. 

I have gone through all possibilities in my mind and medically none of them seem possible. We will talk to Nyko tonight I guess, but even I don't know how to explain it. I need my mom and even then what. 

"Stop thinking so much, my love. We will find out what is going on soon."

"Your right Lexa, but I think my mom should come tomorrow with Kane. I don't want her here yet, but she might be needed. If nothing else she can get some blood samples and return to the Ark to study them."

"We can radio her after the feast and while Nyko is checking you out. Though we still need to read Becca's journals. I think that is where the answers will lie."

"Ok, it's not life threatening. We can wait. It just has me floored is all. I don't understand it and when there is something I don't understand, I have to find out why."

"We will figure it out together, my love, just not tonight. For tonight just enjoy yourself. Trikru have not had many feasts set up for someone that is not one of their own, but when they do, there is nothing like it. Actually, this is only my third one."

"Really, then I think we need to talk to Nyko and my mom before the feast. I wouldn't want anyone to be too tired to enjoy it."

"We can do that Clarke. I already sent a message to camp telling them we need some time to rest after the walk back." 

I lean into Lexa and give her a kiss on the cheek. "You think of everything don't you."

"I try, my love, when it comes to you. I told you, you are my everything."

As we are walking into the gates Lexa calls Ryder over, "Fetch Nyko to our tent please."

"Is everything ok, Lexa? Do you need anything else?" Ryder asks.

"Everything is good. We just have some questions for him and Abby. That will be all. Thank you Ryder."

"It will be done Lexa." Ryder says as he is already walking in the direction of the medical tent.

We walk into the tent and Lexa leads me to the bed after taking off my armour. It isn't but a few minutes before Nyko comes in. Lexa gently removes my shirt for him. He wastes no time in coming over to look at my wounds. 

Nyko looks at my chest and then back at Lexa. After a moment of prodding around the wound he takes the bandages off and looks back at Lexa. "What is the meaning of this. I have only heard of this kind of healing in one other person besides a nightblood. I have never seen it with my own eyes. I thought it was just a story. A story my father would tell me at night as a child. Later it was just a legend in my mind. One that could not possibly be true, or at least most of it. I guess you have already told Clarke the parts that are common amongst our people?"

Lexa grabs my hand and gently squeezes, "I have, I don't know much as I have not read much on it. The scrolls were mostly hidden in Titus's libraries. Tell us all that you know."

"I guess I have to start at the begining. My family was always connected to Rebecca. They lived not far from each other. Becca and Sophie where childhood friends from the time they were born. Tragedy struck when Becca was 12. There was an accident, in which her parents died. Her aunt and uncle took her to go live with them many miles away. They spent many years apart. Sophie became a doctor, one of the best. It was what most of her family knew. She started watching Becca who was quite well known in the knowledge of technology. I never knew what half this stuff was until the Ark came down. At 26 she created a computer program that was supposed to improve quality of life. Like many things, it was corrupted. She thought she had successfully shut it down. She went to space to work on other projects. It wasn't a few weeks later that the program restarted and the bombs went off. She felt such immense guilt over the destruction. She knew she had to come up with something to help the survivors. She worked many nights and days trying to complete it. She took a shuttle like Raven kom skaikru down. She had food, medicine, and other supplies with her. It didnt take long for a group of trikru to find her and less time for them to bring the supplies to camp. She was so guilt-ridden,just knowing what happened because of something you made and seeing it is not the same thing. Seeing can be so much worse. Walking into camp the first person she saw was Sophie. She was helping the sick kids at the time. She hadn't seen her in years, but knew her right away. It is said that the moment Becca made it to Sophie's side their eyes connected. Setting the box on the table, Sophie collapsed and Becca caught her. She took her to the only bed left available. Sophie was so sick with radiation poisoning that many thought she wouldn't make it. Many people wanted Becca gone from camp, as soon as they knew who she was and what she had caused. Sophie's family (the only ones there with medical knowledge) intervened. It didnt take long for the people to realize she was there to help. She worked day and night trying to help. Many still died. Sophie hung on, but many believed that she would never make it. Weeks later most that were going to be healed started to get better. Sophie only continued to get worse. Many a night people would notice Becca holding her hand and crying. Saying how sorry she was and how she never meant for any of it to happen."

Nyko goes over and gets a drink and I look at Lexa as I squeeze her hand. I know how much guilt she feels about leaving me at the mountain. Nyko walks back over and I squeeze his arm, "Take your time Nyko. It's ok."

Nyko sighs, looks at me and smiles. "No one really knows what happened next, but it was nothing short of a miracle. People thought Sophie had maybe a day at most to live. Becca never once left her side. She cried and cried. Before anyone could even begin to comprehend it, Sophie had opened her eyes and was staring straight into Beccas. The days turned into weeks and slowly Sophie got better. Becca still rarely left her side. It was just a couple months later the two decided to unite. Not long after their union the two explained about nightbloods and how Becca chose the 12 children to receive it. The children Sophie spent the last of her energy just to save. Becca went on to explain about the flame embedded in her neck. It is simular to the program that set off the bombs. Though the person who has the flame has complete control over all their actions. Only one with nightblood can receive the flame. It is meant to help guide future leaders in their decisions, learning with each leader. It will always have the memories of its previous lives. It will only guide, it can not take over. I say this because it is not only important for Clarke to know but for the rest of the story. The flame is not the person that holds it. That person is completely their own."

************graphic warning. Torture, death, beheadings, and miscarriage. You do not have to read.**************

Nyko takes another drink and continues, "It had been about a year since Becca came down, many rumors have spread out throughout the lands. Many have joined their village, that they named Ton Dc. However, many have come to seek revenge for the bombs. The village is then attacked leaving Sophie gravely injured. In Becca's grief, a rage sets in her and the people of Ton Dc., 30 warriors band together to fight the over 200 sent against them. It takes only a few hours for them to anhilate the invaders. Thus brings in the beginnings of blood must have blood. After the battle had ended Becca goes to Sophie and again cries over her, and again another miracle happens. She gets better. The injury she sustained should have killed her. Yet, not only did it not, her recovery should have taken months. Though that is not what happens. Within the next week Sophie is almost healed and days after that, it was almost like it never happened. Except for the few scars she had as a reminder. Many battles and almost 5 years later, Sophie had many such injuries that could never be explained, they finally came to the final battle. It was supposed to be the battle to end all battles and it was. Sophie and Becca got separated. Becca never fought harder to end the battle as she did then. She had to find Sophie and save her. When it was finished her and her guards went searching. Two days later they found Sophie's guards. They were beheaded. Still they continued to search. No one would give up hope. Finally, they found her strung up on a pole. Not an inch of her body was unmarked, burns, stabs and cuts. Her life's blood spilt all over the ground. Becca cut her houmon's bindings and gathered her in her arms. Sophie's sister was there at the time. What legend speaks of Becca screaming and crying for three days and nights truly happened, and just like all the stories, Sophie was returned to her love."

Nyko sighs again and takes another drink. After another minute he continues, "What legend doesn't say but was passed down through her sister is that Sophie was pregnant at the time. Though she had not been with anyone but Becca. It was something she was going to tell her after the battle. Her sister Alaina was the only one that knew. Gathering up her sisters baby that no one else had seen, no bigger than her thumb, she wrapped it up with tears in her eyes. Nearly a week later, the baby joined in the pyre with Sophie's guards. Only three people knew about it. Sophie's guards would watch over the baby until they returned to live a more peaceful life on the ground."

***********end of graphic warning**********

I don't know if I can hear anymore. I am crying into Lexa's shoulder now. I knew the story would be hard to hear at times but I didn't know it would get quite so bad. Lexa kisses the top of my head, "We can wait to hear more if you want, my love. Even I didn't know even half of what happened."

"I am sorry, Clarke. I didn't mean to upset you. It is just part of the story, there is not much left."

I look at Lexa a moment, as I lock eyes with her, silently telling her that I am ok. "I am ok Nyko. It's just a lot to process. You can finish."

Nyko takes another drink and continues, "The pair spend many years together leading. They never quite get over the death of their baby, but what parent ever does. Still they were so happy with their lives. The other nightbloods had grown up and had children of their own. In many ways those are their grandkids. Some have nightbloods of their own, while others do not. Almost twenty years later there came a new enemy. Crawling out of the mountain in suits to survive radiation poisoning, they begin to take people, men, women, and children go missing. Those that do return have been changed into monsters. Just as they plan an attack to get their people back, the Mt. Men come up with a new weapon. Their acid fog kills many people. They can't even come close to the mountain. One day they are out walking and the acid fog comes. Sophie gets caught in it and as Becca hears her screaming she runs in and pulls her out. It only took just a few minutes for Sophie to pass. This time there is nothing that saves her. Becca lays her in their bed that night and writes last minute instructions to the Flamekeeper. When she is finished she lays down next to her houmon and never opens her eyes again. It is said that when the first lick of the flame hit their bodies that the pyre split in half right down the middle, spliting their souls in half at the same time. Many say that you might cross paths with your keryon many times and not even know it. There will come a time, when it is right, that you finally find your other half. This will complete you both. This is said of many people. However, most believe that when a commander and her other half finally join, all will know. Some will rejoice, while others revolt. However, one thing remains, once you find each other, there will be no stopping it. I believe that time will come soon. There will be one last war, we will all have to choose a side. As for me, I will follow in my families footsteps. I will serve my Heda and Wanheda and no other."

Nyko drops to his knees and bows to us both. Lexa looks at me quickly, then back at Nyko, "Rise Nyko. You are a friend. You never have to bow to us. I hope this war does not happen, but if it does we will be ready."

I look at Nyko, "Nyko, there are things about this we still don't understand. I will be contacting my mom tonight, maybe she can find out a few things, maybe she can't. We will be heading to Polis, day after tomorrow. We will be reading some more on this. We may never fully understand stand it all. Will you come with us?"

"It would be my honour." 

Lexa squeezes my hand and says, "We have to get ready for the feast now. Have fun tonight Nyko. I think all have earned it."

Nyko nods his head and walks out the tent. I lean over and kiss Lexa, wrapping my arms around her neck. The kiss intensifies significantly, before I know it we are both moaning. Lexa is the first to pull back, resting her forehead against mine, both of us trying to catch our breaths. 

"I'm sorry, my love. We have to get ready. Also, we still have to contact your mom."

"I am worried about my mom knowing, but at the same time, I also think that it might provide a few answers at the very least."

"Not to mention the fact, that if we don't bring her in, we won't hear the end of it. She could cause problems later on." 

"My mom is stubborn. She always thinks things should be her way. Too many years being in charge of medical. She also thinks she has the right to mother me and she lost that right, along time ago."

"I understand most of that. I also know something happened to change how you feel about her. I don't know what that was, just that it was a major factor in both of your lives. You don't ever have to tell me, unless you want to and never till your ready."

"Few people know the extent of my issues with her. I told you how I thought Wells turned my father in. He made me believe it. For almost two years I thought my best friend got my father floated. He didn't want me hating my mom. She never told me the truth. I found out on my own, a few days before Wells was killed. She let me believe it. I lost a lot of time with my best friend, then it was too late. Not to mention, she sent me down to earth with the rest of the 100, when no one on the Ark thought it was survivable. She basically sent us all down to what was supposed to be our deaths. Then she thought she could control me. She still thinks that she knows best. I am trying to get over the past. Our relationship will never be the same again. It doesn't mean that I don't want one."

"It's ok, my love. I see that she is trying as well. I think you are right though, things will never be the same between both of you. However, you decide to work things out with her, I am with you each step of the way."

As we finish talking, Lexa buckles the last buckle on my armour and hands me the radio. "Clarke Griffin to the Ark."

"Hey Clarke, Raven here. How is everything?"

"Everything is good. We don't have much time right now. We have to leave for a feast in a moment. I just need you to relay a message to my mom."

"Sure thing. What's the message?"

"Kane and a few others are joining us here tomorrow. I need my mom to join us for the day. It's not an emergency or anything. Though I need her to bring the portable exray, her medical bag, and her lab supplies. I need her to run some tests on someone."

"Got it. I will get her the message right away, and Clarke, have some fun. You deserve it."

"Thanks Raven. I will talk to you soon."

"Are you ready, my love?"

I look at Lexa and gently grab her by the waist, giving her a slow but sweet kiss. "I am now."

Lexa's POV 

My mind is on overload, with everything Nyko told us tonight. There is still alot to learn, but one thing is for sure, I will not let anything happen to Clarke. If what Nyko says is true, our fight is not over yet. There is much to do. I think I know who our next enemy is, but for now we have time. I will tell Clarke when we get back to Polis. We are safe here in Ton Dc. Our people will protect us.

As we walk out the tent, I see the last table being set up. We make our way to the table in the front that is set up for us. Indra looks at both of us and says, "People of Ton Dc, thank you for preparing this wonderful feast. I can think of no other who deserves this honour more. Clarke kom skaikru has sacraficed much, not only her people, other clans, but most importantly she has risked her life to find justice for all of trikru. She has fought and bled for us all. Wanheda has earned her way into the hearts of many. I can think of no stronger pair than Wanheda and Heda fighting together to make all our people safe and happy. Together they are the face of the coalition. At one time there was only Heda who was willing to scrafice everything for our people. That has changed. With one tragic event, we saw Wanheda for who she truly is. Someone who, like our heda, is willing to overcome the past in order to make a more peaceful future for not only her own people, but for all the people. I know we will probally have to face much more on that road to peace, but we all know that with both of them behind us, there is nothing we can not handle. Thank you Heda, for not allowing me to kill Clarke when I first met her. You see, Heda saw in her something no one else did. She saw someone that would truly bring us all together fully. This is not just a feast for Wanheda, this is a feast for them together. For only with their love for each other, the love they both have for all our people and their leadership, can we all be finally complete. This will not be easy for anyone, but Ton Dc and all of Trikru stand with you both, to bring us to everlasting peace. Let the feast begin."

I look over at Clarke, she looks almost panicked, I reach over pulling her gently and kiss her. It is a quick kiss but her eyes lock with mine. I then whisper to her, "All is ok. Indra spoke only about how the people really feel about both of us. She would not have done so had it been not the truth or if it would have brought us danger. Enjoy the feast, all is well. I promise you this, my love."

Clarke nods her head and starts eating. I know she is still trying to process it all, but I so hope she gets out of her head enough to enjoy the night. It isn't long before the food is cleared and someone starts playing the drums, while Lincoln plays a gutair. People start dancing even the children. It is such a remarkable thing to see, something we have all only seen too rarely.

I notice Clarke signal for Ryder. I can't quite hear what she asks him but he is gone and back before I can even ask. He has brought her old sketch book and before I know it, Toni and Linus are in front of us. The music stops for a moment as Clarke talks to the boys. "Toni, Linus, you are two of the most bravest, strongest two people I have ever met. Together you are both unstoppable. I could not stop thinking about the two of you. I wanted to give you something so that both of you will always remember just how strong you are together. It took me awhile to come up with some thing. Finally, I decided to draw a picture of the two of you. There are two of you though and it's hard for two to share one drawing. So I made a copy so that you each had one." 

They are both fishing side by side, but what is truly special is the two people on either side of them. Clarke had never seen a picture of their parents nor had she ever met them. I knew them well, as they were my parents best friends. She had captured their likeness like they were actually standing right in front of us today. I don't have to say anything, it is Linus who speaks first, with tears in his eyes, "It has been three years, since I saw our parents. I still picture them in my mind at times. How did you know exactly how they look?"

Clarke glances at me, swallows and as I give her hand a squeeze she answers, "I have never met your parents before, just you and Toni. When I was drawing the two of you fishing, they just popped into my head and I knew I had to add them. I am sorry if it brought up painful memories for either of you."

Before we know it both boys are hugging Clarke. I know it's got to hurt but she just keeps on hugging them just as tight, without a sound coming out of her. Both boys are crying now as Clarke is rubbing their backs. Finally they pull back. Linus goes to speak again, "You didn't make me sad. You made me happy. Toni is always asking me things about them. I was just starting to forget little things about them. Now, looking at the picture I remember it all and I will not have to worry about forgetting ever again. Thank you, thank you so much." When Linus finishes talking he leans in and give Clarke a kiss on the cheek. 

I am still just trying to figure out how she did it. It is one of those things we might never know, but I will surely be asking her one day. "Your very welcome, Linus. I am just glad that I could do something make you both happy. You both deserve that and so much more." Linus and Toni give Clarke another short hug and run off. 

Several people around us are just in awe. As the music starts back up, I see people start to walk away, just shaking their heads in disbelief. I lean over and whisper in her ear, "So, do I have to worry about my competition. If so, I can always issue a challenge."

Clarke just starts laughing, I have never seen her laugh so hard. I vow to make it happen again and again. I have never seen hear look more beautiful. She leans in and gives me a quick kiss. "There is no competition there and there will also never will be anywhere else. I am yours and you are mine."

It is starting to get a bit late and I am about to ask Clarke to dance before we had back into our tent, but just like her last feast she has fallen asleep leaning against me. I look at every one and say, "It looks like Wanheda had such a good time that you all wore her out." 

As everyone laughs I gather her in my arms and carry her off to our tent. This time she wakes up as I am removing her clothes. "I didnt mean to fall asleep." 

"It's ok. It is quite late." I quickly remove my clothes and climb into bed with her.

Clarke cuddles up next to me, "Thank you for taking such good care of me. The last person who did was my father. I love you, so, so very much."

"I always will, my love. Now sleep hodnes, tomorrow is going to be a long day."


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Lexa's POV 

As I do most mornings, I wake up long before Clarke does. Normally I would speak to the past commanders, but lately I have done that less and less. I have even cut them out in my sleep. I know that soon I have to speak to them. Though I haven't spoke to Becca since my ascension, I know I need to try soon. I know she will either have most of the answers we seek or show us in the right direction.

I look over at Clarke, laying on my chest; as hard as this is for me, I know it's got to be even harder for her. Many of our beliefs are hard for someone who has not lived our life to understand. I hope it is not too much for her. 

The ground has been so hard on all of skaikru, but ten times harder for Clarke. I know the sky wasn't much easier for her either. Still, I think on the fact that maybe just maybe that it has just been too much, too fast. She has only been down here about six months and she has gone through more than most of my people have in a lifetime.

Most people have a breaking point. Has she had hers already? Was hers those three months in the woods? If so, will she have another? I know I almost broke when Costia died. If not for my people I would have. I refuse to let Clarke to go down that path again. I will do all in my power to make sure I am there through everything, the good and the bad. I just hope that it is enough. I hope that I am enough.

"Lexa, What's wrong?"

"Nothing, my love. I was just thinking."

"You just seem so far away, I said good morning twice and got no response. What were you thinking about? I know we have been through alot lately." 

"Clarke"

"There is just so much. If it is too much it's ok, I understand."

"Clarke"

"I can go back to Arcadia and"

I lean over and gently grab her face. Looking into her eyes, just seeing the pain and confusion there just breaks my heart. I lean in just a bit more and kiss her so softly. "Clarke, my love, never doubt doubt my love for you. No matter what is going on, no matter what we have to go through, my love will never go away. It grows stronger every day."

"I love you Lexa, it's just sometimes I don't think I deserve your love. You have been so patient with me, so understanding. You put so much faith in me, I feel like it is misplaced. You deserve someone so much better than me."

"That's where your wrong, my love. It is me that doesn't deserve your love. You are so much stronger than I could ever be. You are so much more beautiful than I could ever be. You are so much more caring than I could ever be."

"That is just not true."

"Clarke, for many years I was this ruthless, heartless, void of any emotion, the commander that you first met. Without you, I would still be that person and I wouldn't change anything about meeting you, not ever. I don't want to go back to that person. It isn't me, it is just who I had to pretend to be at the time. If I ever lost you, I would probally fall into the mind of sheidheda and truly be lost forever."

"Who is sheidheda?"

"Sheidheda is the dark commander. We don't talk about him much, there is just too much suffering that he caused. He tried to get me to join him after Costia died. I almost did. See he can only attack a mind that is consumed with grief. Indra probally knows more than anyone left alive does about him. He was commander three commanders before me. His reign lasted about a year, before he was assainated. It is said that he was the most ruthless, tyrannical commander there ever was. Many villages and clans felt his wrath. He pillaged many. It was said that anyone that didn't bow before him was killed by 1000 cuts, but that was only after he raped every woman and man in the village. No one was left alive, not even the children. Once locked in his mind there is no escape for any commander."

"How exactly does that work?"

"No one really knows, but once locked in his mind the only way out is death. Truthfully, I don't want to find out and I also wouldn't want anyone else to either."

"We will just have to make sure that doesn't happen. I love you so, so very much. I can't lose you either. Let's not talk about this anymore. Let's go back to what you were thinking about when I woke up."

I look in her eyes, nod and kiss her again. "I was thinking about you. Your right, so much is going on right now. We haven't had much time to just focus on us, we need that time. I fear for you. Sometimes I wonder if I will be enough for you; enough to keep you safe, to keep you happy."

"You don't have to Lexa, I will be all right. You are enough. You are the only one I want and need. I love you so much, you are enough."

"I always fear for you. I think I always will. I know our people will do everything to protect you that they can, as will I. It's more than your safety though. I fear for more than that. You are so, so very strong, but even the strongest warrior has their breaking point. I fear for your mind and heart. There are many ways to lose someone, that is one. I know that every death that you feel responsible for takes a part of your soul and breaks it, just a little more. Even after months of exile, I saw it when Roan brought you Polis. It still haunts me, especially knowing I was the main cause."

The tears are falling down our faces now and I know that I can't stop mine; I just pull her closer and we hold on for dear life. It seems like forever when Clarke breaks the silence. "Lexa, you had nothing to do with that. It was all me. I left Arcadia because I couldn't look at them and know what I did to save them. I killed a whole civilization and I would do it again. It is true that every death weighs on my very soul. I have come to learn that there is only one way to come back from that. Only one way to heal from it all."

"What is that, my love? How can I help you when it happens? I will do anything to make sure you are healthy and happy."

"That's just it Lexa. There is only one thing that helps me when I get in my head. When I truly feel broken inside, there is only one thing that helps. It's not even a thing, it's a person. It's you, only you can take all my broken parts and make them whole again. You just have to be there, there to hold me as I heal. I am not saying that it happens right away. It still takes time. I am still not over what I did at the mountain, but I am getting there. I would never survive without you. I can't ever lose you."

"I will do everything in my power to stay with you till we are old and gray. Now, let's get out of here for awhile. It will be after lunchtime when your mom arrives."

"Where are we going"

"I think I promised you that we would go to the springs today, even if only for a few hours. I will always keep my promises to you. Sometimes being Heda, they might be delayed, but never forgotten about."

"Can we have breakfast there? I don't want to wait. The heaviness of our conversation this morning has my mind going faster than normal."

"As you wish, my hodnes. I will just have Ryder get Indra while we get dressed. Octavia and Lincoln can gather everything we need and join us."  
  
Clarke is walking much faster than yesterday. It really is astonishing how well she is doing. I know she isn't quite healed yet, but it really makes my heart sing just to know that most of her pain is gone. It isn't long before we arrive at our destination.

Ryder starts a fire while we wait for the last two of our party. It isnt long after we eat that I realize that we didn't bring anything to change into. Trikru have never had an issue our bodies. When younger I used to swim with nothing on, just like everyone. However, many clans (including Skaikru) feel differently. Also, since becoming the commander, few have seen my body and I don't want anyone to see Clarke's either. 

"Clarke, my love, I'm sorry I forgot our clothes to change into. I can send Ryder back to get them. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to make you wait." I say for only her to hear.

"Its ok Lexa. There is no need. We don't need clothes."

"Clarke, I love your body. You are so beautiful, but it is something I don't want to share with anyone else. I can barely stand having Nyko look at you or touch you."

It's then that I notice Clarke shaking and before I can ask what is wrong I hear my favorite sound in the world. She is laughing. I don't know what I said that is so funny to her, but I wouldn't stop it for anything. After a few moments she calms down. "Oh Lexa, I wouldn't want anyone else seeing me or you for that matter. That is not what I meant though. I simply meant, it's an unusually hot day. We won't get too wet walking under the falls. When we are under them, we won't need clothes."

I feel the heat rising under my armour. There have not been many times in my life when I have blushed, not even Costia could get me too. Clarke seems to just have that effect with me, more and more often everyday. I set our food aside and gently pull her up and we quickly make our way to the springs. The whole way she is laughing. 

As we go under the waterfall the laughter dies down and I pull her against me, into a searing kiss. We waste no time pulling our armour and clothes off. I pull her into another kiss, gently scoop her up in my arms, never breaking contact with her lips. As I set her down into the water I pull her close her arms wrapping around my neck. I slowly work my way down to her neck sucking gently at first then lightly biting, as her hands roam across my back, fingernails lightly scratching. 

"You are so beautiful Clarke. So beautiful."

I slowly work my way down to her chest kissing oh so gently. As I get to her bandages, taking them off and throwing them to the side. It's then that I stop, just ghosting my hands over her, I can't seem to stop shaking, tears streaming down my face.

"Lexa, it's ok."

I slowly pull away shaking my head. My breaths coming in gasps now. I can't seem to get in any air. "No, no, no. I almo st l ost you. It's all my faultttt. I sho should have prrrotecccted you be ttterrr"

Clarke pulls me in tight, rubbing my back, kissing my shoulder. She grabs my hands and puts them over heart. "No, Lexa. This wasn't your fault. I am ok, I am still here. Your armour saved me. Breathe, Lexa, just breathe. I am here, I am not going anywhere. Feel me, Lexa. I am still breathing, my heart still beats, so strong. It beats so strong, just for you. That's it, breathe with me. I am safe, you are safe. We are safe together."

I hang onto her desperately as I get my breathing back in control. "Clarke."

"I'm here, my hodnes."

"Clarke, don't ever leave me, please. I can't do it without you. Beja, Clarke."

"I'm here, I'm never leaving you. Just relax, I've got you. I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm sorry, so sorry."

"Whatever for, my love?"

"I, I should be the one taking care of you. I should be making you feel safe, not you taking care of me."

"Oh, Lexa, it just doesn't work that way. You don't always have to be strong with me. We will always have to be strong for our people. When alone we can break together. We will take care of each other. I can only be weak when I am with you. It's ok to lean on me when you either need to or want to. I will not break. It is not weakness to break down sometimes. We are in this together. Together, means together, through anything and everything. I love you so much."

"It has been many years since I have had someone to lean on. It is hard to grasp onto that again."

"You are not alone anymore, Lexa. You have friends and you have me. You are not alone. People are not meant to survive alone. Sometimes we will have to just survive. If we just survive somehow, doesn't matter how we do it. We just survive, and hopefully when it is all said and done, there will be peace. When that happens, then we can truly live, everyone can."

"Your wisdom has always astounded me. When you speak, sometimes it's everything I am feeling, yet can't put into words. I can inspire people to fight, go to war, but I have never been good with expressing feelings. I was taught that as commander to not feel, that my people neither wanted that or needed it. You have taught me so much. Through you I learned that what I was taught was the exact opposite of what was needed. I will sometimes still have trouble expressing how I feel."

"Lexa, I am here to help you when that happens. I will always be here. Now let's just relax for a bit, before we have to leave. I love you."

I lean over and kiss her chest gently as we hold each other in our arms. "Ai hod yu in, Clarke."

Clarke's POV 

  
We are back in the tent, just waiting for my mom to arrive. I don't know exactly how to explain what is happening to her. She's going to freak out, try to get me to go back to Arcadia. She will want to study me. I refuse, though I don't mind some study, but I will not go back to Arcadia to be her lab rat.

"What are you thinking about, my love."

"My mom. She is going to want me to go back to Arcadia. She will want to run all kinds of tests on me. She will be relentless, she will not want to stop till she finds answers, though I know she probally won't find any. It's probally something that will never be explained. She is going to want to hook me up to all kinds of machines. I can't have that. It will never end."

"She's not taking you back there. Remember, she isn't in charge. You are. If this isn't something that you want to do, then we won't do it. I promise I won't let her do anything you don't want her to."

"I won't let her either. It's just that she will try. To her I won't be her daughter at that time. I will just be a scientific specimen for her to study. I can understand it, but I don't like it. It reminds me of Mt Weather and all their experiments."

"Clarke, it's ok. I will not allow anyone, especially you, to be an experiment. No one will ever have to submit to that. If they want to be studied for some reason, then that is their own choice. If they choose to do it and later want to stop, then it will stop. I will not allow someone to bully, coerce, or threaten someone in order for that to happen. I will say this again, if you don't want to do this then we won't."

"I love you so much. We are doing this. She can have blood, a physical examination, and exrays. That is it for now. We will discuss later about anything else."

"I am with you the whole time. If you want to stop at anytime, it will stop. You are more important than any answers we might find through this. Ai hod yu in, always."

As I lean over and give her a quick kiss, Ryder calls out, "Abby kom Skaikru is here."

"She may enter."

Mom rushes in, setting her bag down, and gives me a hug. "Clarke, what's going on? Who's the patent?"

"Mom, before we get started, I need you to stay calm. The best way to explain is to just show you, but you will need to stay calm." 

"Clarke, if she hurt" 

"Abby, I need you to stop right there. No one has hurt Clarke. She is fine, better than fine. If you insinuate one more time that I have hurt her or will hurt her, I will cut out your tounge."

"Lexa, it's ok. I will just show her." I say as I take off my shirt. 

Mom moves over in doctor mode and starts taking off my bandages. She gasps loudly, "What is this? This is impossible. We need to take out her stiches, though that shouldn't have happened for at least another month. What did you do to her?"

I'm glad she didn't yell it out, "Mom, she didn't do anything. It just happened."

"Abby, I know you don't believe in legends but that is what this is. This can't be explained, but it has happened with someone else in our history." Lexa says.

"Mom, pick your chin up off the floor. I don't think it will do much good, but I want you to exray my chest and take some blood samples to test. That is all I want you to do. That is all you are needed for right now."

"Clarke, this is something we have to figure out and a few blood samples and exrays won't do it. You need to go back to Arcadia with me. I need all sorts of scans and tests. We need to see what's happening with you."

"NO! I will not come back for you test me like that. I told you what is to happen, if you can't do that I will have Jackson come."

"Abby, you should know that I will not allow you to make some kind of experiment out of Clarke. You are not a doctor in Mt Weather, my people there had no choice. This is about your daughter. She will only do what is comfortable for her. If you can't handle that then, leave. That is your only options." Lexa states.

My mom thinks for a moment and then says, "Clarke, I want to do more, only to figure out what is happening. However, though it hurts to say, Lexa is right. This is your body and your choice."

"Thank you mom. This isn't all we are doing. In Polis, there are journals that might find answers. Tomorrow, Nyko will be joining us to study those. Your needed in Arcadia, but you can study what you gather from me today."

"Ok, Clarke. Let's begin by taking your stitches out. You will still need to keep applying your salve to the area, but I think you can leave the bandages off. The area is still a little tender. Normally it would still take a few weeks to a month for that to go away, but with what is going on with your body it could be only days. Though with this type of injury, you could feel slight twinges of discomfort, even years later."

About an hour later my mom finishes, I say, "Mom, your more than welcome to stay for dinner and leave in the morning, or we can have a few of Lexa's warriors escort you back to Arcadia tonight."

It's at this time that the radio comes to life, "Abby, this is Raven."

"Yes, Raven. I am here. What is it?"

"We need you back, seems one of farm crew had an accident with an axe. Jackson has him stable, but he will need surgery." 

"I have just finished up here. I will leave in a few minutes."

"Got it, and have someone ride with you. Many animals are on the hunt at this time of night. Raven out."

Lexa moves to the front of the tent to talk to Ryder, "Ryder, have three horses ready for an overnight trip. Mikali and Linus will escort Abby kom Skaikru back to Arcadia. They will stay the night and return at first light." 

"Sha, Lexa."

I give mom a hug and watch her leave the tent. Though I am not happy someone is injured, I am glad she has been called back. I know she would have tried to get me alone, in order to try to change my mind about returning with her. I really didn't want to have to deal with it.  
  
"Just curious, why Linus, Lexa? 

  
"Mikali is a Hunter, he stays close to Ton Dc. They provide food and protection when the warriors have to leave. Last night at the feast, Mikali chose Linus as his second. He was going to do so before the mountain men took him. It has taken him this long to recover. Linus being his second will keep him close to his brother. When he has to leave, it will never be long. When Toni turns ten, Nyko has requested for him to be his second. Those two deserve a life that is not of a warrior."

"I couldn't agree more, my love." I lean over to kiss Lexa. 

I pull back, "I guess it's time to get dressed and go see Kane. Also, I want to talk to Jasper. Nyko needs to check his bandages as well."

After we finish buckling our armour Lexa gives me a quick kiss and says, "Kane is a must. I know you want to see Jasper, I just would prefer for it to wait till we get to Polis."

"Lexa, regardless of what he did to me, he is still my friend. I will not get close enough for him to harm me and I won't be alone. I will not speak to him again for a long while, not even when we get to Polis. This is just something I feel I have to do now."

"I will never stop you from doing something, not ever. I will be there though. That I won't change my mind on that. Part of me still wants him dead, because of what he did to you. I will always feel that way, but you were right. His death would not change anything, and we have to start somewhere with blood must not have blood. If I thought he couldn't be helped by Luna, that would be another story. Though I believe in the new policy, there will come times where we have to execute someone. If they are going to continue to be a danger to others, and prison will not hold them, then in order to save lives we have to take them. That is something I learned from Jasper. I know that he can get better."

"I want you there, I need you there. As for the rest, I totally agree. Some people can not or will not be saved. Those we have to eliminate. I will be right there with you when that happens."

"I wouldn't have it any other way, my love."

Lexa grabs my hand, squeezes it and we walk out the tent. We see Kane and Indra talking across the way and head there. "Kane, Indra, I see you have been talking. Have the two of you come up with any plans on how to help the people. As, we can see, Ton Dc is looking really good. There are other villages that need the help for winter and there is not much time left." Lexa says.

"We were talking about the time issue our selves. We have decided that there isn't enough of it before winter. We have to train all of Arcadia, make sure everyone is warm, and has enough food, in all the villages." Kane says.   
  
"We have come up with the only solution left to us. The people must relocate for the winter. Some will stay in Ton Dc, while others go to just outside of Arcadia. If they choose to enter Arcadia's walls that is more than acceptable as well. We just think it will take time for us to all trust each other again. Not having the weapons will help." Indra says.

"I actually like this plan. With the amount of people needing help, this keeps them closer. All that helps with keeping up with training for all our people. However, I think the very young and the older people should either be inside Arcadia or Ton Dc. It will help with any sickness that might occur with cooler weather. Travel between the two camps will be greatly reduced. In the spring, we can work on fixing the villages back up for them to move back to, if they so choose." I tell them.

Lexa glances at me and then says, "I am complete agreement with Clarke. You have both done well. Draw up your plans, Finish up tonight. Indra will be leaving in the morning with us, to Polis. I think Erik would be good to help Kane, while we are in Polis."

"Sha, Lexa. We will get him now. You two enjoy the rest of your evening."

We walk away and head to the place they are holding Jasper. I still haven't figured out what I want to say to him, I just know I have to say something. Lexa grabs my hand and kisses the back of it. "Ready, my love."

I nod and we head in. There were two guards outside and another two inside his tent. He is shackled, but has plenty of space to move around, as well as a cot to sleep on. I see that they have made him feel comfortable. He looks up as we walk in and says, "Clarke, I wanted to talk to you, but didn't think you would want to see me."

"Jasper, I want you to know, I am still angry with you. All I ever wanted was to keep all of us safe. That included Maya. At the time, though Cage had just finished drilling into Raven, and then he moved on to my mom. There wasn't time to come up with any other plan. I didn't want to kill all those people, all those kids, and especially not Maya. That is something I have to live with for the rest of my days. Though it is hard every day, if I had to go back, I wouldn't change it. Given those circumstances, it was them or us. I don't regret my decision. What I regret is the pain it caused you. Yes, I am still angry at you. I almost died, but I didn't. I will get over my anger. You are still my friend and you always will be."

"Clarke, I know why you did it. You made the right decision. Shooting you, I chose wrong. All you have ever done is try to save us. You have saved me more times than I can count. I'm still angry as well. I am angry at you, but I think I am more angry at Cage. Alot of it is confusing to me right now. I know Maya wouldn't want me to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. I just don't know how to get rid of the pain of losing her. I think time away will probally help, or at least I hope it will."

"I probally won't see you again for awhile Jasper. I guess I just wanted to come see you before you go to Floukru. My hope for you is to heal."

"Thank you, Clarke. May we meet again."

"I know we will Jasper."

Lexa pulls us into her tent, stopping only to tell Ryder to bring us some dinner. "Clarke, Are you ok? I know that wasn't easy, my love."

"Your right, it wasn't easy, but it had to be done. I guess I just needed to speak my mind. I had to tell him how I felt, about it all. It just isn't easy talking about the mountain."

"I know, I wish that I could have stayed and helped you, but I couldn't. One of the many reasons I had Skaikru join the coalition, is so I would never have to make that choice again. Though it doesn't matter anymore. I am glad that Skaikru is part of the coalition, but even if it wasn't, you are still part of my people. For me, you are the most important of my people."

"Lexa, it is the same for me. Though still wish sometimes that we didn't have a responsibility to the people. I wish that we could go somewhere, just the two of us and live our lives, but I know that can never happen for either of us."

"Oh Clarke, I wish the same things at times. I can't give you that. What we can do is finally bring peace to our people. It won't be easy, we might have another fight or two left for us. When that is all said and done, and we have our peace, I promise we will have a more normal life together. I want it all with you, Clarke. I think we can have that, I think we deserve it."

"I want it all as well, Lexa. We do deserve it."

Ryder walks in at this time and brings us our dinner. " Thank you, Ryder. That will be all."

Ryder leaves the tent and we eat in silence, with Lexa holding my hand. I am so exhausted. Today has been a long emotionally drawn out day. We help each other with our armour and clothes. Lexa pulls me to the bed and we lay down with her wrapping her arms around me. "Sleep, my niron. Tomorrow we will rise to a new day."

"Reshop, Lexa. I love you." I tell her as I bring her hands up for a quick kiss.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Lexa's POV 

There has been so much going on with Arcadia, Clarke, and Octavia, that I have completely forgotten about making Octavia a full member of Trikru. Part of that is because I already consider her Trikru. I could always have us stay one more day. I could do a quick ceremony, though she deserves much more than that. We could skip the springs today, though I promised Clarke we would visit on our way out. I just don't know what to do. 

"Good morning, my love." Clarke says. 

"Good morning, my hodnes. I have a confession to make." 

"What is it Lexa?" Clarke says. 

"I forgot to schedule Octavia's initiation into Trikru. There are only so many options to get it done this trip or we have to reschedule. I really don't want to do that. She doesn't deserve to have to wait." 

"So tell me all the options." 

"We could do a rushed ceremony, though she deserves better. We could wait to do it, for another time. First two options are not something I really want to do. We could stay one more day, or we could do it this morning. Thing with doing it this morning is I would have to break a promise to you." 

"What promise?" 

"I promised we would visit the springs one more time on our way out, as well as the one near Polis. It would be a few more days before we could visit the one in Polis as well. When we get back there will be meetings and briefings to attend. Also, the people will probably have prepared a feast for us both. I really don't want to break that promise to you." 

"Break it. I know you don't want to, but it's not that important. Octavia's initiation into Trikru is the most important thing to her besides Lincoln. We have been away from Polis a lot longer than we anticipated. It's imperative that we get back as soon as possible. We will visit the springs near Polis as soon as we can." 

"Clarke, I really don't know about that. I don't want us to live our lives on broken promises, just for our people. You deserve better than that." 

"Lexa, with us being leaders there will always be something that we want to do, but that we can't. There will also always be something we don't want to do, but have to do. Together we can minimize all that. As long as we always try and talk about it then all is good." 

"So we need to let Indra know and have the ceremony in a few hours, concluded with lunch and then head out. I will need to go over special requirements with her. It could take awhile. Normally, there are three ways to join Trikru. One they have to hunt for the people, which afterwards they fight in a competition. Two, they are great healers and healed other Trikru multiple times. Three, they save the life of Heda, or multiple other Trikru. Octavia has already done more for our people than any other from an outside clan." 

"Go, my love. I will be ok here. I will probably do some drawing. Send Octavia to me, I will keep her occupied, so it can be a surprise for her." 

"Ok, my tombon. I will try and take as little time as I have to. Send someone if you need me. I will not be far. I love you." I lean over and give her a quick peck on the cheek. 

"I love you, Lexa. Take your time. We will be ok here." 

Clarke's POV 

It isn't long before Octavia comes in. She looks a little sad, though it's not like she would tell me. She doesn't talk much about herself. "Hey Octavia, anything on your mind. You seem a bit off?" 

"I am fine, I guess." 

"No, something is bothering you. I can tell. You usually have two emotions you show. You're either really pissed off or happy. This is different though. Now, tell me what's going on." 

"It's just Lincoln. He has been acting weird lately." 

"Weird, how?" 

"He has been a little different, emotionally. The last couple of days he just seems like he has had a lot on his mind. He hasn't been talking to me about much of anything." 

"Have you tried talking to him about it? It seems so far from the Lincoln I know. He always has had a sensitive side. He always talks about his feelings." 

"I tried to talk to him, but he says everything is fine. I will just give him some time. He was so relieved when I was ok in Arcadia. He had been worried about the both of us, just knowing he wasn't there to help us. So, how are things with you, Clarke?" 

"It's hard being a leader. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to be one. Life would be so much simpler, but that is just how it is. I am getting more used to it everyday." 

"That's good, though I meant how are YOU doing, emotionally that it is. How are things going with Lexa?" 

"Things aren't easy, that's for sure. I have many issues, things that have happened to me. They all have a way of staying with someone." 

"How are the nightmares? I know they still get bad and happen quite frequently." 

"They are so bad at times. Sometimes, I fear laying in the same bed as Lexa. Many times I have hurt her in my sleep." 

"How does Lexa feel about it? I can't see her getting mad at you. It's not like it's something that you can control." 

"That's just it, she says it doesn't matter. She said the same thing about it not being something that I can control. I just don't want to hurt her. I've been drinking the tea for the last few days, but it makes me a bit out of it the next day. I can't see myself drinking it long term. Lexa says that there are other ways to help. We just have to talk to Gaia, when we get back home." 

"I can't wait to meet Gaia. Lincoln says she is one of the best people he knows. She is like his sister. Now tell me more about how things with Lexa are going." 

"Things with Lexa couldn't be any better than they are. We connect on such a level. It's a bit unreal. I never for one minute, thought that I would find someone like her. We talk about everything. Sometimes though, it's like we know just what the other is thinking or feeling. For the longest time I didn't feel like I deserved her or her love. Truth is there are still times that I feel that way. She is always there to get those thoughts right out of my mind." 

"I am so glad to hear that. I have never seen her look at anyone like the way she looks at you and the way she talks about you. Man, it's just like there is no one there, but you. The love is there for everyone to see. I see it from both of you. She is right, you know,you deserve her love, but she also deserves your love. I haven't ever met two people better together, than you two. Indra was right as well, in her speech. I believe that with both of you leading us, that there will finally be true and everlasting peace, for all." 

Ryder steps in and says "Toni is here, he wants to talk to you, Clarke." 

"Let him in. Toni and Anton are more than welcome at any time, just make sure Lexa and I aren't changing at the time." 

Toni walks in and bows to both Octavia and I. "Hi Miss Clarke, I wanted to ask you a favor." 

"First off Toni, in private you or your brother never have to bow to me or to Lexa. Now that we have that out of the way, what is it I can do for you." 

"I want to learn to draw like you. I have never seen pictures like you do. Can you help me?" 

"I would be honored to teach you. However, I will be going back to Polis this afternoon." 

"I know that. Maybe I can learn a bit now and practice every day. Then when I see you again, I can show you what I have done while you are gone." 

"I think that is a great idea Toni. You know I started when I was a bit younger than you. I wasn't very good back then. I didn't give up and practiced everyday." 

"What did you start drawing first, Clarke?" 

"Well, I started drawing out of books. I liked plants the best. I think that will be a good idea for you. The more you practice drawing plants the better. I heard that when you are older you will be Nyko's 2nd." 

"Sha, I like Nyko. He helps people who are sick or hurt. I would love to be as good as him one day." 

"Part of being a healer is knowing the right medicines to help someone. I know this from learning to be a healer from my people. Healing requires you to make those medicines. Nyko uses many different plants to make those medicines. It will help to learn if you can identify those plants. Having a book with those plants in it will help many others as well." 

"I never thought about all the plants that are needed. Thank you, Clarke." 

"Then it is decided, you will practice drawing plants while I am gone. Now, tell me my friend, how are you feeling now that Anton is a 2nd." 

"I think it is a good thing. He has an important job. Someone has to make sure there is enough food to feed everyone. I did miss him some last night, when he left to escort miss Abby back to Arcadia. He will be back today, so all is good." 

"It's hard growing up. Just because he is a 2nd now doesn't mean he will never have time to go fishing with you anymore. It will just mean that those times that he can will be more special to you both. Now I think the three of us should practice some drawing. How about we all draw a tree. What do you think about it, Octavia?" 

"I'm more of a warrior than an artist, but sure let's draw a tree." 

Lexa's POV 

I leave Indra to make the final arrangements and head to our tent, but before I reach it I hear laughter from inside. As I walk in I see the three of them, Clarke, Octavia, and Toni. Papers and charcoal on the table. I clearly notice Clarkes right away. "What do we have here?" I ask. 

Then Clarke says, "Hey Lexa, we were just all drawing. Toni wants to learn." 

"I see that. Toni is quite good it seems. What is it that Octavia drew? I can't tell what it looks like." 

Octavia just grunts as the other two start laughing again. "Well we were all supposed to draw trees, but I think Octavia forgot and tried to draw a stick. I would say that your stick looks like a 6 year old drew it but that would probably insult Toni. Toni, I see you have much talent. With practice you will be a much better artist than I will ever be. I can't wait to see more, when we come back. Next time try to add some shading to the leaves." Clarke says. 

"Thank you, so much, Clarke. My brother should be back soon. Can I go show him?" Toni asks. 

"I think I heard their horses right before I came in. I know he will be glad to see you." 

"Thank you, everyone. Will I see you before you leave?" Toni asks. 

"I will make sure of it, Toni." Clarke says. 

Toni gives us all a big hug and runs out the tent. "Octavia, I think Lincoln is looking for you." I tell her. 

"Thank you, Lexa. I will see you both soon." Octavia says. 

Octavia leaves the tent as I lean down and give Clarke a quick kiss. "Is everything set up?" She asks. 

"Yes, everything should start in the next 30 minutes or so." 

"Good, I think Octavia will be pleasantly surprised." 

I see something else is on Clarke's mind. "Is everything else ok, Clarke? You seem like you have something on your mind." 

"All is good. I was just thinking. How young can someone become a 2nd?" 

"Usually someone doesn't become a 2nd till at least 10, a few become one a year or two early. I became Anya's at 6, but that was a first, in Trikru anyways. Why? Do you have someone in mind to be yours?" 

"Well, yes, but it is more than that. Has anyone been 2nd to two people at the same time?" 

I think I can see where Clarke is going with this, but I have to be sure. "It is very rare, though it has happened in the past." 

"What would it take for Toni to be my 2nd as well as Nyko's, and for that to happen now." 

"Well first we would have to talk to Nyko and Toni together. Would he be learning medicine from you and Nyko, or just drawing from you?" 

"I was thinking he could learn medicine from both of us. Healing herbs we could both learn from Nyko, and drawing he could learn from me. I am thinking maybe we could make books on medical practices as well as the pictures to go with them. This way others could learn as well." 

"I think that can definitely be arranged. As a rule, someone can be a 2nd only to someone in the same clan, but leaders are different. In this case, it requires Toni to leave Anton. We need to talk to both of them. I can't see any problems with any of it" 

"Actually, there is more to it. I have more ideas and would need both, Nyko and Toni for them. It will take time for it to all happen, but it starts with them." 

"Tell me, my love. What are these plans?" 

"I am not sure it is possible." 

"The two of us have learned that most anything that seems impossible, actually not. Talk to me Clarke. Most anything can happen. I have learned that anything you really want, you make it come to be. I am sure this will be the same. So tell me about your plans." 

"I think all healers should learn everything they can, from medical herbs to surgery. I think we should have medical centers in every clan, starting with Arcadia. This wouldn't be a tent, it would be a building. That way it would be easier to keep sanitary. In Polis, I think we should have a teaching hospital. A place where every healer from every clan can come to learn. This way we can help every person in every clan." 

This woman is nothing short of amazing. I lean back down and give her a slow kiss. "Clarke, that is a very remarkable idea. It is something for the future, but not that far out if I have anything to say about it." 

"You really like it? It will be a lot of hard work. I just think it is something that is needed. Also, it will bring all the clans together more completely. I just wonder how the clans will take it, at first anyways." 

"Clarke, this will happen. It's just something I never thought about before. Your right, it will be really hard work, but so was forming the coalition. This is right up there with bringing the clans together. I think we should start planning during winter. Hopefully, there is no war between now and planting season. We can start at the same time. This is a project that I want more than anything to do with you. As for the people, I know in Trikru and in Polis, they will be thrilled to help. In many ways, the healing arts are more respected than that of a warrior." 

"Honestly, I thought this was something we would have to talk to about in more depth. I guess I am more used to how Arcadia has always done things. For one idea, the council would talk for weeks before any actual plans are made, if any. Many things were scrapped before any planning could actually happen." 

"We will talk more about it with Nyko and the boys right before we leave, but for now we have a ceremony to start. I love you, Clarke. Let's go do this." 

"Ai hod yu in, Lexa, so very much." 

I gently grab her hand and we head out. As we walk out of the tent I can see that everything is ready. Lincoln and Octavia are heading our way. "Octavia, just the person I wanted to see." 

"What's going on Lexa. Is there another feast we didn't know about?" 

"Octavia kom Skaikru, you have proven yourself. Not many from other clans receive the honor that will be bestowed upon you today." 

Octavia looks surprised as we walk over to the tables. As she sits down, I begin, "Citizens kom Trikru, we are gathered today to honor Octavia kom Skaikru. There are many fierce warriors from all the clans, but there is only one that stands out from the rest. She has proven her strength and heart to be Trikru. Though she is from the sky, she has shown us all that she truly belongs. She has saved many lives from all the clans, saved the life of her fos, her heda's tombon, and has worked endlessly to keep the coalition intact. There are so many things she has done for us all, too many to count. She has the spirit of Trikru in her and today we make it official. From this day forward, she is no longer Octavia Blake kom Skaikru, she is now and forever Octavia kom Trikru. That is not all, her skills that she has learned in only months, has given her a new position in life. She is now Wanheda's top personal guard. Everyone, come meet your new clan member Skairipa. Then let the feast begin." 

The feast goes on for hours. When it is time to conclude Clarke and I head to our tent having Ryder bring us the boys. Nyko joins us and I begin, "We wanted to talk to the three of you. Well, Clarke wanted to. She has something to ask you, Toni and Nyko. What she has to ask has an effect on your brother as well. So the three of you will have to think about it hard before you make any decisions. Just remember, it is your choice." 

Clarke looks at them and says, "I have been thinking. On the Ark, becoming a healer is a long process. Some learn only the basics, so that they can assist in helping the healers who know more. They are all needed at times. A healer can't heal without the help of others. I know Nyko has an interest in becoming your fos, Toni. You also showed an interest today in art." 

Clarke pauses a moment and continues, "This is what got me thinking. There on the Ark medicines were made for us. We didn't have to go searching for a plant, and then mix it to make the medicine we needed. On the ground it is different. I would like to share my medical knowledge with you, Nyko and you Toni. I would like to make medical journals with Ark knowledge and ground knowledge. We would then build medical centers and teaching hospitals. We would be able to teach other healers different ways of doing things, while they would do the same for us. There would be a place where people could go to school to learn to heal. Bringing in everyone would not only be more efficient, but would bring the clans together more fully." 

Clarke takes a drink of water and says, "What I am trying to ask is if you both would like to help me in this. To do this Toni, would be 2nd to both of us. This won't be an easy task. This is something that will take years to complete. Toni would have to travel with us to Polis. This takes Toni away from you Linus. I know you just came back into each other's lives, but you will still see each other, just not all the time. Radios make it where you can talk to each other whenever you want. This is a big decision, neither Lexa nor I will be upset if you choose not to." 

Linus looks at Clarke and says, "This is something Toni should decide for himself. I will miss him if he goes, but I think it is a good thing to help others. I know that you both and Nyko would keep him safe." 

Nyko speaks up at this time, "I am all for this. This would help so many people. I just have one concern about the legend. We know legend says that we have one more trial ahead of us before we have true peace. How would we keep Toni safe if war comes?" 

I have to say something here, "Anywhere we are there is danger, this is true. We have plans in place for the nightbloods, Toni will be taken to Luna's people. No one knows about this plan except a select few. Toni would be safe. Linus as well. I have talked to Mikali, he would take Linus and pick up Madi on the way." 

When Clarke glances at me I realize something. I haven't told Clarke much about my family before I became the commander. I will have to do this soon. It is just not something I am used to talking about. Very few people even know about my family, most think I have none left. That is how it needed to be after Costia. 

"Then I think that if Toni agrees, then I can prepare by tomorrow morning." Nyko says. 

Toni looks up and says, "I really don't want to leave Linus, but I also want to do it more than anything. I like helping people and I love drawing. If I could do both that would be so cool. I will go as long as we can sometimes visit Linus and I can talk to him on the radio." 

I look around and say, "I guess it's decided then. Spend the rest of the night getting ready, Nyko. Prepare anything that Toni might need. Toni, you and Linus spend the time together and really talk about it. If you change your mind, no one will be upset." 

As soon as everyone leaves I lean over and kiss Clarke. "I guess this means we have time to visit the springs tonight. I think we also need to talk. I need to tell you about Madi. Our story is long and not exactly very simple. To tell it, I have to tell you about my whole family's story. It is not very pretty." 

"I would love to hear it, my love but only when you are ready. Let's grab Lincoln and Octavia then. 

As we get into the springs, I gently grab Clarke by the waist just holding her tight. I need something to hold onto while I tell my story. "Growing up I had three brothers and a sister. Jon, Remi, and Kai were all older than me, while Madi was not even a year yet. While on a family outing, Nontu and Nomon were taken by the mountain. I was six. Jon was killed trying to save them and the others. Nontu and Nomon knew they couldn't all be saved. They fought and fought, Remi by their side." 

This is so hard for me to talk about. It's been years. Clarke squeezes my hand and I continue, "They told Kai to grab Madi and run. He was nine at the time. We ran and ran. Anya found us. We made it, they did not. Two days later I was walking and came upon Remi. I tried to talk to him. Then he attacked me. I knew he was a reaper then. I also knew there was no saving him. I had Nontu's knife, the one I gave you before you went back to Arcadia. He managed to get a few cuts in before I got lucky and stabbed his neck. He was my first kill. That was when they found out I was a nightblood. 

"It was so hard leaving to go to Polis, not only leaving my village but my brother and sister. They were all I had left of my family. Nyko's sister took them in. I never saw my brother again. Years passed, the commander lost her fight a few days before I turned 16. I won the conclave on my birthday. We had always been at war with Ice Nation. Ton Dc was attacked and many died. Kai was one of them. Indra told me he died saving lives. One of those lives was Madi. Though she was injured before he could get to her. He took out one of Nia's top generals to save her. Sadly he lost his life in the process. Unfortunately, he was her houmon." 

"I left Costia to go to Ton Dc, I was to meet all the other clan members there as well. Nia of course took that opportunity to take Costia from Polis. I found out only hours after arriving. We sent Madi to Warren to heal and keep her safe. I decided then and there that as far as anyone would ever know, she died in the attack. Since then we have kept her identity secret. If my enemies knew she was alive, she could always be used against me." 

"There is one thing though, they also found out she was a nightblood. She is set to come to Polis after winter, when she turns 16. Most come younger, but I needed her safe and 16 is the longest someone can be sent to Polis as a nightblood. I also didn't want her learning from Titus. Even back then something told me to not trust him with her. Gaia has been training her the last five years. I am worried though." 

Clarke kisses my fingers then and says, "I never knew about your family. There is so much you have lost, my love. Why are you worried though." 

"I am worried that Madi will hate me. That she will think that I abandoned her. I mean I did abandon her. I had to keep her safe though. Gaia sent messages to me, through Anya, telling me everything, all of her training, all of her life there. If something happened to me, she was to go to Luna's people. Luna would always protect her." 

"Lexa, I can't tell you what will happen, how she will feel. She might be mad, but I can't see anyone really hating you. Regardless, I will be with you the whole way." 

"I love you so much, my Keron." 

"Now, tell me more about Luna. It seems to me like she is more than just another leader to you, if you trust her with your sister's life. I know she has helped warriors in the past, but there is something more there." 

"Your right. I grew up with Luna. We trained together, roomed together. Luna is a nightblood. We were like sisters. We should have fought each other in the conclave. We were the last two. I was already hurt bad and still had to fight the next day. Luna wasn't in much better shape herself. However, that day she had fought her brother, her twin, Arron. She came to me that night to tell me that she wouldn't fight me. She had already killed her brother, she didn't have it in her to kill her sister as well. She was broken." 

"To this day I am not sure who would have won. In training we had both always been pretty evenly matched. I decided that I wouldn't fight her either, though we both knew Titus would make us. She then told me she was running, going back home to Floukru. I didn't tell anyone where she went. Titus wanted to have her found and killed as a natrona. I wouldn't allow it and as the new commander he had to obey my orders." 

"First thing she did when she got home was convince the leader of Floukru to join the coalition. They were the first. Six more followed them. It was nearly a month before Ice Nation did, the queen left me Costia's head in my bed that morning. I could either sign them in as members, with the last three clans joining or I could go to war. I just wanted peace and to only have to worry about the mountain. So I signed them, though not a day has gone by where it was easy." 

"Luna became leader of Floukru about a year later, the previous one was taken by the mountain. It took another year for her to join us at meetings. Titus was never happy to see her. After the mountain men were no more she came to me. She told me no matter what happens Floukru is with Trikru. We would always be allies and sisters. She knew Nia wanted to lead the coalition, there had already been talk of her trying to move against me. Very few people do I truly trust, but Luna is one of them. She is also the only one besides Indra that knew the true cost of the mountain for me. Her spies are the ones that found out about the bounty on you first. Roan wasn't the only one sent to try and find you. I had lost Costia, I was not going to lose you either. It didn't matter that I thought you would never be mine in this lifetime or how angry I knew you would be. I had to save you from Nia." 

"I was angry, very angry. Though I didn't have the right to be. After your fight with Roan I knew I loved you and knowing that got me thinking. I knew why you did it and I know I probably would have done the same. When Roan captured me and I found out he was Ice Nation, I thought for sure I was going to die. I never stopped fighting him. I almost killed him. I'm glad I didn't, he seems a lot better than his mother." 

"Roan is a lot better than his mother. I will let him tell you his story and why he was banished, if he chooses to. Nia's cruelty knew no bounds, not even towards her kids." 

"We should probably get back and pack, tomorrow will be long and I am getting tired." 

"We can head back now, but I had Ryder pack most our things while we were here. He should have left your journal and a few personal things out, as well as your medical kit. We can have dinner and then rest." 

Clarke leans over and we kiss a few moments before she says, "Ok, now we can leave, my love." I grab our things and start heading back, Lincoln and Octavia joining us.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Clarke's POV

Though I feel I am fully capable of riding Star soncha but, I really don't want to. I love the horse Lexa gave me, but in truth, I prefer riding with Lexa myself. Lexa looks at me and says, "My love, I know you can ride your own horse, you are healed enough to ride, but it seems like Ryder loaded all our things on him."

I lean into her and kiss her quickly, "It's ok, Lexa. I wanted to ride with you anyways. Though I'm not sure I should be when we get home. The people will see us together, how will they react. Most of your people still see love as weakness."

"Clarke, our people love you. Most will be overjoyed to see us together. There might be a few that disagree, but one way or another, they will not be a problem."

Lexa helps me on Nat, climbing on behind me. "Lexa, I've been wondering about something."

"What is it, my love?"

"Back in Polis, the night of the war meeting, after I bowed to you, you bowed to me. I know commanders never bow down to anyone, why me and what did you mean by swearing fealty to me. I've read about things in books back on the Ark. Someone usually only did that for a queen or king. I am neither."

"I've read stories as well about that, with Trikru it is so much more. It comes from another story about Becca and Sophie. I wanted to finish it then. When you touched my hand I lost all train of thought. I wasn't expecting anything from you at the time. I thought you hated me. At the very least you were angry. It was a promise, a promise to love you for the rest of my days and even beyond death. It was a promise never to betray you or your people again. My people know what it means, I didn't expect you to know. I never expected you to return my feelings. It didn't change the way I felt and it never will. It was what Becca said to Sophie, when she asked her to marry her. For me it wasn't that, I knew how you felt and I could live with that. I couldn't live without you knowing at least that, you had to know that I would never betray you again. Now that I know you share my feelings, I would love nothing more than that for us, but I don't think that now is the time."

"Why is now not the time, Lexa? If the people love us and would love for us to be together, what is stopping us? If we both want to be together, why not now?"

"We have only been together for a short while, though I know it would be well received from the people, I want more time with you. I don't think that the time factor will change how we feel about us, but it can only make it stronger. We know our thoughts and sometimes our feelings about most things, but I want to know everything about me. I want to know everything about you. I want you to experience what true courting means to Trikru. Also, I want you to know what it means to not only be bound to someone from Trikru, but what it means to be bound to the commander. I want you to be sure. I want you to know, I don't doubt your love for me. I just, I want us to have time together. I know I can't promise you tomorrow, nor can you me. I don't know what will happen tomorrow."

"I so want tomorrow for both of us. All we can do is fight for it. I know we haven't heard anything yet but, our next enemy has to be Ontari. We can wait till we get back to Polis to talk about that. Can you tell me more about Trikru courting practices, and what it means to be bound to you?"

"First, I want to say, us being together is inevitable, osir keryon ste teina. I have told you this. A binding ceremony between two people from different clans, means joining not just the people but the clans as well. However, when a commander binds with someone that person becomes part of the commanders clan. If I hadn't made Octavia Trikru and her and Lincoln were bound, then both clans would have become one. I didn't think that was what was in Octavia's heart. She was Trikru. If the two of us were bound, you would no longer be Skaikru, you would be Trikru. Also, I would no longer be the only leader, we would lead together. You would also lead the coalition with me. If we were not bound and had a child together, whether we adopted or legend came into play and we had one of our own, the child or children would be Trikru, the commander's children, not Skaikru and not your children. At least in the eyes of the people. Of course that wouldn't be how I felt."

"That's a lot of information. Ok, tell me about courting for someone that is Trikru."

"In Trikru, you can be with someone and not have a ceremony, you don't have to court them. Courting someone in Trikru, means that you want to be bound to them. You want them in this life and all others. You court someone and not have the ceremony at the end, but that is very rare. In most cases one or both people died. In that case, they are bound together in the funeral pyre. Even with Costia, I never even thought about courting. I never thought I would meet someone in this life that I would be bound to. Then I met you, but you were not ready. Then I thought because of my actions at the Mt, that it could never happen. I also thought that the people would never accept it and it would put a Target on your back. I know different now."

"When did you know that the people would accept us? For me, I am still not sure about that."

"I thought about it after Titus. I knew then the people loved you. It got me thinking. I didn't know for sure till Jasper shot you. Hearing them pray for you, I knew. Though for me it was a matter of time, the right time to ask you. Normally, in Trikru culture, I would ask your parents for permission to court you. However, seeing as your relationship with your mom isn't the best, I talked to your two best friends, who are like sisters to you. Octavia told me she approves. Raven was a little harder to convince. She told me she approves, but if I ever hurt you, she will make me go boom."

"That sounds like Raven. She is very protective over those she cares about."

I never had anyone look at me the way Lexa is looking at me now. She leans down and kisses me, "When someone intends to court someone, after asking those that are closest to them for permission, they give them a gift, one that they made themselves. I fulfilled that part. I was waiting till we got back home, but now is just as good. So with all that said, Clarke kom Skaikru, I have never met anyone like you in all my life. I spent my whole life staring at the stars. Most people thought the Ark was a star but I knew differently, I always wondered what the people up there were like. Not once did I picture someone like you. You are everything to me, Clarke. I would be forever in your debt if you could do me the honor of allowing me to court you the way you deserve to be."

"Lexa, it is me that is honored, honored for you just to ask. I would not let anyone else ever court me. Though I will say, it is not needed. I already know what my heart desires and what my soul demands. You may court me, Lexa. Nothing would make me happier."

Lexa pulls me closer and kisses the top of my head, "Clarke, it is you that makes me happier than I ever thought possible. I vow that one day you will understand just how strong and beautiful your soul is. Though even then, I will not stop reminding you, not in just words. You will feel it deep in your bones."

It is then that Lexa pulls the horse to a stop. Everything else stops as well. Two things happen at once, Lexa pulls both of us off Nat, throwing us to the ground. I must have hit a rock upon landing, almost knocking me out, I look up just in time for Ryder to jump off his horse taking an arrow in the arm. Lincoln, Octavia, and Indra surround Lexa and I, while Lexa starts issuing orders, "Find the archers, I want them alive. Indra, stay with us we are heading to the caves. Clarke's hurt. Lincoln, help Ryder, he's with us."

"I'm ok, Lexa. It looks worse than it is. Just hit my head. Let's get to these caves, we can check on Ryder. Nyko, bring Toni, you're with us."

It only takes a few minutes to make it to the caves. I sure hope the gonas can find all the archers. As Lincoln lays Ryder down Nyko is already breaking the arrow off. When he pushes the point out the back of his shoulder I notice the note. I set it aside and moved to help Nyko. Ryder has yet to wake up and it is just his arm that was hit, it should have been my first clue, but Nyko says it first, "Feisbona, what kind I don't know."

Lexa closes her eyes, and says, "He needs the healing pool, then a poultice with nightblood. He can have mine."

Nyko looks at Lexa and asks, "Lexa, I have heard rumors about that, never knew it was true, but is it the wise way to go?"

"It works, or it did for Anya. You only need a few drops of blood. It's safe. There are only a few people that I would use my blood to try and save. Most of them are in this room. Ryder, I would have even if he hadn't saved mine and Clarke's life today, by throwing himself in front of that arrow. Like everyone here, he has my full trust. Nyko start the poultice, Lincoln take him to the springs. Take his armour off and lay him down next to the springs. We will be right there."

I look at Lexa, squeeze her hand and say, "I trust you, let's make sure he survives."

Lexa kisses my fingertips, "It's ok, my love. Perfectly safe." She then pulls out her dagger and slices her palm, letting her blood drip into the poultice Nyko is making. When she is finished I wrap a bandage around her wound. "Go help Nyko, my love. The gonas have returned. I will join you as soon as I can."

I grab her hand as she turns to leave, "Lexa, wait. We need to see what this is first."

Lexa looks down at the blood stained note in my hand. "What is that?"

"This was pinned to Ryder, with the arrow. I think we need to see what it says before we talk to those archers. It could be important."

"Ok, clarke. You read it to me. Then we will go talk to them."

I open the note carefully, so as not to tear it. "Blood must have blood. As you read this, know that love is weakness, as your precious Wanheda dies a slow and painful death. It should have been you that died, instead you took the life of our queen. Roan will never be a true king, the coward that he is. I would torture her like I did Costia, but I like the self torture you will go through, knowing that there is nothing you can do. Weeks will go by and nothing will come close to ease her pain. Your nightbloods will be next, including a certain one no one knows about named Madi. I am not sure whose death will be worse for you, your sisters or your lovers. When all that is finished, I will take you out of your misery, thus taking over the coalition. Skaikru will be next. None there will survive the war. Some clans you think are allies have already turned against you. Blood must have blood."

Lexa pulls me in for a quick hug. Grabbing my hand we head outside. She takes one look at the archers and says, "Love is strength, you missed. Ontari will be the one that dies, Frag em up. Indra, I need you and Octavia in the caves." 

Lexa's POV

This is my worst nightmare, Ontari targeted Clarke first. I refuse to let her die. Everyone I care about is a target. The war is coming sooner than I expected. We have to prepare. Indra, take Octavia and Toni, with 3 gonas. Protect Toni with your life. He is Clarke's and Nyko's 2nd. Take him to Gaia, put the tower on lockdown. The nightbloods must be protected at all costs. We will radio ahead. We need to radio Raven and Ton Dc as well. In the morning the rest of us will make it to the tower, if we are not there by mid-day, Luna is in charge of getting the nightbloods to Floukru, Lincoln will join them. You will send search parties after us, stay in the tower, and you're in charge. Go quickly."

"Sha, Heda. It will be done as you say. Ste yuj, Lexa."

I pull Clarke into me, just pressing our foreheads together, "Clarke, I guess there is know way that I can get you to go with the nightbloods, is there. You would be safe with Luna's people. I haven't had a chance to train you yet."

"No, you fight, I fight with you. Together we will defeat her. I have a plan. When we get Ryder stable enough to get him back home. We can talk about it with the others. We can do this, Lexa."

Lexa kisses my forehead, "Tell me just a bit about your plan. I can see another attack coming soon, but the war won't come fully till after winter. Even Ontari won't want to fight then. A week or two and the first snow will hit. So, we have enough time to train some and plan."

"Well we brought all the gunpowder here. We need Raven to come, she is the best at making explosives and she will be safe here. We need to bring all Trikru into Arcadia, with the electric fence there, it will provide better protection. It will also bring the people together to train, with all the guns destroyed, Arcadians will need that training. Monty, Wick and Sinclair can keep the systems going. It will be a tight squeeze, but it's just till the war is over. With Raven here and others here helping her, we can have bombs and minefields among other things. I should tell you how I survived on my own all those months."

"I was so worried. You were not from the ground and even my people would have a hard time alone. I have always wondered how you did it, with little to no training."

"I stayed in a cave. I had never hunted before, but I knew the tracks of many animals. I knew my gun only had so many bullets, so I saved those. I would set traps for small animals, mainly rabbits. Then I would sit in a tree, knowing that I had seen panther or boar tracks there. I would wait, when the bigger animal would go after the rabbit, I would jump down. Right on top of it, with only my knife. I had a few close calls, especially with this one panther, he got me on my back, but in the end, was still standing, he was not."

"I guess that is how you got the scars there. Most don't take on a panther buy themselves, unless it's a warrior test. So how does this help with the war with Ontari."

"In the old days, before the bombs, they called it guerilla warfare. We attack when they least expect it, throw a few small bombs, set fire to their food, things like that. Quick in and out missions. This won't win the war, but it will make it easier, thin the enemy out. I watched a movie with my dad once, Red Dawn. Enemies came and took over the country. A bunch of teenagers used this tactic to take it back, piece by piece. We can do this, all winter to plan different strategies."

"That is not something I would have thought of. You're though, we have the winter to plan, I have to see if Roan is with us. For now, let's check on Ryder."

Clarke grabs my hand and we head further into the caves. "I was going to bring you here, we were going to spend the night. These are my springs. Ryder is the first person besides me that has ever used them. He saved your life, it would be wrong not to try and save him, besides he's a friend."

Clarke squeezes my hand and says, "Lexa, he will be ok. I already see his skin is a better color already. Let's check with Nyko."

We make our way closer to Nyko and Ryder, "How is he, Nyko."

Nyko bows his head, "He should be in worse shape than he is, the poison hit him hard and fast. Your blood seems to have helped him. I didn't fully close the wound, it is draining all the poison out. See that purple ooze there. That is Ice Glove, it's made from mutated tigers in Azgeda. One scratch, one bite from those tigers your blood slowly, over weeks turn to ice. It is a very painful death. Every breath you take is like the ice breaking and stabbing you. I think we'll need a week of my poultices with your blood, but he will survive. He will actually be the first to survive this poison, if everything goes the way I believe it will."

"I will make sure he has enough."

Clarke kisses my fingers and says, "I have an idea. If Ontari is using this poison, we need to be able to fight it. When Raven comes she should bring some coolers. We can keep blood fresh enough to use for up to six months. Others will need it. Before the nightbloods leave they can all donate, and you can safely do it once a week. We can stockpile some to save the lives we can."

"There is one problem with that, nightblood is precious. We can't let anyone know about it. As far as anyone knows, Skaikru had the cure for this poison. I don't like lying to the people, but it's a safety thing. Nightbloods used to be specifically targeted, kind of like you were. They wanted their blood, they thought it gave them their powers. It took 3 years and many deaths for the practice to be stopped. I don't want to see it brought back."

"One of the many things you did for our people, Lexa. I think it can be arranged." Nyko says.

Clarke looks up, "It gets me to thinking, your blood has many properties, I'm thinking eventually we might want to text it. Not my mom and not anyone else from Skaikru, they would want more and more. When we have the hospital, I want a lab for me and Nyko. For now though, I want to test your blood against a poison that is not deadly but maybe makes one just a little bit sick. I am thinking we might dry it out and mix it with a poultice, I want to see if it still works. That way we wouldn't need it to be fresh. One experiment with it, I am not Mt weather. That's for later though and only if you are ok with it, Lexa. I guess now we have to Radio Ton Dc and Arcadia."

"If you have Ryder tonight, Lincoln can get some sleep while we talk to the others."

"I've got it, Lexa. Ryder will probably wake up in a few hours. We should probably leave then. He should be good for travel, soon as he wakes up and takes in water."

Clarke and I head into the other room, Lincoln hands us a bowl of water and some rags, "Nyko mixed up some poultice for your head, Clarke." Lincoln heads to the entrance of the caves and I start cleaning Clarke's head.

"You're going to have a nice bump. The cut won't take long to heal. I heard the arrow and did the only thing I could think of. We all got so lucky today. We need to have scouts from now on when traveling, at least until the war is over."

I lean over and give her a quick kiss. It takes no time to bandage her head. "Let's call Ton Dc first. Mikali needs to get Linus and Madi to Polis, fast."

Clarke pulls out her radio and calls Ton Dc, "Wanheda to Ton Dc."

"Ton Dc here, this is Eric. How can we help you, Wanheda?"

I start speaking then, "War is coming, we were attacked by Ontari on the way to Polis. We have plenty of time to prepare. However, it is best if all of Trikru and Skaikru pull together. Get Kane to help. We need everyone to relocate to Arcadia till it's over. Everyone will be safe there, with the electric fence. It will also help with training Skaikru for war. We will talk more on war strategies as soon as we can. Tell Mikali that operation secure and protect is a go. Send 20 gonas with him. They are to protect him and the kids he has with him with their lives. He is in charge of that mission."

"It will be done Heda, I swear it. Is everyone in your party ok?"

"We are fine Erik, Ryder was injured and poisoned, but Nyko says he will be fine. Be careful and hunting partings should be no less than 10. Work with Skaikru, they are our people as well. Trikru and Skaikru were specifically mentioned in Ontari's declaration of war. We will be contacting Skaikru now. I will update you tomorrow."

"We will start the evacuation tonight and talk more tomorrow."

Clarke looks at me and says, "I am worried about Arcadia, Raven is needed in Polis. Who do I put in charge there? Raven was the only one I trusted for that. Miller is loyal, but his skills are more for the guard. He's a good head guard, but he doesn't have the leadership skills to lead Arcadia."

"Definitely not your mother. I think 2 leaders are needed. Like you said, Miller stays in charge of the guard. Kane, I think his only mistake was having the election. He should have just taken the pin from Abby. I think we put Kane in charge of the rest of Arcadia. He works best with Trikru out of anyone else there and he is a decent leader. I think though that for major decisions that Kane and Erik can't agree on they have to contact us."

"I think that will work. If it doesn't then I have to go back and that is not something I want to do, especially with war looming." 

I hand her back the radio and she, "Clarke to Arcadia, Raven are you there?"

"Raven speaking, what's up Clarke?"

"War is what's up. We were attacked on the way to Polis. I need you in Polis. We need your help. We will send warriors to pick you up in 2 days. Bring what you need to make bombs and more radios."

"Who will be in charge of Arcadia, if I am in Polis?"

"Arcadia will have 2 leaders, Kane and Miller. However, all of Trikru will be staying within Arcadia's walls. If they can't agree 100% then they have to contact us in Polis. Lexa and I can't be in 2 places and we are both needed in Polis."

"Both of them will do a good job for our people. When I will need to load the truck to get everything that I will need in Polis. We can always send it back to help Trikru relocate. It can hold many supplies, without supplies, it will carry around 50 men. Brian or Riley can drive it. Both are farm station, but they stopped following Pike when he ordered the massacre. They are good people and only want peace. It might be better if Brian was on that. Miller and Brian split up. Time away might be better for them both."

"See Raven, this is why I need you. That brain of yours is awesome. Well we know that's not the only reason but it is one of them. Oh, if you send people out to hunt or anything, make sure there is no less than 10. Safety in numbers. I expect at least those in Ton Dc will join you before they leave. Tell Miller to trust Erik. And Raven, stay safe. We will contact you tomorrow."

"Will do Clarke, you and Lexa do the same. Later."

I pull Clarke over to the back wall of the cave. As I lay back against the wall Clarke leans against me. I know sleep won't come to me tonight, but hopefully I can get Clarke to get some. I wrap may arms around her, "We have only a few hours, we should relax." 

"I can't relax right now. Too much to plan for. I know we have time, but still. I am also so worried for the people. I'm worried about you. She's going to come after you, Lexa. I can't lose you."

"I'm here, clarke. I'm not going anywhere. I will keep you safe, always. I won't lose you. We will have our peace. It's war though, people will die. We can't change that. We will try to minimize it all we can. Right now though, we need information. There is only one that I know of that can get that information safely. I have to talk to Roan. If she is still with us then we will get that information. We need to know where her camps are, how many she has in her army and how many clans are with her. Roan has a spy, her real name is Ash, everyone knows her by another name though. You might have heard of her. The name everyone knows is Echo."

"Echo helped Emerson destroy Mt. Weather. Do you really trust her?"

"Trust is a difficult thing. I guess I have to tell you her story first. It's the story of two sisters. They were born Trikru, during a battle with Azgeda they were taken. They were 3 years old. Everyone thought them dead. The queen only took prisoners to torture. She trained Ash as a healer and Echo as a spy. She kept them close to each other and one day she took them to the edge of Sangeda, the desert clan. She told Echo her last test to become her top spy was upon her. She then threw a knife on the ground before the two sisters. Told them that only one could survive and if they didn't fight she would kill them both. Echo grabbed the knife and Ash fought back. After many years of brainwashing, they knew to do as they were told. Nia didn't give second chances. Echo had the knife but Ash tackled her. When it was said and done Echo didn't make it."

"Sangeda was expecting a new hunter named Echo. Nia sent Ash, from that day forward she was known as Echo. The mission was a success, with Nia knowing all their secrets, she was able to have them join her against Trikru. Many years she did the Queen's bidding, except once. Nia wanted information on Costia and my family. When she didn't provide it, Roan stepped up, saying it was his fault. He saved Echo's life and was banished for it. From that day on, Echo was only loyal to Roan. She was captured by the Mt. Men when she met Roan near the border. She did help destroy the Mt, but if she hadn't then she would be dead and Nia would also find out about her and Roan. Echo did a lot for Nia, but it was either that or death."

Clarke squeezes my hands and asks, "So, who is Echo to you? There has to be more to it."

Clarke knows me so well. It's not that I wasn't going to tell her. I am just not used to talking as much as I do with her. "You're right. Echo and Ash were twins, they had an older sister though, it was Anya. Our families were always close. Their parents never got over losing the twins. It was many years later that we found out about their story, not long after I became the commander. It was a shock to say the least."

It's at this time that Nyko and Ryder come in. Ryder doesn't look his best, but at least he is up and walking around. I walk over to him and reach out, giving him our traditional handshake. "Ryder, thank you. You saved our lives."

"It's my job, Lexa. I understand I have you to thank for mine." He says.

"I would do it again and again. Are you ready to ride, my friend?"

"Sha, I am ready."

" Good, let's get home." With that taken care of we all walk outside. "Mount to gonas, we make haste to Polis. Let's go home."

Clarke comes over, gives me a kiss and climbs on Nat. After climbing up behind her we move out. We should make it by first light.


	30. Chapter 30

MyChapter 30 

Clarke's POV 

I was hoping for peace, at least for the winter. Now it seems we have to plan for a war. I don't care who else she has targeted, we all know her main target is Lexa. First, she wants to hurt her as much as she can. I can't that happen. Dad would know what to do. We pull up to the gates and Lexa starts issuing orders. On the other side someone says,"Open the gates, Heda and Wanheda are home." 

As the gates open, Lexa says, "Thank you, Emmit. Lock up behind us. No one in or out without speaking to me, Indra, or Wanheda. Make sure the tunnels are guarded. Is Echo here?" 

"Sha, Heda, she arrived 4 days ago and hasn't left." 

"Good, send someone to bring me Gaia, Murphy, Emori, Aden, Luna, Roan, Echo, Indra, and Octavia to my room. Lincoln, Ryder you're with Us, the rest of you get some rest, we will all need it." 

Lexa grabs my hand and we head to the tower. As we are on the way there, not one person isn't kneeling or bowing their heads. When we are in the elevator, Lexa squeezes my hand and says, "They bow for two reasons, 1st, they know we were attacked and survived. They trust both of us to see them through the war. And the 2nd reason is they bow before you because their prayers were answered. You came close to death and made it back to them. They bow to the power of Wanheda. After we talk to the others I will tell you the true legend of Wanheda according to the people. You have only heard parts of it." 

"When I first heard of Wanheda and knew that it was what the people called me, I hated it. Commander of death is not something I ever wanted to be called. I know it has many meanings, I think I understand, but knowing more can only help." 

As we walk in Lexa's room she pulls me in for a quick kiss, "There is so much more to it than you can ever imagine. It is a good thing. I promise." 

A knock on the door and everyone comes in. "Normally, I would have a meeting this size in the war meeting. However, I am not sure who is with us and who isn't. I am hoping I am right and I can trust everyone here. Echo? Are you with us? I am sure Indra has briefed everyone here." 

"Sha, I have, Lexa. Normally, I don't see someone starting a war this close to winter, but if what Echo and Roan tell me about Ontari is true, then war might come sooner than we think, or at least another attack." Indra says. 

Echo bows her head, and says, "If I may speak, Heda." 

"You may." Lexa says. 

"I am with you, Heda, I serve you and my king. I will tell you why and then I will tell you what I know." Echo says. 

"Continue Echo, all our lives may depend on it." Lexa says. 

"As you know, I was captured by the Mt. Men. What most don't know is how. I was ambushed on the way from meeting with Roan. It was Ontari, Nia was working with the Mt men. I was surrounded on all sides by warriors, Ontari, and the warriors had fayogons They were given to them by a man named Emerson. The queen wanted war with Skaikru and you, Heda. I spent months getting my blood stained and months recovering. The queen gave me a second chance. I had to destroy the Mt. It was that or death. I knew I had to do it. I also knew that when I did my life would be good anyways. I knew you would probably put a a kill order on my head. When you left for Arcadia, I came to Roan. I had to know if you had, and I had to see him at least one more time. He assured me there was no kill order on me. He also had a mission for me." Echo says. 

I look up at this time and ask, "What was the mission?" 

"It was a two part mission, Wanheda. One was to find out where Ontari was and what her plans were. The other was to see how many were with her and how many clans joined her." 

"Tell us everything you found out, down to numbers." Lexa says. 

"I will start with numbers and Clans. She has 400 warriors in her army, almost a ¼ of Azgeda. All of them were loyal to the queen. She has Delfikru which has 1200 warriors and Sandgedakru with 800 warriors. They have Emerson with them. Their weapons that they have from the Mt are smoke grenades and about 50 fayogons. Emerson is training them to use them during the winter. Which most would assume that the war won't start till at least after winter, but I know Ontari. She has something else planned, I know it. What that is, I am not sure. My guess, she will try and find a way into Polis, if she's not already here. She would target children first, it's what she did with Farm station. She wouldn't go for just any children though. Knowing her, she would go for the nightbloods." 

"Gaia, where are the nightbloods? Are they safe?" Lexa asks. 

"They are in one of the safe rooms, they have 10 guarding them. Only Mom, Octavia and I know which one. We will take you there, after the meeting." Gaia says. 

"Yes, we will all be staying in adjoining rooms till this is over. We will need to double their guards later too. Clarke has some plans for the war, it will definitely help, especially with them having fayogons." Lexa says. 

"It's good having numbers to work with. Raven will definitely need that. Raven help in explosives is a must, especially since they have guns and we no longer do. Originally we were thinking of the gunpowder being used for building, but now it is a must have. Blowing the bridge months ago was supposed to be a stall tactic, we tried to get there sooner but most of us were too sick at the time. The damage to lives and to the bridge was significant. That bomb had very little gunpowder and very little fuel. It was the size of a jug of water. We can take out many of their warriors with a bunch of handheld bombs. We call them grenades." 

I take a drink of water and continue, "I'm sorry to bring this up Indra, but I keep having Pike's attack on your warriors go through my mind. His attack was cowardly, that is true. I am proposing something similar, though. I think we need a few different groups to go in the dead of night to their camp, they can set fires, plant bombs and get out. We have to think about the loss of life towards our people first. They will more than likely have one place where they store the guns. We take that out first. Then their people while they are sleeping. I think that will even the playing field. In order to do this, we will also need spies in their camps. Echo is out for that. She would be good but they probably already know you are with us. You have contacts though. They will be needed so we know when and where to hit. Those should set up with them before winter actually hits. That gives them more time. Echo, how many spies do you know that can be placed in each camp. Ones that you trust the most." 

"I know 3 that are already in place in Ontari's camp, I sent a friend to Sangedakru, I also sent one to Delfikru. They will be able to get me messages through a friend I have at a trading post. It is probably best if we can get her a radio. That way it is easier to get messages back to us. Roan says you know her. Her name is Nylah. I believe she helped you when Roan came to bring you back here." 

I notice this got Lexa's attention as well as my own. I will have to talk to her, later. "I know Nylah, I was hoping she would head to Arcadia for at least the winter. She should already have a radio. In addition, we can't keep Polis on lockdown all winter, though guards should stay on high alert at all times. I think that is pretty much all we can do till we have more information. It's going to be a waiting game, unfortunately." 

Lexa speaks up then, "There is always something we can do. In the meantime, we have daily war meetings and meetings with the ambassadors, we need to know if anyone else is going to fight with Ontari. Luna, when Raven gets here, you're her shadow. She is very important, she can't be replaced. She is the smartest person we know, especially dealing with tek. Lincoln you will see Anton in the morning, he is to start making armour for everyone here, all the nightbloods, Linus, Toni, Mikali, and Raven. The kids will stay in lockdown till they have the armour. When Anton is finished with that he needs to work on as many as he can for the warriors. We can't take chances with Ontari having faygons. Indra, tomorrow there will be training. For now, we head to the safe rooms. Octavia, could you bring a cart with, most everyone could probally use some food right about now. Please, make sure there is enough for the nightbloods and their guards." 

I look at Indra, "Is Toni with them?" 

"Sha, Clarke. I put in the order myself, he is to be protected as a nightblood. He has just as much importance, as he is your 2nd." Indra says. 

"Thank you, Indra." 

I can now see why these rooms are called safe rooms, no one can enter or exit without a key. The walls and doors are about 4 feet in diameter. It would take awhile for someone to get through and there would be a lot of noise. "How many keys are there for these rooms? Who has access to them?" I ask. 

Lexa grabs my hand and kisses my fingertips, "There were 4 keys, I had Anton make another for you, when Nia called a bounty on you. Indra has 1, and Gaia has the other. I'm giving Luna one and here is yours." 

Lexa then pushes a brick in the wall, the 4th one in the left. The brick moves hiding the keyhole and a plain brick replaces it. Toni rushes up to me and gives me a big hug. "I was worried about you, Clarke. Indra said you were ok, but I was still scared for you. She also says Linus is coming here and then we are going on a trip with the nightbloods. Is it true? I really like Aden, he made me less scared. I know he will protect me." 

I squeeze Toni tighter and say, "I was worried about you too. I am so glad you are ok. Yes, Linus and a few others are coming and then you are taking a trip with them and the nightbloods. War is coming and this way you will all be safe. When the war is over we will come get you all." 

At this time someone knocks on the wall, 3 light raps, 1 loud and then 3 more light ones. It must be some type of a code. Thinking it is probally Octavia, I let go of Toni and walk to the wall, but just as I am about to push in the brick, Lexa grabs my hand and everyone all the guards pull out their swords. "Wait, my love. We have to make sure it's Octavia and that she is alone." 

Lexa pushes the stone, puts her key in, turns it and takes a step back. Then in one fluid movement she is in front of me, sword in hand. Octavia steps in alone, pushing a cart. Then nightbloods all move as one taking the cart to the table. They start putting plates of food out for everyone. Indra locks the door and everyone puts their swords away. Lexa grabs my hand and we head to the table. 

After we eat I look around the room, there are 4 other rooms off to the side. Lexa squeezes my hand, and says, "1 room has 15 beds for the nightbloods. Another is for the guards, there are 8 beds there. There is another for leaders with 14 beds. In the last room, the one with a door, is my room. It is set up almost like my other room. There are 6 safe rooms throughout the tower, just like this one. That way, if needed we can switch or we can separate, if needed. I have only used them once. The night after my conclave. We will be here till the nightbloods leave. The guards are loyal and will be the ones joining them on their journey." 

I know we need to talk more with everyone, maybe plan some more, but I am having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Lexa glances at me and says, "Everyone tonight you rest, tomorrow we meet with the ambassadors and other leaders. The rest of tomorrow is for training. We will train here. Nightbloods, while we are in meetings tomorrow you will set up the training area here. Tables will be set against the wall. Ryder, no training with that shoulder for the next week. Night everyone." 

"Night, Heda. Till tomorrow." Everyone says. 

Lexa grabs my hand and opens the door for us. After undressing we head to the bed. We were in meetings most of the day and with no sleep last night I know I am tired and my head is hurting. Still, I am still not sure if I can sleep, yet. "Clarke, my love, what is on your mind?" 

"Many things are on my mind, right now." 

Lexa kisses the top of my head and lays me down. "So tell me what worries you." 

"So much worries me, I am so scared we are going to lose many people, people we care about. I am so scared of losing you." 

"It is true we might lose people. That is part of war. We can't change it. The road to peace is a long one and it is not easy. We have to keep fighting for it. Someday it won't be like this. Together we will leave a legacy of peace. One day we will all be one clan. I once told you victory stands on the back of sacrifice. The people know what we are fighting for. They believe in it, and they are willing to sacrifice for it if it comes to that. The ones left, will continue to honor that sacrifice. This war will be the last, I believe. The peace that will come from it will be worth it. There will be some hardships after this war, but nothing like the past ones. Right now we have one job, we survive. Then we get to live. Then we get the life we want. I will do everything I can to make sure that happens. I want so many things for our life together. I want kids, whether the spirit grants us our own or we adopt. I want a life free of daily problems and sitting in meetings, where people argue about who really killed that boar, who trespassed on whose land, who defiled so and so's daughter and left her with child. We deserve that, especially you. I wish you would go with the nightbloods, but I know you won't. I won't ask that of you, all I will ask is that you try to be safe." 

"That I will do, but you also need to do the same. I want all that with you as well. To do that we both have to survive." 

"We will. Now what else is bothering you?" 

"I know I told you about Nylah, but the look on your face when Echo mentioned her, you have to know I don't care about her like that. She is a friend, that's all. I care about Raven and Octavia more than Nylah. It's just she helped me, saved my life. She's the only human contact I had those 3 months. In many ways, it felt like I was still in solitary. I was so alone. I also felt for the first time in my life I deserved that. I killed so many people, all in less than a month." 

"Nylah asked me once, how many kill marks I had, probably a few days after I first met her. I told her none, because 20 backs would never be enough. At the time she didn't even know who I was, but with that answer she knew. That is when she told me the people called me Wanheda, and what it meant. She told me a leader has to make decisions that might cause many deaths, if done for the people then that is a good leader. However, if done for selfish reasons, then that is a poor leader. She told me that just because a leader has no kill marks showing, does not mean that it means nothing for the leader. A good leader remembers every kill. A good leader keeps those kills on their very soul. Sometimes when a soul has much pain, in such a short time, it takes time to process it, so that it can hold more in it. Not just pain, but joy as well. I think that stuck with me. Truthfully I was probably at my lowest point, I was thinking about using the last bullet in my gun. Hearing that, I told myself to just wait. It wasn't easy, but that is just what I did. Waiting brought me back to you. I know that now." 

Lexa leans over and kisses me, "I know Nylah, quite well. Her and Costia were cousins. She has been through much. She has always been there to help warriors. She has a spirit that just seems to know what that warrior needs. She has always known just what to say and do. I haven't seen her since Costia died. I shouldn't have been surprised that she knows Echo and they are friends, but I was. I am glad that Nylah was able to help you when I couldn't. What you and Nylah had or have, it has no relevance on what we have. I know you love me. That's all that matters to me, not the time you spent with her. I care about us, and only us. You said that you don't have feelings for her, I believe you. One thing we have never done is lie to each other. That is something neither of us have to worry about. You are the only one that will ever be in my heart. Ai laik Yun, feva." 

"I am yours, forever, as well, my love. Now what is the full legend of Wanheda? You said there is so much more." 

"There was someone else called Wanheda. Not many people know that her true name was Sophie. Yes, that Sophie. Wanheda has many names. Commander of death is just one. Commander of life is another. Originally, it was both. One can not have death without there being life. Out of all the people Sophie knew into the true heart of men and women. She knew those that were truly evil, those that were mad, those that were hurting, and those that were truly good. She knew their hearts. Blood must have blood was Becca's decree. At the same time, Sophie believed that is true in some cases, where others blood must not have blood." 

"Sophie was the one that decided, because she knew the hearts of the people. She believed in second chances. For many years she was the judge and decided the punishments. It is true, her back and Becca's was not big enough for kill marks, just like ours. They took on that burden, so the people wouldn't have to. Wanheda was never just about death, it was about life. Sophie, just like you showed the people that there can be mercy too. Sophie had no problem making the hard choices that are needed." 

"Sophie would have done the same things you have done. In the mountain, most were evil, they continued to breed more evil. There might have been a few good people that I wish could have been saved. The evil won out, they would have never stopped. Your people would have been dead and the clans would have been all killed with missiles, most likely. Then they would have come out of the mountain, any survivors would have either been killed or made into slaves. Your choice in the mountain would have been Sophie's as well. I hoped you would leave after I did. I so feared for your life. In that one moment, I made you choose. Your choice to stay, that made you Wanheda. Wanheda's spirit is neither good nor bad. Your heart and your soul make you good. I have a theory, the spirit of Wanheda inside a good person, with such a pure heart, combined with the spirit of Heda, is what healed you. We still have to read up on that." 

Just then we hear a knock on the door, "Heda, Mikali is on the radio." 

Lexa's POV 

We quickly throw on our clothes and Indra comes in, handing the radio to Lexa. "Mikali, are you there?" 

"Sha Heda, I am here. We were about halfway to Polis, when we were ambushed. We got separated, after we lost almost half the guards." 

"Are Linus and Madi ok? How many guards are left in your group?" Lexa asks. 

"I have 3 guards out of the 20 left with me. Linus is ok. Madi was injured in the fighting. A few cuts, here and there, those aren't too bad. We stopped the bleeding but I am worried about her head, Joka knocked her out. I killed him myself, it's been 30 minutes and she still hasn't woken up. With so few of us left and Madi injured, we are stuck here." 

"Where is here, Mikali? We will come get you. As close as you can, tell us where you are. We will find you." 

"We are maybe 4 hours from Polis. An hour north of the caves in Warren and 30 minutes east of the lake. We managed to climb the trees. We are safe, for now." 

"We will be there. Don't use the radio again. Stay quiet. Ste yuj." 

"Sha, Heda." 

Lexa looks at Indra and says, "Indra, prepare the horses. I want 50 gonas with us. They have 15 minutes, then we will head out. Lincoln, Ryder, you will stay here. Here is my key to the safe rooms. Make sure everyone is fed and stays safe. We will be back by tomorrow night. No one else leaves this room." 

Clarke and I start putting on our armour, I reach over and just pull her to me. "Clarke, can you bring your med kit. I have to know Madi is ok." 

"I won't ever leave it behind. Madi will be ok. Mikali, said they stopped the bleeding and that is the most important thing. Head wounds are tricky, it might take hours for her to wake up, sometimes it even takes days. Not waking up after 30 minutes means nothing. If we get there, I will know more. If need be we will take her to my mother. The resources are some of the best. It's why I want a hospital in Polis." 

"Nyko, do you have any poultices ready?" Clarke asks. 

"Sha, Clarke. Here is a jar, I will make more." 

Gaia opens the door, "Have a swift and safe journey my friend. Take care of Clarke, she is special. We will talk soon." She says. 

"Thank you, Gaia. Your right, she is special. I know you will keep the nightbloods safe. Yes, we will talk soon. So much needs to be discussed." With that I grab Clarke's hand and we walk to the elevators. We make our way to the gates, where Emmit let's all of us out. 

"Emmit, no one enters till we return, unless it's Raven kom Skaikru. She will be driving a big truck. You should expect us sometime tomorrow night." 

I climb on Nat, while Clarke climbs on Star Soncha. "Move out gonas. We won't be stopping till we find our people." 

What normally would take about a 4 hour ride, we make it in 3. "Everyone start looking around, be sure to stay close, we don't know if the enemy is still in the area." 

It takes about 20 minutes before one of my warriors calls out. "They are here, Heda." 

Clarke and I made our way over as one of my warriors was bringing Madi down from the trees. It took no time at all before the others were down. "Set up camp. When finished I want 10 on 2 hour shifts. The rest of you will be sleeping." 

I look over Clarke who is already helping Madi. "How is she?" 

"They did a good job patching her up. I have cleaned her wounds and applied a poultice. She just needs time. She should wake by morning. Riding might not be a good idea for her. Raven should be on her way. We should radio her and have her stop here. She would be more comfortable in the truck. Also, would be safer for Raven. It seems like most of us were attacked on the way to Polis." 

"I agree. We have enough warriors to keep the group safe. Hopefully she isn't far from here and can rest till we leave." 

Clarke pulls out her radio, "Raven are you there?" 

"Raven here. What's up Clarke?" 

"Have you left yet? Where are you?" 

"We left a little over 3 hours ago. Why." 

"There was another attack, we are now just outside of Warren. Is there any way you can stop and pick up a passenger? We would then continue back to Polis tomorrow." 

"I actually just passed Warren, about 5 minutes ago. How far from there are you?" 

"If you head straight north from there you can't really miss us. Shouldn't take you but about another 10-15 minutes." 

"Cool, I will see you in a few minutes." 

I'm glad Raven is so close. I know she was worried about her. I lean over to kiss Clarke. We pull apart as we hear the sound of an engine. "Let's go meet Raven." 

We don't make it even a few feet before Indra is bringing her to us. Raven runs up to Clarke and gives her a hug. The warriors nearby pull out their swords, "Chil yo rain, Raven es Wanheda's biga sis." 

Raven looks at Clarke and says, "What does that mean?" 

"Lexa told them to stand down, that you are my sister, basically saying you won't hurt me." Clarke says. 

It's at this time that Raven notices Madi, "Who is the kid, looks like a mini-lexa? Does Lexa have a kid we never knew about?" 

"Raven, talk lower. This is Madi. She is Lexa's sister, the last of her family. If people knew she was alive they would kill her to hurt Lexa." Clarke whispers to Raven. 

"Someone knew, that's for sure. I am guessing that she is my passenger and we will all travel together to Polis." Raven whispers back. 

"Yes, Raven. Madi can't ride a horse right now, and we wanted you with us to keep you safe as well." I say. 

"Sounds good to me. Actually we were going to stop to make camp when you. I actually haven't slept in 2 days. Where am I sleeping?" Raven says. 

"I actually had the guards make you a bedroll in our tent. Let me get Madi and we will take you to it." I tell Raven. 

I lean down and gently pick up Madi and carry her to the tent, Clarke and Raven following. "This bedroll looks more comfortable than my bed in Arcadia." Raven tells us. 

"That's because it actually is. I think we can all use some rest. We haven't slept in 2 days as well." Clarke tells Raven. 

I lay Madi down and Clarke grabs my hand and we head to our bedroll. I lean over and give her a quick kiss and it isn't long before we are all asleep.


	31. Chapter 31

********Trigger warning, about 3/4 into the chapter Lexa pulls Madi into her room to talk. There is a graphic discussion on torture. You can skip if you want.************

Chapter 31

Clarke's POV

Someone groaning wakes me up. Out of habit I look at my watch. You would think that I would no better. It hasn't worked in months. I look over and Madi is trying to get up. I quickly untangle myself from Lexa and rush to her. "Shhh, it's ok, you're alright. You shouldn't be moving, though. That sword got your leg pretty good and I bet you're head feels like a Pauna hit you."

"Who the jok are you?"

"My name is Clarke. I helped heal you. We came to help you get to Polis."

"Who you mean she sent you. The commander would never come for me herself. She never cared before. This changes nothing."

Lexa comes over at this time, squeezes my hand and says, "I always cared for you, Madi."

Madi sneers at Lexa, "Yeah, everytime I needed you, you abandoned me. I have no family left. Who is this your new whore? Don't worry honey, she will leave you too, or let her enemies take you. She is incapable of caring for someone."

I look over at Lexa and see the tears that she is refusing to let fall. I justam about to say something to Madi, but Raven beats me to it. "You are a brat. I don't know your story with Lexa, but I know a bit about Lexa. Her heart is so big. She has always had to hide it and put on a brave face, something I know a lot about. I know she sent you away to protect you. I know you are the last of her family, whether you want to acknowledge that or not. Leaders from what I can see have many enemies. Those enemies always go after who is closest to them first. Lexa has lost a lot, I can see why she sent the last of her family away. Oh, and before you go and talk shit about my sister again, get to know her first. She is no whore. Her heart is just as big as your sisters. Oh, and know that Clarke is just one of her names. She is the leader of Skaikru, the great Wanheda. Watch what you say or I will make sure you keep that mouth closed."

I squeeze Lexa's hand and say, "Pleni, I know you're angry. You have every right to be. You have never really known Lexa. She loves you a lot. She hurts just as much as you do. She lost the rest of her family too. Then she had to send you away, just to keep you safe. It was one of the hardest choices she has ever had to make. Still she has always had people watching over you. Without her doing that you would be dead long ago. The attack on your group was not just by chance. You were targeted and it was planned. If we hadn't come when Mikali radioed,they would have found you. Lexa could have sent her warriors, but just like the last time someone came after you, she came herself. She cares more than you can ever imagine. I'm only asking one thing here, get to know her, you have both been denied that, by circumstances that were not your own."

Lexa kisses my fingertips, while Madi watches every move. "I wanted to get to know her my whole life. Then they found out I was a nightblood and I thought this was my chance. A chance that never came. She left before we could even see each other. Then she sent me away instead of bringing me to Polis."

"Last time I saw you was in Nyko's tent. You were there because I was the commander. Kai was dead because Nia wanted to hurt me. Costia was captured and tortured because I was the commander. She went after everyone I cared about. I had to know that you were safe. I couldn't lose you. We may not know each other, but it doesn't mean that I don't love you. When Mikali radioed, I had to come. I needed to know you were ok. I will never stop caring. You're my sister. I have 2 people in my life that I can't lose. My keryon and you. I don't care what it takes. You will be safe. You can be angry with me, you can hate me, but none of that matters as long as you are safe."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore. So if I am not to move much, how am I supposed to get to Polis?" Madi asks.

"You're riding with me kid. Hope you like music. I like it quite loud, with no talking." Raven says.

"Yes, right after breakfast we will pack up and you're riding in the truck. Maybe in a few days you can walk on that leg. I will need to change that bandage soon as well. When we get back to Polis, if you want Nyko to look at it then go ahead. Until then you're stuck with me."

"So if Nia is dead like Gaia told, who is your enemy now? Who wants us dead? Are you just bringing me to Polis to send me away again?" Madi asks Lexa.

"Nia had a nightblood, Ontari, that she raised. She will stop at nothing to try and take commandership. She has threatened you and the others. The plan was always to send you and the others to Luna's people if war came to Polis. I don't want any of you to leave, especially you. This is not just about us though. If I was to fall, the people would still need a commander. I don't plan on dying, but it is a possibility." Lexa answers. 

"The others can go, but I will not. I will not run from this Ontari. My whole life I've been running. I won't do it anymore. I will fight. You can't make me leave." Madi exclaims.

"We will discuss that later. For now let's eat." Lexa says.

I look up and Linus and Mikali burst in. Linus runs up to me and hugs me, "Sorry, Wanheda, I couldn't stop him." Mikali says.

"It's ok, Mikali. However, Linus, it might be better to announce yourself next time. We won't turn you away. Now tell me, what has you bursting in our tent this morning." I say.

I notice Lexa can't keep a smile off her face as Linus speaks, "I wanted to see you last night, but you were busy. I was glad to see that you were ok, but I wanted to ask about Toni."

I smile at Linus and tell him, "Toni is safe in Polis. You will join him later today. Soon you will both join the nightbloods in Floukru. You will stay there till the war is over. Mikali will be there as well as Gaia." 

"Cool, I always wanted to visit Floukru. Oh, we brought everyone breakfast. The warriors are breaking camp. I heard you like bacon, so I brought you some, sorry no eggs though." Linus says.

"Thank you, Linus. Bacon is my favorite food so far. We will enjoy it for sure. Make sure you eat as well." I tell him.

"The boy has already eaten, but knowing him, he could always eat again." Mikali says.

I have to smile at that, "He's a growing boy. He can have as much as he wants." When we finish eating, we pack our things and Linus takes them to our horses. I lean over and give Lexa a quick kiss.

"I didn't think that by giving Lexa permission to date you, that I would have to watch your disgusting displays of PDA. So sweet it hurts my teeth." Raven says.

"Get used to it, Raven. I refuse to hide my feelings anymore." I say.

"It's ok, Clarke. You both deserve to be happy." Raven says.

"So do you, Raven." I tell her.

"Maybe someday. I am happy you are though. We just have to get through this war first." Raven says.

Linus comes back with Mikali and asks, "Miss Raven, where do I put the bedrolls in your truck? I thought I could lay them out for Madi."

Raven laughs and says, "Just call me, Raven kid. There is an empty spot behind my seat. It should be just big enough. The rest of the truck is packed." 

It only takes a few minutes before he is back. Lexa goes to move Madi and she says, "Not you. Mikali, can you help me." I see the look of hurt on Lexa's face after everyone leaves the tent.

I lean over and kiss her. "Give it time, my love. She is hurting. Think about how long it took me. She loves you, I can see it."

"It's just so hard. I want to be there for her, but I also want her safe. We better get going. Maybe I can talk to her more when we are home."

"I would wait, at least till tomorrow, or if she comes to you sooner. It will get better. Ai hod yu in. Let's get home."

It only takes a few minutes for them to take down our tent and we are on our way. I hope there are no surprises this time. We could all use a few days of no attacks. We move at a pretty good pace and it's only about 3 hours before we are at the gates. Luna meets us at the gate.

We have Raven stop just inside. Lexa tells Luna, "Luna this is Raven kom Skaikru, help her oversee that all her equipment is put in the room next to Clarke's and the door is locked. Here is the spare key. I have the other one. She can store her stuff there and sleep in Clarke's room when we leave the safe rooms. Then meet us in the safe room. We will have lunch and discuss plans."

I look over and notice Luna hasn't taken her eyes off Raven and vice versa. This is going to be interesting. Luna then turns to Lexa and says, "Sha, Lexa. It will be done. Also, Aden wants to talk to you."

"Oh and Raven, no combustibles in the tower. Luna can show you where to put anything like that." I tell Raven.

"Damn, Clarke. You take the fun out of everything. Just kidding. I am careful with those." Raven says.

"Luna, could you make sure it's locked up and we have guards on the door. With Emerson working with Ontari, we can't be too careful." I say.

"Sha, Clarke. I will make it a priority." Luna says.

With that Lexa and I head upstairs. Just as we are about to get to the safe rooms, Lexa pulls me into a room. Before I know it I am pressed against the wall, Lexa leaning in close, whispering in my ear. "You have no idea what it does to me, hearing you take control like that." Each word she speaks, sends more vibrations down my spine. My legs are jelly when she pulls back after a quick tug on my earlobe with her teeth. She gives me a quick kiss and leans her forehead on mine, just holding me steady. "I can and will wait till you're ready, I just needed you to know."

Damn, I am not sure how much longer I can wait to show her what she does to me. After a few minutes, my heart palpitations slow down and we walk out the room, both of us knowing that now is not the time, but if it was, there would be no stopping us.

As soon as we walk in the room, the nightbloods are in front of us. It is Aden that speaks, "Lexa, Gaia told us you were sending us to Floukru. Is it true?"

Lexa answers him, "Sha, Aden. It's true. Ontari, will stop at nothing to take out all of you and me as well. With you àll safe, the future is safe. I don't plan on dying, but plans don't always work out in war."

Madi walks into the room then, "Madi, you shouldn't be walking on that leg." I tell her.

"Fine, I will sit then, but I won't be left out of this conversation." Madi tells us.

Aden looks at us and says, "We have been talking. We all agree that the younger nightbloods should go, with a few of us going with them to take care of them. Ethon, Levi, and I want to stay and fight. We can help you. Please, don't send us away."

"It's not safe,you have all been targeted by Ontari. We don't know much about her training. We know the queen trained her to be ruthless. She doesn't fight with honor. I need you all safe. You are all the future." Lexa says.

"Lexa, you have trained us well. We are all around the same age as you were when you became Heda. We are all ready. This is our fight as much as it is yours. Our people need us and a commander never runs from a fight." Aden says.

"I am not leaving either. I told you, I've been running my whole life, I refuse to run anymore. Gaia and Anya trained me well. Assign us your most trustworthy guards while we continue to train during the winter. Train us yourself. We won't leave the tower without you before the fighting begins. Please, don't try to send me away again." Madi says and I can see the tears in her eyes.

I pull Lexa aside, squeeze her fingers and say, "Lexa, we want them safe, but it seems to me like we might not have a choice in this matter. They have made up their mind and I think they would just come back if we sent them away. That puts them in more danger. This is your decision, I can't make it for you. I can only tell you what I think. A compromise might be what is needed. Maybe they stay and help protect those that can't fight on the front. Last defense of the tower, not on the front lines. We keep guards with them as well, keep them as safe as we can. One thing for sure is that they won't give up." 

Lexa looks at me and swallows, "I see what you're saying. It's hard to put them in danger, just like putting you in danger. I will agree to them staying, if you train with us. They can help protect Raven. If Ontari attacks and I feel you aren't ready, then you stay with them, protecting the safe rooms." 

"You don't want me fighting. I get that, I don't want you fighting. You taught me the power of strength in unity. I will train harder than anyone, that I can promise. I can't promise that I will go to the safe rooms. Our people need to see both of us fighting, Ogeda, feva." 

"There is no changing your mind on this." 

"Nowe, we fight together or neither of us fights."

Lexa leans in and gives me a quick kiss and we head back to the others. Lexa looks at them and says, "Okay, you can stay. I don't like it. I still want you all safe, but there are conditions. You train harder than you ever have before. You don't leave the tower. Your guards stay with you no matter where you are. When the fighting starts, you are the last of defense in the tower. It will be your job to get the children to the safe rooms. You will protect Raven kom Skaikru and Gaia with your lives. You will follow Luna's orders at that time. If she falls then you listen to Gaia. If you can't handle that, then you will go to Floukru. This is how you help our people."

"Are you going to train us?" Madi asks.

"I will be one of the people training you. You will have several trainers. As you all know, everyone has their own training style and the best way to learn is to train with as many as you can. You have all been training for most of your lives, but all that is nothing compared to how you will train now. Half your training has been in politics and how to lead your people. Now you will train for war. There will be no breaks, there will be no classes. Your bodies will be crying for relief, you will not stop though, you will fight. You stop and you're dead. You will get hurt, you will still keep going. Ge small daun, gyon op nodotaim. Do I make myself clear." Lexa replies.

"Sha, Heda." They all answer, even Madi.

The door opens and Raven, Luna, and all the others join us, bringing lunch with them. Good, I know I am starving. While we sit down to eat, Lexa starts the meeting. "We all know war is coming. What we aren't sure about is when. We hope Ontari doesn't attack before winter, but we don't know. Lincoln, how is the armour coming?"

"Anton was already working on them. He says that they should all be ready by tonight. Then he is making more for the warriors. All the black Smith's are helping him, Alec is making swords as well. He made all the nightbloods one and one for Clarke as well. Anton will bring the swords with the armour."

"Good, Mikali and Luna's people will lead the nightbloods, Gaia, Linus and Toni out of the tunnels tonight. Madi, Aden, Ethon and Levi will be staying. They will be the last defense of the tower, leading the children and Raven to the safe rooms."

"I am not a child, Lexa. I can fight too, you know." Raven says.

"I know that Raven. Your skills are too important to be lost. You are a great warrior, though your brain is your highest strength. We need that for this war, but also for the future." Lexa says.

"Raven forgive me if I am wrong here, but Lexa I think what Raven means is that she wants to fight. She wants to help protect the people. Though that does not have to be on the front lines. She can help protect the children in the safe rooms. On the front line someone has to be able to move quickly, that she might not be capable of. However, with training, she can fight in more close quarters like the tower. It's just like fighting on the decks of my ships. I can train her and join her in the rooms." Luna says. 

I notice the look Raven sends Luna, interesting indeed. Lexa turns to Luna and says, "You're right, Luna. I wasn't saying she wouldn't fight though and no one is to skip training. Raven still has a lot to do. Your people will help her. We will need those bombs. Also, I want as many warriors as we can learning how they work." 

"Thank you, Luna and Lexa. That's all I'm saying. I am more than just my brain. I can fight too. I can't run on a battlefield, but I can fight. Without my brace I can't even walk, with it I can. Running is out of the question, hallways and small rooms I excel at." Raven says.

"When Anton comes tonight, I want you to talk to him. I want him to help you build a stronger brace. He will have what is needed. He is the best armour maker I know. He has made you a set of Armour, Raven, but if he looks at your brace he might be able to improve upon it." Lexa says.

"I will talk to him. My braces can all be improved upon. The brace is a good design, but it's only as good as the materials it is made from." Raven says.

Lexa continues, "Now we talk about training schedules. One hour before the is up is when we begin training. After 3 hours we break for breakfast. After breakfast is finished everyone meets with the Leaders and Ambassadors, except the nightbloods. You will continue training. After the meetings, we will continue training. That is everyone but Luna and Raven. That is the time you have to work on anything Raven deems necessary for this war, any tek. At 2 we have lunch, then back to training. At 7 we will have dinner. Meals will last 1 hour only. The rest of the night is your own. Raven might want to work some more, but morning training comes early, remember that. We start tomorrow."

I speak now, "Roan, you will work with Echo. I want you to practice spying on people and sneak attacks. Form 4 groups for now. Practice with each other. Get with Raven to practice the use of the bombs. You will be the ones that go in before the fighting actually starts. You have one month to get your people ready. We can't wait for her to attack. We have to attack first. Most of you should be Azgeda, you can survive in winter conditions better than most of us. Raven, can you make special Radios for them, with an added frequency? That is how they will be able to contact us. We are not sure if Emerson provided radios to Ontari. We can be sure he doesn't know how to program a radio like you do."

"That's easy, it shouldn't take me more than a few hours to fix up at least 10 of them. I can actually start tonight." Raven says.

"No, tonight we will rest. Tomorrow is good." I tell her.

"You know that working with radios helps me relax, right. Not sure I can relax without something to fiddle with." Raven says.

"Figure it out, take time to spend with Luna. You will both be spending a lot of time together. It would be good to know more about each other." I say. They both look at each other at this time. I know I am sticking my foot in where it might not be wanted or needed, but I see something there. 

"Sure, clarke. I can do that." Raven says as she looks at Luna.

"Echo, as soon as we have information, we need to know." Lexa says.

"Sha, Lexa. Should only be a few more days. I need one of those radios from Raven, for Nylah. I can ride most of the way to her trading post in Raven's truck, when they take it back to Arcadia tomorrow. That way I can be back in a few days with the news." Echo says. 

"Indra, you and I will be in charge of training. We will be prepared for this war. The rest of the evening everyone is on their own. Relax, refresh, tomorrow we prepare for war." Lexa tells everyone.

"Sha, Lexa." Everyone says.

"Madi, can I speak to you for a bit?" Lexa asks and they both head towards Lexa's room.

**********trigger warning graphic discussion on torture************

Lexa's POV

Madi follows me into my room and I say, "Madi, I had no choice when you were a baby. I had to leave you and Kai. I didn't want to, I was forced to. I was so young myself. I was 6. When Kai died and our village was attacked, they told me you were hurt. It had only been a few days since my conclave. I was very badly injured, but I still came. I would never stay away when you needed me. I couldn't do that."

"Why did you leave before I woke up then?"

"I received word that Costia had been taken. I knew you would be next. I couldn't lose you, too. Also, at this time, we realized that the Azgeda novitiate used poison on his blades. Nyko didn't know what kind of poison he used. I was dying, I couldn't protect you. My last orders were to take you to safety and hide you."

"How are you still alive then? What happened?"

"From what Anya told me, they followed my orders. They took you to safety. That night though, they took me to the healing pools. They chiseled steps and seating in the springs. For 3 weeks no one knew where I was. For 2 of those I was unconscious, Nyko, Indra, and Anya working night and day to heal me. It wasn't easy and I don't understand half of what they did, but in the end I was alive. Becca praimheda came to me, it is rare that she speaks to me. She told me that you would always be a target. I knew then that you were a nightblood. You also had a good chance of succeeding me. You had to be safe for as long as I could keep you that way."

"So you decided to just leave me there, not once thinking about the fact that I needed you."

"I am going to tell you something only one other person ever knew. When I got back to Polis, it was 2 days later I woke up with Costia's head in my bed. You could tell she died in excruciating pain. She had been tortured for 3 weeks. She had still been alive when they took her head. We never found her body. Attached to her head was a letter. It took me a week to let Anya read it. It described everything they did to her down to the last detail. They started with cutting and burning. Then they moved to rats, the rats they starved and tied first to her feet, then her hands. The rats ate everything. They didn't stop with the rats though. They then put them on her stomach. When they were finished then they cut her head off, keeping her alive as long as possible, so she could feel every single cut. Nia promised that same death to anyone I was ever close to, then she would come after my throne. I couldn't let that happen to you. I didn't forget about you, I did have Anya train you when she could. I had weekly reports on your well being. I never forgot about you. I knew you would come here at 16, I had hoped by then there would be peace and we could get to know each other."

"I never knew all that. You dealt with that alone. No one should have all that on their shoulders. Why then did you make Nia part of the coalition? I don't think I could ever had done that."

"Part of a leader is thinking about your people. We didn't have nearly even half joining the coalition. We couldn't afford to lose more people from Nia's attacks. It would have never ended. I used a common enemy to bring her in and I did it in a way she couldn't refuse, in front of her people. The mountain didn't discriminate against who they took. It was Trikru and Azgeda who suffered the most from them, because the mountain was between the two clans. I needed time. I knew eventually I would have to deal with Nia, but we needed time to replenish Trikru's army and have more allies become loyal. Not even for one day did I trust Nia. I knew she would eventually make her move."

"We got the message in Warren that she was dead but it didn't say how. What happened and why didn't you send for me then."

"I fell in love and I made a mistake. I met my Keryon. We were all set to take the mountain, then they made me a deal. My people would be safe, hers wouldn't. I shouldn't have taken the deal, but I did. I am human, but I was thinking about my people. We lost many with the war with Skaikru, then lost even more when the mountain sent the missile. Their guns were killing my people by the dozens. Part of me was hurting, I didn't think Clarke felt the same about me as I felt about her. I had been taught my whole life that love was weakness. In that moment, I still believed that. The moment I turned to walk away, after I sounded the retreat, I knew Clarke felt the same way. However, Heda can't be seen as making mistakes. Everything would fall apart."

I take a drink and continue, "That decision had me questioning everything I was taught. I started reading Titus's scrolls and Becca's. I learned many things and was just trying to find more proof before I brought it to the people. Comparing his scrolls to Becca's I found how he changed everything to suit his teachings. He wanted war and chaos. That helped keep him in control of the commanders. Before I could gather enough evidence against him, Nia made her first move. She put a bounty on Clarke. I couldn't let her get her hands on Clarke. I loved Costia, but nothing like I love Clarke. I knew she would be angry with me, and more than likely hate me, but I had to save her. I had Roan bring her to Polis. Then everything went to hell. Nia attacked Skaikru and made her big move. She outright challenged me. She was too much of a coward though, having her banished son fight in her place. I had a choice to make when I defeated him. Kill him and nothing changes with Nia and Azgeda or kill Nia and make Roan king. I knew Roan was nothing like Nia. He could be ruthless, but his concern was for his people not the power the throne holds. I took a chance and killed Nia, making him king."

"I thought about picking you up after we brought Nia to Skaikru, but then the massacre happened and Clarke was hurt. I knew it was only a few months before you would be here anyways and so I decided to wait. Besides, time was never on my side. We faced many challenges, one right after the other. Titus made his move, trying to kill Clarke, in the process he almost killed both of us. After his punishment, we had to deal with Skaikru. Clarke was injured during the fight to take it back. I had to help her oversee everything here. Then she was shot, her armour saved her life, but it was still had. She actually died multiple times before her mother could stabilize her. It wasn't but a few days later that we learned that the legend of Becca and Sophie was real. According to Clarke's mother, it should have taken months for her to heal. That was less than 2 weeks ago, it's almost like it never happened."

"Okay, I understand now. It still hurts. I won't lie, but I understand why you did things the way you did. So what now?"

"Now we get to know each other while waiting for war. I still want you safe, but I won't send you away again. You're my sis and I have always loved you, even when I couldn't admit it to anyone else. I will always love you."

"I have been so angry for many things in my life, so angry at you. Now I find out things that make me question why I was ever angry in the first place. I love you too. I guess I just have a lot to think about."

************trigger warning graphic discussion about torture***********

Madi leaves the room and I just sit there. It isn't long before Clarke comes in. She leans over and gives me a kiss before she speaks, "How did things go with Madi?"

"I think it went well. I talked to her about why I did things the way I did. I think she is less angry at me, so that is good. Can we talk about something else?"

Clarke smiles and says, "We don't have to talk about anything."

I look up at her and she leans in for another kiss. This kiss is different than any kiss we have ever shared before. Clarke reaches over and starts unbuckling my armour, I can feel her trembling with just the slightest touch. I reach up and grab her hand, kissing her fingertips, "Clarke, are you sure, my love. We can wait, if you're not ready."

"Lexa, I have been more than ready for a long time. I just, nervous. I've never been with anyone."

"We will take our time, my love. There is no rush. It is only the two of us." I whisper in her ear. Pulling my teeth against her earlobe before I step back, never breaking eye contact, I slowly pull off her armour. Setting it aside I pull her close, wrapping my arms around her waist. My lips find hers, slipping my tongue inside her burning mouth. 

As I go to stand up, to finish removing my armour, she lets out a loud moan. "Patience, my love." I make quick work of undressing us both. We have both waited too long. As I lean over to kiss her I slip my arms around her and pick her up, gently carrying her to the bed. I look in her eyes one more time, asking with my eyes if she is sure. She nods and that is all I need. I want to taste every inch of her. Moving my kisses down to her jaw, slowly making my way down to her neck. Her moans, or mine, I am not sure whose they are reach my ears and sending tingles all the way down to my core. I stop as I get to her shoulders and the top of her chest, kissing gently over each scar. "So meizen, so beautiful."

I reach my fingers to her breast, teasing with one hand while taking the other in my mouth. "Oh god, Lexa. Keep going." Moving over to the other breast, giving it just as much attention. I could spend all night worshiping them both. Instead I start making my way down her milky stomach, slowly sucking every inch, mapping out her body with my tongue. Clarke's hands grabbing the furs as she is starting to lose control. As I reach her core, I stop for a moment just taking her in, "Beja, Lexa, don't stop, I need you."

I reach down slowly running my fingers over her clit, "Chek au ai, ai hodnes" Clarke opens her eyes and looks at me, slowly I enter with one finger, she lets out a loud gasp. 

Still rubbing her clit, I slide in another finger, slowly moving them in and out. "Jok, Lexa, right there." I move my fingers faster at this time, slowly curling them against her front wall, after a moment I remove my fingers and move them to my mouth, tasting each one. 

I move my tongue down slowly pushing it inside, curling it around drinking all her juices. Clarke pulls my hair, pulling us even closer together. "Beja, Leksa. Jok ai. Dula nou hod up. Meija."

Hearing her moaning in my language is going to make me cum without her even touching me. I feel her walls clenching around my tongue. Holding her close I make my way up to kiss her gently. "It's ok, Clarke, ai gud yu. I've got you."

We are both trembling at this time, tears flowing down our faces. I kiss her one more time and pull the furs over us. "I never knew it could be like that."

I reach over to the bedside table and grab a rag out of the bowl, slowly wringing it out, move the furs back and clean Clarke up. There is a little bit of blood staining the bed. "Did I hurt you, my love?"

Clarke pulls me closer, puts my hand over her chest and says, "No hodnes. You didn't hurt me. I just have no words. That was amazing. You were amazing. I am a little sore but it's a good sore. Just give me a few minutes and I will take care of you."

"You already have, my Keryon. You already have. Rest now, ai hod yu in, feva."

"I love you, Lexa." Clarke says while yawning. 

It isn't long before we both drift off to sleep.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Clarke's POV 

I wake up to feather light kisses on my chest, right over my scars. I pull Lexa up and kiss her gently. "How much time do we have, my love." 

"Not nearly enough, hodnes. It's time for breakfast, so we have just enough time to get dressed."   
  
"Then tonight is your turn." I tell her as we get out the bed and get dressed. 

"I am good, my love. Loving you last night was all I needed and tonight we will both be tired and sore from training. I love you, so much. Last night was everything to me, Clarke." 

"Lexa, you were so amazing. I can't describe how you made me feel. It was everything to me as well. You are my everything. I just wish we had more time to continue, but soon." I grab Lexa and pull her in, "I am so glad I waited. I could never see myself being with anyone but you. I love you, Lexa." Leaning further in I kiss her gently. 

"In Trikru, being someone's first is a gift. It is always treasured. Though every minute I get to spend in the same room with you is a gift to me." After a few minutes we head to the dining room. 

Everyone is seated waiting for us, of course it's Raven that looks at me and whispers, "Get it girl, I think all of Polis heard you last night, at least the whole tower did." 

I can't help but to blush, Lexa looks over at Raven and says, "Better eat up, Raven. Training starts in 30 min. You will definitely need that fuel." Lexa squeezes my hand and we sit down. 

We eat breakfast quickly, it is almost time for the boys and the other nightbloods to leave. Lexa looks at her nightbloods and says, "Personally, I don't want to send you away, any of you ever. However, you are the future. Though it isn't our plan, if we are to fall in this war, at least all of you will survive. One of you would then be commander." 

Lexa pauses for a minute and then continues, "I haven't had time to inform you of the changes in the conclave. We are going back to how it should have been. The conclave should have never been a fight to the death. That only tests a person's strength. Wisdom and compassion are also part of the qualities a commander should possess. Most of what Titus taught us all should be forgotten about. A commander should never be alone. Love is strength and necessary for leading your people properly. Gaia will be going with you. She will teach you everything that Titus changed. She will teach how the conclave is going to be from now on. No one will fight to the death. There are too few of us left. Becca and Sophie never wanted that for any of us." 

"Titus killed the flamekeeper back when Sophie and Becca died. Titus had been his 2nd and wanted war to continue, he wanted to have control of the commander. If we are all fighting the clans and there is always war, he could do that. He no longer has that influence on anyone in this life and all those that follow. Leaders of all the clans now know most everything Titus did. All the clan leaders in the coalition are in favor of handling the conclave like Becca and Sophie wanted." 

"I send you away to ensure that if we fall, all our legacies are protected. This war is about peace. Everyone of us and our people deserve that life. A life where war isn't around every corner. We will grow and prosper in peace. We are all grounders, we are all one people. You though, you are ai seingeda, my family. The nightbloods were all meant to fight together for peace as brothers and sisters, to help the people. Protect your family on this journey. Learn from the Floukru. They are the first clan that wanted peace. My idea for joining the clans was because of their beliefs. Toni and Linus are your family as well, protect them as you protect your brothers and sisters. Toni is just as important for the future. He is the first to learn healing from not only Nyko, whose family have always been the commander's healers, but also from Wanheda. I love you all. We will send for you when the war is over. Ste klir, ste yuj." 

All the nightbloods, Toni, and Linus all walk over to Lexa hug her and says, "Sha Lexa. Ste klir, ste yuj. Mebi Oso na hit choda op." 

Then they all come to me and say, "Stay safe, stay strong, Clarke. May we meet again." They all walk out the door, Mikali leading them all out, towards the tunnels where they will meet up with Luna's people." 

Everyone moves the tables and Lexa hands me a staff, while Luna gives Raven one. "Eton, you and Raven. Levi, you're with Clarke. Aden and Madi. Let's see where everyone's skills are at." Lexa says. 

Lexa's POV 

I walk around the room with Luna, looking at their stances, "Raven, arms about chest high. Clarke, spread your legs a little more. Ballance your hands in the middle of the staff." 

"Jomp in" I tell them. Luna and I resume walking around. I can tell that Ethon and Levi are going slow with Clarke and Raven. Clarke is slightly better than Raven though both have a lot to work on. "Clarke, watch his eyes, they will tell you his next attack. Raven, wait for him to attack first." 

Aden and Madi are well suited, Aden is a bit stronger but Madi is making that up with speed. Gaia has done well with her. Sparring together will help them both improve, but they are both ready to spar with Luna and I. "Chil daun, stand down. I have seen what I need to see." Everyone stops and looks at me. Roan with Aden. Indra with Madi. Octavia with Ethon. Lincoln with Levi. Luna with Raven. Clarke you're with me. Ryder, watch." 

I grab a staff, and say "Begin." I wish I had more time to train Raven and Clarke. They need the most work. Luna will get Raven ready. I saw the way she has been looking at her. She never looked at Derrick like that. Then again they were always just friends. Luna and Raven will be good together. 

I look at Clarke and say, "For now I want you to defend, no attacking just block me." 

"Sha, Lexa." Clarke says and we begin. 

We train till lunch time, Clarke's time in the woods has definitely helped her. I see the exhaustion on Raven and Clarke's faces. "Stand down. It is time for lunch. One hour." 

With the other nightbloods gone and some of the guards that went with them, we don't even need to move the tables. Clarke and I sit down and everyone joins us as we start to eat. When everyone is almost finished I speak, "Good job, this morning everyone. Lincoln and Ryder will oversee training this afternoon. No weapons, this time. The rest of us are needed in the meetings. We will join you afterwards. Raven and Luna will assess everything that is needed for the tek we will be needing." I grab Clarke's hand and we head to the throne room. 

We all enter the throne room and Luna directs Raven to the Skaikru ambassadors chair, and I pull Clarke up to my dias. After snapping my fingers, two guards bring up a 2nd throne, showing the other the other leaders that Clarke is my equal. After a few seconds of shocked stares, the other leaders and ambassadors smile and bow before us. 

"Welcome leaders and ambassadors of the coalition." I say. 

"Welcome Commander of the blood, Wanheda, Mountain Slayer." 

"We are gathered here today because war is coming. I know you have all heard of the attack on your Heda and Wanheda. Ontari also attacked my sister, a fellow nightblood, on her way to take her place with her brothers and sisters. Ontari has made threats to Skaikru, Wanheda, the nightbloods and all our clans. She wants to rule the coalition in fear and bring war to all that oppose her. She doesn't care about who is in the way. She will destroy your farms, villages and kill your families. She doesn't want the peace we are all fighting for. She is working with the last mountain man, Emerson. He has gifted her warriors flaygons and other tek. You will notice we are short 2 clan Representatives, Sangedakru and Delfikru have joined Ontari. They think they can defeat us with their flaygons. This is where we need Skaikru's help. I turn it over to Wanheda." 

"I destroyed Skaikru weapons. However, we kept the gunpowder from them. We brought it all to Polis in case it was ever needed. Gunpowder has many uses, not just for war. It can be used in building breaking up ice from avalanches in Azgeda. When fuel is added, we can make bombs, some as small as small rocks. Each one can take out half a dozen enemies. Sneak attacks into Ontari's camps destroying the playing field is a must. It takes seconds to kill hundreds of people with a gun. We destroy them first. Then we will move on to killing their warriors. I want a day where there is no war, where we are truly one people. Sadly, in order to have that, we have to defeat Ontari. Like all of Skaikru I understand a good deal of tek. How to build it though, that is something I don't understand. There is one person that does. If you can think of it she can make it or tell you why it won't work. We look to her in building the tek we need to win this war. I will now turn it over to Raven kom Skaikru. Raven." Clarke says. 

"Wanheda, sees what is needed for the future. She is great with strategy among other things. My skill set is in other areas like she said. I made those radios you all carry. With Emerson working with Ontari, they will have radios themselves. They will be listening to us, on ours. Last night I worked on adding a frequency to the radios. Emerson was a guard in the mountain. He wouldn't know how to fix theirs to do that. This means 3 things. 1 we can listen in on them. 2 we can talk on our frequency, and they can't hear us. 3 while they are listening to us, we can relay false information and they will never know. After the meeting I will fix your radios with the added frequency and show you how to use it." Raven says. 

Raven pauses for a minute and then continues, "Now that communication is covered, we will move onto another one of my specialties, weapons. I would love to only have to use my bombs to help people, building and other things, but right now they are needed as weapons. Bombs can be made out of many things, including horse poop. Those are the least destructive. Those are the ones I would like to teach your people how to make, it will be safer for them. Though I will teach them how to use them. I will teach you how to make mine fields and how to mark them so that only our people know they are there. This is not something I can do alone. I will need help from your people. It does no good to only be able to make a few items that are needed when the enemy is as large as it is. We believe that their numbers range about 3000, it could be more though. I estimate that, in 2 months we can make enough bombs to take out about half of them. Working alone maybe I could make enough to take out a couple 100. Working together we will win this war. I look forward to the day we can work on making all our lives better. Today we have to fight for that to be possible." 

Raven stops and I decide it's time to wrap it up. "We all have much work to do. We will meet daily to discuss progress. Daily training is a must for everyone. We need to be prepared. We can't underestimate the enemy. Today work with Raven on the radios and send your people that you can spare to help her with weapon making. Keep your people safe. We will meet again tomorrow." With that I take Clarke's hand and we leave Raven and Luna with the other leaders. We make our way back to the safe rooms. 

Just outside, I lean over and kiss her. "I know you are tired, but it is time for more training." 

"I am tired, but I know training is a must. I will be ok." 

I hate having to push her, but I have to make sure she is ready. I won't lose her, I can't. We walk in and everyone is still training. I walk over to Ryder, "How is it going?" I ask. 

"Good, Lexa. Ethon and Levi need work on reading their opponent. Madi and Aden are ready. They will only get better sparing with each other." Ryder says. 

I grab two wooden swords, handing one to Clarke, I begin attacking without warning. "Always be ready. No one is going to announce that they are trying to kill you." I tell her. 

It isn't long before I knock her sword out of her hand, moving mine to her neck. "Watch your opponents eyes not their feet. Their eyes tell you which way they will move next." 

We practice for many more hours until Raven and Luna walk in with dinner. "Stand down. We are finished for the day, everyone let's eat." I put mine and Clarke's swords away and pull her to the table. 

Halfway through the meal Madi looks up and asks, "How was the meeting?" 

I look over at her and say, "The meeting went well. We went over everything we have all discussed here. The leaders and ambassadors all seemed to take it well and are ready to fight with us. Raven, how did it go after we left?" 

"It went really well, we got all their radios fixed and I showed them how to use them and fix any other radios their people have. Tomorrow they are sending people to help me with more radios as well as bombs. They also are ready to get with us in the next week to start sending false Intel to the enemy. With all the help from the other clans, we will definitely be ready." Raven says. 

"Ok, if there is nothing else, then Clarke and I will be heading back to our room, everyone needs rest for tomorrow. There tomorrow will be another long day." I tell everyone. 

Raven looks up and says, "Actually, can I borrow Clarke for a moment, before we all leave." 

I look at Clarke and she nods, already getting up. 

Clarke's POV 

Raven and I head into mine and Lexa's room. We sit on the couch and Raven starts, "What do you know about Luna?" 

I smile at Raven and say, "Luna and Lexa grew up together. Luna is a nightblood and leader of Floukru. She is Lexa's best friend, almost like sisters. She has always been about peace. Helping any warrior that needs healing from war. She would prefer not to fight, but knows that sometimes you have to. I can't go into anything personal that Lexa has told me. It's not my story to tell." 

"I like her, I think she feels the same way. I have never met anyone like her. I am just scared of getting hurt again." 

"I know Luna is nothing like Finn. Finn had his good points, but truthfully I didn't know him like you did. You grew up with him and still there was so much about him you didn't know. I never want you to be hurt like he hurt you again. I don't see Luna hurting someone that way. She is special. My advice, get to know her, talk to her. If nothing else, she is a good friend. Also, from what I have observed, she feels the same way." 

"Ok, enough about Luna and me. What about you and Lexa? You didn't think I would forget about that did you?" 

"If details are what you want, that's never going to happen. I will say, I never thought it could be like that, especially it being my first time. She was so gentle." 

"What do you mean, first time? I thought you and Finn, and then that girl, Nylah?" 

"Nope, on both accounts, we kissed, a few innocent touches, but that was it. I didn't lie when I told you I barely knew Finn. That was the same with Nylah. I couldn't be with anyone I didn't know for sure that it was love, now I know it wasn't. Something my father always told me." 

"Jake was a good man. He talked about you alot. You and Lexa seem serious. Luna was telling me about the legend of Becca and Sophie. Sophie's healing, it's a lot like yours seem to be. Do you believe in all that?" 

I am glad Raven didn't say much about my father, it still hurts losing him. "I have to believe it. Look at me, I should still be in bed healing or dead. How this is possible, I have no clue. We may never know. I think that is ok, though. Some things we are never meant to know about." 

It's at this time Lexa comes in, "Sorry to interrupt, Echo is here. We are waiting to see what she has to say." 

I grab Lexa's hand and kiss her cheek. We all make our way to the other room. "What have we learned, Echo?" I ask her. 

"Not too much more than we already know. I gave Nylah the new radio and showed her how to use it. If she calls and is on the old frequency, she is compromised. It seems they are getting more people from the clanless. The numbers so far are small, close to 200, but more keep showing up. If they all join, we can add another 2000 from them. However, most have little to no training, so that's a plus. There are 4 camps now. I suggest Emori going to infiltrate the clanless camp." 

I look up, and ask, "Why Emori?" 

At this time Emori removes her glove. "My parents were supposed to cast us out when we were born, but instead they left our clan. We grew up without a clan. It is only since Lexa's rule that some of us have come out of the dead zone. I still have a hard time walking around without covering my hand. If it was any other commander, I wouldn't ever even think about doing this. I would be honored to do this." 

"You won't go alone." Murphy says. 

Murphy has grown so much. Lexa looks up and frowns, "I am sorry, Murphy. We can't send you. Everyone knows by now you are my advisor. It would put you both at risk. She won't go alone though." 

"Who will go with her then, and can we trust them?" Murphy asks. 

"I hate to separate you both. I can't promise she will make it out of this, but I have my own spies in the dead zone. One I trust the most is one I banished 6 years ago. He was Costia's main guard and the only one that survived. He almost died trying to save her. I had the choice back then. Banishment or death by 1000 cuts. I couldn't kill him. After 3 years I was able to lift the kill order, but he still remains my spy. He will protect Emori or die trying." 

Lexa removes her headpiece and hands it to Emori. "I know you know where to find him. Give him this and he will not only protect you, but he will also follow your orders. No information is worth your life. If you suspect they are onto you, you get out of there. Skaikru is closest, you will go there. They will take you in till you can come back here. No radio silence, you will leave in the morning." 

"Sha, Lexa." 

"Murphy you and Emori go spend some time together. Everyone else let's get some rest." 

Everyone heads to their rooms, while Lexa grabs my hand and we go to ours. As we are removing our clothing, Lexa says, "I am sorry, hodnes." 

"For what, my love?" 

"I was hard on you today. I know you are sore and not used to training. I know a few times I hurt you." 

"Lexa, never thought training would be easy. I knew I would have bruises and scrapes. It's all part of it." 

"It still hurts to see you in pain, especially knowing I caused it." 

"I am ok, Lexa. Tell me, do you train like that with the nightbloods, or did you go easy on me?" 

"Of course I went easy on you. You have never trained before. Still you did better than most their first time." 

"Don't do it again." 

"Don't do what again?" 

"Don't go easy on me. We have so little time to train. I need you to train me like you would anyone else." 

"Clarke, I don't think that's a good idea." 

I put my finger on her lips and say, "Lexa, it's ok. I know you are scared you are going to hurt me. It's ok, though. I can take it. I won't break. I promise. If it's ever too much I will speak up." 

I lean over and kiss her as, grabbing the wet rag out of the bowl and I clean her face. When I am finished she does the same for me. "Tomorrow we will go back to our room and I will draw you a bath hodness. It will help with the muscle aches." 

This is still all new to me. Never in my life has anyone ever taken care of me like this, asking nothing in return. We lay down in the bed and I ask Lexa, "Tell me more about your family, Lexa. Your parents or your brothers." 

"When I was little my parents would take us on trips. Usually, they were not too far, but a few times they were longer. One of the longer trips, they took me to Floukru, we were always allies. It was the first time I saw the ocean. I think I was not quite 5. It was probably 5 months before Madi was born. Your eyes remind me of it. Where the blue of the ocean meets the blue of the sky. I've never seen that color blue in a person's eyes till I met you. It was always my favourite color. I would play in the waves all day with my brothers. When nighttime came I didn't want to come in. I would spend hours watching the stars. I would fall asleep like that. Nontu would let me stay as long as I wanted before carrying me half asleep to our tent. On the 2nd day I met Luna. She had a few days until had to leave, to go to Polis. We ran in the waves splashing each other." 

Lexa leans over and kisses me, "When she left I was heartbroken. I didn't have many friends. Mainly Lincoln and even at that age I knew about the conclave. All I knew at that time was, I probably wouldn't see her again. I told her we would always be friends, no matter what. We stayed a few more days. My parents played in the ocean with us. They usually didn't play much with us. Life was more about surviving back then. There were times though that they set all that aside and just let us be kids. They were the first people that taught me that there is a time to enjoy life and a time to work. They taught us that fighting so we can have those moments are worth fighting for. When I went to Polis, that was the first time Titus told me to forget about all that. He never succeeded until Costia died. For 6 years I believed his teachings. Then you came along. I will never believe it again. You are my strength, you are my everything, Clarke. After the war, I want to take you to see the ocean. You would love it." 

"I love you, Lexa. Ai laik Yun, feva." 

"Yu laik ain en ai laik yun, feva." 

We lay there in each other's arms for awhile and then I ask her, "Lexa, does Luna have a niron?" 

"Luna, I am not sure. Sometimes she is with Derek, but they have always just been friends. I have never seen her with anyone since her brother. She was so damaged after the conclave. Killing her brother almost killed her soul. She has healed from that mostly, but she guards her heart well. She is a lot like I was before I met you. For so long we were taught it was wrong for us to love someone. It was a weakness that would either get us killed or they would be killed." 

"Titus did so much damage, I almost wish he was still alive so that he could see us together, just so I could kill him again. He hurt so many people." 

"So why do you ask about Luna, my love?" 

"Raven likes her, a lot. That's mainly what she wanted to talk to me about earlier. I told her to get to know her. Talk to her. I told her Luna was a good person, but I wouldn't tell her about anything personal I knew about her. It's not my story to tell." 

"Like I said Luna is a lot like me. When she does fall in love, I think it will be forever. Nothing Luna does is halfway. I have seen the way she looks at Raven. I think she feels the same way too. Time will tell. Though if they do, tradition stands that she will probably come to you for permission to court her. Trikru and Floukru have similar traditions on courting." 

"Raven is scared though. Finn really did a number on her. He hurt me, that is true, but Raven, he destroyed her. I don't think she could survive someone else hurting her like that again. She so deserves to be loved. She deserves someone who will put her first. Finn tried to have both of us at the same time. I didn't know Raven or Finn on the Ark. When Raven came down and I found out he was with her, I stopped everything on my end. Only thing is he didn't. He still wanted both of us, but when Raven finally broke it off for good, he really went after me. It was when the mountain men took me that he really lost it. Raven had been with Finn since they were kids. She thought he was it for her. One thing I am glad for is that he saved her life. She should have been floated, but he hid her and took the fall for her crime. She was 18 and he was 17. The rest was what destroyed her heart. So it's hard for her to even be considering risking it again. Though I told her I didn't see Luna ever hurting her like he did." 

Lexa kisses my head and says, "I don't think Luna is capable of that. If she truly is falling for Raven, then there is nothing she won't do to make sure she is happy and safe. She will make it her life's mission." 

"We will wait, time will tell." 

I start yawning and Lexa says, "Rest, my love. We will need it tomorrow. We will be training with the bows tomorrow." 

I close my eyes and whisper, "Night, ai hodnes." It isn't long before I am asleep.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to catch ao3 up on every thing I have posted on Wattpad. Should have a new chapter in about 3 days or so. I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 33 

Two months and 4 days later 

Lexa's POV 

Clarke and I have just finished the afternoon meeting and we are walking back to her room. I am worried about Clarke. She has missed training the last 4 days. She has been so sick. She is hardly eating anything either. She is really pale,I reach over and grab her hand and bring it up to kiss her fingertips. "Lexa, I'm ok. Let's go clean up a bit and go train." 

"Are you sure? You were really sick this morning, my love. Maybe you should rest some more." 

We make it to the room and she pulls me in for a kiss, "I am fine, Leksa. I feel much better. I promise. I love you. The war will be here before we know it. I've missed too much training as it is." 

"You're ready, niron. Sky people learn faster than anyone I have ever met. You, Raven, and Octavia are now almost as good as Indra. All three of you have defeated Roan in sparring several times. Eric says Arcadia is ready. We sent Miller the last shipment of explosives, since we don't know where they will attack first, here or there. We have done everything we can to prepare. If you need a few more days to rest then, we are good. Your health is important." 

"I am good to go. If I get tired or feel sick, I will stop and say something. I am still not that hungry, but I think I can hold a bit down today."   
We wash up and head to the training room. "If you're sure, my love. As long as you stop when you feel sick." 

We sit down to eat before training. I notice Clarke eats a little bit of cheese and bread, not even touching the meat. At least it is something. It doesn't take long for everyone to eat and we are ready to train. 

"Partner up everyone. Clarke you're with me. Swords." 

I hand Clarke and we begin. Her reaction time is way off, just as I am about to call a halt to it, Clarke freezes, and says "Lexa" she drops her swords and reaches for me. I catch her as she falls. Everyone stops at this time, taking a knee. Nyko rushes over to look at her. 

"What's wrong with her, Nyko?" I ask. 

"Let's get her to the next room, so I can check her out. Put her on the bed." 

Raven and Luna follow, after a few minutes, Nyko looks up and says, "We might need some privacy, Lexa." He turns and looks at Raven and Luna. 

"We aren't leaving, Nyko." Raven says, grabbing Luna's hand. 

"It's ok, Nyko. They can stay, what's wrong with Clarke." 

"She's been sick for days, not eating much. Lexa, nothing is wrong with her. She fainted because she is dehydrated. She isn't sick, she is with child. She's pregnant. The legend is true." Nyko says. 

In that moment my whole world changes. It's not that I don't want this, I want it so much. Now, though, with war coming. How can I protect them? I sink to the floor next to the bed just trying to make sense of everything. 

"Holy, freaking shit. Are you kidding me? How is that even possible? No way." Raven says. 

I stand up and walk over to the bed just as Clarke is waking up. She tries to get up and I gently grab her hand. "Relax, hodnes. I'm here, you're ok." I lean over and kiss the top of her head. 

Raven walks over and says, "You scared me, Griff." 

"I am fine Raven, just a bit dizzy. Maybe I should have waited another day or two before training, but I am fine." 

"You won't be training for awhile, Griff." Raven says. 

"Why? I feel ok, nothing but a few more days rest won't cure." Clarke says and the room grows silent. 

Clarke looks at Nyko, then at me, "What? I feel fine. What are you all not saying here? What's wrong with me?" 

"If you're not going to tell her, then I sure as hell will. Though I am not sure I believe it. It's just not possible, and someone please tell me about this freaking legend." Raven says. 

I lean over and place my hand on Clarke's stomach, "Clarke, my tombon. You are not sick.You're going to have a baby. We are going to have a baby." 

"What? No, this can't be happening. I can't be pregnant." Clarke says and my heart sinks. She doesn't want the baby. 

"I'm sorry, my love, but Nyko confirms it. I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted." I tell her. 

Clarke puts her hand on top of mine and says, "Lexa, I want a family with you. I always have, but the timing, the war." 

"I will protect you both, my love. Ontari will never get her hands on either of you." I say, pulling our hands up to kiss her fingertips. 

"That's touching and all, but dammit, if someone doesn't tell me what's going on and how this is possible, I might just explode." Raven says. 

I look over at Raven and Luna and say, "You two might want to sit. This is a long story." 

"Just get on with it. I know Clarke hasn't been with anyone, but you. However, medically speaking, this isn't possible." Raven says. 

"I will be letting you read the first commanders' journals, it might shed some more light on it all. We haven't been able to figure out how some of these things are possible, but for some reason they are. You know how bad Clarke was hurt when Jasper shot her, right." 

"Yeah, I just thought that was Clarke. She is so strong, nothing keeps her down for long." Raven says. 

"Abby says she should have died, and it was a miracle that she didn't. When she didn't die, Abby said her recovery would take months, but it didn't. It didn't even take 2 weeks. There is a reason for that. None of us really understand it though. The first commander, Becca didn't even fully understand it. Her houmon, Sophie had the same healing properties Clarke does. Becca and Sophie believed it was because of the black blood. Though Sophie didn't have black blood, that is still a mystery." 

"Many times Sophie should have died and didn't. That however, is not the only mystery surrounding the 2. Sophie and family were doctors and still they didn't know how it was possible. Sophie was captured by the enemy and tortured to death. Becca spent 3 days crying over her body when she found her. Bleeding tears of black blood, everyone for miles could hear her screams. No one knows how, but by some miracle, she came back to life. Becca cut her down from the pole she was tied to and carried her home. Sophie's sister is the one that noticed the fetus on the ground. She wrapped it up and it was laid to rest with Sophie's guards that died trying to protect her. No one knows how she became pregnant, but she hadn't been with anyone, but Becca. We think it has to do with the nightblood and the flame. Somehow the two together can produce life when medically it is not possible." I tell Raven and Luna. 

"I never knew that part of the legend. So why didn't they have more children?" Luna asks. 

"They believed that with the damage that occured during Sophie's torture, she couldn't have more children." I tell her. 

"So you think Clarke is pregnant and it is part of the legend of the commanders?" Raven asks. 

"I don't see how anything else is possible. Please, believe me, when I say, I haven't ever been with anyone, except Lexa. Someone would have to kill me for that." Clarke says. 

I squeeze Clarke's hand and say, "It's ok, I know, my love." 

"So, what now? This changes a lot. Clarke can't fight, how do we protect her?" Luna asks. 

"For starters, we have to let the others know. She can't leave the tower, for now. We will move back into the safe rooms. She can still take part in the meetings, but no more training." I say. 

"I can still fight, Lexa. I am pregnant, not injured." Clarke says. 

"I know you can, hodnes, but you shouldn't. No warrior fights, when a child is growing in them and I can't lose you, either of you." I tell her. 

"We will leave you to talk some. Clarke, please listen to Lexa." Raven says and they all leave the room. 

I move to the bed and lay down with Clarke, just holding her. "I love you, so much, Clarke. I never thought it was possible even after hearing not from Nyko. I want this with you, you just don't know how much I have been dreaming of it. Your right, though, now is not the best time, but we can't change that. Regardless, I am happy about it. We are going to have a family." 

"I am happy about it too, but I can't stand the thought of you fighting this war without me. I need you to be safe. We need you to be safe." 

"I know, I can't promise you that. What I can promise is I will do everything I can to keep you and the baby safe. I will promise to do everything in my power to be here for you for many years to come. More than ever I want to finish this war and have peace for us, for our children. This, you having our baby doesn't change any of that. It only makes me more determined to see it happen." 

"I knew something was happening to me. I am never sick. I am so tired all the time lately as well. I will stay in the tower and when the fighting comes I will come here to the safe rooms with the children. If I have to I will fight to keep them safe. That is what I can do." Clarke says while yawning. 

"Rest, my love. I am not going anywhere. We will talk more tonight with the others during dinner." 

I lay there just listening to her heartbeat. I'm going to be a nomon. I am so excited, yet so scared. What if I lose them? What if I die on the battlefield, what becomes of them? What if we both survive and I screw them up? All I know about children is from training the nightbloods and still I have never been able to spend much time with them, not without Titus pushing his falsehoods on all of us. I am worried Clarke will not stay in the safe rooms and something will happen to her. 

All this time spent worrying and I don't notice that it is almost time for dinner. There is a knock on the door and I look up to see Indra, "How is she, Lexa?" 

"She is good Indra. We will talk with everyone in a bit. I guess it's time for dinner?" 

"Sha, we can bring you both something, if needed." 

"No, it's ok. We will be there in a bit. We will explain everything then." 

Indra walks out and I lean over to kiss the top of Clarke's head, "Clarke, niron. It's time for dinner." 

She wakes up and we walk to the tables. Everyone is there waiting for us. It is Madi that speaks first, after pulling out a chair for Clarke, "I hope you are feeling better, Clarke." 

"I am feeling much better, thank you, Madi. Let's eat and we can all talk about why I have been sick. It's nothing serious, I promise." Clarke says. 

Clarke's still not eating much, but at least it's something and she was able to keep dinner down. She is still not eating meat, I wonder if that is a good thing or not. Maybe we need more fruit? I know it's not in season right now, but I am sure we can find some. It doesn't take long for everyone to eat and everyone looks at us. I am not sure how to explain this. 

Indra beats me to it, she looks at Nyko and says, "I think I know what ails Clarke. It was the same with me. The legends past down in our family are true, they aren't just stories." 

Nyko looks at his sister, "Yes, Indra. They are true." 

"Then we really have to protect her. Our ancestors couldn't protect Sophie and she lost the child. I will not have that happen to you, Clarke." Indra says. 

Octavia looks at us and says, "Will someone just please tell me what the hell is going on here." 

I squeeze Clarke's hand, and wrap my arms around her. She then answers Octavia, "I am pregnant." 

"What the jok. That's not even funny. It's impossible for two women to become pregnant and I know you haven't been with anyone else." Octavia exclaims. 

"Yes, it's true. We wouldn't joke about this." Clarke says. 

"Clarke has not been with anyone else. We don't know how it's possible. It is part of the legend of Becca and Sophie. The part that not many knew about. Clarke is having my baby." I tell everyone. 

"Ok, let's say this is true, how do we move forward. We can't send her back to Arcadia. The roads are too dangerous right now. I will protect her as always. I am just trying to figure it all out." Octavia says. 

"It's true, I spent the afternoon reading Becca's journals. The same thing happened with Sophie, just like Clarke's healing faster than anyone I have ever met. I don't understand how, but I believe it." Raven says. 

"So, I am going to be an ani?" Madi asks. 

I smile at her and say, "Sha, you will be an ani, same as Raven and Octavia. You will be great aunts to our goufa." 

"Does Abby know yet. I would hate to see her wrath, whether it's kept from her or not. Wait, definitely something to see. She will want to eviscerate you, Lexa. Not that she has a chance in hell of succeeding." Murphy says. 

"What does that mean?" I ask him. 

He looks at Clarke and she explains, "He was kidding, but it means to remove all the internal organs in a body. Mom would never do that. I don't think now is the time to tell her. Maybe after the war. She would just freak out and worry. She would want me to travel there or her travel here and we have already established that travel is too dangerous for anyone. For now I will not leave the tower and stay in the safe rooms. Not much else we can do." 

It's at this time that someone bangs on the door. I glance at the others and pull Clarke behind me before pulling my swords. Indra goes to open the door and Echo rushes in, Stefan behind her carrying Emori. Indra locks the door and Nyko runs to help her, "Were you followed?" I ask. 

"No, Lexa, but we have much to discuss." Echo says. 

"Let's see how Emori is first. Nyko?" I ask. 

"It looks like she has a few cuts here and there and a small head wound. Nothing, a few days rest shouldn't heal." 

Murphy is holding Emori's hand as she wakes up and he leans over to kiss her, "You're ok, baby. You're safe." 

"Stefan saved me. I thought I was going to die." Emori says. 

"Talk to me, what has happened?" I ask Echo. 

"First, we lost Nylah's radio and mine. They were destroyed by the clanless. However, we had to blow our cover in order to save the shipment of explosives and armour going to Arcadia. Nylah is on her way to Arcadia, to warn them. The clanless and Delphikru will attack Arcadia in 2 days time. She will radio us here when she gets there. Unfortunately, Ontari and the rest will attack here at about the same time. I know that doesn't leave us with much time." 

"You're right, that doesn't leave us much time, but most everything is already in place. Blowing your cover was necessary, Arcadia needs those supplies. So Ontari split her forces almost in half, it's a good thing we sent Trishanakru and Podakru to Arcadia last week. With Trikru, that's 5000 warriors, while we have 9000 here." I say. 

"We heard from the guards at the gate that Clarke has been sick. Is everything ok? Someone said that the commander's legend is true. What does that even mean? Which legend?" Echo asks. 

"We were talking about that when you arrived. Clarke isn't really sick. I will give you the shortened version. Not many knew about this legend, but it says that Sophie was pregnant with Becca's child and lost the baby when she was tortured in their last war. The legend is true and Clarke is having my baby." I tell them. 

Eçho turns to Clarke, bows and says, "I vow to keep you both safe or my life is forfeit." 

"Rise, Echo. You don't have to bow to me. I am having a baby, it does not make me defenseless. I won't be on the front lines, but I will fight to keep the children safe." Clarke says. 

"You are definitely not defenseless, but what if we were to make it seem like you were? Without guns, Emerson and Ontari believe you to be weak. We know your not but they don't know your skills." Luna says. 

"Luna, I won't put them in danger, so don't even think that." I say. 

"I would never suggest that. Clarke being in the safe rooms is or the best. No fighting unless she absolutely has to." Luna says. 

"So what is it you are suggesting?" I ask her. 

"Ontari will be looking for her on the battlefield, what if we give them what they want. Her hair is what is the most recognizable feature on her. What if we cut it, Echo's skin color is close to Clarke's, I can weave it into Echo's braids. I dress like her and fight by your side. They will flock towards who they think is Clarke. If they don't see her, they will know she's in the tower." Luna says. 

"I don't like it. It puts you both in more danger. Both of them being so close to you with guns. What if you were to be separated on the battlefield? Ontari would most likely attack Lexa. While Emerson would go for who he thought was me. I think you start together but separate. Split their forces. Indra stays with Lexa and Octavia stays with Echo. You would have to make it look real. Hold Echo's hand before the battle starts. When you are separated look for each other or make it seem like you are. I think over all that is a good plan. It just needs a few tweaks is all. If it helps take all my hair. It will grow back." Clarke says. 

Luna looks at Clarke and touches her hair, and says, "I think if we cut it about chin level I will have a little more than 8 inches. It should be more than enough." 

I look at Clarke and swallow, her hair is so soft and beautiful, like strands of gold or like the color of the sun. "If you're sure, niron. It's up to you." 

"I am sure, Luna's plan is a good one. We are doing this, if Echo is ok with it. It puts her in more danger, so it has to be her choice. Besides, my hair will grow back. She will need to use double swords. She also has to wear a set of my armour." Clarke says. 

"If it helps protect you and those here in the tower, then I am all in. I can pretend to be you." Echo says. 

"Ok, that's settled, but we haven't heard from Arcadia yet. If Nylah left from her trading post, then she should have been here hours before you got here, Echo. We need to inform them and send people to try and help her. If she came upon the enemy, she would wait it out, but we can't have them find her." I tell everyone. 

"I agree, not only has she been invaluable to our Intel, but she knows too much. If she is captured, then they will torture the information out of her and we lose not only her but out advantage." Clarke says. 

Raven hands Clarke the radio, but before she can use it, I put my hand on top of hers. "Wait, something is bothering me about the attack on the supplies. How did they know? How did they know to attack the trading post?" 

Clarke looks at me and says, "You think someone was compromised?" 

"It is possible, more than likely even." I say. 

"Well we still have to warn them and send someone after Nylah. So how do we do this? We can't send anyone, it will take too long. We have to radio them. I can't use Morse code, Emerson would understand that." Clarke says 

"We talk to Miller, we use our own code." Raven says. 

"We don't have a code, Raven." Clarke says. 

"Sure we do, the first thing we need to do is have Miller make sure Monty is there. I will talk to him in computer code. He will understand and be able to inform the others." Raven says. 

"You're a genius, Raven. Radio is all yours." Clarke tells her. 

"Raven to Arcadia, Monty and Miller, are you there?" Raven says into the radio. 

"Miller here, Monty is with me, what's up, Raven?" Miller says. 

"Monty, there is a virus in the main computer, a nano byte is stranded in cyberspace, you must find it and isolate her inside your Myspace. If you don't do this, then the over 2000 bugs will crash the whole system in 2 days. Use the geeks I sent you last week, they will help. Please tell me you got all that Monty. We can't lose the main computer." Raven says. 

"Got it Raven, and what about your computer?" Monty says. 

"I have almost 8000 little freaking bugs to clear out in the same amount of time, nothing I can't handle. Keep the computer safe, my friend. Till next time, Raven out." Raven turns to us and says, "Arcadia now knows the situation and will be ready. They will go after Nylah as well." 

"Raven, I have no idea what you said, but I trust you." I tell her. 

"Simple really, the virus means we are compromised. The nano byte in cyberspace is Nylah. Myspace is inside Arcadia. 2000 bugs is 2000 warriors. And you get the two days from attack. The geeks are the bombs we sent. Arcadia won't be caught off guard. Monty is the only one I trust alone in my workshop. He is his own kind of genius." Raven says. 

"We will call it Ranty. Only Raven and Monty can understand it." Octavia was. 

Luna looks at Clarke and says, "I will need time to make Echo look exactly like you, especially since Ontari knows her so well. First thing is the hair, then it's the rest of the disguise. Makeup and armour. Also, Emerson knows you, Clarke. We will need Echo to not only look like you but act like you as well." 

"So, When do we start?" Clarke asks. 

"Now. If I cut your hair now, I can start on the weave tonight. Tomorrow, I can finish her disguise. When that is finished she can learn your mannerisms. 2 days isn't much time, but with Echo, I think it is just enough time." Luna says. 

Clarke pulls out her dagger and says, "Here, just do it. One thing though, make me a braid out of a small lock of hair." 

I look at Clarke and she just smiles. Surely, she doesn't know the tradition Trikru has. When a Trikru warrior goes off to war, their houmon gives them a braid of their hair. They usually tuck it under their armour, near their heart. It symbolises being together, even when you are apart. It means I am with you, come back safe to me. 

I call Ryder over and say, "Clarke has been dehydrated lately, could you make sure there is plenty of water and maybe if there is some available, some fruit? I think Sita still has some apple trees still bearing some fruit." 

"Sha, Lexa. Sita has plenty of apples left, and Daren still has some oranges. I will have some brought in by morning." Ryder says. 

Luna hands Clarke her braid, grabbing Clarke's hand, I say, "Ok everyone, tomorrow is going to be our busiest day yet. Indra, I need you and Octavia to spread the word about the coming attack. Tomorrow, Luna and Raven will make sure the grenades and mine field is ready. I want to make sure the automatic crossbows have plenty of bolts. We will all talk more in the morning. Get some rest, the next few days will be long and difficult." 

I look at Luna and pull her a few feet away from everyone and whisper, "Luna, I need a favor." 

"Sha, Lexa. What do you need?" Luna whispers back. 

"When the fighting starts, I don't want you on the battlefield. We have made many plans, they are all good. However, you and I know plans don't last long in battle." I say. 

"If I'm not on the battlefield, where is it you need me? What do you see that could happen?" Luna asks. 

"I was talking to the commanders last night, Becca showed me a vision of the tower being breached. I fear for the nightbloods, Raven, the children, and Clarke. She showed me warriors coming in from the tunnels. I have to be on the battlefield, you don't. I need you to protect them. I trust no one else more for that. They have to be safe. Clarke has to be safe." I tell her. 

"I will keep them safe, Lexa. Clarke will be safe. Our seingeda will be safe or I will die trying." Luna says. 

Usually I am not a big hugger, except with Clarke, but after swallowing hard, I lean over and give Luna a big hug, "Thank you, biga sis. It means everything to me." 

"Raven means everything to me as well, it's time to let her know the depth of my feelings for her. She deserves to know, in case something happens to me." Luna says. 

I squeeze her shoulder and head back to Clarke. I walk up behind Clarke and put my arms around her, placing a gentle kiss to her shoulder as she leans into my embrace. "Are you ready for bed, my love?" 

Clarke yawns, and says, "I am exhausted, but not sure if I could sleep, though." 

"Let's go lay down, we can talk and relax some before you fall asleep." I tell her. 

I grab her hand and pull her gently to the room. When we finish undressing, I lay Clarke down and grab the oil, "I noticed your shoulders getting tense, thought I could fix that for you, hodness." 

"You are too good to me. What were you talking to Luna about?" 

"She isn't going to be on the battlefield with us. She is going to stay with you and Raven and help protect the others." 

Clarke frowns and says, "You asked her to, didn't you?" 

"I did, I want you and our baby safe. She was actually relieved that I asked though. She wants to keep you safe, that is true, but she also told me how much she loves Raven and needs her to be safe as well. If I can't be there to keep you safe, then there is no one else I trust more, than Luna." 

Clarke groans, "Right there, Lexa." 

I start gently working on the area between her shoulder blades. "I know you want me safe. I want you safe, too. We can't lose you. I can't lose you. If Luna is with me and Raven, then she is not with you. I don't like that, but I know there is nothing I can do to change your mind on it. Just please, promise me you will be as careful as you can. I wish I was fighting with you, but I know I can't, this time. I trained so hard, and I can't be there to protect you." 

"Clarke, nothing will stop me from returning to you both, not Ontari and not Emerson or any other person fighting with them. I can't be on that battlefield and have my mind stuck on worrying if you are safe. That would make me too distracted. I promise I will do everything I can to return to you, but I also need you to be safe." 

I close the jar of oil and set it on the table. Clarke rolls over and lays on my chest, tears threatening to fall. "I know, hodnes. I just, I just love you so much. I can't imagine life without you. You are my whole soul. I hate you being in danger. I hate Ontari and Emerson for bringing this war to us. I should have killed Emerson when I had the chance." 

I really dislike seeing Clarke so upset. Tears are falling freely down her face now, landing on my chest. I pull her closer, placing one hand on her stomach and the other over her heart. Kissing the top of her head I say, "It's going to be ok, my Keryon. We will be ok. I am here and I am never leaving you. Ai hod yu in, Clarke. I'm always with you." 

"I still say we should have killed both Ontari and Emerson, when we had the chance." 

"We didn't know enough about Ontari when we found out about her. Then she was gone. Emerson deserved a chance, we didn't know he was working with Nia and would then work with Ontari. Everyone deserves that chance, you taught me that. We did the right thing not killing them then. Their choices have now made their lives forfeit. We will take care of them both. Then we will have peace. Our children will never know war like we have." 

"Sometimes I think that Skaikru coming down caused all this and so much more. That this is our fault. Emerson wouldn't be working with Ontari if I hadn't killed all his people, his children. Ontari wouldn't be starting this war if you hadn't killed the queen to save me." 

"Emerson and the Mt was always the enemy, they would have kept coming for us. You stopped that. We will stop Emerson and finish his threat. I killed Nia to keep you safe, that is true, but that isn't the only reason. She was always going to be a threat to me, the nightbloods, and the coalition. Ontari was always going to be a threat, especially after I killed Nia. None of that had to do with Skaikru or you. I don't regret killing Nia, because just like the Mt men, she would never have stopped. I won't regret killing Emerson or Ontari either. We will do what we have to do, so that we can all live in peace." 

Clarke puts her hand on top of mine on our stomach and says, "I don't regret coming down, if we didn't, I wouldn't have met you. We wouldn't be having this baby, both of you make it all worth it. We will have our someday, soon. I love you, Lexa, my heart and soul." 

"Ai hod yu in, seintaim, my tombon, my Keryon. Rest my love, we have much to do tomorrow." 

Clarke yawns again and says, "Night, my love." 

I hold her close, just letting her heartbeat lull me to sleep as well.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok there will be violence and death this chapter. Both Clarke and Lexa will have to face separate battles. Clarke fighting while pregnant can't be a good thing. Only a few chapters left.

Chapter 34

Clarke's POV

2 days later

I guess this is it. I wish I didn't have to stay in the tower or that Lexa didn't have to be on the battlefield. We don't have much choice though. Lexa has to be there. I lay a hand on my stomach, I want this baby so much, but did it really have to happen now? I want to just stay in this bed with Lexa, forever. Lexa pulls me closer and kisses the top of my head, "I am sorry, hodnes. I have to get up. It is time." She says.

We both get up and get dressed. I turn to Lexa and stop her from putting on her warpaint. "Let me, please."

After I am finished she does mine. I reach over to the bedside table and pick up my braid. I hand it to her and say, "Lexa, please come back to us, beja. I can't lose you, neither of us can. I love you so much, you are my heart."

Lexa kneels down on the floor and gently kisses my stomach. I pull her up and kiss her, desperation filling every part of my body. As we pull apart, Lexa rests her head on mine, forehead to forehead, "Clarke, I will come back to you both. You are my everything, ai Keryon, my life. I fight for our people, but I also fight for ai seingeda. I am always with you. There is nothing that won't stop me from returning. We will have our someday, Oso gonplei nou ste odon. Stay safe, my loves, beja."

I pull her to me and kiss her one more time and then she leaves the room. I walk out and notice Madi, Aden, Ethon, Levi, Raven, Luna, Nyko, and 15 guards have stayed with us. It is time for us to do our part. "Nyko, do you have everything ready, even the blood. I hope we don't need it, but just in case."

"Sha, Clarke. I even sent supplies to the fisa's on the battlefield. I am ready."

"Good you will stay here with two guards, Raven, Luna and 3 guards with me in the hallway. We will make sure the halls stay safe on this floor, till we can lock the doors. Everyone else, go downstairs and lead the children and anyone else that can't fight."

"Sha, Clarke."

It's hard for me to send them on this mission. Especially the 3 nightbloods. Even with them not being on the front lines, there is so much danger for them. Now it's a waiting game. I hope we don't see much fighting here in the tower, but we are ready, if needed. At least we know most of the guns were taken out by Ronans people and I know Lexa and over half our warriors have Alec and Anton's armour on. 

It isn't long before they start bringing children down the hall, with a few elderly carrying babies. We usher them into the room quickly. I look at Madi and ask, "How many more are left?"

"Maybe, maybe 20 and the guards that are with them. So one more trip. Then we can wait for the others to return from the front lines."

"Good, make it quick, I don't like how quiet it is here. Ste yuj."

"Sha, Clarke."

"Luna, lock the door, till they get back."

"Sha, Clarke."

Just then we hear loud explosions, must be just outside the gates. They are so strong, the walls of the tower are vibrating. I begin pacing, what is taking them so long. It only took 20 minutes the first trip and it's been over twice that long now. I pull over 2 guards and say, "Go check on them, be careful."

"Sha, Wanheda." They say while bowing their heads.

"I don't like this, Clarke. We should get you and Raven in the room." Luna says.

"I refuse to, at least until I know they are safe with us as well, or we know for sure they won't be returning to us." I say.

I hear the sound of swords down the hall and an arrow flies over my head. I look back and see everyone is fine. "Everyone with me, we will help them."

We head down the hall keeping low, in case there are more arrows. The rest of the children start running to the door and Luna gives them her key. One gets shot in the leg before he makes it there. I call to the other door and say, "Help him get to Nyko and return to us."

I turn the corner with Raven and Luna by my side. What I see has my stomach dropping. Ethon falls to the ground and the warrior he was fighting just grins as he pulls his sword out of Ethon's neck. Madi and Aden are fighting 2 on 1 with more warriors than I can count behind them. I rush to help them with the others right behind them. I make quick work of the one that killed Ethon. 

Raven yells, "Fire in the hole." We all duck down and she fires a hand rocket. The explosion takes out almost half the enemy and a good chunk of the wall. 

I return my focus on the fighting. He is twice my size and smells like he hasn't had a bath in months. Fighting back the nausea, try to remember everything Lexa has taught me. He is a much stronger opponent, but I am faster. Watching his eyes, he swings his sword at my eyes and I duck, bringing up my other sword, ramming it in his thigh. It takes only seconds for him to bleed out.

I look up and see Raven holding her own, taking out any who attack her. Luna has 3 guys on her. I come up behind the one at her back driving my dagger in his neck. She quickly takes out the largest one and moves on to the next. I turn my attention back to Madi and Aden. 

Aden falls under a massive blow to the head from the back of a battle axe. It is Ontari, she made it into the tower. I am too far away from her when she is able to knock Madi's sword out of her hand. I grab my dagger just as she brings her axe above Madi's head. Praying that my aim is true, I throw it. It goes through her right hand, pinning it to the wall. She screams as she wrenches her hand free. She turns to me as she pulls her sword out. 

She walks slowly towards me and says, "Wanheda, I would have liked to have tortured you some before I killed you, but no matter. Your death will destroy Lexa. She didn't learn anything from the last whore. Hodnes laik kwelnes."

"You're wrong, Ontari. Hodnes nou laik kwelnes, hodnes laik uf."

She swings her sword at my head, I bring the sword in my right hand and block her. "Seems Lexa has been training you, no matter. You can't beat me."

I bring my left hand up and she slices through my armour. She is stronger than I thought. She brings her left leg up and kicks me in the chest, sending me flying 6 feet. I try to stand up and nauseating comes back tenfold. My swords fall as my stomach starts clenching. I feel the blood slowly trickling down from between my legs. She walks over to me and says, "This was too easy."

Just as she brings her sword up I hear a guthreral animal growl from down the hall. I look up and see Lexa, blood flowing down the side of her head, raising her hand, throwing her dagger just as darkness falls over me.

Lexa's POV

I didn't want to leave Clarke. I am still so worried about her and our baby but I have to focus on this battle. As I walk up to the gates I notice 1000's upon 1000's of the enemy. Echo is by my side and I grab her hand and squeeze her fingers, just as if she is Clarke. I bring her hand up and kiss her fingertips. As I turn to Indra, I ask, "Is everything ready?"

"Sha, Lexa. All is ready."

I look down the line at my warriors, praying this plan works and there won't be much fighting. "People of Polis, people of the coalition, today we fight. We fight for peace and our very right to live life not just survive. We fight for those that can't fight. We fight for our families, our houmons, our children, our brothers and sisters. The enemy thinks they can take that away from us. We won't stop until they are destroyed once and for all. Then and only then will we know peace."

"Peace for all" my warriors call out.

"Archers, ready, aim, fire." I pause as they unleash their arrows. Everyone of them tipped with Raven's explosives. 300 feet in front of the gates the arrows land. Lighting up the field with a series of fires. As the fires hit the mines thousands of warriors go flying through the air. Just like that the enemy is down ⅔ of their warriors. "Open the gates, we will finish them off." I call out. 

Running through the gates we attack. Many are already retreating. Up ahead I see one of my main targets. I fight my way to him, taking down all that are in my path. Emerson raises his gun as soon as he sees me. I duck down as several bullets hit my armour. As I continue towards him, I see the fear in his eyes. A bullet hits my shoulder just as I reach him. Knocking his gun out of his hand I ask, "Where is Ontari?"

Spitting out blood he sputters out, "She took the tunnels."

I run my sword through him. Jok! My worst fears are coming true. I look over at Indra, and she just nods, she has this. Most are dead, or fleeing. "No one survives, Indra."

"Sha, Lexa."

"Ryder, Octavia, Lincoln, Echo, and Roan, your with me, tunnels. Head towards the safe rooms."

We all take off running. Just as we make it out the other end of the tunnels into the tower, an explosion sounds out, knocking us all to the ground. We get up quickly, "That came from near the safe rooms. Raven's signal that they need help. Frag em up. No one survives."

The elevators will take too long so we sprint up the stairs, all 30 floors. Turning the corner I see bodies everywhere. Levi has an arrow in his neck, with 6 dead enemies on the ground near him, most of their guards and a few children litter the floor. I hear sniffling under Levi, swallowing deep I move his body and there is a little girl. She couldn't be older than 4. "Lincoln, protect her. Everyone else we keep moving."

We have to be ready, as we walk slowly through the hallway full of bodies, friend and foe, I hear Clarke and Ontari talking, "Love is not weakness, it is strength." I look at the others, bringing my fingers to my lips, quietly my friends. I look down and see Madi, Aden, and Ontari. I am not sure if they are dead or not. I look up and see them. Luna is fighting 2 and Raven also has her hands full. It is Clarke and Ontari that I zero in on. Clarke blocks Ontari's strike, but then she kicks her in the chest and sends her flying. 

I see red, screaming. I jump in the air with my swords, just in time to clash swords with Ontari, inches from Clarke's neck. "Gonplei ai. You want my throne, you have to fight me for it. Ai laik Heda. Non na throu gon ai."

Ontari turns to me with an evil grin, and says, "When I am finished with you, everyone you love will die. Not Wanheda though. I will break your whore in bed, before she faces my rats."

With a growl I say, "First, you have to go through me. I don't intend on dying here today."

Ontari brings her sword up and I block with both of mine and the dance of death begins. She swings around and barely I have time to block her strike. I hear Clarke groaning and I am momentarily distracted, causing Ontari to draw first blood. She gets my right arm and I drop the sword in that hand. With a kick to my stomach I lose the other. As she stands over me she laughs, as she brings her sword down towards my neck. Clarke screams as I bring my hands up to catch her blow. Luna yells, "Lexa" and I hear a sword slide across the floor. 

I bring my knee up, knocking her sword out of her hands. I have just enough time to catch Luna's sword and bring it up. It shreds through her stomach, and I growl, "Ai laik Heda, ai seingeda is safe. Hodnes laik uf."

I remove the sword, watching her fall on the floor next to me, the light in her eyes dying. I take a deep breath and stand, rushing to Clarke, throwing my keys to Luna. The others grab the swords, Aden and Madi, as I gently carry Clarke in the room and Luna locks the door.

I look down at Clarke and say, "I am here, my love, you are safe."

I carry her to our bed and Nyko comes running to us. Clarke looks at me and says, "Lexa, the baby, I am sorry."

She breaks down crying and I say, "Shh, my love. Let Nyko check you out. It's ok, I am here."

We gently remove her armour and clothes. After cleaning her up Nyko assesses her wounds. He bandages her cuts and then checks out the rest. "She has a few cuts, there will be bruising and there are a few broken ribs, but she should be fine, after a few days rest. Light activities for a week, maybe two."

Clarke looks at me, then at Nyko, "The baby? I was bleeding." She asks.

"A little bit of bleeding is normal. The baby seems fine, maybe a little shaken up, but otherwise just fine." Nyko says.

Clarke starts sobbing and Nyko leaves the room. I gently lay down, pulling her close to me."I thought I lost you for a minute. If I had been one second later, it would have been too late." 

"When I woke up to you fighting Ontari, I was so worried. Then, when her sword was coming down, I thought that was the end."

"If Luna hadn't sent me her sword, I would have figured something out. I wasn't going to let her come close to you again, my love."

"How are the others? Madi? Aden?"

"I don't know, you were more important at the moment, they were coming too, when I brought you in." 

"Go check my, hodnes. Beja."

"I will check, you rest and I will be right back." I lean down and kiss her forehead and walk out the room. I don't want to leave her, but she is right. I need to check on Madi and Aden. I look over at Raven as Nyko finishes putting a bandage on her cheek. 

She comes over to me and asks how Clarke is. "She is ok, a little banged up, but will be just fine."

Luna comes over, bows her head and says,"I'm sorry Lexa. I tried to get to her. She should have never had to fight Ontari on her own."

I grab her hand and say, "It's ok, sis. You had your hands full. It wasn't your fault and you saved my life. If you hadn't she would have killed Clarke next. So what happened?"

"Everything was going just as it should. On the last trip to get the children, they were taking too long. Clarke sent the guards after them. I tried to get her to go back to the room with Raven, but she wasn't having it. We heard the fighting, and Clarke rushed to help them. We were right with her. We saw Ethon fall and Clarke jumped in. Raven had to use her hand rocket. There were way more than 50. We were well outnumbered. We should have all died. One of them knocked Aden out and was about to finish it, but Clarke jumped in front of him, blocking his blade. She killed several others including helping me with a few. Then Ontari came, she finished off our guards and started on Madi. Madi was down, and before Ontari could finish her, Clarke threw her blade. Ontari turned her attention on Clarke and I tried so hard to get to them, but Raven and I were surrounded. I was so glad to see you. You came just at the right time."

I swallow thickly and ask, "How are Madi and Aden now?"

"Nyko just finished with them, they are sleeping. He says they will recover quickly. A few gashes here and there. They both sustained head wounds, but nothing too serious. How is Clarke? The baby?" 

"Clarke and the baby are going to be just fine. It's going to take her awhile to process things though. She feels things so deeply and watching Ethon couldn't have been easy for her. We will get through it Ogeda."

"So there will be more nightmares. She has you, she will come through them."

The door opens at this time and In walks Indra limping. We rush to her and Luna locks the door. "I am ok." Indra says.

"How did the rest of the battle go? I am sorry I had to leave you." I tell her.

"I know you didn't want to leave but you had to. The battle was practically over at that time anyways. The Mandir, leader of Sangedakru, surrendered. Stephan of Delfikru threw a spear, hitting my leg, while trying to retreat. I put both of them in the dungeons. Everyone else were all killed. I saw the hall, so many bodies. I have people removing them for burning. Our people are being kept separate. Levi and Ethon are in the reflection room. They took much care placing them there. Lexa,where is Clarke? Is she ok? The baby?" 

"Thank you, Indra. I don't know what I would do without you. I got here just in time. Madi and Aden are sleeping, both were injured in the fighting. Clarke was injured as well, but both her and the baby will be ok. She is resting now."

Indra, though not one for showing many feelings, pulls me in for a hug. I lean on her for a bit, before saying, "I have to go check on Clarke."

"Wait, has Nyko had the chance to check out your injuries?" Indra asks.

"I don't think it is necessary, I will be fine. I really just want to check on Clarke."

Indra looks at Nyko and waves him over, "That may be true, but I don't want an angry Clarke on our hands. Also, if she needs rest she shouldn't be bandaging you up. He can check you out and then me before he gets some rest." She says.

Nyko makes quick work of fixing me up. "Try and not use that shoulder much, for at least the next week. Oh, your blood was needed on Madi and Aden. Someone was using the same poison used on Ryder. They will both be ok, though. They might need more tomorrow, we will see."

"Thank you, Nyko. To both of you. Your family has always been in service to the commander and while I appreciate that, it is your friendship that means the most."

"You were never meant to live a life of solitary. Titus wanted that for all commanders. You were such a loving child. It was hard for me to watch you become his commander, especially after Costia died. It is so good to see you open up again. Now go see her, I will make sure dinner is brought up for everyone. I just wish Anya was here to see it. You would be really happy about Clarke and the baby." Indra says.

"Babies were always her weakness. I remember one time, we were out hunting and 6 year old Linus came up to us, needing our help. We helped deliver Toni. I had never seen Anya so gentle. She was actually cooing at him. It wasn't very often I saw her like that. I miss her, I too wish she was here to see Clarke carrying our baby. I have always wanted a family, but thought it was impossible for me."

"You will be a great nomon, Lexa. Now go check on Clarke."

I nod at Indra and Nyko and head to our room. Clarke is fast asleep, I strip off my armour and lay down next to her. I place a hand on her stomach. My family, my seingeda. I could have lost them today. Clarke snuggles up closer to me. "What are you thinking about hodnes?" She asks.

"I was just thinking about how lucky I am. I have you and we are starting a family together. I never believed it possible, until you and I almost lost that today. I almost lost you both, but I didn't."

"I thought I was going to die today. All I could think about was you and then you were there. I thought I lost the baby as well. All I could think about was causing you pain because I wasn't good enough. I couldn't save Ethon and now I was going to lose our baby. I tried to save Madi and Aden, but I wasn't fast enough. I sent them all out and I know Levi didn't come back either."

"Clarke, just stop. You couldn't save Ethon or Levi, no one could. You did save Madi and Aden. You are the bravest, strongest person I know. You are pregnant and you still jumped in to help them. Not many would do that. You have the biggest heart out of anyone I have ever met. You care for everyone and it shows. Our baby is going to be so extraordinary, it couldn't be anything else, with you as it's mom. Aden and Madi are both resting, they will both recover well. You made that possible, you saved them."

"You left the battlefield for us. How did you know that we needed you?"

"The battle was almost over, it went quite fast with Raven's explosives. Most were already dead or retreating. I talked to Raven, just before the battle. She told me about the hand rocket. It was only to be used if needed. It was also a signal. It was a signal telling me that you were in danger and needed help. It wouldn't have mattered to me if the battle had just started. Nothing would have stopped me from coming to you. It was always my plan. I will always be there for you. You and our baby mean more to me than anyone or anything. I left you to fight alone once, I will never do so again. Your needs are my needs."

"I was worried about you. We heard the explosions, the whole tower shook. Then I looked up and saw you, right before I passed out. Then I woke up and she was standing over you, for a minute there, I thought Ontari was going to kill you. She almost did. I couldn't ever survive losing you."

"We don't have to worry about that now. The war is over."

"What happened to Emerson?"

"I killed him myself. He would never have stopped."

"So what happens next? What do we need to do now?"

"Tonight we rest. Tomorrow we talk to our two prisoners. The leader of Delfikru and the leader of Sangedakru. They will be punished, not sure how till we talk to them. Then we have funerals, one for our warriors, another for Levi and Ethon. After that we rebuild and have our someday. Our well fought for peace is here. There is so much to do, but no more fighting."

"Have we heard from Arcadia?"

"No, not yet. If we haven't heard from them by dinner, then we will radio them."

"I can stay here resting, Lexa. People will need my help, I'm sure we have many injured. I can help them."

"You will do them no good if you pass out from your injuries. In the morning, after some rest, you can join the other fisas. Beja, just rest some first. Most of the warriors are helping, they know how to apply bandages."

"Ok, Lexa, just for tonight, but if someone calls on Nyko, I need to go."

Ryder walks in at this time, "Lexa, Clarke, dinner is here. Would you like me to bring it in here for you?"

Clarke looks at Ryder and says, "Thank you, Ryder. We will join everyone. Just give us a few minutes."

"Sha, Clarke."

Ryder walks out the room and I move to help Clarke. I would prefer she stay in bed for dinner, but nothing can change Clarke's mind, when it is made up. I already got her to stay and rest, and not run to the healing tents. I help her put some clothes on and give her a gentle kiss before taking her hand and walking out the door.

All the children are sitting against the wall with bowls of stew, just enjoying the meal. As we sit down, Aden walks in helping Madi. When they join us we start eating. Clarke looks at them and says, "I am sorry I couldn't get to you both any sooner."

Madi looks at Clarke for a minute and then says, "Luna told us what happened. We would have both been dead if you hadn't have gotten there when you did. You were right on time. I remember you taking out that huge guy that killed Ethon. Then you went to help Luna. You didn't stop there, you were incredible, you killed so many, so fast. You still made it in time to stop Aden from dying. I don't know what happened with Ontari, I knew she was going to kill me. Luna said you threw a dagger at her hand, stopping her from killing me. In training you were never so accurate with a throwing dagger."

"I don't know, I just saw you in trouble and I had to help."

"So what happened after that?" Aden asks.

"I fought Ontari, I was doing ok, I guess. Until she kicked me in the chest. That kick was so strong. I don't know too much else that happened after that, but Lexa showed up at that moment." Clarke says.

"I've never seen anything so badass before. Clarke's knife throw was awesome, but when Lexa showed up, it was out of this world. Luna and I had our hands full, Luna was fighting 3 at once and I had this monster of a man, I was fighting. Lexa turned the corner, looked down at you Madi, and you Aden, then she saw Ontari kick Clarke. Clarke went flying 6 feet down the hall. Next thing we hear is this loud growl,it sounded like a Pauna. Lexa leapt in the air with both swords, blocking the killing blow, saving Clarke's life. Lexa and Ontari have this intense battle. Then Lexa lost a sword. It was mostly a blur, they were both so damn fast. Then Ontari got lucky, with a kick to Lexa's stomach Lexa loses her last sword. Laying on the floor, Ontari comes up to Lexa, talking all kinds of shit. Ontari talks too much and that was her downfall. Lexa brings up both hands grabbing the blade of the sword, stopping Ontari's death blow. We thought it was all over, we were too far away to help her, but then Luna called out, sliding her sword across the floor. In one single motion Lexa kicks Ontari, knocking her sword out of her hand and grabbing Luna's sword, bringing it straight up into Ontari's chest. As Ontari is taking her last breath Lexa tells her, "you lose, my family is safe", That was better than any explosion I have ever seen and that's saying a lot. Badass, don't think we will ever see anything like that again." Raven says.

I pulled Clarke closer to me, kissing the top of her head, she was cringing for most of Raven's reiteration. "I saw it a little differently, not quite so dramatic. Anyways, we are safe. We might have lost a few on the way. We will all miss them. They will never be forgotten, but we defeated our enemies. We can all spend some time healing and rebuilding."

Indra looks at me and says, "The final numbers came in earlier and Arcadia called on the radio with theirs as well."

I swallow, squeeze Clarke's hand and ask, "How bad are they, from both battles?"

"8356 of the enemy dead in the battle, counting all the ones in the tower. 467 of our warriors didn't make it. The enemy is being put to rest as we speak. Our people we will have a ceremony for, we are building the pyres now. Our two prisoners are still heavily guarded. In Arcadia the enemy attacked with warriors 1846. None of them survived. Trikru and Arcadians fought well together, and combined they lost 123 warriors. They want to wait for you and Clarke to join them for the ceremony. Oh and Clarke, your mother wants to talk to you. I didn't tell her about anything happening here, just that you were fine and resting." Indra says.

Clarke's face has turned quite pale. I look around the table, "Thank you, Indra. Nyko, in the morning, we will visit the healing tents, then we will have the ceremony for the warriors. We will wait for Gaia and the nightbloods to return before we have one for Ethon and Levi. The prisoners will wait till we return from Arcadia. For tonight, everyone should rest. It has been a long day."

I pull Clarke up and gently guide her to our room. I lay her on the bed, laying down next to her, I pull her into my arms. She turns over, "So much death. Was it worth it? Over 10,000 people died in one day. Was it worth it?"

"War is always hard, our warriors knew what we were fighting for. Death is never easy, this war was about everlasting peace. The death toll was always going to be high. Now, our people don't have to worry about war for their children. They can grow up, playing and not worry about if the next fight is around the corner. Our baby will grow up learning how to heal, how to hunt, not how to kill. The future was worth it, our peoples future and our future was worth it. There will be a time for healing. For the first time, we have that time. We don't have to put off our grief for not only our people but for the enemy as well. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but they would never have stopped. We had no choice."

"I have to call my mother, I am surprised she wasn't more forceful with Indra, insisting that I talk to her earlier."

"Whenever, you are ready, my love."

"I think now, before mom gets in the rover and comes here."

I hand Clarke the radio and she calls Arcadia, "Clarke to Arcadia, is anyone there?"

"Arcadia here, Monty speaking."

"I got the report from Indra, I am glad you made it Monty. Lexa and I will be traveling there in a few days. We have much to do here. I will talk to everyone there, but could you bring a radio to my mom please."

"I was already heading to medical, Abby has been really upset that she couldn't talk to you earlier. Well I am here, everything else here is taken care of, here is your mom."

"Clarke, are you ok. Indra said you were resting. Were you injured?"

"I am fine mom, a few cuts, but nothing that won't heal in a few days. How are you?"

"I have been very busy in medical, we lost so many, Miller Sr. Didn't make it and neither did Bryan and Wick. Sinclair almost didn't make it. We still aren't sure if he will survive the next few days. Raven should know. Are you coming home?"

"I will inform Raven about Sinclair. I just wanted to check on you and let you know we will be there in a few days."

"Oh, so you're bringing her with you?"

"HER, has a name. Lexa and I have news for you, but if you aren't going to treat her right then we don't have to talk at all when we come."

"I didn't mean anything by it Clarke. So when are you coming?"

"Yes, you did, but we will forget it for now. We have a few things to do here, so hopefully we will leave in 2 days."

"Ok, Clarke. I have to get back to my patients. I guess I will see you both in a few days."

"Ok, mom, we will see you then."

Clarke hands me the radio and I put it back on the table."

I lean over and kiss Clarke gently, and she snuggles closer up to me. "Lexa, so many. I couldn't save Ethon and he was right in front of me. He should have been safe in Floukru."

"They wanted to fight, Clarke. They deserved the right to fight for their home, their people. Ethon and Levi died saving children. It is the ultimate sacrifice. We will mourn for them and see them in the next life. I will miss them too. You saved Aden. You saved so many lives. You saved my sister Clarke. You saved Madi, the last of my blood family. It is not about death. It is about the lives saved. You are not a monster and you are not a killer. You are a savior."

"I am just so exhausted. I will be ok. It will take time, but I will be ok. Just don't leave me."

"Nowe, I will never leave you. We will heal Ogeda, my love. Rest now. Sleep, I love you so much, both of you."

"Night hodnes." 

Clarke falls asleep quickly and I stay awake just thinking. I know what I have to do. I have to talk to Raven and Octavia tomorrow. Also, though it will be hard I have to talk to Abby, without Clarke there. I can not wait any longer. As sleep takes over, I can't help but smile. Soon, my love, soon.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Lexa's POV

I wake up, before Clarke, with a smile on my face. I know we have the ceremonies today, as well as talking to our two prisoners, but also I am going to talk to Octavia and Raven. I need to ask them for their blessing. I know 3 months is not much time to court someone, and much of that time was cut short with war planning, but I was ready 6 months ago. I hope she is ready now. 

We are having a baby. I still can't hardly believe it. I never thought my life would be like this. I can't complain. I am so happy. Clarke says that with Skaikru Tek, we can not only know about when we will have the baby, but also if it's a boy or girl. I don't think I want to know if it's a boy or a girl, but I definitely would like to know about when she will have the baby. More importantly, I want to start our life together before the baby is born. I know Octavia and Raven will be happy to give me their blessing. I also need to ask Abby. I am not sure what she will say, but I have a few ideas. If she says no, then I will still ask Clarke, having done all that I can. 

I wish I could give her a house, somewhere in the woods, but as Heda, my home is in the tower. I can't change that. It was different when Becca was alive, we hadn't found Polis yet, and we didn't have the coalition yet. I can give her a happy life though, as my queen. I hope to do that, now that we will have peace. 

Clarke starts stirring in my arms, holding her stomach, she cries out, "You will not harm this child, Ontari. I'm sorry, Lexa. Our baby."

I wrapped my arms tighter around her. "Why, clarke, it's ok. I am here. I've got you." 

She gasps and opens her eyes, "Lexa?"

"I am here, my love. It's ok. You're ok, the baby is ok."

"In my dream, you didn't come. Ontari, she overpowered me. She stabbed my stomach. The baby, Lexa."

Clarke's starts getting more ragged, like she can't catch her breath. She is having a panic attack, I know. I turn her around in my arms and see her eyes are closed. "Shh, Clarke, breathe for me, my love, just breathe. I am here, I will always come for you. Breathe hodness, it never happened. You're safe, the baby is safe. That's it, breathe. I am here, the baby is safe."

After a few minutes, Clarke starts to calm down. "I'm sorry, Lexa."

"Don't be, you never have to say sorry to be. The baby is fine, you're ok. We are all ok. Ai hod yu in, ai Keryon. No one is taking either of you from me, nowe."

We lay there a few minutes before Clarke's stomach starts growling. I lean over, kiss her and say, "Come on, my love, let's get some breakfast."

We get dressed, I grab her hand and we join the others. After we all eat, I address the room, "Today is going to be a busy day, Indra, Octavia, Luna and Raven will join us for the interrogation of our prisoners. During this time Aden, Madi, Lincoln, and Ryder will prepare for the funeral pyres. There will be a public on for our warriors in the morning, later tomorrow we will lay to rest Anton and Levi. The children they gave their lives for will attend. Gaia and our brothers and sisters should be with us by then, as well. After lunch today, we will punish the leaders of Sangedakru and Delphikru. We haven't decided what punishment that will be. This will be public as their actions killed many of our warriors. The rest of you will set up for the punishment, in front of the tower. That is all."

I look over at Clarke and say, "You don't have to come, you can rest some more here if you would like."

Though I know what she will say I still wait for her answer, "I can't stand there later, giving out punishment, without first talking to them. It just doesn't seem right."

I take her hand and kiss her fingertips as we walk out the room. It doesn't take long for us to ride the elevators down to the basement, where the dungeons are. Walking into them I smell the stench of blood and sweat, death. I look over at Clarke and see she is a bit green. 

She squeezes my hand, takes a deep breath and says, "I am ok, Lexa. A bit nauseous, but ok. Let's just do this."

We pull out the Sangedakru leader first and pull him into the next room. I look at him closely, he has always been for the coalition, a strong ally. What made him turn. This is what I need to know before we decide what his punishment will be. "Tell me Kendal, why did you betray us? We have always been good allies, even before you joined the coalition. So why, why betray me? Your people fought against Azgedakru, when they attacked Ton Dc, 6 years ago. So why follow Ontari now?"

"Forgive me, Heda. I never meant for this to happen. Ontari had my family, my houmon, my son and my new baby girl. She promised if I fought with her they would be safe. I never wanted to betray you or the coalition. I will take my punishment, but beja, Heda, find my family and don't punish them or my people. Beja." Kendal says.

"I wish you had come to me first, Kendal. I would have done anything to help find your family. You know this." I tell him.

"Ontari's spies we're everywhere. I couldn't come to you. I can only say how sorry I am. I hated fighting against you, my warriors did as well. Most of them lost their family to Ontari as well." Kendal says.

As I am sitting here thinking, Clarke squeezes my and I nod. "I have been in your position before, Kendal. It's safe to say that everyone in this room has. I don't think you are beyond redemption. We will find your family, they will go home. We can't have your actions go unpunished though, too many died because of them. However, we can't always answer death with more death. The cycle never ends. I say, like Skaikru, we start with your clan. They have lost the right to lead themselves. I think 5 years will be a good time. At the end of the 5 years we will reassess the situation there.A member of Trikru will lead them during that time, any major decisions will come through us."

Clarke takes a breath before she continues, "As for you, you will never be a leader again. That is not all though, because of your actions, Ontari was able to breach the tower. 2 nightbloods and over 30 guards died. Their remaining guards, Madi and Aden will each get 2 cuts. That is not all though, you will stay in Polis, where you will help rebuild, under strict guard. You will serve 5 years in the dungeons, only out during the day for rebuilding and later farming. For 6 of those months you will not see your family. Then and only then, will you be allowed to go home. Blood must not always have blood."

I was having a hard time with my decision for his punishment, and here is Clarke, she just astounds me at times. It didn't take anytime at all for her to just know exactly what was needed. She looks at me and I squeeze her hand before I turn to Kendal, "Clarke is right. You don't deserve death. What you have done haunts you already and always will. However, I don't see you trying anything like this again. Peace requires sacrifice. Killing you will not change everything that has happened. It will take time, a lot of time to trust you again. I am not sure it will even actually happen. I am willing to try. Clarke's punishment is just. However, I want to add something. At the end of your 5 year sentence, you will be judged again. It is the only way we can be sure that you can join us again, without starting something else. If we feel that you shouldn't join your family again, then you will stay in the dungeons for the rest of your life." 

"Thank you, Heda, Wanheda." Kendal bows his head.

Clarke looks at him and says, "One more thing, as soon as we find your family, we will have them radio you. Once a week you will get to talk to them, for the 6 months that you won't see them." 

Kendal looks like he is about to cry, "That will be all. Indra, Octavia, take him to his new cell and bring in the Delphikru leader." I say.

"Sha, Lexa."

I kiss Clarke on the top of her head and say, "This next one will be different. It won't be as easy. She has always favoured Azgeda and the queen. She only joined the coalition after Nia did. She has always been just as cruel as Nia was."

"We will face her Ogeda, hodnes."

Just then they bring her in. As she is passing us, she lunges for us, and has me by the throat. I look at the others and shake my head. "Dison laik ain." Within seconds I have switched our positions, but I also now have a dagger pointing right at her heart. "Set daun nau, branwoda." I yell at him.

After we have her under control, I ask her, "Tell me tell me, Landa, should I be merciful? Why?" 

"I don't want your mercy, coward. You won this war because of your little plaything's Tek. You will go down. The clanless will never stop. When you are dead, they will use her body, before they kill you."

I punch her in the face before saying, "That is where you are wrong. The clanless army is no more. We will have our peace you tried so hard to destroy. You will not have that peace. You are a danger to that peace. Later, you will receive your punishment for your actions and if your people don't fall in line they will share your fate. At 2 p.m. wamplei kom thauz kodon. Let the mosquitoes and animals have your body. You will not harm another person, in this life or the next. Take her away."

Clarke pulls me in for a quick kiss, pressing against my neck, she says "You were right, hodnes, she is as crazy as Nia or Ontari. Looks like you have a small bruise forming, I am glad you are ok."

I pull her in closer, resting my head against hers, "I am fine, my love. I was more upset with what she said about you, than anything else. You are the strongest, bravest, most beautiful person I have ever met. I am so lucky to have you in my life."

"I won't argue with you, I will just say, I feel the same and we must both be lucky. You are my everything, you and this life you have given me."

"Let's forget about her for the next few hours, let's go rest a bit and have some lunch."

Indra and Octavia both rejoin us, but before we get to the dining room, Clarke gets sick. "Octavia, find Nyko, have him make some ginger tea, please. It will help."

Most everyone else is here waiting on us. I help Clarke sit down, as she leans against me. It isn't long before the others join us as well. Nyko sits down next to us and says, "Here Clarke, I had some already made up. I added some extra honey, just like you normally like."

Clarke reaches for the cup before saying, "You are all too good to me. Thank you, Nyko."

"You are most welcome, Clarke. Just so you know, though, we are blessed to have you in our lives. Anything I can do to help you is my honour to do so."

Clarke squeezes his hand with a tear in her eye. I take this time to address the room, "Madi, Aden, Is everything ready for tomorrow?"

I notice both have been crying, Aden squeezes Madi's hand and says, "Sha, Heda. Everything is ready. We were wondering if Clarke could add the Skaikru travelers blessing tomorrow. We think they both would have liked that. We all talked about it before the war. You are our sister, same as Lexa. There isn't anyone else we could think of that would be better for that."

Clarke looks at them and says, "You are all my family as well. You honour me. Not sure I deserve it, but if that is what you want I am there."

Madi gets up at this time and walks around the table. She pulls Clarke into a hug and says, "Clarke, you would have saved them if you could have. You did save Aden's life and mine as well. Most people, carrying the commander's baby, would have stayed in the safe rooms. As would have anyone carrying a child. You are special Clarke and so brave. I don't know what happened to me, but I saw you jump in front of that warrior, that was about to kill Aden. You didn't think, you didn't run from danger, you jumped in head first. You and only you could have done this. You are Wanheda, you look death in the face and say, not today. I can only ever hope to be half as brave as you and Lexa, one day."

Madi walks back and sits down next to Aden. I notice Clarke about to tear up, I kiss her fingertips and continue, "Later today, we will be exciting Landa. She shows no remorse for her actions and attacked me while we were interrogating her. If left alive, she would be a danger to us all. Kendal is a different story. He never wanted to go to war against us. Ontari had his family and most of his warriors families as well. We all know she would have tortured and killed them all. Kendal will still be punished. She put many in danger and helped kill our warriors. We will wait till the other nightbloods return. You and your remaining guards will cut one time. When that is finished, Kendal will face the sentence of 5 years labour, in which time he will help rebuild and farm. At this time, he poses no more threat to us. Blood must not always have death. Tomorrow morning we will put our warriors to rest. After Kendal's punishment, we will have the ceremony for Anton and Levi. For now we eat and rest up a bit."

After we eat we head to our room and sit on the couch. We don't have much time before the execution, but I want Clarke to rest some. Lincoln follows us in with more ginger tea. Clarke didn't exactly eat much for lunch, but hopefully this will settle her stomach. I know I can't get her to stay and rest. "How are you feeling, my love?"

Clarke leans into me and says, "I am feeling better than earlier. A few more minutes and I should be good to go. I thought I was tired when I was shot, but this morning sickness is something else." 

"You know, you can stay here for the execution. No one will be upset. You have nothing to prove to anyone. If you want that is."

"You know I have to be there, hodnes. I will be there tomorrow as well. I owe it to the lives that were lost. If I was hurt, I could see staying here. A little bit of nausea and being tired won't stop me. I know you worry, but I am fine. I think tomorrow will be more difficult for me. I still need to be there, and Lexa, no chairs. I will be ok, I will stay hydrated and drink my tea. It helps a lot."

I just hold her a few more minutes, before Indra steps in the room. "Lexa, Clarke, it is time."

"Thank you, Indra. We will be right out." I tell her.

Clarke kisses my cheek and I help her up. "I am ready, Lexa."

We head down the elevators and out of the tower. Landa is already tied to a pole. I also see that the guards have gagged her. Good, I am glad. If I had to hear her say anything else about Clarke, she might not have her full punishment. 

"People of the kongedakru, today we have decided on the punishment of Kendal kom Sangedakru and Landa kom Delphikru. Kendal will be stripped of all holdings and titles. Tomorrow, the nightbloods and their guards will administer a cutting. He will then be imprisoned for hard labour for a period of 5 years. This decision was not made lightly. His choices were made out of fear for his family. Now that his family is safe, he poses no threat to us. He still deserves to be punished for the lives lost because of his choice. In this case, blood must not have blood."

I take a deep breath, swallow and squeeze Clarke's hand before continuing. "Landa on the other hand, not only were her actions born of hate and cruelty, poses a threat to us all. She will not ever stop. Her goal, destroy our peace. To do this, she chooses to go after the ones we love. Our families, our people, and because of this deserves wamplei kom thauz kodon. Blood must have blood, for all she has done and will do, if we don't stop her now."

I squeeze Clarke's hand one more time and pull out my dagger. I then make my mark across her chest and hand the knife to Clarke. She then makes hers finishing off the x. She hands the knife off to Madi and comes and stands next to me. As the sun is setting and everyone has had their chance for justice, I pull out my sword. Clarke and I walk hand in hand up to Landa and finish. 

As I am wiping off my sword Clarke speaks, "It is done. Yu gonplei ste odon. May you never harm another person in this life or the next." She then turns to Ryder and says, "Take the body away, dig a hole, place her in it, but do not fill it. Let the animals and bugs have it. We will not have her join us in the next life."

Clarke then leans on me a bit, I can tell she is tired. We make our way back to our room. Once there I kiss Clarke on the forehead and say,"I need to speak to Indra about tomorrow. I won't be long. Then we can eat and sleep. Ai hod yu in."

"Be quick, hodnes. I am so tired." She smiles.

I nod my head and walk out the room. I know Indra already has tomorrow all taken care of. I hate lying to her, but I have to talk to Octavia and Raven. I see both of them and have them join me in a meeting room across the hall. I am so nervous, not to really ask them, I think I know what they will say. I am worried about what Abby will say in a few days when I ask her the same thing.

Raven is the first to speak, "What's up, Lexa. You look a little green? Just hit us with it. We won't bite, at least not hard anyways."

Octavia squeezes my hand, I swallow and say, "Clarke is my everything. She is ai Keryon, ai tombon. I don't ask this just because she is carrying my child. I have wanted this for us for a long time now, way before we started courting. I want to ask you both, as the closest thing she has to family, besides Abby, if I can have your blessing in asking Clarke to be my houmon. We are bound by heart already, but I want everyone to know I am hers and she is mine. I want this not only for this life but for all lives that follow."

Octavia looks at me and says, "You didn't even have to ask. I told you before you two started courting, you make her happy and she does the same for you. You will always have my blessing. Oh and in case you're wondering, I just know she will say yes. I have never known two people that have as much love for each other as you guys."

I look at Raven and she says, "You mean the fate of the happiness of the free world rests on my shoulders. Hmmm let me think about it for a minute. You treat Clarke like your queen. You make her happier than I have ever seen her. There isn't anything you wouldn't do to make sure she spends the rest of her life that way. The answer is definitely yes. There is just one problem though."

"What is that?" I ask her.

Octavia and Raven share a glance before Raven answers, "Abby, she still doesn't like you much and knowing you, you are going to ask her as well. My advice, ask her before Clarke tells her about the baby, but don't tell her about the baby. Let her know Clarke and you also have news that will change her whole life. Let her know that that news wouldn't affect you wanting to marry her. Use English terms not trig. She has not even attempted to learn your language yet. Let her know that her decision won't change your mind about having a life with Clarke, but that out of respect for the woman you love, you felt it was right to ask her. Let her know you don't want to stop a relationship with the two of them. I think that is what Abby is scared about with the two of you together. I know you were already going to say most of that, but it never hurts to reaffirm your own thoughts as well."

"I will keep that all in mind. Thank you both. I should probably get back to Clarke. She thinks I am with Indra, can you let Indra know that for me please."

I give them both a hug and Octavia says, "I will let Indra know. She will be happy for you." 

I make it back to our room just in time to see Lincoln leave. Good he brought dinner, I am starved and I hope Clarke eats more tonight than earlier. I lean down and kiss her cheek, before sitting down with her. "How are you feeling, my love?"

"I am feeling much better than earlier. I am really tired though, also really hungry. I still don't want to eat too much. I am afraid it might come right back up."

"Eat what you can and then we can rest."

We eat and Clarke does eat more than earlier, so for that I am glad. We put our night clothes on and go straight to bed. I hold her tightly and gently rub her stomach until I fall asleep.

Clarke had a rough night, plagued with nightmares. They had almost completely gone away, with Gaia's meditation methods. They will get better again. I wish we could stay in bed, Clarke definitely needs more sleep. There is just so much to do today, especially if we want to leave for Arcadia tonight. 

Madi comes into the room at this time and sits next to the bed. It only takes a minute to speak, "Aden and I were talking about Kendal."

"What are your thoughts? Is the punishment not enough or too much. Talk to me."

Clarke stirs in my arms and I know she is awake. Madi looks at me and says, "We think the punishment is just. We think she should attend the funerals though. People should know the numbers as well. Peace was hard fought, we lost many, that is true, but the enemy lost more 10x's the amount we did. They had families themselves. I think after we rebuild we need to have Kendal build a wall. It should have the numbers lost as well as any names we can put on it. This way people can the true cost of peace. Maybe they will think twice before starting another war."

Clarke leans over and squeezes Madi's hand, "I think that is a wonderful idea. Numbers are just that, numbers. They would be forgotten in time, but a wall with names will never be forgotten. Anyone that sees the names, can actually touch them on the wall, it will forever be remembered. When people forget history, others later down the road have the tendency to repeat the mistakes of the past. We should write it down and have it etched into the wall. Every clan should bring their people to see it, especially their children. This way, we never forget what happened that made peace possible. Your heart and mind astounds me Madi."

I look at them both and say, "It shall be done. Kendal will have help building the wall, but everything else he will etch into the wall, every name, every number. It should not be separated by clan either. We are all one clan now. We can still keep our individual cultures, but we are all one. Madi, you and Aden will be in charge of seeing that it is done. Hopefully, this will be the last war ever fought. We can't keep killing each other off."

Madi gives us both a hug and walks out the room. I pull Clarke into my arms and rest my forehead against hers, "We will heal from this, my love. Not just us but everyone. It will take time, but we will get there."

As Clarke starts crying, I pull her tighter in my arms, kissing her forehead, "It's just so many. I know they chose to start this war, but what of the people they left behind, their families. It's just so much death. I know we didn't lose even close to what they did, but it still hurts, with every life lost, theirs and ours."

"I know, Keryon. The fighting is over. I will do everything I can to make sure we don't have to live through this again. Our children will never know war like we have. We can now do better for them and everyone else. My whole life I have wanted peace. I thought that forging this peace would cost me my life. At the time I was ok with that. I am happy that it didn't come to that. My whole life is ahead of me. Having you with me for it is a bonus. A bonus I could never have dreamed of. Let's get through the next few days and we can talk more about what to do now that there is peace."

Clarke pulls back and we get dressed. As we walk out the room she links her arm and leans into me. Niko hands her a mug of tea, "It might be better no not eat anything this morning, but I figured some tea would definitely help." He says.

"Thank you, Nyko. You read my mind. My stomach couldn't take anything this morning." Clarke tells him.

After she drinks her tea, we head outside, just out of the gates. Rows and rows of funeral pyres are set up. I see Kendal there as well. I take a moment and scan the faces of everyone there. 

I squeeze Clarke's hand and speak, "People of the kongeda, family and friends, look all around you. For 97 years, since Primfaya, we have always been at war. It has been our constant in life. I say no more. Look around and see the devastation it causes, to our homes, our people, and our lives. This war cost us 10,202 of the enemy and 590 of our friends. That's a total of 10,972 lives lost. We can never bring the dead back. Today we honor these lives, lives cut way too short. Let this be the last time we are gathered for this reason. Peace is now here, let it last for the rest of our days and beyond in all lives that come after. Never forget these sacrifices, enemies and friends alike."

Indra hands me a torch. Clarke puts her hand over mine and together we light the first pyre. As each one down the line lights, I say, "Kriken sonraun en branon. Kom graun, oso na groun op. Kom folau, Oso nau gyon op. From the earth, we will grow. From the ashes we will rise." 

It takes hours for the flames to die out, it is close to lunch time when we hear the horses. As everyone climbs down, they kneel in front of the pyres. As they slowly rise, one by one, they come to us and hug us. The rest of our family have returned safely. I turn to them and say, "Come, you must all be hungry. We must discuss what is to happen next."

We all make it to the dining hall and sit down. Everyone eats, Clarke even eats a little bit. I know she really doesn't feel like eating, but I am glad she is eating something. I lean over and kiss her cheek, before I address the room, "Family, today has already been long and rough for us all. I am sorry, but it's not over yet. We still have a punishment to deal with and we have to let Anton and Levi's spirit go, so that we may see them in the next life. I wish we had time to rest, to take a moment to breathe, but we don't. Soon though, we will have time to fully heal. For now we must finish this day. Everyone should head towards the throne room, Clarke and I will join you in a few minutes."

"Sha Lexa."

They all head out the door and I turn to Clarke and say, "I know we can't rest right now and I know you don't like sitting while we do what we must. However, I think maybe, just this once, while we punish Kendal. We both can sit for most of it. I want Aden and Madi to lead, with us finishing his punishment. Beja, today and tomorrow is the hardest part to get through. Then we can take a bit of time for ourselves."

"I will sit for Kendal's punishment, but I can not sit for Anton's and Levi's funeral. It just wouldn't feel right. They deserve better."

"Thank you, my love. I just don't want you to do too much and these last few days have been a strain on all of us." I lean over and give her a quick kiss and we walk to the throne room. As we sit down, I say, "Aden, Madi, you were both there when we lost Anton and Levi, it is only fitting that you both start Kendal's punishment."

"Sha, Lexa." Aden says.

The two walk up to Kendal, hand in hand. It is Aden that speaks first, "Kendal kom Sangedakru, we understand why you did what you did, but actions, no matter the why, have consequences. Your actions caused the deaths of many. You can never go back and change that." Aden makes the first cut on Kendal's chest and hands the knife to Madi.

Madi takes the knife and says, "So many lives lost. Friends and family. So many orphans were made with this war. You were a big part of that. May you always remember the pain your actions caused. May you teach your kids a better way. It didn't have to be this way." She then makes her cut, I notice she and Aden made an X like Clarke and I do.

It takes a little over an hour before it is Clarke and my turn. We link hands as we head towards Kendal. We each make a cut and I say, "This part is finished, for the next 5 years Aden and Madi will see the rest of your punishment. May you never forget and do better with the rest of your life." I turn to Nyko, "Nyko, please see to his wounds so that he can start phase two of his punishment in a few days. When you are finished can you meet us in the nightblood room."

"Sha, Lexa."

We all make our way to the nightblood room at the top of the tower. I swallow hard. I remember my conclave, I never wanted to kill my brothers and sisters. Though I know now that it never has to be that way again. It never should have been in the first place. That was Titus's doing. It is time to let everyone know the truth.

I look at everyone, squeeze Clarke's fingers and say, "While we wait for Nyko, I have something to say. There is so much of our history that is lost. This was Titus's doing. He wanted to always be in control of the commander that was in power. He wanted for the clans to always be at war. Becca Praimheda never wanted that. She wanted peace, always. She believed that love was strength. She believed that none of us should ever rule alone. She also left specific instructions for the conclave after her death. Unfortunately, those instructions are incomplete now. Destroyed by Titus. Gaia was able to find partial instructions."

I take a moment and continue, "We have the chance to take the instructions we have left and add to them. One thing is for sure, she didn't want a fight to the death. Too many nightbloods are born. We train our whole lives to be the best leaders and that is a waste. A waste of training, a waste of life. If we continue that way, one day there will be no nightbloods left. Compasion, wisdom and strength are the pillars of our training. From now on we will test all of these to ensure the right person becomes the next commander."

I look at Clarke before I speak again, "I never wanted to kill my brothers and sisters that I grew up with. Though I can say now, I am not exactly glad that I did, but their sacrifice made it so that I can be commander. I am not sure how many more commanders we would have had before we found out Titus's secrets, if I hadn't won my conclave. Would we have a future with peace? Would we have been able to show love, like we can today? I doubt it. We don't have to worry about those questions anymore. Just because not all of you will become commander, does not mean that your life and training is a waste. Some of you will go on to become generals, some clan leaders, others healers, some even flamekeepers. It is all your choice. Your life is your own. One last thing we know for certain, from Becca's journals, and the events that have happened recently confirms it, is her legends are true."

"Becca Praimheda, was Skaikru. She came down to help and legends surrounding her and her houmon Sophie are true as well. Nyko and Gaia will be teaching you all about what they know about those legends. For now though, you should know that it may not seem possible, but Clarke and I are having a baby. We don't know how this has happened. We do know that it also happened with Becca and Sophie. This changes things for all nightbloods. With us not knowing how it happened, it means that the same thing could be possible for all of you. However, we do think it is a combination of nightblood and the flame. We know our baby will be part of a strong family. You are all part of that family."

Nyko walks in and I know it is time, "Yesterday, we lost two members of our family. They fought for what they always believed in, our people. They died saving our future. Their sacrifice saved the lives of many children. Though we no longer have them in this life, we will see them again. Death is not the end. We will see them in the next life. We will see them again. From the ashes we will rise. Yu gonplei ste odon."

Clarke steps up next to me, squeezes my hand and says, "Kom chilnes yu nau ban sishou-de, kom hodnes yu na hon neson op. Gouthru klir hasta yu soujon, kom taim oso fali kom daun graun-de. Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim. In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next, safe passage on your travels, until our final journey on the ground. May we meet again."

At this time, everyone walks up to them and sprinkles the ashes from all previous commanders and nightbloods on their bodies. When they are finished, the guards raise them up to the tower's flame. As their bodies burn, the flames turn almost black in color. This signals to all that we lost nightbloods. Horns start signaling to all that two were lost. If one was out in the lands we would see everyone kneeling. Losing a nightblood is felt by all. 

We all stand in silence long after they stop burning. Finally I speak, "Our brothers will live in our hearts. We will never forget them. For now we rebuild, in time we will heal. In the morning, Clarke and I will leave with a few others in the rover. We head to Arcadia, we have a ceremony there as well. We will also need to see that rebuilding starts there soon. Aden and Madi will be in charge while we are gone. We hope to only be gone a few days. If that changes, or we are needed sooner, then we will radio. For now, we all get some dinner and rest."

"Sha, Lexa."

Clarke and I head to our room, where Lincoln brings us our dinner. We take our time eating, before I get up and move to the bathroom. After running us a bath I help Clarke undress and help her into the water. After I take my clothes off I join her. We just sit there in silence before we help wash each other. We dry off and climb into the bed.

I wrap my arms around her, placing one hand on her heart and the other on her stomach. We lay there for a while, both of us crying. The last 2 days were hard on both of us. I kiss the top of her head and say, "It was hard today. I am not sure I could have made it without you there. Ai hod yu in."

"You being there gave me the strength I needed to make it through the day. I love you so very much."

Clarke yawns and I say, "Rest, my love. I will be here in the morning, always."

"Reshop, Lexa. Ai hodnes."


	36. 36

Chapter 36

Lexa's POV

I am just laying here, I didn't get much sleep,as Clarke was plagued with nightmares all night. I feel her stirring in my arms again, she has only been asleep about 30 min this time. She definitely needs more sleep, but it's not going to happen at this time. I start rubbing circles on her stomach. When she opens her eyes I ask, "How are you feeling, my love?"

"So exhausted, but I can't sleep anymore. I keep seeing Ontari in my dreams, she kills you. I know it's not real, but it feels real."

I lean over and give her a soft kiss. Before I can pull away, she is pulling me in further deepening the kiss. Tongue's dancing together until finally we have to pull apart to breathe. "It never happened, Keryon. I will never leave you. So what else is going on in that pretty head of yours?"

Clarke starts rubbing circles on the tattoo on my arm and says, "We are going to Arcadia today. I was wondering why we are taking the rover and not the horses."

Clarke may be thinking about that, but I know there is something else as well. "Nyko told me that riding a horse for long periods of time is not good for the baby. The guards are still bringing Star soncha and Nat, because there is somewhere I want to take you. Also, it is time our people realize that not all Tek is dangerous. They know the benefits of the radio, but it is time they learn more about the goodness that can come from Tek. The rover is faster than a horse can be. It gives everyone but the driver time to rest. So there are many reasons to take it."

Clarke continues to draw circles on my arm, just thinking. "One thing I am worried about is telling my mom about the baby. She has a mind for science and she will think I was with someone else. It kills me that she can't just trust me or just accept. I don't want an argument with her. I think the easiest way to stop all that is have her take a paternity test. We know the baby is ours. I will never be with anyone but you. The test doesn't hurt the baby or me, so it is safe."

"How does she do this test?"

"After she puts a heart monitor on me, which will also detect the baby's heartbeat, she will do a sonogram, which will take pictures of the baby. The baby is in a sac of fluid called umbilical fluid. It helps protect the baby before it is born. She will then use a needle, which is just a small prick to me, doesn't hurt the baby at all, she will pull out just a bit of the fluid, which will reproduce, just like blood does, during a transfusion. She will later test that fluid. It will tell her you are the nomon and it will also tell us what type of blood the baby carries. Even red blood has different types, with red blood you can only have a transfusion with someone who carries the same blood type. With black blood, we have learned that it is universal and can be used on anyone."

"I trust you Clarke, if you say it is safe and is not painful to either of you, then I am ok with it, if it is something you want. We won't do it just to please your mother. However, you won't go through any of it alone."

"I say we do it now. The only other way to do it, is to wait till the baby is born. That will be harder on the baby. Waiting requires that we draw blood from the baby after it is born. Which I don't want."

"We will do it after we talk to your mother, but for now, let's get dressed and go have some breakfast. We will still need to say our goodbyes, to those that are staying."

I kiss her forehead and we get up. It only takes a few minutes for both of us to get dressed. We walk to the dining room hand in hand. After pulling out a chair for her I sit down, myself. Seems like the cooks went all out. These are all Clarke's favorites. Bacon, eggs, bread and fruit. They even have goat cheese. I am not sure Clarke has ever had it. I smear a bit on a piece of bread, adding some eggs and bacon, I hand it to her. I have noticed she doesn't mix foods very often, she looks at it a moment, takes a sip of ginger tea and then a small bite. She closes her eyes and groans, "OMG! That is so good. What is that you put on the bread? It looks like some kind of butter."

"It is goat cheese, you can add spices to it to change the flavour. This has mint and cloves in it. You can also make it a sweet taste. Here, this is a fig. It's a fruit, we usually don't have anymore left in the winter."

I take another piece of bread, spread the goat cheese on it, add the fig, then I drizzle honey on top. "Try this, it's my favorite. Nomon used to give it as a treat."

Clarke takes a bite, looks at me, then finishes it quickly. "I love it, even more than bacon and eggs."

She hands me her bacon and eggs and takes all my figs and goat cheese. It isn't long before she finishes it all. I am just glad she is eating more than a few bites. She could even take all mine and I would be happy. I call Lincoln over, as I see he is finished eating. I whisper in his ear, "Lincoln could you check to see if we have more figs and goat cheese in the kitchens. Pack enough for a week, please."

"Sha, Lexa." He smiles and walks out the room. 

I glance around the room and speak, "Roan and Echo, I ask that you stay in Polis at this time. Advise Aden and Madi, as they need it. Also, if you could help with getting the rebuilding started. There is much to do."

"Sha, Lexa. I was actually going to ask if you needed help with that." Roan says.

"Mikali and Linus, you are needed in Arcadia and Ton Dc, to help with rebuilding there. So you will both be joining us, if you could also lead Nat and Star soncha, I would appreciate it."

"Sha, Lexa. They will be well taken care of." Mikali says.

Nyko and Toni, you are needed here. There are still many with wounds that need watching, from our warriors, to make sure they don't get infected."

"I will make sure the warriors heal properly, Lexa. I am sure Toni wouldn't allow it any other way." Nyko says.

"Gaia, you will help Roan and Echo with Madi and Aden. Also, if you could start training the nightbloods on how the conclave will happen from now on. Help them to decide if being a leader is something that they want."

"Sha, Lexa. It is a new age of peace. No longer do we have to have someone die in order for a new commander to take charge." Gaia says.

I look over at Madi and Aden, they both know why I have changed the plan to be gone for more than a few days, but Clarke doesn't. "You two will take care of Polis while we are gone. I have full faith in you. Help Gaia with your brothers and sisters as well. We will be back in about a week. We will keep in touch through the radio, daily." I tell them. 

Starting with Toni, Madi, and Aden, they all come up to us and give us a hug. "Ste yuj, sis. May we meet again." Madi says.

"We will Madi." Clarke tells her. 

It isn't long before we join Luna and Raven in the rover. Everyone else is taking the horses. I look at Raven and she turns to Clarke and says, "Clarke, could you join me when we get back to Arcadia. I need you with me when I visit Sinclair. I know Abby said he was doing better last night, but I just don't want to go alone."

Clarke leans over and grabs Raven's hand and says, "I will be there. You didn't even have to ask. I know what he means to you. There isn't anywhere else I would want to be. My mom can always wait to see me."

"Oh Lexa, yes I will go slower than I normally would. How else would the horses keep up with me. I am the best and fastest driver there is."

"Most humble as well." Clarke says while yawning.

"Hey you can't have all this awesomeness and not make sure everyone knows all about it." Raven says.

Raven starts the rover and Clarke leans into me, "Rest, my love. I will wake you when we are almost there."

I start humming and rubbing Clarke's stomach and it isn't long before she is asleep. Raven looks back and she has an evil grin. "Say anything and I will have you cleaning the stables."

"I was just going to say, I am so happy that Clarke has you. I couldn't think of anyone else for her. No one else has ever loved her even close to how you do. You treat her like she's a queen."

"That's because she is my queen. One day soon I hope to make sure that every person in all the clans knows that she is mine and I am hers."

Luna looks at me and I can see her mind trying to process it. I guess Raven didn't tell her about my plans. "Does that mean what I think it does?" She asks.

"If she says yes, then it will happen. First, I have to talk to Abby." I tell her.

"I can't see her saying anything else, Leksa. You should have seen her with Ontari. She was ready to die to protect your family and your love. She will definitely say yes. You both deserve happiness." Luna says.

"I hope so, now let's talk about something else before she wakes up." I say.

Raven and Luna start talking quietly and I doze off with Clarke in my arms. "Wakey, Wakey, lovebirds. We are here."

I look at Clarke and ask, "What is a lovebird?"

"Raven is just saying that she thinks we are being too cute. She is just showing her annoying side." Clarke says.

"You are lucky that I like you, Raven. If not I would definitely send you to the stables. Just don't do it anywhere but in private." I tell her.

As we pull in to Arcadia, we notice the walls are being repaired and the gate is down. Raven will definitely be here a few weeks helping to get everything running. I wonder if Luna will stay with her. I help Clarke out of the rover. Abby is standing there waiting. Abby rushes to hug Clarke. Abby is talking so fast my head is spinning. 

I step between the two and say, "Give her a bit, Raven and Clarke are going to see Sinclair now. Then we will talk to you. The last few days have been hard on everyone. You can see she is fine. So just give them both some time to visit with Sinclair."

As I am talking to Abby, Clarke squeezes my hand and walks off with Luna and Raven. I know she will be ok. "Actually Abby, there is something I wanted to talk to you about, without Clarke. Is there somewhere that we can go to speak in private?"

"Sure, commander. This way." Abby says.

I turn to Indra and say, "I will be fine, make sure everyone gets settled. Set up camp and send someone to hunt."

"Sha, Lexa."

I follow Abby down a hall to where I believe is her room. We both sit down and Abby asks, "What is this about? Has something happened to Clarke? What's going on?"

I swallow hard and look up at her, "Clarke is fine, a bit tired, but fine. Something has happened and we will talk about that when Clarke joins us. It is something we have to tell you together. I will tell you that it is happy news. The rest you have to wait for."

"Ok, so why did you want to speak to me?"

"I want to start off with, this has nothing to do with what Clarke and I will talk to you about later. I know you don't like that I am in Clarke's life. I am not the kind of person you saw your daughter with. I don't know if that's because I am from a different clan, because I am a woman, or whatever. None of that matters. What matters is how I feel about Clarke and how she feels about me. Clarke is special. She deserves all the happiness in the world. In Trikru traditions, when we find the one we want to spend the rest of our lives with and all others that come after this one, we make our intentions known to the closest family member of the person we want to be with. I think this is the same with Skaikru."

I look up and Abby is actually laughing, when she stops she looks at me and says, "I have never seen you like this. Your face is quite pale and you are rambling. So ask me what it is you want to ask."

"Abby, I love your daughter with all my heart and soul. I want to ask Clarke to marry me, to become my houmon, my wife. I want you to know that having your blessing would mean a lot to not only me but Clarke as well. You're her mother, I know things haven't been great between you two, but I know she loves you and wants to work on that. It would make her so happy if you were accepting about us. So can I have your blessing to marry your daughter. I promise to do everything I can to make our lives happy, to always take care of her as much as she will let me. I promise to never hurt her again like I did at Mt. Weather. Her happiness is all I want in life. So please say yes."

"Lexa, at first I didn't like you because I could see the feelings growing in my daughter for you. Yet, you were the enemy. I saw that it could only end in heartbreak for her. Then you betrayed her at the Mt, she was so broken we didn't see her for months. I thought she was dead. Then she shows back up with you by her side. I tried so hard to get her to stay here instead of being with you. My main goal was to make sure she didn't get hurt again and I also wanted her closer to me. I have watched you with her, you have changed so much since the time I first met you. I didn't want to see it, but I do now. You look at Clarke like her father looked at me. I never wanted Jake to die. Thelonius was supposed to talk to him, not float him. Jaha wanted to float Clarke. I fought so hard. We had 2 choices. Float the kids in the skybox or send them to the ground. Jaha was pushing to float them. I knew coming to the ground was a long shot, but it was a chance, so I fought for it. There have been times where I asked myself if it was worth it."

Abby gets up and moves to a dresser. After pulling something out of it, she walks back over to me. I am just about to say something when she speaks again, "I see in Clarke's eyes when she looks at you that it is the same. I can't change that and I wouldn't want to. I always wanted one thing for Clarke, in a partner. Someone that she looks at like they are her everything and someone who feels the same. I see that with both of you. In our culture, there are usually two sets of rings. One to that is used to propose to someone and then a band for after you are married. Jake was only able to give me the wedding band, but in truth I never needed anything but him. This is all I have left of Clarke's father, but I know he would want it for Clarke. You have my blessing, Lexa. You will need this. I know she will say yes. Jake always told her stories about soulmates. You are Clarke's soulmate. I see that now."

Abby hands me Jake's wedding ring and I am just speechless. "Abby, I can't take this. This is the last thing you have of Jake's."

"I wouldn't give it to you if I wasn't sure. This ring is not the last thing I have of Jake. I still have Clarke. Out of everything Jake had or did, Clarke was the one thing that made him happiest. She is so much like him. The good in her came all from him. I just gave her my stubbornness. That ring is for you, it would make him happy to have it sitting on her finger."

I close my hand on the ring and put it in one of my dagger sleeves, "I will take care of it, till it is on her finger. Though it isn't just stubbornness Clarke got from you. Clarke is so caring to all, you should talk to her about her plans to bring medical and healing knowledge to all the people. She gets her love for healing from you."

Abby has tears in her eyes, though I know she won't let them fall. Clarke walks in at this time, she sits down next to me and I kiss her cheek, "How is Sinclair?" I ask her, giving Abby time to compose herself.

Abby moves to the kitchen, while Clarke speaks, "Sinclair is doing well. It will be awhile before he is up and going, but the good thing is that in time he will. Raven and Luna have decided to stay for a bit to help get things running here. Probably take a few weeks to a month."

Abby comes back to the couch handing each of us a mug. I take a sip, tea. It is quite good. She looks at us and then asks, "So I hear there is something you both have to tell me?

I squeeze Clarke's hand and she starts, "Mom, you know about my healing, and Trikru legend about it. There are more legends about the first commander and her wife. One of them is not very well known, but it is still true as well."

"Ok, I still don't understand the healing. I may never understand it, but what is this other legend?"

I turn to Abby and say, "It seems impossible as well. So just listen to everything before you respond. We told you about Sophie dying and Becca bringing her back. I want to say that didn't happen to Clarke. One thing we left out about that is that Sophie was pregnant at the time. Very few people knew about it. Sophie had a sister who knew. She was also a Dr. She passed down the story through her children. Eventually it was passed down to Nyko. Sophie had only ever been with Becca. It was a miracle that she became pregnant. However, she lost the baby that day. Her injuries were so severe that she was never able to have anymore children."

I take a drink and Clarke starts talking, "Raven and I have been talking about it a lot lately. We think that it has to do with black blood interacting with the flame. We found out a little over a week ago that no matter how it happened then, it has happened again now. I am pregnant, though I have only ever been with Lexa, and I do mean ever."

I kiss Clarke's fingertips and say, "I know, my love."

Abby just sits there, her jaw hanging down for a minute, then she looks at both of us. Shaking her head she says, "Clarke, I believe you. It's the how, that I am having a hard time wrapping my head around. Ok, we will go to the dining hall, have some lunch. After lunch we can do a sonogram, check the baby's heartbeat, and anything else you want. We make sure the baby is healthy and when you're due. Anything else is up to you. Should be finished way before the funerals tonight."

"You mean you don't want to have proof?" Clarke asks.

"Clarke, you have never lied to me. Withheld something yes, but never lied. I don't think you would start now and especially about something so important."

I take Clarke's hand and we all head to the dining hall. It doesn't take long to eat as Clarke doesn't eat very much. We all head to medical where Abby pulls the curtain and I help Clarke undress. "Mom, I don't need to have proof that the baby is Lexa's, because I know. Other people might want that proof though. Can you do the test for me?"

I hold Clarke's hand as Abby sprays a gel on Clarke's stomach and she flinches. "Sorry I should have warmed that up. Let's see if the baby is healthy before we do a blood test." Abby says.

I look up as Abby is rubbing an instrument over Clarke's stomach. There is a computer that has this picture on it. It's so tiny. I can't believe that is our baby. "Do you want to know what you are having?" Abby asks.

I look at Clarke really quick before saying, "No, I think it would be better as a surprise. Is the baby alright?" 

"The baby is very healthy, looks like Clarke is about 9 weeks into her pregnancy. Everything is as it should be, a very strong heartbeat. Um, just a second." Abby says.

Clarke is starting to look worried, I can tell. She grips my hand harder. "What is it, Abby? What is wrong?" I ask. 

Abby is moving the instrument around more. "Mom?"

"Everything's fine, more than fine. I just thought I heard an extra heartbeat and I was right. Seems like we have two babies. Both are healthy. I just had to check. One is a bit smaller than the other, but that is normal."

What? Did she just say? No she couldn't have. "Um, Abby. Did you just say two babies?"

Abby looks at me with the biggest smile I have ever seen from her. "Yes, Lexa. You and Clarke are going to have two babies and both are healthy." 

If I wasn't holding Clarke's hand I think I would have hit the floor already. Two babies. I couldn't ever imagine I would have one child, bit two. I look at Clarke, both of us smiling, "I love you so much, my Keryon. We are having two babies."

I lean over and give her the softest of kisses. Abby looks at us and asks, "Are you sure you want the blood tests? We will have to do two."

Clarke squeezes my hand and says, "Yes, I want everyone to know that these are Lexa's babies as well."

Abby pulls out two long needles and two tubes. As the blood flows in one tube and then the next, I notice one is red blood and the other is nightblood. I look over at Clarke and see that she has noticed as well. NoAbby looks at me and I know she is worried because one of the babies has nightblood. I see it in her eyes and she has turned deathly pale. "Don't nightbloods have a fight to the death, to determine who will be the next commander?" She asks.

I grab her hand and squeeze it, "That was never supposed to be our way. Becca left different instructions, but Titus changed them. We have fixed it to the way it should be. There will be three tests. One will be a fight, but it will not be to the death. Trust me, my sister is 16 and a nightblood. More than likely, she and one other will be the last two. Either would make a good commander. The others will be clan leaders, healers and one will be flamekeeper. Though I don't plan on dying for many, many years."

"I hope not. I know someone who will fight for that not to happen." Abby says. 

Indra and Marcus come in at this time and Indra says, "Camp is set up, there is a feast ready for after the ceremonies. Everything for the pyres are set up and people are waiting. It is time."

"Thank you, Indra. We will be there in a minute." Clarke says.

"Sha, clarke. I will let everyone know."

We walk outside and head to the pyres that are just outside the gates. Clarke walks up to the dias and says, "People of Arcadia, people of Ton Dc, today marks a day we have all fought hard for. For today, we will have peace. These men and women we lay to rest tonight knew what we were fighting for. We will all remember their sacrifice by living in peace. Never forget the past lest we make the same mistakes." 

Indra hands Clarke a torch and I speak, "From the ashes we will rise. Yu gonplei ste odon."

I put my hand on top of hers, and she says, "Kom chilnes yu nau ban sishou-de, kom hodnes yu na hon neson op. Gouthru klir hasta yu soujon, kom taim oso fali kom daun graun-de. Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim. In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next, safe passage on your travels, until our final journey on the ground. May we meet again." 

As one we light the pyre, and stand in silence with everyone until the flames die out. Tears flow down her cheeks, after wiping them gently away, I lean over and kiss the top of her forehead. "Come, my love. Let's eat. Then we will rest."

Clarke is silent as we walk over to the tables. Abby comes over and sits with us, handing Clarke a mug of tea. "Lincoln says this helps with nausea. He showed me how to make it. Several women in the camp are pregnant. Many relationships have formed between Skaikru and Trikru. You have both brought true peace. It will take time, but everyone will heal. Tonight we remember those that are gone, tomorrow we live. We live for them that are no longer with us."

With that said, Abby stands up, kisses both of us on the top of the head, and walks away. I know Clarke doesn't feel like eating much, but she manages a few bites of everything. She still hasn't said a word. I help her up and we walk to our tent. It is too cold in our tent to sleep without clothes, so after washing our faces, I gently lay Clarke down and pull the furs over the both of us. "Sleep, my Keryon. Tomorrow we will get out of here for a few days."

I am not sure she hears me, but soon she is fast asleep. I had Lincoln load our horses with 3 days supplies. We won't be going far, and we are only taking Lincoln and Octavia with us. They won't be with us, but close enough if they are needed. I hope Clarke likes the surprise I have planned. She needs a few days without having to worry about anything.

Clarke starts waiting up and says, "I am sorry for last night. I just went blank. I know you were probably worried, but I am ok. I just needed time to process everything. So I guess today we see how the rebuilding is going here?"

I kiss her cheek, "You never have to apologise to me, my love. I knew you had to think things over and you would be ok. Now as for your question about rebuilding, not exactly. Raven and Luna are going to take care of the rebuilding. We have somewhere else to be for the next few days. So let's get some breakfast and we can be on our way."

"Lexa, we can't just leave our people. Too much needs to be done."

"Indra and others have everything well taken care of. Now this is something I wanted to do for a while now. We couldn't do it before, but now we can. I promised you a few days away, and with the war I couldn't do it. Everyone else knows where we are going and Octavia and Lincoln will be close by. We have peace, now it's time to just be us, if only for a few days."

"Ok, I just kind of wanted this trip to be short. I left my dad's watch at home and nothing feels the same. I guess it's not going anywhere."

I kiss her fingertips and we walk out the tent. "We both need this, Clarke. I have never had the chance to take time away and I know you haven't either. I never thought it was possible. A commander never takes a day off. Their life is not their own, or that is the way it has always been. Without you, none of this would be possible. Without you, all the clans would still be at war. You deserve this more than anyone. Let's just enjoy the next few days, just the two of us."

I so want to tell her that her watch is with us. I gave it to Raven a few days ago. That is my first surprise. I hope she likes it. After we eat, which I notice that Clarke eats well, we head to the horses. Lincoln was kind enough to hitch Nat and Star soncha to a cart. I figured it would be easier on Clarke. Abby comes up to us at this time and says, "You two enjoy yourselves. A break is just what the Dr orders, Lexa, take care of your girl."

"Always, Abby."

With that we set off. I take the long route, when we are close I stop and pull my sash off, I ask, "Do you trust me, my love?"

"I trust you, but what is going on?"

I put the sash over her eyes and gently whisper in her ear, "From here on out we walk. I have a few surprises. I hope you enjoy them."

I hop down off the cart and gently power her to the ground, grabbing her hand, I start walking. When we finally get there I see that everything is set up for lunch. It means that Luna and Raven also have inside the cave set up for us as well. I couldn't have done this without them. 

I slowly lower Clarke down to the blanket layed on the ground and whisper in her ear, "We are here, my love. I know how much you loved it here last time. We didn't get near enough time to spend here as I would have liked."

Clarke looks around and sees where we are. She glances at all the food set out and with tears in her eyes, she leans in and gives me the softest of kisses. "Lexa, I have no words. Your right, this is one of my favorite places. The fact that I am here with you makes it more special."

"I have another surprise for you. You didn't leave your father's watch in Polis. I kind of took it. I gave it to Raven. It only took her a few hours, but she was able to fix it up for you."

I put the watch on her wrist, and she sees it tells time just like it did when she came to the ground. "How, Lexa. I never thought it would work again. Thank you hodnes." She says, kissing me again.

"Let's eat and then we can enjoy the springs for awhile."

I have many things planned but that is for later tonight. I am not sure which she will like best, the locket I etched for her or her father's wedding band. For now I am just happy to spend some time with her alone. We have never had much of that and I vow to make sure we have more in the future. With two babies coming, it might take some work, but I know I will figure it out.

After we finish eating, we head into the caves. Many candles are lighting our way. As we turn the corner to the springs, I see the campfire and are furs all laid out. Clarke just looks at me in awe, "How did you do all this? You hardly left my sight, except when you were talking to mom, when I was visiting Sinclair."

Our friends really out did themselves. I will have to really thank them. I could never have done this without them. "Shh, it's a secret. I have my ways."

"Ok, I will not ask. It is just so beautiful. I don't know what to say. I love you so much, hodnes."

"You are beautiful, ai tombon. You deserve this and so much more."

I help her get undressed folding, both our clothes and setting them next to our furs. We walk slowly to the springs, the fire definitely helping with the chill in the air. As we step in Clarke slips and I catch her as she is falling. "Are you ok, Keryon?"

Clarke looks at me and says, "I am ok, just a bit tired."

I sit down and pull her in my lap, kissing her head I say, "Rest, my love. Ai gud yu, I've got you." Placing one hand on her chest and the other on her stomach, it isn't long before she drifts off to sleep.

We have a few hours before dinner. I know Lincoln is hunting while Octavia is setting up outside. I know Clarke loves me, I just hope things go as planned tonight. I hope it is not all too soon for her. We have only been together about 4 months now and she is already carrying my babies. Is it too soon for her? I have wanted this life with her for what feels like so long now. We have faced so much together in such a short period of time. My heart says that now is the time, I just hope it is the same for hers.

After a while, I gently wake Clarke up. Nyko told me that though the springs are a good idea, too long in the heated water is not good for a pregnant woman. After we get dressed, I lead her outside, where Octavia has really outdone herself. She set up a table with all Clarke's favorite foods, with the sun just now setting, candles on the table provide all the light we need. Clarke is quiet as I lead her to the table and help her sit down. As I sit down myself, I notice the box Octavia left under my seat. Thank you, Octavia.

The air is warmer than it has been, Erik informed me the butterflies have been out lately, which is all part of my plans. We start eating, Clarke really enjoying her food. As the sun starts sliding further away, the butterflies start flying. All sorts of blues, purples, and pinks, the glowing in the dark. Clarke turns her head just slightly as one lands on her face, lighting up her eyes. Now is the time, I tell myself. 

Silently I grab the box and walk over to stand in front of her, kneeling on both knees I say, "Clarke, all my life I was taught that love was weakness, that a commander can not lead their people with love in their heart. I was taught that in order to be a good leader, I have to be alone. Yet, I was always searching the sky, thinking that there had to be more to life than all this. My soul already knew where you were. After many years and lots of heartache, I gave up searching. It was then that an angel fell from the sky. So ethereal, so beautiful, yet at first my heart wasn't ready. My heart belonged only to my people. My biggest regret in this life is leaving you that day. You gave me and my people another chance, though we didn't deserve it. Your love has made me a better person. You deserve everything this world has to offer you. All I ever ask from you is for the chance to love you in this life and the next. You are my queen and I want everyone in all the clans to know this. Clarke Griffin kom Skaikru, will you make me the happiest person on this earth and become my houmon?"

With shaking hands I hand her the box that I carved in detail with the Skaikru and Trikru symbol on it. With tears flowing down her face and hands shaking just as bad as mine are, she opens the box. She kneels down on the ground next to me pulling me closer, our lips meeting on the way. 

We lean back just a little, our foreheads touching and Clarke says, "Yes, Lexa. There is no one else for me, in this life and all the others. I just don't know how I got so lucky to have you. How in the world did you get my father's ring?"

Slipping it on her finger, I say, "I was so nervous talking to your mother. I rambled so much, but at the end she handed me the ring and gave me her blessing."

"Where did you get the necklace?"

"I found it in the tower, not long after I came there as a child. It was plain and tarnished. Right before the war, I talked to Alec and he taught me how to clean it up and etch the designs on it. Octavia told me that that the symbol, the same one on my back, means eternity. She said that before the bombs, jewelry was given to ones you love. She told me that when someone gave jewelry with the eternity symbol, that it means eternal love. That isn't all though."

I pause a moment, open the locket and show her the inside, "Last night, while you were sleeping, I etched these words inside. I know that in each lifetime we will meet again and fall in love again, for our souls are one. I was thinking that Raven could take a small picture or something of the babies, when they are born and we can put them inside."

I pull her up and we sit in the same chair, her on my lap, for a few moments. It is at this time that 5 people walk out of the woods. Raven with a moving picture thing, I forgot what she called it. They all run up to Clarke and hug her. Raven then says, "We will leave now, we just wanted to say congratulations. I got it all on video for you. It was the sweetest thing I ever saw. Oh, and Lexa, we told you she would say yes."

Octavia looks at us and says, "We are so happy for you both, enjoy the night. We will clean up when you head back inside."

With one more hug for us both, Luna, Raven, Octavia, Lincoln and Abby walk away. I pull Clarke up and gently guide her back to our furs. Laying her down, just holding her close.

"I can't believe you. Sorry I am crying so much. It's just, I am so happy. You make me happy. There have been times that I don't even feel like a whole person, but it is you. You, even when I was at my lowest you have been there for me. The day Roan kidnapped me, I was headed to a cliff. I was going to jump. Then so much has happened, Bellamy, Jasper, Nia, Titus, the war, so much. Through it all you have been there for me. You have taken my soul, which was so dead inside and made it whole again. I love you so much, my hodnes. No words could ever come close to how I feel about you."

"You have done the same for me, my love. I was so broken before you. You healed me and I never want to go back to who I was. You have made me so happy. I would go through everything 100 more times, just to have the chance to love you, ai kwin."

We just lay there, soaking in each other's presence until sleep finds us both.


	37. Chapter 37

IChapter 37

6 months and 18 days later

Clarke's POV

I am so exhausted, I didn't sleep much last night. Damn, Raven Octavia for telling Lexa it was bad luck for us to see each other for 24 hours before getting married. That's one Skaikru tradition I could have done without. My dreams have been few and far between lately, but I still have a hard time sleeping without Lexa holding me. 

Mom and the girls walk in at this time and Raven says, "Wakey wakey Clarkie. We have so much to do today. You need to throw some clothes on so we can all eat something."

I look up at her with one eye open, "I can't move. It's too early. What if Lexa changed her mind? I can't do this."

Mom looks at me and says, "Come on. You know Lexa didn't change her mind. She is probably having the same conversation with Madi and Indra right now, thinking you might have changed your mind. Let's get some breakfast and get you ready."

Octavia rolls her eyes and says, "Think about this a moment, today you are marrying your soulmate. You will get to see Lexa then. Oh and she has made sure you have goat cheese with your breakfast."

I look at Octavia, "Goat cheese, what about honey?"

"That goes without saying, now come on."

Mom slowly helps me roll out of bed, "It's just these babies are so hungry right now."

Mom grabs my hand and says, "Well hopefully those babies stay inside for another few weeks at least. I don't know why you waited this long to get married, or didn't wait."

"I have told you, mom. There was too much to do, with rebuilding and starting the hospital. I am glad you will be teaching there. I also wanted to be bound to Lexa before the babies came. In Trikru culture, it brings good luck to the couple. Besides, there was so much planning, a commander doesn't get married very often, you know. This is only the 2nd time in 98 years."

It doesn't take long to eat and they are rushing me to a cart. "Where are we going? I thought we would be getting ready in the tower."

Octavia looks at me and says, "Lexa thought you would enjoy a few hours at the springs. Nyko will be there as well, she doesn't want to take any chances, even with your mom with us."

I look at all of them and growl, "It wouldn't have been a problem at all, if you hadn't told her about that very old, never used anymore tradition. I slept like crap. Thank you very much."

Raven laughs and says, "If you don't complain too much, we should have time for you to take a short nap, before we get you all dolled up."

"I may be exhausted, but a nap isn't what I need right now. I need Lexa." I say.

Raven looks at Octavia and says, "The Great Wanheda, Mountain Slayer, upset because someone isn't sitting with her in the cart. You will see her later."

"Oh, shut up Raven. When you are carrying two babies that are always pressing on your bladder, can't even walk without looking like a penguin, then you can talk more shit."

The longer I am pregnant, the more I find myself snapping at everyone. Thank goodness, we are here. "Someone help me out of this thing. I have to pee. Seems like every 5 minutes. I can't wait for these babies to be out, after today that is."

Nyko runs to the cart, gently picks me up and sets me down, where Octavia takes me to the trees. After a minute we head into the cave. Lexa has everything ready there. It is perfect. There is a dressing table, with everything that is needed. She even brought in tables, chairs, a couch and a bed. I venture into another part of the cave and notice she has set up cribs for the babies and tables with a few chairs. None of it was here when we came last week. She has been busy. Though infeel the tears coming, I refuse to cry today. 

My mom comes in and says, "She left specific instructions for everything, said she wanted you to always have a place to go to just relax, even if she was unable to at the time. This way you can and still not be far from everyone else."

"Mom, you never did tell me why you changed your mind about Lexa. You hated her for so long and then you just did a complete 180. So why?"

"Oh honey, I never really hated Lexa. I hated that she hurt you. I saw her as someone damaged, a ruthless leader. I saw her manipulating you. I saw the pain she caused at Mt. Weather and I didn't want her to hurt you again. What I didn't see was it hurt her just as much. As time went on, I realized it was more of her taking you away from me. I had already lost your father and here you were a grown woman and I had problems accepting that. When she came to me to ask for my blessing in marrying you, I knew she was the right one for you. When she talked about you, I knew. Your father would talk about me the same way. I knew you would say yes. I also knew, if I didn't give my blessing, you would cut me out of your lives. When Lexa came to me, it also proved that she wanted to honour Skaikru traditions as well. That was the moment that I knew there would be no one else that would come into your life that would make it their life's mission, to make you happy. I could keep fighting it or I could let go. I am so glad I let go."

We make our way to the springs, and I say, "I am glad you did too. Now let's get me in the springs. I feel filthy. I can't believe she made rails."

Raven comes up next to us to help me undress and into the water, "I can, you're a clumsy beach ball right now. We could have just rolled you straight in."

"That's it, Raven. I was going to make you and Octavia God mother's to the babies, but now I am not sure that I even want you near them." I tell her.

"Ok, Clarke. I get it. I won't say anything else like that today. Damn, cranky."

After a while, we all step out of the springs and throw on clothes. It is lunch time and I am starving. We don't waste time eating. I am so exhausted, but I know there is not any time to take a nap. We only have about 2 more hours till the ceremony. Mom and the others take turns with my hair and paint. I originally wanted simple, but Gaia informed me that it can't be simple. This will be my new hair and paint for all ceremonies from now on. Everything has to be befitting of a kwin.

I always hated everyone calling me princess. I am no princess and definitely no queen, but all that comes with being bound to the commander, so I wouldn't change it for the world. It is now for the dress. I am so worried it won't fit, even though I tried it on last week. Indra comes in at this time and asks, "How is everything going?"

I pull the dress on and notice how tight it feels. "I would be fine if this dress would fit. I am so fat. Lexa isn't going to want to marry me now."

Indra looks at me and pushes mom out of the way, "Lexa would marry you if you were wearing rags. Let me see if I can help."

I hear fabric ripping and Indra pulls out ribbons. As she ties the back of the dress I notice how much better it fits. "How did you do that?"

"When I was bound to Gaia's father I was even more pregnant than you. Ai nomon, fixed the dress for me. She was a clothing maker. This way if you need to later, you can have it adjusted when needed."

"Thank you, Indra. How is Lexa?"

"Lexa wasn't doing so good this morning. She was worried about you. After everyone told her you were ok she has been on a rampage. She is fine, though. Everyone else, not so much, but we know what this day means to her. She never thought she would get this, in this lifetime, none of us did. She wants it to be perfect."

"I can see that, it took her so long to realize that just because I am pregnant doesn't mean that I can't do most of everything that I always have. Is it time? Can we go now?"

"If you are ready, then it is time. If you're not, they will wait."

"I've been ready forever. Do I look ok?"

Octavia looks up and says, "Lexa won't know what hit her. You look amazing."

I look at my mom, "You look beautiful, Clarke. Your father would be so proud of you. Lexa is perfect for you."

"Let's go sis, you're going to bring Lexa to her knees."

"Ok, I am ready."

They gently help me into the cart and we are on our way. It doesn't take long to get to the arena, the same one that Lexa fought Roan. Marcus is there helping me out of the cart, while everyone else heads to the dias that I can't see yet. The crowd parts and I see the flowers all lining the pathway. Marcus and my mom walk me down the pathway and as I look up I see Lexa at the end. The smile on her face takes away any anxiety I have left. This is Lexa, my Lexa, ai Keryon. Bounding with her is a dream, dream that at times I never thought possible. I wouldn't want it any other way. My knees buckle just a little bit, but mom and Marcus have me.

Lexa's POV

I don't think I have ever been this nervous before. I feel like I have been waiting my whole life for this one moment in time. As I hear a commotion in the crowd I finally look up. There she is, spirits she is so beautiful. Our eyes meet and she stumbles just a bit, but Marcus and Abby have her. As she walks down the pathway all I can think is that I am so lucky.

I don't even realize she is there until Abby clears her throat. I reach down and help Clarke up the two steps. Kissing her fingertips, we turn as one, Gaia standing in front of us. "Lexa, Clarke." She says.

Gaia then raises her voice so everyone can hear her, "It is my greatest honor to be here today as our Commander, Lexa kom Trikru and Wanheda, Clarke kom Skaikru join as one."

Indra and Madi light the ceremonial candles as Gaia pulls out the binding cords. Gaia continues, "Red is for courage and strength, orange adaptability, yellow is for harmony and balance, green is for luck, dark blue is for longevity, light blue is for patience, purple is for health, black is for wisdom and strength, white is for peace and devotion, grey is for this life and the next, pink is for happiness and unity, brown is for healing and home, silver is for protection, gold is for unity and prosperity. All these together help bind two souls together for all eternity. However, Lexa and Clarke, are so pure and the love that they share could only have ever come from one soul. Today, we bind them back together, like they were in the beginning of time." 

Gaia finishes binding our hand hands, my right and Clarke's left, before she continues, "These hands are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your binding day as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever, in this life and the next. These are the hands that will work alongside yours as together you build your future. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy."

"These are the hands that will give you support and encouragement to chase down your dreams. These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it."

"These are the hands that will lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into your eyes that are filled with overwhelming love for you. And, lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch. In this life and all others that come after it."

"According to Skaikru culture, both Clarke and Lexa have also decided to share other vows to each other as well. Starting with Lexa, they will begin those now."

I look at Clarke, as I kneel on the ground, I begin, "I have always been searching for something, I have always looked at the sky for understanding. My very soul was searching for you. The moment I laid my eyes on you I knew you were different than anyone else I had ever met. My soul recognized your soul. Together we have faced so very much. In the end though, I wouldn't have it any other way. Inlook forward to facing everything, just to be with you. I vow to treat your needs as my own, your people as my people. I vow to love you eternally, never to leave your side. I vow to be there for every nightmare and every joy that life brings you. I vow that when the time comes, many years from now, when I depart this life I will always find you in the next. You are ai tombon, ai Keryon, ai hodnes and I will always be with you. Finally, I get to call you ain, ain houmon, feva. Ai hod yu in, more than I ever thought possible. My love grows for you every day and every moment."

Tears are flowing down both our faces as I finish. Clarke looks at me, squeezes my hand and begins her vow, "If I could I would be kneeling for you right now. I too was searching for something my whole life. I dreamed about the ground, I drew the ground. Yet, I had practically given up on a happy life, or any life at all. Skaikru wasn't supposed to come down to the ground for another 100 years. When I met you, I too thought there was something different about you. I knew you were someone that was meant to be in my life. At the time, I'm just didn't know in what capacity. It sure didn't take long to realize that I loved you. Through many ups and downs you have been there for me. You have given me strength and the will to carry on, though you never asked anything or me. You gave me the time I needed. I never had the choice to love you. It was inevitable, but I wouldn't change it for anything. You are everything to me. Though I am a healer as well as a leader, it is you that healed me. I vow to treat your needs as my own, your people as my own. I vow to always fight by your side. I vow to heal any injuries that may occur, whether it be physical or emotional. I vow to wake up by your side every morning, I vow to never go to bed angry. I vow to always protect you, as you do for me. I love you so very much. You are the very air that I breathe. I will follow you in this life and find you in all other lifes that come after. I will love you longer than there are stars in the sky."

There many people in the crowd are crying just as much as the two of us. Gaia speaks at this time, "These two are now bound to each other, as per Skaikru tradition, you may both kiss the bride."

I lean in wrapping my left arm around Clarke's waist, pulling her close, I give her the softest of kisses. She has other ideas though as she extends the kiss both of our tongues dancing together until there is no choice but to come up for air. The crowd cheers for us both as we slowly walk down the steps and I guide her to our table, where there is a feast set out for us. 

As the sun is setting I notice Clarke getting tired. I lean over and kiss her cheek. "We can head out if you are tired, my love."

"I think that is a good idea, hodness. I am not feeling well." Clarke answers.

We say our goodbyes and start walking to the cart, but before I can help her in she cries out and almost falls in my arms. Holding her up I notice her dress is soaked. I yell quite loudly, "Abby, Nyko, something's wrong with Clarke."

They both come rushing over, "It's going to be ok, my love."

They take one look at Clarke and Abby says, "Her water broke. It's going to be fine, the babies are coming."

"No, mom it's too soon." Clarke calls out. 

"It's perfectly normal with twins. We never had them on the Ark, because of the one child law, but this is normal. It's going to be ok. We just need to get you to a bed so that they can come."

I pick her up gently and carry her into the tower. Abby has everything needed in our room, so we head there. After taking her clothes off, I lay her in the bed. Abby looks at our hands, and says, "I know you're supposed to stay bound for 24 hours, but we can't do this with the cords in the way."

I don't even have to think about it, I look at Nyko and he starts unwinding the cords. When finished, he carefully places them on the table. Raven and Octavia run into the room and Raven asks, "How can we help."

Abby replies, "Lexa, sit behind Clarke and hold her, Raven and Octavia help me and Nyko hook everything up. I need clean hot rags ready and warm blankets for the babies."

I climb up behind Clarke, holding her between my legs as I take both her hands in mine. "I've got you, my love. It's going to be ok."

"It hurts so much."

I look at Abby as she moves between Clarke's legs, "Clarke, this is actually happening now. You're dilated to 10 already, Lexa, just hold her and just let her do the work. Clarke, I am going to need you to push now. You can do this."

Clarke leans up and pushes, squeezing my hands, as she does, nearly crushing my bones, "You got this, my love. I am here."

"I see the head, Clarke. Good job, just breathe. There is another contraction coming, you're going to have to push again." Abby says.

"I am pushing, dammit." Clarke yells.

I kiss the top of her head and say, "I am here, my love. You got this."

"Shut up, Lexa. You fucking did this to me. You don't get to speak now."

I bite my lip and look at Abby, she smiles and says, "One more push, baby. You can do it. Almost here."

As the baby's feet come out I get my first look, he's so beautiful. "Abby hands him to Nyko and says clean him and weigh him."

Abby turns back to Clarke and so do I as I hear him crying. Clarke cry's out, "Mom, something's wrong.It hurts too much."

Abby focuses on Clarke again as Clarke is pushing again, Abby calls out, "Fuck, Nyko give him to Octavia and Raven. We have an issue, a cord prolapse, Nyko, cut the cord. Then I need you to get ready, the second baby will more than likely need CPR. I have to go in."

I am so scared, I don't know what any of this means, but I feel Clarke tense up when Abby is talking to Nyko. Abby looks at me and shakes her head before responding, "Lexa, listen to me carefully. We don't have much time. The second baby isn't getting any blood supply, which means she isn't breathing. She is also breaching, which is sideways. I have to go in and turn her and then Clarke can push again, with me pulling. You need to hold her down, this will hurt a lot."

I still don't understand half of what she is saying, but I know I have to hold Clarke tight and she is going to be in so much pain. "Ok, I've got it."

Abby looks up, "Raven I am going to need your help." 

Raven rushes over, "Anything, just tell me."

Abby looks at Raven and says, "I have the baby, I am going to turn her, I need your help pushing Clarke's stomach, hard and fast on 3. Got it?"

Raven climbs up on the bed and says, "Got it."

"Ok, Raven, 1, 2, 3."

If I wasn't holding her, she would have flown off the bed, her screams just keep getting louder. I don't know how much more she can take. "Abby, whatever you're going to do, you need to do now."

Clarke calms down a bit, with just quiet gasps now. She looks at her mom and says, "I am ready."

Abby looks at Raven and says, "Clarke is going to push, so are you, down on her stomach, while I pull. We have one shot at this. Now, push girls. Push."

With one last push, the baby is out. Abby hands the baby to Raven, who rushes over to Nyko. After a few minutes the baby is crying.

"Lexa, keep holding Clarke. I need to clean her up, she needs stitches."

Clarke looks at me, and says, "I am sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about, my love. You did so good. I love you so much."

Clarke smiles as she is closing her eyes. Clarke's heart monitor starts beeping as Abby stands up, "Octavia, I need my bag, Clarke needs blood, now."

Octavia helps Abby set up for a transfusion. I look at her and say, "Abby, use my blood."

She hooks me up and my blood starts flowing into her. Abby shakes her head, "I don't think your blood will be enough. She lost too much. We will need more."

Raven Hillary's at us, "I've got it, just keep her going. I will be right back."

It seems like forever, when Raven comes back in. I see all the nightbloods and Luna. It is Luna that speaks, "We heard you need help. We all have agreed, take as much blood as you need."

I am starting to drift off when Abby removes the needle in my arm and puts it in Luna. 

As I am waking up, I look around the room and see Raven, Luna, Octavia and Abby. Abby comes over to me and asks, "How are you feeling?"

"I am fine, how is Clarke? The babies?"

"Clarke is doing good, it will probably be a few hours before she wakes up. We had to use blood from Luna, Madi, Aden, and another nightblood. It's going to take a while for her to recover, but she's going to be just fine. As for the babies, they are in the room next door with Gaian and a wet nurse. They were hungry, which is good. The boy weighs 7 pounds 4 ounces, which is a really good weight. The girl is 5 pounds 9 ounces, a little small. She is doing well and will continue to do better, as she grows. All in all, I think your spirits were shining down on them. It could have gone so differently."

I close my eyes for a minute, thank you spirits for saving my family. I open my eyes and look at Abby. I squeeze her hand and say, "Thank you Abby. Without you, I would have lost them."

Abby pulls me into her arms, and says, "Oh honey, it wasn't just me. Everyone helped. Our family is going to be just fine. You rest some more and then it will be time for Clarke to wake up and I will bring in the babies."

I gently lay one hand on Clarke's chest, just over her heart and the other I use to hold her hand. I need to hear her heartbeat, just to know that she is still with me. I close my eyes thankful that my family is ok. 

I feel a hand touch my face and my eyes fly open. I look over and see Clarke is awake. Clarke starts crying and I gently wrap my arms around her, "I am sorry, hodnes. The babies? It's all my fault."

I realize that she thinks we lost the babies and I kiss her forehead and say, "Shhh, my love. The babies are fine. They are both in the other room with Gaia. You did great."

I notice Raven step out of the room as Abby comes over. "It's ok, baby. You did great. Raven's going to bring the babies in now. They are fine. Let's check you out real quick."

Abby spends the next few minutes checking out Clarke, before she says, "I know you're in pain. I will give you something for it."

Clarke grabs Abby's hand and says, "No, not right now. I want to see the babies first."

"Ok, Clarke. We will wait, but not too long. Your body has been through the ringer and we will need to talk."

I look at Abby and she looks a little sad. I am worried about what she has to say. I don't have time for that right now though, as Raven and Gaia walk in, each with a baby. Gaia hands the little girl to Clarke and Raven hands the boy to me.

They are so tiny, I am afraid of breaking them. Raven looks at us and says, "So, we have been waiting forever, now. Tell us what are their names? I can't keep calling them thing 1 and thing 2."

Clarke and I discussed names, but we only had them down to a few different ones. I look at Clarke, she smiles and says, "This is little Anya Reyes Griffin. Lexa is holding Jake Kai Griffin."

I look at Clarke, Kai and Anya were never in our list of names. With tears in my eyes, I glance at them both, and then say to Clarke, "Clarke, are you sure?"

"Only one thing else I have been as sure as this. I am sure."

Raven looks at Clarke and asks, "What is the other thing you were sure about?"

She looks at me before she answers, "Lexa."

After a few more minutes, Abby comes and lays the babies in a double crib and everyone else leaves. I guess this is when Abby wants to talk, "What is it Abby? What's wrong?"

She looks at Clarke and then at me. "Nothing is really wrong, but I did want to discuss something with you both."

Clarke looks at her mom and says, "Just say it mom."

"Clarke's body went through a lot of trauma during the delivery of the twins. In most cases, she wouldn't be able to have more children later. However, I noticed the color of her blood is no longer red. It is more than likely due to the transfusions. I don't know if it will change back or stay the same. It is helping Clarke heal even faster than she did before, but there is still one question. If there will be too much scar tissue to have more children later on. Also, if she were able to, we would have to watch for complications. It is possible that she would be on bed rest for most of any future pregnancies, if they were to happen."

I squeeze Clarke's hand, look at Abby and say, "I never thought I would have Clarke in my life, I never thought I would have any children. I am happy with everything I have in life, now."

Clarke looks up and says, "I am beyond happy right now. I think we wait and see what life brings us. The twins will keep us quite busy for a while, and I was thinking about adoption. Two boys in fact. If later on we decide on more babies, talk about that then."

Abby looks at us, "Ok, looks like you both have a bit to talk about. I will leave you to it. I will check on you all in the morning, but don't hesitate to send someone if needed. There are pain pills on the table if you need them, Clarke. I love you both."

Abby kisses on the top of the head, makes her way to the babies and does the same, before walking out the room. I pull Clarke close to me, hand her 2 pills and a glass of water. "Please, take them. I know you arw in so much pain."

"I can't take them and feed the babies. It will harm them."

"It's ok, my love. Gaia brought a wet nurse in for a few days. She will come feed them every few hours. I know it's not what you wanted, but it's only a few days. Your body needs to heal."

Clarke takes the pills as silent tears spill down her face, "How many transfusions did it need?"

I close my eyes, I am so grateful for everyone, I would have lost Clarke without their help. "Your heart stopped from blood loss, I was the first to give you blood, while Raven went to get the other nightbloods. You needed 5 transfusions. You have been asleep for 2 days. None of us were sure you would make it. I never left your side."

"On our wedding night? I am so sorry, Lexa. I just wasn't strong enough."

"Oh, ai Keryon, you were so strong. You kept fighting to come back to us. You are the strongest person that I have ever met. Abby said that your final push is what saved Anya. She doesn't even know how you did it. When you did though it ripped your body from the inside out. That is why you lost so much blood. Still your spirit hung on, so that our blood could help you. I don't know what I would have done without you. Thank you for fighting to stay with us, my love."

"I heard my mom say cord prolapse, and then she was breach. By all means I should have died along with the baby. A baby surviving a cord prolapse is only like 30% but with the added factor of her being breach it knocked it down to 1%. With all the other complications it is 0% chance of the mother surviving. I think in all my reading it has never happened."

"Thank goodness we had your mother and everyone got here quick enough to help with the transfusions. I only care about 1 percentage and that is that both of you survived 100%. I don't know if I could ever go through that again."

"I love you so very much."

"Ai hod yu in, Clarke, feva, You need to rest, ai Keryon."

"I am tired, but I want to go to the springs in the morning, maybe it will help with my healing."

"We can do that if your mom says it's safe for you to travel."

I just lay watching her, as she is already asleep. I am so lucky to have her and our babies. I think a trip to the springs would definitely help her. 

The next morning Abby comes in with breakfast for the two of us. She spends a few minutes with the babie, before checking out Clarke. Clarke looks at her mom and asks, "Am I healthy enough to go visit the springs? I really think it would help speed up my recovery."

Abby purses her lips and sighs, "You really shouldn't be out of bed for at least a few more days. However, the springs will help. The babies should go with you, but you should take Octavia and Raven as well. That way they can help with the babies. Also, you shouldn't walk. Someone will have to carry you. I don't think it should be too hard to find someone to carry you."

Clarke looks at me and then asks her mom, "What about if the babies get hungry? Who will feed them? I can't while I take meds."

"Knowing you so well, I knew you would want to move some today. I already talked to Nyko about it. He is sending some tea, Lexa can boil the water for it. Octavia is already packing a few days supplies. Nyko or I can check on you tomorrow. The babies shouldn't be in the springs. They are too hot, but Octavia is bringing a few buckets so that you can cool the spring water up and clean them up. Just make sure you dry them well and keep them warm, especially Anya. She will get cold faster due to her weight. Other than that, I am sending you a radio, in case I am needed. You both need some time away. In fact, Madi and Aden insisted upon it. Though I do mean it when I say no walking or standing more than a minute or two. Lexa, make sure she doesn't try too much. No picking up the babies, have someone hand them to you. Ok, that's the last of my instructions. I will leave you both to it."

I look at Abby and say, "I will take good care of them all."

Abby gives us both hugs and says, "I know you will, Lexa."

Abby leaves the room and one by one I bring the babies to the bed, Clarke already feeding Jake. When finished we switch babies and Clarke starts feeding Anya. "Thought after someone else fed them for the first few days, that they would not take to me so fast." Clarke says.

"We have talked to them every day, before they joined us on the outside. Of course they know their nomon and mommy."

Raven and Octavia come and take the babies from us. I kiss Clarke's fingertips and gently pick her up. I carry her all the way to the cart. I notice all the people in the crowd and go to speak, "People of Polis, I know you have all been worried. Let me put those worries to rest. 3 days ago we welcomed Jacob Kai Griffin. His sister had a few complications on the way out, but is now doing well. Anya Reyes Griffin is a fighter, as is her mother. Clarke is tired and a bit sore, but will be just fine. She needs rest for a few days and then we will be back. We both thank you all for your prayers. We will see you all soon, we have much to do, with opening the hospital."

Cheers fill the streets as everyone moves out the way, in order to let us pass. It doesn't take us long to get to the caves and I hop down from the cart. I help Clarke inside to our bed and she says, "I never told you how much I love what you did here. It is perfect for us to get away as a family, if only for a few hours."

"You deserve this and so much more, my love."

After getting undressed, I help Clarke do the same. Wrapping a fur around her I gently carry her to the springs. Octavia comes in with some tea and says, "Both little angels are asleep in a crib. They wouldn't stop fussing till we put them in the same crib together. Enjoy the next few hours, till they wake up hungry. Raven and I will start lunch."

Clarke looks up and says, "Thank you, Octavia, for everything."

"No thanks is ever needed Clarke. You're my best friend and you would do the same for me. Now enjoy this time."

I set Clarke's mug on the side of the spring, as I help her climb in. She leans back into my chest and we just relax for a bit. This, this moment is everything I could have ever wanted. Two babies sleeping in the next room, with Clarke in my arms. 

Clarke must have read my mind, as she speaks, "Lexa, I know our lives will always be busy, as we are leaders of our people, but this, this moment makes everything worth it. I would go through everything we have all over again 100xs just for this moment in time."

"I would as well, ai Keryon. This is everything I ever dreamed of and never thought possible. Now tell me, you mentioned something earlier about 2 boys and adoption. Tell me about them."

"These two boys I had a connection with the moment I first saw them. I know Linus is almost grown by clan culture, but it doesn't mean he doesn't need or deserve a family. And Toni, he so needs us. I already love them both like they are ours."

"I agree, and yes they already feel like they are our children. They have for sometime now. We will talk to them soon, and make it known to all that they are ours."

"I hope life stays like this for a while, peaceful."

Clarke turns a bit in my arms and kisses me, "I will do everything in my power to make it so. This is how life should be, it wasn't easy getting here, but with you in my arms and our babies in the next room, this is everyone's dream. And now we just have to live it."

"I can do that, ai hodnes. I can do that."


	38. Epilouge

Epilogue

5 years later

Lexa's POV

I walk into the hospital, just thinking about Clarke's vision for the place. It has been very hard making it all come to fruition, but now everyone from all the clans come and learn. It is truly a miraculous thing. It's not only just the hospital, Raven also has set up a school for Tek. Most everyone in all the clans reap the benefits from this. From radio communication all the way to lights and heat in people's homes.

I see Aden and Madi in the room as I walk in. We are here for one reason only. It is time, the people came to me 6 months ago. They have decided that it is time for a new commander. Not that they are dissatisfied with me, but that it is time for me to fully live life with my family. 8 months ago, Madi and Aden were bound. A few days ago, we had a conclave, Clarke was in Arcadia at the time, officially making Miller the new leader there. He has done so well the last few years. 

The conclave resulted in a tie actually. However, Aden decided he wanted to be a flamekeeper. This way he can always be by Madi's. I couldn't think of a better life partner for my sister. Today we are removing my flame and giving it to Madi. They will both rule well together. Abby ushers us into a back room, where Gaia is waiting. 

I lay down in a bed next to Madi and Abby cuts my neck, gently pulling out the flame. Gaia then cleans it and whispers, "Ascende Superius"

Abby closes up my incision and covers it with a bandage, as Madi's neck closes on its own. We both stand up and there are hugs all around. I say, "It is done. I hope Clarke likes surprise."

"She loves her life here, but she will also love the new one even more. It is time, Lexa. You both deserve this. Now go, we have the kids, we will be there next week to visit."

I don't need any more prompting as I race out the doors. Hopping on Nat I start my ride. It has been too long without Clarke, even if it's only been a few days. A few hours later I am being let into the gates. Clarke is waiting for me. Jumping into my arms, she says, "How are you here, hodnes? Why are you here? I missed you so much, but I was coming home tonight. Are the kids ok?"

"I missed you. The kids are good, Linus and your mom have them. Also, I have a surprise for you. I radioed ahead, Star soncha should be in the stables ready to go. We have a bit of a ride ahead of us."

We head out. After a few hours we have made our way to the springs. I have been here many times checking things out, making sure everything is just right. Many day trips, Clarke has no idea. I hope she likes it. I hop down and tie the horses up before helping Clarke down off Star soncha. I lead here through the woods behind the waterfall. "Lexa, what's going on? Where are we going?"

I stop for a moment and bring her into my arms. After kissing her gently, I reply, "I have so much to tell you, but first I have something to show you."

As we come out of the woods, we step into a clearing and she finally sees it. "Lexa, what is this? It's so beautiful."

I grab her hand, kiss it and say, "Come, you have to see the inside."

We walk in and Clarke's jaw drops, "It's amazing. Explain?"

"A while back the ambassadors came to me. They said that it was time for me to retire and for someone else to be commander. They said that both of us have done so much for everyone. The people demanded that we now just live, like we have given them the chance to. They knew how much you loved spending time here, so they wanted to gift you with your own home. Raven and many others have worked hard for the last 6 months making it a reality. They wanted you to have everything from both cultures added to your home. There is lighting and heating, fireplaces and candleholders. There are two bathrooms, with tubs and showers, the water coming from the springs themselves. There are rooms for the kids as well as for a few guests. A couple of cabins just through the woods for more of our friends and family to visit. There is an art room, with plenty of windows for lighting. There is a training ground out back and a pathway to the springs."

"Lexa, I have no words. What does this mean though? Who will lead the people? Is this really our new home?"

I pull her into my arms and say, "As of this morning, Madi ascended as commander and Aden as a flamekeeper. I am no longer commander and yes, this is our new home. There will be a few times a year we have to show up for meetings, but not very often."

"I love Polis, but I always loved this place more. This is the place we first discussed our life together. I never imagined living here though."

"Clarke, I once told you that I would always do everything in my power to give you everything your heart desired. I also said I couldn't make anything like this ever happen. That is true. I couldn't. However, our people knew how much you have sacrificed for them. This is the life they believe you deserve, and so do I. We always talked about our someday. Today is our someday. Next week, Abby will be bringing all the kids here. This is our home, where we will be able to sit on that front porch, when we are old and grey, just sipping our tea, while watching the sunset. I have always wanted that for you, but never thought it could become a reality."

We make our way outside, just as the sun is setting. We sit in one chair, Clarke in my lap as I hold her. She kisses my cheek just as the butterflies come out. She says, "Ai hod yu in, Lexa, so very much. I can definitely get used to this being our someday."

I kiss the top of her head and say, "Osir Keryon are teina, Ai laik sonraun yu sonraun, feva en otaim."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have loved writing this story. However, it has come to its conclusion. I know there are many mistakes in this, and I am sorry I won't go back and correct them. I like going back and rereading, just to see if I have improved. 
> 
> I would like to know what everyone one thinks about it. So drop me a line sometime. It would help me improve my writing. 
> 
> Also, I want to add, there is another story I have been researching and outlining for about 2 years now. Raven just has to build a time machine. It will be mostly Clarke's POV, but will have a few others as well. It will be very angst filled as well as have a lot of action. It it is a slow burn clexa story, fixing everything Jason screwed up in all 7 seasons. 
> 
> Anyways, see you in about a week with "Time Means Nothing"


End file.
